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E-W's Worst Characters Ever; Let's make a list!
Topic Started: Apr 2 2006, 05:42 PM (20,040 Views)
Overly_Critical_Jue
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Did Higgins handler write that segment including the announcer banter? Or did he translate Japanese through babelfish?

That was an incomprehensible mess.
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El Dandy
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Is the She of the fight!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
From SNS 1/27/01

=============

[The lights fade out as the volume for the arena speakers are cranked to
the maximum output that they can send out to the Tuscaloosa crowd. A heavy
and deepen voice speaks over the speakers.]

VOICE: It this the best you got? *pause* JERK!

[Suddenly, a loud and thunderous "grinding/ripping" type of sound travels
in all direction into every speaker in the building.]

***RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP***

[The crowd stands on their feet in anticipations for the arrival of Billy
Higgins, one of the many newest and rising stars in Knoxville Championship
Wrestling.]

DT: Billy Higgins is coming out here for no reason.

PVB: Maybe he's got to speak his mind about last week since Rembrandt
single- handledy beat him without questions and beat him like a dog.

[Billy Higgins walks out from the backstage area with a loose-fitting black
leather jacket on, hovering over his dark green tee shirt, which is
over-top. Also, he is wearing a loose-fitting black jean with black
military-style boot, untied. The blonde with long hair, noticeable blue
eyes and a sport-able blonde "average" goatee begins to stroll down the
aisle in a slow-faction form to the ring with a plastic bag in his left
hand as the Tuscaloosa crowd jeers and cheers for him. One of television
cameras catches a fan trying to get pass security as Higgins stroll by then
back and give the fan an arrogance look of cockiness with a crooked smile.]

DT: Looks like the fans aren't sure what to make of Higgins. I'm
wondering what he's doing here if he's not scheduled.

PVB: To amuse us?

[As Higgins enter the ring, the camera zooms back just a little bit to show
Higgins and the ring as the cameras from many directions are flashing. He
drop the plastic bag on the canvas then proceeds to the opposite ring
corner from where he just entered and climbs the first and second ropes.
Standing on the second ropes and positioning his hands on his hip and
smirking off his "infamous" arrogance smile to the crowd in Tuscaloosa,
Alabama. The ring announcer gives Higgins the microphone after he stepped
down from the second ropes and walks over for it without questions or
politeness.]

DT: Higgins seems to be getting more and more popular as the weeks go by.

PVB: You've got to be kidding me.

DT: Maybe so, but why is Higgins here?

PVB: Shut up, and we'll find out.

[Higgins] Lets get something straight. Rembro and his hanky-panky lover,
Trey Boranze, were the real reason for my failure to win the match last
week in razor-piggers city of Dalton, Georgia. *a few laughers are heard
from the crowd* But, nothing is more sinkable than this University of
Cow-a-bama. *a large reactions of jeers from the crowd* But, lets cut to
the chase. *pauses for a few seconds only to be interrupts by a loud "shut
up" chant* Is that the best you can do? Anyway! Rembro, you were just
having your best-damn day in the entire year and you know something. It is
going to be your first and last best day in the ring with me. You can bring
the sticks in your ass, your keno-toothpick-chucky body and everything else
that make you screams like a woman when you wrestle against me again. But,
the next time will be the last time.

[He paused for a second before continuing.]

PVB: He's insulting my home state?! He can insult Georgia, that's fine.
You _don't_ insult Alabama!

DT: This guy will says the most unusual comments that are too offensive
for television.

PVB: He'll say some unusual comments that aren't understood by anyone
that's watching our television program.

DT: Lucky for us, we aren’t being blamed for his comments on live television.

PVB: You know, Donnie? I don't think anyone could blame us for his
insults. Have you heard 'em lately?

DT: Be quiet you.

[Higgins] Rembro, tonight I am going to replay that match in this very
ring. So, bring your kunt-ass out here.

["Elite" by the Deftones plays over the arena speakers. The crowd jeers
loudly as Higgins wait in the ring with a huge smile on his face.]

PVB: Oh… the fighter is here and Higgins is a dead man.

DT: Whether I like Rembrandt, it is about time that Higgins just shut up.

