Neo-Gothic Industrial Wrestling
Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Neo-Gothic Industrial Wrestling. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Jonah Cooper RP Feedback
Topic Started: Oct 1 2013, 02:26 PM (94 Views)
The War Hound
Belt Maker
Thought I'd give a little free feedback to the Jonah Cooper RP entitled "Concussed."

First of all, well done overselling Jonah's concussion symptoms. That was absolutely brilliant. Detailing all of its stages, from the moment his head smacked the mat to him wanting to take a nap and Katie opting instead to have him watching movies at the hotel. Loved every bit of it. As close to perfection as you can get. Very well researched. Phenominal job there man.

Then after you had Katie talking about lacing up the boots to join the women's division, you put Mr. Intensity over further by having Jonah say he didn't want her to face him, emphasizing how dangerous he truly was. Very good stuff.

Lastly, getting the obligatory mention of Jonah's upcoming match with Ronan in there was very solid. And not just a one-liner at that. Solid work.

Overall, a very good RP. I really enjoyed it. The concussion stuff was brilliant. Loved it. Whenever you put over an opponent, whether you're face or heel, it is always a good thing. Some would argue that the RP was too heavy on description and too light on dialogue, but I had no issue with that whatsoever. It all flowed real nicely, and was a very fun read at that. Keep up the great work.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
rotinaj
Member Avatar
Belt Maker
You're a peach. Thanks for the kind words! I felt like that RP was a bit shorter than I'd have liked for it to be, but I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to get in the head of Jonah. I liked how the stuff came off that I felt needed to be important(IE: Emphasizing Intensity's skill and ability, the impact of his finisher, how Jonah wasn't gonna quit, the relationship between Jonah and Katie, the worry over fighting Ronan next). It all felt like it came together nicely.

I look forward to seeing what you have in store for me.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
« Previous Topic · The Whiteboard · Next Topic »
Add Reply