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| Jokes; Wha?! I SAID JOKES! | |
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| Topic Started: Jun 7 2007, 04:43 PM (143 Views) | |
| Ozmodious | Jun 7 2007, 04:43 PM Post #1 |
Ignorance Is Bliss.
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Thats right. I figured I'd lighten up the mood with one of my favorite topics. Welcome to Big Bob's Bee-- erups, sorry, thats copyright infringement. Anyway, what's the funniest joke you've heard recently? Share and exchange funny stories as well. I'll go first: A guy goes to the doctor and says," Doc', Doc'! You gotta help me! I think my wife has AIDS or Alztheimer's but I can't tell which. What should I do?!" The Doctor looks at the guy and says," Alright, heres what you do; Take your wife and drive 20 miles from your house, and then leave her there. If she manages to find her way back home, don't have sex with her." Your turn. |
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| Nazgul-Killer | Jun 9 2007, 10:20 AM Post #2 |
The Killer of the Eight.
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Nice one lol... Hmm... A good joke... Let's see... Ahh... I can't really think of one... OH WAIT! A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?" The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head." The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head." The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY." The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Fridge." It's not the best, but the best I could find right now :D |
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| Tenchi-Kun | Jun 12 2007, 10:33 PM Post #3 |
HAHAHA, DISREGARD THAT.
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Cough. Naz. Cough Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, And Ozimodo (Tha guy from the Hunchback of Notre Dame) Were all chatting, and they Sleeping Beauty said, "Hey, guise, I bet I'M the most Beautiful person EVAR!!!" And Tom Thumb said, "Well, then, I guess I'm the most Smallest person EVAR!!!" And Ozimodo said, "Well then, I'm the Ugliest and most obnoxious person EVAR!!!" So they all went to the Guiness World records company to see if they were all correct. Sleeping Beauty went inside.When she came out, she said, "Well, It's official, I'm the most beautiful person in the world!" And Tom thumb went inside the building and out, and said "Well, I'm the Smallest person in the world!" So Ozimodo goes into the Building, and comes out, and said, WHO THE HELL IS ROSIE O'DONNELL???? It may suckass, but I heard it a while ago. Can't remember how it went...w/e ~Tenchi~ :ph43r: |
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| Nazgul-Killer | Jun 13 2007, 04:37 PM Post #4 |
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The Killer of the Eight.
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Cough. Tenchi. Cough. <<< What the hell does that supposed to mean? Just to prove how stupid you are? |
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| Tenchi-Kun | Jun 26 2007, 02:12 PM Post #5 |
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HAHAHA, DISREGARD THAT.
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I said Cough because I was coughing. And I felt like saying your name. IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THAT??? In other news, the concentration of N and A and Z in your name causes scratchy throat, for me at least, in forums. |
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| LionofBlood | Jul 6 2007, 02:19 AM Post #6 |
Truth Seeker and Demon Slayer with a little insanity on the side
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Wow, good jokes in here. :lol: Um... A guy went into a bar. He was the only one there, save for the barkeeper. He went up to the barkeep and said 'Are you closed?' The other man replied. 'No, I just have to go into the back and do some inventory. Your welcome to have some beer and complimentary peanuts.' So the customer paid for some beer and began to drink, and eat peanuts. Drink and eat peanuts. Pretty soon, he heard a voice say. 'Psst, hey buddy. Nice tie.' The customer looked around, but not seeing anyone, thought he was just drinking faster then he thought. He went back to drinking the beer and eating the peanuts. Drinking beer, and eating peanuts. Soon he heard the voice again: 'Hey pal, nice shoes.' He looked around. No one was there. Now he was sure someone was playing a trick on him.For now, he drank the beer and ate peanuts. Drank the beer......and ate the peanuts. Sure enough, a voice appeared once more, saying 'Hey guy... nice shirt.' The customer got up and went into the back, where the barkeeper was. 'Have you been coming out there and complimenting me on my clothes?' he demanded. The barkeeper stood up, looked him straight in the eye and said: 'Mudkipz.' No, just kidding. What he REALLY said was: 'No, it's the peanuts. They're complimentary.' |
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| Chaz | Jul 26 2007, 10:44 AM Post #7 |
Vessel of sins.
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A poor man walks into a bar and sits down right beside a well-dressed business type man. The poor man notices a rather large bag sitting beside the businessman, and got rather curious. "What's in the bag?" he asked. The businessman replied, "Haha, have I got a treat for you!" He puts the bag on the table and pulls out a tiny piano. The poor man looks at it confused, saying, "What is this?" "Just wait," replies the businessman. He reaches into his bag again and pulls out a 10-inch man, who begins to play the piano. The poor man claps in joy. "Haha! That's so neat! How did you find such a thing?" The man grinned, once again reaching into hi bag and pulling out a genie lantern. "This genie will grant you any wish you want. Just rub the lantern." Sure enough, the poor man gives it a good rub and a genie comes out, asking him what it is he wishes. The poor man says, "I would like a million bucks." With a snap of his fingers, the genie nods and flies back into his lantern. Five minutes later, the bar becomes filled with ducks walking all along the floor. The poor man looks up to the businessman all confused, and asks, "The genie... he's a little mental, isn't he?" The businessman laughs, and says, "No kidding... do you really think I would ask for a 10-inch pianist?" >.< |
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| Ozmodious | Jul 26 2007, 11:07 PM Post #8 |
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Ignorance Is Bliss.
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Nice. The last one made me chuckle. =P I've got a prison joke for you all: A guy is convicted and goes to prison. His cellmate is a rather big, brawny black guy and after awhile they get aquainted. The new celly manages to get the top bunk and eventually lights out comes around and hes trying to get to sleep. Out of nowhere a low drawl comes out from below saying," Alright, boy. So who do you want to be tonight, the Husband or the Wife?". The celly looks around nervously and mumbles," Uh.. the husband?". There was a slight pause then a creak before the voice came about again," Alright then, hunny, come on down here and suck your wife's dick.". :lol: |
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| Kamos | Jul 29 2007, 02:36 AM Post #9 |
That One Quiet Guy
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A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.” The man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.” The Redneck said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.” Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!” Hope thats ok??? :blink: |
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| Kamos | Jul 29 2007, 03:04 AM Post #10 |
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That One Quiet Guy
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Use These insults Wisely..... <_< You’re so stupid you threw a rock at the ground and missed. You’re so stupid you trip over the cord of a cellular phone! You’re so ugly when you went to a haunted house they offered you a job. You’re so ugly you have to trick or treat over the phone. You’re so ugly you make blind kids cry. You’re so slow it takes you an hour and a half to watch “Sixty Minutes.” “Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday.” I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!” Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!” “He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard.” These my Friends are decent insults don't be too mean with them. :P |
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8:38 PM Nov 25
