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[INACTIVE]Inspiration; Join an aspiring young author as he goes on his Pokemon journey.
Topic Started: Jun 20 2012, 07:48 AM (4,397 Views)
EricStarstorm
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Woomy

I made an account here after realizing that people actually made stories about their Nuzlocke runs. I would've made a comic, because I didn't even know this forum existed before I was told. hurrdurr

The Rules:


Table of Contents


Chapter 1: An Important Choice


Reviews are appreciated, but I understand if they don't come. I know this probably feels rushed, but this is only the beginning.
Edited by EricStarstorm, Feb 19 2014, 06:16 PM.
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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ebyam12
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The first chapter of a story is usually the most important, as it has to draw people in the world and get them attached to the characters. You've done an excellent job with this so far. I'm excited to see what's next. Good luck!
Here's my White version run, temporarily on hiatus.
Detached: Who really needs both arms anyways?
(UPDATED ~ 5/31/16)

The Prequel
Sapphires Are Forever: An Alpha Sapphire Wedlocke
(UPDATED ~ 6/25/16)
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Lenna Suzaka
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Artistic Mail Carrier of Mognet, Kupo!
It's not bad, but your story seems a bit well... non-compelling. I don't feel truly sucked in, and I found my eyes glazed after getting into the middle. I do agree with you that it feels rushed. Take your pencil/laptop/desktop/whatever and just focus. Just fit yourself into your character's shoes and be your character.

I guess I'm trying to say your character just does not seem as natural, and you put very little work into him. Then again, it's just the first chapter, so don't let that discourage you.
~ C'est Vie ou Mort!

Life's Always Full of Surprises: Why the Existence of Munna? Why this World? A Burden to Mist

Naptime!


(Baka and I did this. Really, I can never color this well XD)
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dancingomastar
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Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
point of advice - if you're going to describe pokemon, don't describe them as 'a turtle' or 'a lizard', it's describing things that don't really exist in the pokemon universe to an extent (it gets confusing with pokedex a bit). your writing is good, but it does seem a bit of a procession of events at this stage, and it feels like a list a bit when reading (still better than my run). but it's quite good, and could be developed well. context? aims? rivalry? and it hasn't really set out a storlyine, but i like it, overall.

your run even at this stage seems to be focusing on ceaser and the pokemon, but don't forget humans! lots of runs i've read put an awful lot of runs with lots of development into the team and little into the human characters. in my run i'm avoiding this by no pokemon having personalities whatsoever.

still better than mine, its an easy read (and it's 3 in the morning where i am, i'm tired), and not overly long.
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big thanks to 4evergreen for this fantastic banner.
this picture is too badass

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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

REPLIES:

ebyam: Thanks for the kind words! I look forward to seeing your reviews in the future.

Lenna: I appreciate your honesty. It'll only get better from here, though.

dancingomastar: First of all, I LOVE your username. Omastar is a favorite of mine. Second, just because the Pokemon have personalities doesn't mean the humans have to be ignored. Eric has a dream, and I intend for a lot of the characters to develop, not just the Pokemon. And you don't have to not give Pokemon personality to avoid focusing on them, either. There are other ways.

I'll edit the next chapter in sometime, probably today or tomorrow.
Edited by EricStarstorm, Jun 25 2012, 04:35 AM.
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

Chapter 2: Beginning Battle


Sorry for the double post, but I wanted people to know that I updated. :P
Edited by EricStarstorm, Aug 7 2012, 07:37 AM.
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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jr1
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Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
I really like the way you wrote this wonderful and inspiring story about Pokemon. You connected with the world of pokemon on such a deep level. i think this kind of connection is what nuzlocke intended.
Pokemon: The Emerald Challenge N's Tale
Emerald Challenge
Leaf Green Nuzlocke:
A Leafy Situation
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Dragon35
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Conqueror of the Mind
To counteract what dancingomaster said, I think working on the personalities of the pokemon isn't a bad thing. They are as part of the journey as the main character so they deserve as much work as the humans. Of course this is entirely dependent on how the story goes, it can work well without (I have not read dancingomaster's run, sorry!)

A little bit of a nit-pick, but I thought as you got the pokedex already you were skipping the parcel sidequest. You get the pokedex after deliving that. And don't worry about double posting. It helps to bump it back up to the top in the hopes of attracting more readers (least that is why I do it)
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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

Replies:

jr1: Wow...that's a much better compliment than I expected for such an early point in the run. Thank you!

Dragon35: That's mostly because I feel that the events SHOULD be in that order. There's very little exposition in Kanto, so there's no reason given for picking up the Parcel (or even any indication that you should). And he wouldn't have sent you on your way without the Pokedex to begin with, in my eyes.

Chapter 3: Fetch Quests and Psychic Clerks


While writing this, I noticed that I'm terrible at writing travel scenes. Can anyone suggest something?
Edited by EricStarstorm, Aug 7 2012, 07:36 AM.
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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Lethe
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Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Hi!

If it counts for anything, I think this story has definitely improved since the first chapter. The Daisy subplot especially has made things more interesting, and added a layer of depth to both the main character and Perry. The best advice I can think of at this point is, be inventive, and don't be afraid to deviate from the plot of the game! The more character interaction and back-story you add, the more characters will start to stick out in people's minds, and the more you can claim the story as your own.

Spoiler: click to toggle
Edited by Lethe, Jul 5 2012, 08:51 AM.
It seems like some bug in the forums changed my type from Water to Steel. I am totally cool with this.

Current Runs
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Dash442
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Seel says the darndest things...

You've got a good start I'm interested to see where it goes. And I agree with Lethe: be as creative as you want (within reason of course :L ). Don't feel as if you have to stick to the main plot of the game.

Good luck with the rest of the run!


Blog and Dash: a blog for updates and other runs (Update:02/05/13)
Current run (UPDATED: 13/11/12 - Chapter 18):
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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

@Lethe: Thanks for your advice, I'll see if I can put it to good use.

@Dash: There are some variations on the plot. You'll see when I get to them.

By the way, this was actually only my second time playing a Kanto game, so there are a few things I missed. Please don't point them out, as I probably already know about them by now (but if anyone could tell me how to get the National Dex without trading, that'd be great :sweatdrop: ).

Chapter 4: Adventure Time


There I go again with bad travel scenes. :P Not sure if that one can be improved, though.
Edited by EricStarstorm, Aug 7 2012, 07:34 AM.
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

Got the national dex in my regular playthrough, so yeah. Everything works out as far as storyline goes, though, even without the national dex. Also, I'm going to start naming my chapters. I'm going to go back and edit in chapter names for the older ones.

Chapter 5: Perry Power!
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

Chapter 6: Forest Romp
Edited by EricStarstorm, Sep 26 2012, 05:53 PM.
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

Yay I was inspired to do this earlier.

Chapter 7: Two Birds, One Stone
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

Here, have a Gym Theme. Which is definitely my own original idea :v:

Chapter 8: Rock and Roll
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

Chapter 9: Mt. Moon Maraud
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

Chapter 10: Terra
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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Writer
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I can't Nuzlocke
I have a question : Why do you update once or twice a month?
Who cares?
I'm currently have been busy playing White 2 and been writing a novella for class.
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EricStarstorm
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Woomy

Writer
Dec 3 2012, 06:04 PM
I have a question : Why do you update once or twice a month?
Ironically, despite that the title is Inspiration, I never seem to have any. :P
"Life is not measured in grand accomplishments. You lived...and that is all that matters." - Zen (Persona Q)

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