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DerogatoryTrainer
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Greatest in the Galaxy
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Hello you sexy beasts.

Welcome to episode 31!

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As you can see I got a haircut.

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So now I look like a 10 year old boy or a lesbian.

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Ugh...just roll the damn tape Mako.

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You'll understand further down the episode...

Relying on your Replying


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Oh Saphira, You so fine

Your so fine, you blow my mind

Hey, Saphira.

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See the screen getting brighter? That means magic is happening~

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Clearly she used the Tear Down HM on her Dragonite.

Actually with the amount of metal doors in this game a HM like that'd come in handy...

There aren't any Steel HMs anyway so this could be the first!

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Oh my...

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What a tragic waste of life...if only...

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IF ONLY I GOT HERE FIRST!

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Okay this is clearly a one-way turnstile thing.

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Slip by? How exactly did Saphira "slip by"?

And why are you still alive?

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GOOD!

You interrupted my gym battle.

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Okay what's up with this room then?

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So I guess a certain colour warps me to another colour?

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Hang on a sec the console moved!

What sort of sorcery is this?

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What? How the hell do you know that?

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WHAAAAT?!? What university would give you a degree???

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...

you bitch

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Well I made it across using the scientific method!

By running forward until I got where I wanted!

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Opening Gates. The Motion Picture.

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Pinkish?

I thought her hair was Blue?

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...

It could be that colourblind thing I have...

NO THE GAME IS WRONG NOT ME!

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W-what is causing that electricity?

...

Actually that question is rather stupid when you live in a world populated by electric zebras and sentient lava slugs...

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So...you're just hiding in this closet then?

Oh well. Carry on.

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Hey hey I found Laura!

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I also killed the shit out of the "Meteor Knights"

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The...what?

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No time for ejaculation jokes Laura!

I have to figure out where the keyhole is on this wall of bars...

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HEY! I DON'T SCAMPER!

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I scurry.

And even then I haven't done that yet.

This is a Nuzlocke Saph.

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And I'm here because I'm hopelessly submissive!

Yaaaaaay!

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You really love announcing your murder plots don't you?

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So do you have any experience with computers or-

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Thought so.

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Yeah..."Oops"

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Oh. That was the wrong teleport pad.

But at least we know why she's here!

Mystery solved.

I'm going home.

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...

Her name was Regina by the way.

Much reference.

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Yum.

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Whoops wrong way.


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They forget to re-new their subscription or something?

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Okay Ms.LeetH4x0r.

I'll just take a nice long na-

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Oh.

How surprising.

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THEY DON'T SELL IT HERE!

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Oh wow this'll be a real fight for the ages!

Not.

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OH HO!!

I AM LIKING THIS!

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MY STRATEGY IS FOOL-PROOF AL!

...

But this does have STAB-boosts so...

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Sounds delicious.

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Well that's annoying...

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I mean I like Saphira but come on...

Why don't they react to me like that?

I've been crushing them for 6 months now.

Then she shows up and they're running around like headless chickens...

I never get any respect...

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Wellllll...

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Gratitude is a type of respect I guess...

I'd prefer fear though...

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Tch...where's that Dragonite when you need it?

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We gonna fight or what mate?

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I guess we do...

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Whoever you are

I know I've made the joke before but do I actually know you?

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WHO CARES! SEAN KILL!

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Okay.

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And NOT because of me.

Maybe they've just grown used to me interfering literally every time they try anything

I wonder if they run drills specifically for me...

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Never heard of her.

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OH!

Simon and Tara! Now I remember you guys!

You both suck at battling!

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Really?

That's what it looked like to you?

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IT DIDN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A GROUP OF TERRORISTS ATTACKING HER FAMILY???

NOT EVEN A LITTLE???

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Am I supposed to care?

Sigh...FINE!

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O-oh...oh no...

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Such a tragic loss for us all...

How will we ever replace the void Tara left in our hearts?




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Did she suffer?

I hope so.

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No you won't.

You suck remember?

If you didn't maybe you could have saved Tara huh?

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But I'm not done twisting the knife yet!

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I don't know about you guys but that cheered me right up!

I mean how am I supposed to empathize with Team Meteor?

They are literally the source of this region's misery.

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HOW DO YOU NOT RECOGNIZE ME?

I'M ME!

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RED MAGMA!

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Wait a minute...

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I remember this fucker!

He was in that factory Amaria and I wrecked!

He pulled the same stunt there too!

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Fool me once shame on you.

Fool me twice...I kill your Pokemon.

Better hope there isn't a third time.

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Is this where Solaris does his fashion design projects?

I imagine they revolve around 4 very specific colours...