PVB/DT: Huh?

[From jeers to quick cheers and laughers, a 12 years old girl is dressed up
like Rembrandt appears from the entranceway and walks to the ring without
looking at the crowd, as Rembrandt would do. Higgins speaks into the
microphone as "Rembrandt" goes through her pre-match warm ups in the ring.]

DT: Oh… Higgins is making a joke out of Rembrandt with this young female.

PVB: I guess. He's either doing that, looking to give Rembrandt a reason
to kill him, or officially announcing he's with NAMBLA.

DT: PAUL!

PVB: If he's with NAMBLA, god help us all.

[Higgins] As Rembro was preparing for this encore replay edition of last
week's Saturday Night Special.

[Billy grabs the Playboy magazine from the bag on the canvas and glances
into the magazine as he lied down on the canvas, just "reading" the images.
Continue speaking into the microphone.]

PVB: He's looking at Playboy in the ring? Okay. I think this is the
_craziest_ guy I've ever seen in wrestling. Though, I wouldn't mind
getting my hands on that magazine.

DT: Paul.. you are a very sick man.

PVB: The female body is a very beautiful thing. And I like experiencing it.

[Donovan sighs.]

[Higgins] While I was lying on the mat with the magazine in my hands, just
looking at Rembro's mother. Just fantasizing my exotic adventures with her.
Suddenly, Rembro came and pinned me while I was daydreaming of my
adventures with his mother. And, that how the match really ended!

PVB: I do have one question.

DT: What's that?

PVB: How can you read a magazine in a tiger suplex?

DT: Good question.

[The 12 years old "pinned" him for the three counts as half of the crowd is
somewhat laughing.]

[Higgins] Suddenly......

["Dirtiest Players in the Game" By OGC, and Heltah Skelter Filters in over
the arena speakers as the entrance way fill up with smoke. A midget version
of Trey Lawrenze runs to the ring, just sprinting through the smoke
covering the entranceway. The midget in black and silver tights with black
boots with a chubby chest and a silver bandana is tied around his small
head. Carrying a small silver tray in his left hand.]

DT: Is Trey Lawrenze coming out?

PVB: Nope, but the Lawrenze’s identical fan is!

[Higgins] *getting up* Tray Boranze runs to the ring while I was picking up
the photos of Rembro's mother.

[The midget Lawrenze enters the ring and pretend to push Higgins out of the
ring, but Higgins just rolls out of the ring as the midget and the girl are
extending "fake" slaps with each other. Higgins continue to speaks from
outside the ring.]

DT: Higgins' remarks about this match are nowhere near the truth. He just
needs to accept the fact he lost.

PVB: He does have one point. Lawrenze did touch him for no reason.

[Higgins] So, the two girls traded punches for slaps.

[The midget and the girl exist the ring as Higgins roll into the ring to
finish off his speech.]

[Higgins] And. That, my bitches and man-whores in attendance tonight was
the REAL ending of that match from last week!

PVB: Bitches and man-whores? [sigh] I hate you, Yinessa.

[Higgins drop the microphone as he exits the ring while “One for Me, None
for You!” by D.O.C.]

DT: Higgins is stiring the pot between Lawrenze and Rembrandt.

PVB: He's also looking to become number six. Or number seven, depending
on how you look at it.

DT: Those are two men you don't want to aggrevate.
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El Dandy
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Is the She of the fight!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Overly_Critical_Jue,Mar 24 2010
04:54 PM
Did Higgins handler write that segment including the announcer banter? Or did he translate Japanese through babelfish?

That was an incomprehensible mess.

He wrote the announcer banter. This was during my great days of skim editing. After reading a segment fully, I think I started to do some more editing. It's pretty obvious English is the second language. I don't knock the character for that... just some of the outlandish stuff that was said.

And... yeah. I'll let Griff explain the strat for Gremmy or Chi Chi. I forget which it was.
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Mozeart
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Sheik-ee, Sheik-ee, give me your answer do...
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I still say that Curtis is the worst. He was endlessly long-winded, tone-deaf in his wrestler's message and utterly clueless in how to tell a story.

