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| There she was | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 26 2012, 10:08 AM (334 Views) | |
| king benji I of pxe | Nov 27 2012, 10:09 PM Post #21 |
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Shotter, hitter, serial killer.
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Lies. You love it. |
| hey you know what fuck you photobucket i actually liked my signature yOU CUNTS | |
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| Zenrad | Nov 27 2012, 10:13 PM Post #22 |
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LOLWAT, Oatmeal has a girlfriend? I call major shits of bull. |
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| BURNOUTFREAK | Nov 27 2012, 10:17 PM Post #23 |
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2 Cabbages away from insanity
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He says he does but I wouldn't call the 10 year old in his basement a girlfriend... |
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| BURNOUTFREAK | Nov 27 2012, 10:18 PM Post #24 |
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2 Cabbages away from insanity
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Now someone make an "oatmeal is gay" joke then we're done |
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| king benji I of pxe | Nov 27 2012, 10:53 PM Post #25 |
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Shotter, hitter, serial killer.
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Oatmeal u ghey. |
| hey you know what fuck you photobucket i actually liked my signature yOU CUNTS | |
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| BURNOUTFREAK | Nov 27 2012, 10:57 PM Post #26 |
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2 Cabbages away from insanity
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end thread |
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| Zenrad | Nov 27 2012, 11:13 PM Post #27 |
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SINGIN DO WAH DIDDY DIDDY DUM DIDDY DO |
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| Gyarados | Nov 27 2012, 11:16 PM Post #28 |
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i am a BIG dumb guy
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As a member feel obligated to revoke this warning and post a story I hope you will all learn from Once upon a time there was a cash as fuck ducking that had an iPhone and all sorts of crazy shit that made all the other duckings jealous, and all the lady ducks wet as if they had just spent an hour in the horny pond. For the sake of the story, we're going to call this cash as fuck duckling Billy, because Billy is a cash as fuck name. Just ask Billy the Kid. Now Billy had it all. Billy had a bangin' duck girl and lived with his rich as The Pope parents near the park. He even had his own private puddle in the garden, and all sorts of humans would show up at Billy's awesome residence just to offer breadcrumbs in sacrifice, not daring to risk facing Billy's wrath. You see, Billy had a short motherfucking temper, and would beat all the shittier ducklings to a pulp if they even glanced at his gurl's fine duck butt. This wonderful duck butt belonged to a young, up and coming female we're going to name Melissa, because the author of this particular story once knew a slutty bitch called Melissa. Now, Melissa Duck isn't exactly a tits on webbed feet bitch, she's actually a rather nice individual, but things don't exactly end well for Melissa. This is as much Melissa's story as it is Billy's. But this tragic tale won't focus on that fine pair. No, that honour belongs to Willy, short for William in case you wanted to know. Willy had loved Melissa since they had first hatched in the same pond. They weren't brother and sister or anything disgusting like that, because that would be too much of a weird twist in this educational tale, and this ain't no Duck version of Game of Motherfuckin' Thrones. It was time that had wedged between Melissa and Willy. Many duck years had passed and Willy had become somewhat of a duck losers, because Willy was into nerd shit like Duckhammer and Duck of The Rings. Plus, he had a birth mark right across his fucking face that made him look like he had spent the last few hours motorboating dog poop. Melissa had grown to like the ducks with swag. She didn't have time for no geek ducks that spent their time rolling die, playing Lakes & Dogs in their parents' nests, eating take out from Breadcrumb Hut. She had her duck image to worry about, and could only be seen with the damn pond elite. Billy was the elite of the elite. Billt shat all over the elite and they ate that white goop up like it was God's knowledge conceding sweat. Being the fine duck Melissa was, it was only fucking natural for her to end up with cash Billy the shithead, because Billy was a shithead to others, but a shithead that made Melissa duck look like she had it all. Duck life was good for Melissa with Billy, at first. She ate only whole grain, and didn't have to swim in the side of the pond the drunks liked to piss in on Saturday nights. These were glorious