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Spirit of the Lion: A Pokemon Moon Gijinka Storylocke; update: Chapter Five (5/20)
Topic Started: Oct 16 2017, 09:11 PM (2,564 Views)
akapolarbear
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just a literal polar bear
Alright then, hey everybody! Time to finally get this run underway. Welcome to "Spirit of the Lion", a Pokemon Moon Gijinka Storylocke. I'm a little bit rusty at prose, seeing as how I haven't written a serious story in about two years, but this run is a story that I really wanted to tell. I've been meaning to get this out since, uh...June? Early June, but things got in the way, and I'm not about to bore you with that. So instead, we're just gonna jump right on in; I've been putting this off long enough.

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Table of Contents

Prologue

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Edited by akapolarbear, May 19 2018, 11:01 PM.
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SeaMaid
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The one who latches on to obscure characters

welp, no wonder there's a starter death clause! I'm just gonna guess you went with Popplio because the whole escape through swimming-thing. But on the other hand, a Rowlet would have an easier time scaling the wall... hmm...
EDIT: wait, wait, the title, spirit of the Lion, you had to go with Litten,ooooh

prose is pretty good, too, despite your self-admitted lack of practice; I did notice a few misplaced fragments (such as "A different voice this time, older and held level in the face of this emergency") but nothing a good ol' beta can't fix for the next update!

Other than that... hm, this is a fairly short update, so dunno what else to say. But I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with subject 3 at least that number is easier to remember than 404 :vv!
Edited by SeaMaid, Oct 17 2017, 05:29 AM.
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Huntress Wizard
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she

Well color me intrigued! This was a great prologue, lots of suspense and just enough detail that I think I know what's going on but I'm not quite sure. I'm looking forward to more!

Edit: I'm gonna throw my hat in the "guess the starter" ring and say Subject Three is...a Type:Null, who's gonna act as the trainer, and we haven't met the starter yet. :3c
Edited by Huntress Wizard, Oct 18 2017, 05:57 PM.
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Posted ImageClockensteinPosted Image
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you can see my soul from here

Haha, okay. So. I love this style of narration -- the disjoint way in which narration and dialogue are presented really puts your writing style in a spotlight. I'm gonna have to be a bit mean, though: I'm sort of in a camp where I think a lab-escaping experiment is one of those comfort zone traps gijinka-based ideas tend to fall into -- which is why I'm doubly interested, because it takes someone with a good writing voice in the first place to get me over my lousy stereotyping assumptions. (I mean -- who am I to judge, tropes are what we make of them since everything's been done before.)

That being said, one of the good things about the lab-escape opening is that it's always a treat to see what the writer has in store for the aftermath! It's one of the things that I like about the concept, and judging from what I'm reading you're bound to have something good in store. So, good luck!
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There can be automatic movements, but not automatic writing. Writing for the normal person is too complicated an activity to be indulged in automatically.
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Pancake
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I love this so much.

You say so much with so little, and like Clock said, you've used a trope to great effect. It's definitely not easy to make something as typical as a lab escape intriguing. I also love this disjointed feel of the prologue. This may just be my interpretation, but subject 3 was on the second floor near the office, so I like to think this is what it heard while looking for an escape route.

I also have no idea what your starter could be. I know that may sound odd, but with some Gijinka runs it's pretty clear what the starter will be just from the prologue, but you've made all options valid. Water escape for Popplio, the high wall for Rowlet and the title makes me think of Litten. I'm not sure if these breadcrumbs were intentional or not, but I love them anyway.

Definitely looking forward to more. Keep it up!
Edited by Pancake, Oct 22 2017, 03:07 AM.
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Flopdisc
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my first thought re: the title was in reference to Solgaleo, despite this being a Moon nuzlocke.