Also ... Terry, where the heck are you getting all that imagery of awesomely cute Japanese girls? Good lord those girls are cute!
And it was at this moment that the entire world realized, in unison, that tandem bicycles were AWESOME~!
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Picky
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Now let us retreat wench, for tonight, we feast on snobbery...
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Billy Higgins was handled by I forget his first name but his last name is Mason. Mason was a "legend" in the old WIF-NLWA-WWO scene for being terrible with English and being a jackass most of the time.

His most famous piece of work?

[Mason give the finger to everyone... EVEN CHILDREN!]

Fucking hilarious stuff to read in hindsight. I thought he was doing this intentionally but, no, he just had some problems. I remember his first name, Richard Mason.
Have I told you how much I loathe your continued existence today?

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El Dandy
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Is the She of the fight!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I remember we got into an argument on IRC. I don't recall the specific details, but he ended up leaving the fed. Rembrandt ended up ending another career. I think I feed Rembrandt most of the inactive people as a way to boot them from the fed.
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StevieScott
...EVEN CHILDREN!
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El Dandy,Mar 24 2010
04:48 PM
[Higgins gets his mic back as Donovan slides into the ring. Higgins goes to speak, but Donovan grabs the mic.]

AD: You can have this back when I can understand what the fuck you're trying to say.

PVB: [laughing] OH MY GOD!

[BIG POP! Adam Donovan puts the microphone in his jeans pocket, slides out of the ring, and walks into the back, leaving Higgins micless.]

DT: Donovan came out and just took Higgins mic away from him!

PVB: PRICELESS! PRICELESS!

[Black.]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Leave it to Blackie.
"Destruction of Hell" start playing as Mason drop the mic and exit the
ring as fans throw stuffs at him but he punch out most of the fans even
children.
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ProfessorDoran
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The Learning Tree
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
StevieScott,Mar 25 2010
01:47 AM
El Dandy,Mar 24 2010
04:48 PM
[Higgins gets his mic back as Donovan slides into the ring.  Higgins goes to speak, but Donovan grabs the mic.]

AD: You can have this back when I can understand what the fuck you're trying  to say.

PVB:  [laughing] OH MY GOD!

[BIG POP!  Adam Donovan puts the microphone in his jeans pocket, slides out of the ring, and walks into the back, leaving Higgins micless.]

DT:  Donovan came out and just took Higgins mic away from him!

PVB:  PRICELESS!  PRICELESS!

[Black.]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Leave it to Blackie.

HA! Blackie, Blackie, wherefore art thou Blackie?
Cole Hamels Fact #1685: The Devil went down to Georgia because he knew if he went to Philadelphia, Cole would strike his ass out.

http://mysite.verizon.net/heyjude421/chf/chf.html
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Overly_Critical_Jue
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
#hvw
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orklad
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The Luther Burger
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I'm always disappointed when what I take to be intentional comedy turns out to be unintentional...ala Mason.

or, indeed...Curtis.

::sigh::
Orklad

or

Don, Lord of Pudding
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Flouzemaker
The Luther Burger
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Picky,Mar 24 2010
08:08 PM
[Mason give the finger to everyone... EVEN CHILDREN!]

That's unintentional?
How can that be unintentional? It's hilarious!

All heels should finger everyone... EVEN CHILDREN!
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Overly_Critical_Jue
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Flouzemaker,Mar 25 2010
12:42 PM
Picky,Mar 24 2010
08:08 PM
[Mason give the finger to everyone... EVEN CHILDREN!]

That's unintentional?
How can that be unintentional? It's hilarious!

All heels should finger everyone... EVEN CHILDREN!

That's highly illegal and creepy, Flouze.
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Flouzemaker
The Luther Burger
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Oh!
Oooh... That makes it even funnier!
Why didn't I think dirty from the outset?
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orklad
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The Luther Burger
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You were busy advertising mass pedophelia?

:P
Orklad

or

Don, Lord of Pudding
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Picky
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Now let us retreat wench, for tonight, we feast on snobbery...
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Going back to the Mason well, from his attempt to feud with himself in the NLWA:

Mason guy 1: Mason, you can sucks it!

Mason: What is there to sucks?

Classic.
Have I told you how much I loathe your continued existence today?

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