luxuries that Melissa put up with, but with difficult conditions which any non-dumbfuck duck wouldn't put up with. Billy would take her behind the trees for violent duck sex at any time, and at night he would poke her for no reason whenever he came back from cocaine-fuelled duck partying. And no, that isn't FaceDuck poking or a motherfucking euphemism. Billy would poke her with his hard as diamond bill right in the eye. This was a bill honed from years of lifting. You didn't mess with Billy's bill. It was on a really, really warm summer night when Bill returned to the nest after hours of non-stop duck crunkin' and ravin' that he lost control. He poked Melissa in the eye so hard and it went so black she looked like some sort of horrific hybrid between a duck and a panda that would make all the pussy ethical groups shout "WTF HOLY FUCK MAN?". It was a really black eye. Crying and wishing she had never met Billy, Melissa swam as fast as she could from the next without knowing where she was headed. And who did she find? None other than her old friend Willy, who was swimming home from an all night Call of Ducky gaming session. As soon as he saw Melissa in such a state he was at her side, comforting her and wiping the tears from her eyes as she blurted out everything Billy had ever done, and everything she had ever come to regret. Willy listened to every word and was the nicest damn duck you could ever find until the sun was in the sky and all the hung over ducks were making the swim of shame back to their nests. It was this shared moment that made Melissa realise she had made a mistake, because Melissa was a silly duck, and needed her eye bludgoened to force her to see who was the right ducking for her. Willy accompanied her home, and they agreed that they should try to see each other more. Melissa didn't go back to Billy, and ignored his honks from across the pond. Willy, meanwhile, grew happier with each passing day. The two would meet up by the water lilies and just talk, because that was what two ducks slowly falling in love would do. Despite being a record breaking beta duck, Willy eventually gathered the duck balls to ask her out, and he was overjoyed when she answered... "Yes". By the time the night of their date came, Willy had it all planned out. He had spent hours polishing his bill. They would meet at the most exclusive bench in the park and dine on the breadcrumbs of the elderly that always forgot whether they had thrown too much to the ground. Then, they would go for a romantic swim along the banks where he would present her with the most beautiful of flowers he had to get passed a dog to obtain. Finally, he would escort her home, and hopefully get that kiss he had been dreaming of for duck years. At more or less the same time, a short distance away, a random human fucker was sitting at his computer, posting witty comments on the internet and in general having a good a time one can have when in front of a screen without your dick out. However, one post was not taken lightly, and the random human fucker was issued a harassment warning from an internet browser of higher authority. Of course, this was an damn outrage? Who gives out warnings on the internet? Harassment fucking warnings? He had entered the internet world searching for freedom, not hitlerian forum society. He was furious, unable to continue posting due to rage. He through his glass of brandy into the fire with force, kicked his chair aside and took his jacket from the nearby desk. He was going to walk it off, and where better to stroll in relaxation than the park? Willy had strayed rather far from the pond to reach Le Bench, though it was a nice neighbourhood. With combed feathers he was waiting by the bench watching all the other duck couples arrive and dine, though Melissa was nowhere to be seen. Fifteen minutes passed and Willy began to worry. He asked the other ducks whether they had seen her earlier, but they honked him away for interrupting their meal. Half an hour and still no sign, but this was his chance and he wasn't going to mess it up, so he sat himself down and aciently waited. Remember I said Melissa was a silly duck? Well, here's your fucking proof. As she was leaving the next, one of her snooty as fuck duck friends was waiting. She couldn't understand why such a beautiful duck, with such status, would sink as low as Willy. It was unheard of. Now, despite Melissa's feelings for Willy, the duck society pressure was too much for her. She couldn't stand being ridiculed, no matter what the loss might be. With a heavy but fucking stupid heart she decided, no, she wouldn't meet Willy. It would be better to leave things as they were rather than let him down slowly. Quickly ripping herself away from him would be less painful than a gradual seperation, right? And so, Willy waited. Willy waited until all the other ducks had left and Le Bench closed. Willy waited until all the humans went home and only the odd drunk could be seen rustling around in a bush. All the members of the civilised world had gone, except for one. Random human fucker was walking along the path, hands in his pockets, listening to music. It was all that managed to