But yeah! Echoing what others have said -- this was a really fun way to deliver your prologue. I'm really looking forward to meeting our protagonist through whichever way you decide to frame them -- and I really love how much character was conveyed here on our narrator's (Faba's?) part. For all we know the reference to three mons could be to do with the Beast Killer project etc., if I remember that part of the story right, but either way -- exciting stuff ahead!
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SprungGeoduck
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GOD DAMN

This is one of those prologues that grabs a tone by the balls and fucking runs with it, and it's amazing. Immediately, I got that creepy horror vibe and you just kept amping it up. We've got Aether, who I love as antagonists no matter what they're in, and the mystery behind Subject Three has got me interested already. I'm assuming that they're going to be our protagonist, so the fact that they're evidently so dangerous is really intriguing. I can't wait to properly meet them and for this story to get going! Keep it up!
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Vent
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an empty tome

this is a really interesting start so far! others have mentioned the disjointed feel of the calls and the concealed identity of the starter and I think both are very interesting aspects of this start here! You set up a lot of intrigue and you have a really good base here and I'm looking forward to seeing where you go from here on this!
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Updated 7/13/18! Q/A open until Chapter 28! Banner by Rainey! Placed second for Most Improved, placed third for Best Supporting Character (Aile), and nominated for Best Protagonist (Burris) for Written Runs in the 2017 Extravaganza!

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reset myself and get back on track
Well, color me intrigued!

Echoing Clock, what I'm going to look forward to is the aftermath of everything. You've done a wonderful job of setting it up, I'm excited to see how you follow it up!
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DistortionLocke
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The Introverted Pokedexer
Nothing starts off a story better than a good olĺ escape from the lab!
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akapolarbear
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just a literal polar bear
You know that gif of the Pokemon anime where Meowth says, "Boy, I sure have a lot of people to disappoint"? Yeah, that's basically my thought processes right now. That and a lot of internal screaming.

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Chapter One

Author's Note
Edited by akapolarbear, Oct 29 2017, 01:07 AM.
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Pancake
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Reaction to Johnny

The ol' bait and switch, huh?

Johnny seems pretty cool though, not gonna lie. I was definitely getting an "I've been through enough and want to be left alone" vibe from him as the chapter went on. Am I right in thinking he doesn't live in Iki town proper, but on the outskirts?
Quote:
 
The people of Iki Town were kind, sure, but he refused to let them take his dishwashing therapy away from him.

I think this sums up my feelings towards Johnny perfectly, and I love how it hints that there's something wrong with our man as well. Dishwashing is pretty easy after all.

Still no idea what he is though. I'm guessing Litten, but I've been wrong before.
Edited by Pancake, Oct 22 2017, 03:24 AM.
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Huntress Wizard
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she

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I'm going to need you to pay for the chiropractor appointment I'll need after that mood whiplash. Hot damn!

That was some excellent mood- and world-building! Just enough detail so we kinda know what's going on, but you're not beating us over the head with it. I especially liked the subtlety in revealing certain things about Johnny - that he's a Fire-type and that he has one-arm. You didn't come out and say the latter, either, it was all context clues. Color me impressed!

I'm really looking forward to more! I'm betting Johnny is a Litten, what with the fire use and the ears; I'm also betting that young woman is Lillie, or this story's version of Lillie. Who might be Subject Three...? So maybe she's a Cosmog, then? Aaaaaa so many questions I can't wait to find out more!!!
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lesbian xion
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i like this ! o:

you set up a good tone in the prologue and carried it thru to the first chapter. the worldbuilding is rlly cool, but you don't... beat the reader over the head w it, which is nice! love how you introduced johnny, that was really well done and how you showed off how he uses his one arm.

speaking of him, i'm gonna guess litten since this is called spirit of the lion and litten is the one that closely fits that bill. and i'm gonna guess that the girl is Lillie? or gijinka Lillie, who knows~

looking forward to the rest O:
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SeaMaid
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The one who latches on to obscure characters

So I prepared a comment with the notes-function on site with quotes and stuff , and then when I changed page so I could actually post the comment my notes had been reset again :c time to redo it I suppose


what if it turns out that Johnny was subject 3 all along and that's why he only has one arm :vvvv

tbh as the update went along all I could think was "/need to live with someone like Johnny intensifies" because... That's a small breakfast? And he always does his dishes immediately? Need me a roommate like that. /laughs