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Well that's all the nerds beaten time to get that key!

That's what I've been doing apparently.

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Hey is that Zel?

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Jesus...how long has it been since I last saw Zel?

I can't even remember...

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I can get you Charlotte?

How 'bout it Siggy?

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So why didn't you tell the police when you left the orphanage?

Doubt they would have ignored it unlike Ame

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Hahahahahaha

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I'm sorry...that's just the laziest excuse I've ever heard.

"Shut up, you're dumb"

Brilliant...

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Hey it's Gary Oldman!

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Oh wait my mistake...It's just Patchy the Terrorist.

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Lin?

Who's that and why is she apparently a bigger threat than me?

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WHAT?!?

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Solaris ISN'T the leader of Team Meteor?

But you've definitely said he was in the past!

And he fits ALL the character tropes for the job!

What the fuck is going on here?

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Okay we'll come back to the Lin thing later

But how is hooking an Abra to a PULSE "asking it nicely"?

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The torture will do that to people.

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OOOOOOHHHH

That's what's causing the rampant Booping!

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So the quest for the Exp.Share with the Kadabra was some clever foreshadowing for this!

Good job game.

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Kind of miffed I didn't cop onto it sooner but oh well...

Continue!

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Wasn't that just lovely of them you guys?

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She's a big deal OKAY!

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Uh.

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Hm.

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I guess she started teleporting at the lake?

Ha...ha...

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That won't work on me bitch!

I'm the Boop Master!

And I'll stop you!

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OR MY NAME ISN'T SEAN T-

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I sure am lucky this toxic waste broke my fall!

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Right guys?

...

What are you guys staring at?

...

Why do I taste pain?








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Good thing I heal fast right?

...

It's weird how that's been in effect since episode 1 huh?

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Okay enough monkeyshines!

I've gotta find out where I am and how to get back to what I was doing!

Killing time till my next badge!

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How did the Abra teleport this?

Well I mean how did it do it so it'd still work?

There isn't any power source down here

...

Maybe it runs on Voltorb batteries?

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It's quite dark in here...

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Buuuuuuut I can't find it in me to get out of my chair to make it dark here too.

So fuck immersion for today kids!

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Well...guess we don't have to worry about the dark anymore!

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And these walls look like they're from Tanzan Mountain so I can't be too far from Team Meteor right?


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The tremors are a bit rougher down here...

DEFINITELY A GOOD SIGN!

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THE CHASM SPEAKS TO ME!

I AM ITS PROPHET!

KNEEL BEFORE THE CHA-

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Oh hey Saphira.

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BLASPHEMY!

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Maybe it's the wind?

In...an underground cavern...?

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A'ight I'll have another look.

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OH GOD I'M NOT CATCHING THAT MONSTER!

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...

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FAHK! This wasn't here before...

I don't like this...it's like a horror movie only with a loud giant whatever following me...

I mean holy shit I SHOULD have seen whatever did this.

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And it just slinks back into : THE CHASM!

That's what we'll call the movie.

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I KNOW! STOP FREAKING ME OUT!

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MY GUARD CAN'T GO ANY HIGHER!

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Another tunnel...

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Yeah i figured.

I mean I don't know of any other mountains in the area anyway.

And it's not like that Abra could send me to Mt.Pyrous from here.

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I dunno all I've seen so far are Durants and Arboks so they probably don't care or enjoy it.

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WHY does there have to be an exit?

We were teleported here so we could be trapped down here

...with nobody knowing where to find us...

...

...


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WHERE'S THE EXIT!??!?!

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WHAT?

WHAT'S HEADING MY WAY!?!

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I'm right fucked aren't I?

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I'm going to fucking die.

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...

It's as strong as that Garchomp...

And much, MUCH bigger...

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This is the end...

I've l-

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...

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...

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Cinder I fucking love you.

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Never.

You are the greatest fucking fire type in the whole world.

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GRRRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWRRR FUCK YOURSELF!

CINDER BEAT YOU IN TWO MOVES YOU LITTLE BITCH!

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I am so great! I am so great!

Everybody loves me! I am so g-

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OH GOD IT'S BACK!

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YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

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MAN THAT WAS AWESOME!

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Only a total loser would have kept his eyes closed the whole time while screaming at the top of his lungs!

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Good thing neither of us did that right Saph?

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We have not been very productive this episode.

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Seeing as I'm the only one to ever turn those things off I guess that makes sense.

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Sure sounds like your job is more visually impressive and would be near impossible to code

Good thing it'll happen off-screen huh?

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*Cha-chak*

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Locked and loaded!





