Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Ever wondered what it'd be like to live life as a fat balding man rapidly approaching death? No? This week's feature shows you what it's like!
Nuzlocke Comics
Welcome to Nuzlocke Forum. We hope you enjoy your visit. We're a community based off the popular "Nuzlocke Challenge", a way of playing the Pokemon video game series on a higher level of difficulty. What is it exactly? Join us and find out that, and more!


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Inspiration; Join an aspiring young author as he goes on his Pokemon journey.
Topic Started: Jun 20 2012, 07:48 AM (3,539 Views)
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

I made an account here after realizing that people actually made stories about their Nuzlocke runs. I would've made a comic, because I didn't even know this forum existed before I was told. hurrdurr

The Rules:


Table of Contents


Chapter 1: An Important Choice


Reviews are appreciated, but I understand if they don't come. I know this probably feels rushed, but this is only the beginning.
Edited by EricStarstorm, Feb 19 2014, 06:16 PM.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ebyam12
No Avatar
Too lazy to pick an avatar!
The first chapter of a story is usually the most important, as it has to draw people in the world and get them attached to the characters. You've done an excellent job with this so far. I'm excited to see what's next. Good luck!
My first Nuzlocke story, or first Nuzlocke anything for that matter.
A Child's Dream: An Overly Detailed Fire Red Story
(Chapter 19 ~ 7/27/12)

Also here's a White version story. If you like that kind of thing.
Detached: Who really needs both arms anyways?
(Chapter 7 ~ 6/2/13)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Lenna Suzaka
Member Avatar
Artistic Mail Carrier of Mognet, Kupo!
It's not bad, but your story seems a bit well... non-compelling. I don't feel truly sucked in, and I found my eyes glazed after getting into the middle. I do agree with you that it feels rushed. Take your pencil/laptop/desktop/whatever and just focus. Just fit yourself into your character's shoes and be your character.

I guess I'm trying to say your character just does not seem as natural, and you put very little work into him. Then again, it's just the first chapter, so don't let that discourage you.
~ C'est Vie ou Mort!

Life's Always Full of Surprises: Why the Existence of Munna? Why this World? A Burden to Mist

Naptime!


(Baka and I did this. Really, I can never color this well XD)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dancingomastar
Member Avatar
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
point of advice - if you're going to describe pokemon, don't describe them as 'a turtle' or 'a lizard', it's describing things that don't really exist in the pokemon universe to an extent (it gets confusing with pokedex a bit). your writing is good, but it does seem a bit of a procession of events at this stage, and it feels like a list a bit when reading (still better than my run). but it's quite good, and could be developed well. context? aims? rivalry? and it hasn't really set out a storlyine, but i like it, overall.

your run even at this stage seems to be focusing on ceaser and the pokemon, but don't forget humans! lots of runs i've read put an awful lot of runs with lots of development into the team and little into the human characters. in my run i'm avoiding this by no pokemon having personalities whatsoever.

still better than mine, its an easy read (and it's 3 in the morning where i am, i'm tired), and not overly long.
Posted Image
big thanks to 4evergreen for this fantastic banner.
this picture is too badass

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

REPLIES:

ebyam: Thanks for the kind words! I look forward to seeing your reviews in the future.

Lenna: I appreciate your honesty. It'll only get better from here, though.

dancingomastar: First of all, I LOVE your username. Omastar is a favorite of mine. Second, just because the Pokemon have personalities doesn't mean the humans have to be ignored. Eric has a dream, and I intend for a lot of the characters to develop, not just the Pokemon. And you don't have to not give Pokemon personality to avoid focusing on them, either. There are other ways.

I'll edit the next chapter in sometime, probably today or tomorrow.
Edited by EricStarstorm, Jun 25 2012, 04:35 AM.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

Chapter 2: Beginning Battle


Sorry for the double post, but I wanted people to know that I updated. :P
Edited by EricStarstorm, Aug 7 2012, 07:37 AM.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
jr1
Member Avatar
Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
I really like the way you wrote this wonderful and inspiring story about Pokemon. You connected with the world of pokemon on such a deep level. i think this kind of connection is what nuzlocke intended.
Pokemon: The Emerald Challenge N's Tale
Emerald Challenge
Leaf Green Nuzlocke:
A Leafy Situation
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Dragon35
Member Avatar
Conqueror of the Mind
To counteract what dancingomaster said, I think working on the personalities of the pokemon isn't a bad thing. They are as part of the journey as the main character so they deserve as much work as the humans. Of course this is entirely dependent on how the story goes, it can work well without (I have not read dancingomaster's run, sorry!)