Also, it... took me a while to catch that he was one-armed, not gonna lie;;

As for the mood whiplash? Effective, but honestly not unexpected. Prologues are prologues so it's more surprising when they don't cut to another place or time imo.
Since I rotate my avatars and don't want to remake my sig a billion times, have a collective list of sources in order.
Music Thread | SoundCloud | WritScrib

Want a storylocke of a "soul-crushing" hake along with that hobbyist music? This one's gonna come back someday I swear:
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I'm also responsible for the one and only HarvestCraft run on these forums if you want a chill experience.
(that one's on semi-official hiatus though, sorry;;)
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Posted ImageShiny DustoxPosted Image
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reset myself and get back on track
I'm all for this bait and tackle switch, honestly. There's not a lot of runs out there that feature an older protagonist, which is something I wish there was more of.

And the one arm thing? I really liked that I didn't know that was the case until the author's notes. There were probably some hints and I think I saw some of them, but it never really clicked for me. It's definitely aligned with Johnny too, since he'd rather not have people coddle or pity him as well. You also did a wonderful job fleshing him out in this part, so I'm looking forward to reading more about Johnny.
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SprungGeoduck
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aaaaaa don't worry about me. I'm not disappointed at all! I actually really like Johnny! I love the mood whiplash between the prologue and this, and I'm super excited to see how Johnny and Subject Three's stories collide. In general, Johnny has me intrigued. What's a guy like him gonna go on a journey for? He seems perfectly content the way he is. Of course, I reckon something's probably going to screw that up, so we shall see. Keep it up!
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akapolarbear
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just a literal polar bear
I was late for Halloween, but that doesn't mean this run didn't get the chance to celebrate. Here's Johnny in his Halloween costume.

Johnny's Halloween Costume

Now, with that out of the way...Happy NaNoWriMo, everybody! This year I've decided to partake the endeavor with this nuzlocke as my project. Hopefully that means I can build up a good buffer for myself and also get out updates a bit quicker. Speaking of updates, here's one.

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Chapter Two

Author's Note
Edited by akapolarbear, Nov 1 2017, 07:43 PM.
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Huntress Wizard
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ooooh i love that drawing!! johnny's a handsome boi

again with the curveballs, dang. i was really thinking Cloud was Lillie. still not entirely convinced she's not :V

still, i like Cloud. she's a cutie, albeit a bit...creepy. i really feel for Johnny in this chapter. being too nice to tell someone to leave you alone, #littleintrovertthings

i love all the introspection in this chapter! you're doing a good job putting us inside johnny's head, which is awesome. and you have a knack for character introductions. ^^

looking forward to more!
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SeaMaid
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The one who latches on to obscure characters

So if Lillie isn't here but Neb- sorry, Cloud - is... does this mean Lillie's still stuck in Aether? oh no D:

Y'see storm clouds and get a storm, that's natural. Y'see storm clouds and get nothing, that ain't right. That's a bad omen, that is, kid. The tapu didn't go an' make those storm clouds for nothin'. well, this isn't ominous foreshadowing at all.
Nor is that book ending of the chapter.

.. No really, I liked the use of "not a cloud in the sky" twice, ties the beginning and then end together nicely.

Oh! Also! Kukui and Johnny's friendship is pretty nice to read about!
Edited by SeaMaid, Nov 8 2017, 05:21 AM.
Since I rotate my avatars and don't want to remake my sig a billion times, have a collective list of sources in order.
Music Thread | SoundCloud | WritScrib

Want a storylocke of a "soul-crushing" hake along with that hobbyist music? This one's gonna come back someday I swear:
Posted Image

I'm also responsible for the one and only HarvestCraft run on these forums if you want a chill experience.
(that one's on semi-official hiatus though, sorry;;)
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