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HWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

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H-Hwaaaa?

I guess they left?

Huh.

Oh well back to Abra annihilating!

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It's almost like it DOESN'T like you!

How odd!

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Could you not sound surprised that I'm thwarting you?

I mean we've done this dance plenty of times dear.

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Uh...no?

I already got the badge so I don't have any reason to go there anymore.

I'm here to kill the Abra for purely selfish reasons thank you.

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Guess it's just you and me now Siggy!

...

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So...uh...

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How's work going?

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Oh thank god.

That was getting awkward...

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Let's go then I guess?

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Jesus christ...

TWO over-leveled monsters in the same episode?

Cut me some slack here game...

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OOOOOOOOOHHHH that's a pretty badass Abra!

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FAAAAAAAAHHHKKKKKK...

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"Super effective"?

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So It's a Psychic/Steel type then?

Well it works in my favour at least...

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That was a huge fucking chance I took...

And it paid off bitches!


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Yeah! I can't believe it took me this long to use Cinder.

She's awesome!

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Yeah, yeah I'll admit I was wrong about you

well not personality wise anyway

Now get the hell back and let someone else beat the shit out of this tortured Abra.

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MISS MISS MISS MISS

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MISSED!

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Two missed Hyper beams in a row...

I almost feel sorry for Abra...

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Shit. Ah well at least the burn damage will get i-

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Hah?

Where the hell is my burn damage?

Ah fuck it.

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Somehow it missed another Hyper Beam.

I must be lucky today I guess...

Or not considering that burn damage SHOULD have killed it.

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Yay~

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Sure.

"Sorry we had to kill you instead of using you for our experiments"

That how it would have been had your plans come to fruition.


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So nothing's changed in the slightest.

GREAT!

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We talking real people time or video game time?

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Hi.

I was juuuuust leaving.

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...

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What?

I mean I know what you said but...

What?

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FINE FINE FINE I'll bloody do it!

Who the fuck even is this Lin bitch anyway seriously?

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But I'm only doing it because you mean SO much to me Patchy the Pirate.

Time to put my Master's degree in Disguise to good use!
































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Yep! And they're your employees!

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HI!

I'm Sean the Meteor DipshitGrunt!

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Gee! What an honour to meet the boss-lady on my birthday!

Wait till I tell my heavily pregnant wife about this!

And then she'll tell the my adopted daughter whose father killed himself so she needs my constant emotional support!

And then she'll tell the orphans I'm donating my reasonable wages too.

Wow!

A lot of people sure do depend on my continued existence!

You'd have to be the worst person ever to think of killling me!

Hahahaha...ha?

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Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Sirius wouldn't lieeeeee...

...

Did I mention my pregnant wife?

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He prefers to be called Siggy.

No matter what he says to the contrary, you should always call him Siggy.

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Which I will keep for...security reasons right Patc-I mean Sirius?

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...

That was an odd little interaction...

and who answers "have we met before?" with "Impossible?"

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Fucking Elias.

I wonder who that could be?

Certainly not that kindly pastor who abducted Bennett and is planning to abduct his "daughter"

Certainly not.

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So how's everybody doi-

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Whoaaa...

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Heavens! What a queer turn of events!

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If you're accusing me of such a deed then I have nothing more to say!

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That's what she said!

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Uh...Commander Lin.

Ma'am.

Bitch

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Hmmm Saphira thinks Lin looks familiar too...

So Lin must have been at the orphanage a few years ago...

But why can't they remember her?

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Shit even I'm starting to think I've seen this girl before...

But I can't remember where...

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Oh hi guys I'm not in this scene so I stole a glider from some bald kid.

I mean it beats awkwardly hanging out with Siggy, Zel and Patches right?

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Well I better make Charlotte's death look like an accident so.

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Lady have you never played a Persona game?

They're all about that shit!

Fuck it I'm making this episode's song a Persona one!

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What about friendship and the power of love?

I mean it beat Voldemort y'know.

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Pff a Dragon/Dark type against a Level 75 Steelix?

Bitch you cra-

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KABOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!









































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Well I survived that somehow.

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You make it seem like you could keep me here.

I guess you forgot what happened last episode when you sucked all over Laura's floor!

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Thanks Lumi. You're a doll!

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And fuck you too Zero!

See ya!






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Oh man what if Saphira's dead?

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Her family would be devastated...

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Her family...that includes Charlotte...

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Mmmmmmmm....

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Well I guess I'll see you fools later then!

Ciao!




Just a funny thing i noticed
Edited by DerogatoryTrainer, Jan 22 2016, 06:42 PM.
A Most Excellent Journey Of Pain And Misery

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