relax lately, and it blocked out the world around him. As a particular ballard drew to a close he withdrew the player from his pocket and began to flick through songs, unable to find an adequate tune. In his sadness, Willy was also mentally secluded. Tears began to drip down his face as he stared at the ground. He always knew she would stand him up. He knew he wasn't good enough for her, and he had always known that hope was the key to disappontment, but he had allowed himself to look forwards to a bright future only to welcome in despair. He shut his eyes. Things could end right there and he wouldn't even care. And then the random human fucker heard a crunch under his boot. Distracted by music, he hand't seen where he was stepping. Jolted out of his trance, he lifted his foot and sighed upon seeing the sight of feathers stuck to the sole by the remains of a particular small bird of some sorts. With a hint of annoyance, he scraped what was left of the creature on the nearby park bench and carried on. He guessed some animals had it worse of than he did. It was something. The next day Melissa went back to Billy, and Billy was there to welcome her back with a sneer. He always knew she would return. Their relationship didn't improve. Two years later Billy murdered Melissa under the influence of alcohol and cocaine. Melissa never saw Willy again. |
![]() ![]() spawn of the devil pizza hating mother fucker AND PROUD | |
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| yossy | Nov 28 2012, 12:40 AM Post #29 |
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best anus fingerer in ACT 2k17
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the original, the only, yossy accept no substitute. ![]()
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| Hall&Oats | Nov 28 2012, 01:02 AM Post #30 |
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Deepthroatmeal
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How did that apply? |
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| Zalt | Nov 28 2012, 01:50 AM Post #31 |
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Nikki's bitch
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D: |
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| king benji I of pxe | Nov 28 2012, 02:55 AM Post #32 |
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Shotter, hitter, serial killer.
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DEAR GOD GUYS I CAME TO TAKE A SHIT AND WORK AND POST ON PXE THE GUY IN THE NEXT STALL IS RELEASING THE FUCKING KRAKEN THIS IS SO HORRIBLE OH FUCK. |
| hey you know what fuck you photobucket i actually liked my signature yOU CUNTS | |
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| Hall&Oats | Nov 28 2012, 03:14 AM Post #33 |
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Deepthroatmeal
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He probably needed a midwife. |
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| BURNOUTFREAK | Nov 28 2012, 08:14 AM Post #34 |
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2 Cabbages away from insanity
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You killed a duck ;_; |
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| king benji I of pxe | Nov 28 2012, 10:01 AM Post #35 |
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Shotter, hitter, serial killer.
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I actually liked my comment in the distress of trying to leave, I just realized. |
| hey you know what fuck you photobucket i actually liked my signature yOU CUNTS | |
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| Nikkisaur | Nov 28 2012, 10:35 PM Post #36 |
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Bad words (screwu2benji) destroyer lvl PWNAGE
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cba to read sorry Tom, you may have to tell me in a nut shell what the story was about. |
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| BURNOUTFREAK | Nov 28 2012, 10:41 PM Post #37 |
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2 Cabbages away from insanity
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TL;DR Put lsd in his teacher's drink, brought a horse to school and convinced her it was a unicorn |
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| king benji I of pxe | Nov 29 2012, 12:28 AM Post #38 |
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Shotter, hitter, serial killer.
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Oh. |
| hey you know what fuck you photobucket i actually liked my signature yOU CUNTS | |
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| Hall&Oats | Nov 29 2012, 03:26 AM Post #39 |
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Deepthroatmeal
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Wait wtf I thought it was about ducks? |
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| Taronitar | Nov 29 2012, 08:58 AM Post #40 |
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Sneasel
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Gotta read between the lines bro. |
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7:49 PM Jul 11