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Viewing Single Post From: Confidence (Some Assembly Required)
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the last ace in a lost hand

Oh, nice! You got the Hitmontop. I always liked that over the other Hitmon evos, so I'm definitely not complaining.

Anyhow, hi! So far, everything looks off to a good start. I do have some comments, if you don't mind.

I felt that your dialogue could be tighter. What I mean by that is that sometimes, your dialogue can feel rushed and sometimes, I feel there's a bit of a disconnect between the scenes. Since a lot of our content is dialogue-driven, it's really important to have the flow feel natural and that means sometimes, you can put more content in there as needed to make the conversation feel like a conversation. I'll try to give you some examples when it's not 2:18 AM over here, hehe, if you're interested.

I also feel that some of your plot points could have been stretched out further. What comes to my mind is the relationship between Frank and Camryn. It was great that Camryn called Frank out for his attitude, but I think if you allowed it to breathe a bit more, it would have gotten a bigger payoff. Same goes for Roc's reason for wanting to evolve.

It's still your story at the end of the day, though, but I think this could help it be better!
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art by AgentNein

Current Team | 21 - Occult Precipitation

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