A little bit of a nit-pick, but I thought as you got the pokedex already you were skipping the parcel sidequest. You get the pokedex after deliving that. And don't worry about double posting. It helps to bump it back up to the top in the hopes of attracting more readers (least that is why I do it)
Posted ImagePosted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

Replies:

jr1: Wow...that's a much better compliment than I expected for such an early point in the run. Thank you!

Dragon35: That's mostly because I feel that the events SHOULD be in that order. There's very little exposition in Kanto, so there's no reason given for picking up the Parcel (or even any indication that you should). And he wouldn't have sent you on your way without the Pokedex to begin with, in my eyes.

Chapter 3: Fetch Quests and Psychic Clerks


While writing this, I noticed that I'm terrible at writing travel scenes. Can anyone suggest something?
Edited by EricStarstorm, Aug 7 2012, 07:36 AM.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Lethe
Member Avatar
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Hi!

If it counts for anything, I think this story has definitely improved since the first chapter. The Daisy subplot especially has made things more interesting, and added a layer of depth to both the main character and Perry. The best advice I can think of at this point is, be inventive, and don't be afraid to deviate from the plot of the game! The more character interaction and back-story you add, the more characters will start to stick out in people's minds, and the more you can claim the story as your own.

Spoiler: click to toggle
Edited by Lethe, Jul 5 2012, 08:51 AM.
It seems like some bug in the forums changed my type from Water to Steel. I am totally cool with this.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Dash442
Member Avatar
Seel says the darndest things...

You've got a good start I'm interested to see where it goes. And I agree with Lethe: be as creative as you want (within reason of course :L ). Don't feel as if you have to stick to the main plot of the game.

Good luck with the rest of the run!


Blog and Dash: a blog for updates and other runs (Update:02/05/13)
Current run (UPDATED: 13/11/12 - Chapter 18):
Posted Image
Thanks to Hawkfire for the awesome banner!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

@Lethe: Thanks for your advice, I'll see if I can put it to good use.

@Dash: There are some variations on the plot. You'll see when I get to them.

By the way, this was actually only my second time playing a Kanto game, so there are a few things I missed. Please don't point them out, as I probably already know about them by now (but if anyone could tell me how to get the National Dex without trading, that'd be great :sweatdrop: ).

Chapter 4: Adventure Time


There I go again with bad travel scenes. :P Not sure if that one can be improved, though.
Edited by EricStarstorm, Aug 7 2012, 07:34 AM.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

Got the national dex in my regular playthrough, so yeah. Everything works out as far as storyline goes, though, even without the national dex. Also, I'm going to start naming my chapters. I'm going to go back and edit in chapter names for the older ones.

Chapter 5: Perry Power!
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

Chapter 6: Forest Romp
Edited by EricStarstorm, Sep 26 2012, 05:53 PM.
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

Yay I was inspired to do this earlier.

Chapter 7: Two Birds, One Stone
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

Here, have a Gym Theme. Which is definitely my own original idea :v:

Chapter 8: Rock and Roll
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

Chapter 9: Mt. Moon Maraud
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

Chapter 10: Terra
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Writer
Member Avatar
I can't Nuzlocke
I have a question : Why do you update once or twice a month?
Who cares?
I'm currently have been busy playing White 2 and been writing a novella for class.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EricStarstorm
Member Avatar
Writer of that one thing and that other thing

Writer
Dec 3 2012, 06:04 PM
I have a question : Why do you update once or twice a month?
Ironically, despite that the title is Inspiration, I never seem to have any. :P
Posted ImagePosted Image

My friggin' team, man


Most recent: Chapter 25 (Dungeons and Dragons) & Extra 3 (The Game Corner)

Credit to Prohawk on Serebii for the userbar, and Soapie-Solar on DeviantArt for the avatar.

If I see one more person misspell GyArados, I'm going to kill a puppy.

If you want to battle or add a Ground Friend Safari (with Phanpy, Diggersby and Marowak) to your list, add 0447-7222-5629! And don't run away screaming when you see my Mii.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Free Forums with no limits on posts or members.
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Fan Challenge Runs · Next Topic »
Add Reply