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CHAMPIONS

2018 Anzac Cup Winners : BETTER THAN SEX /with Vile vince Viper & Spike Nelson

S.W.A.T. International Champion: "Industrial Man" Attila Balan

S.W.A.T. World Tag Team Champions : "Bro Code" Calum Morgan & Paul Blair

Atlantic Coast Heavyweight Champion: Beelzebozo

Amazons Champion: Jade

Amazons Pan Amazon Champion: Wildcat Lynn Brewster

2017 "of the Years"

Wrestler: Pyschotic Goth

Fued: Daniel Collins vs "Timeless" Alex Turner

Most Popular: The Industrial Man

Most Hated: Vile "vince" Viper

Amazon: Suzi Spits

Match: Beelzebozo Vs Industrial Man (Helloween Cup Final)
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They Can't Disable the Power of My Label; PROMO Thread for SWAT Hawaii Style
Topic Started: Mar 7 2018, 06:48 PM (82 Views)
TripleV
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Pres4Life

With the obscene amount of JOB money that VVV got from those STUPID ASSHOLES in Southern States, he's realized the toll that retarded booking can take on performers, and has decided to fly a few hard working Backyard players over to Hawaii!!!!!!!!!!!

Want to soak in the sun pretending to be Magnum P.I. while solving crimes in America's favourite Freak State? Cut your promos here ....... fight amongst yourselves!
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TripleV
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Pres4Life

[A giant T-Rex skeleton sways through an airport pumping the Sinatra version of "Come Fly with Me" through his beats headphones. Dinosaur Bones tries to get on his AIR HONOLULU flight...]

Flight Attendant: And where do you think you're going?

DINOSAUR BONES: ...I have a wrestling event coming up in Hawaii.

[The flight attendant eyes up the seven foot wrestler in the T-Rex skeleton onesie...]

Flight Attendant: Oh, yeah... no. Because of the heavy volcanic activity during that time period, the only fossils you will find from the Jurassic period in beautiful Hawaii are of Avian and Marine life. 'A'ohe o ka dinosau i Hawaii'i!

DINOSAUR BONES: Well Mele Kalikimaka to you too... I really wish we were speaking the same language miss. While I find your interest in archaeology to be quite appealing, I unfortunately don't speak Hawaiian... or English for that matter. You see, I'm a Dinosaur. My reptilian brain lacks the basic language skills to communicate with you. Rawr? So you can stand there trying to prevent me from going to Honolulu, attempt to stop me from making the other costumers uncomfortable... but frankly, I'm liable to just eat you... and them too. That couple from Atlanta looks really juicy. PLEASE BELIEVE ME... I don't want to spend my time in Hawaii picking pilot out of my teeth, but you have to understand.............

I'M A FUCKING DINOSAUR.

It's kind of my thing.

[Will some kind soul check D.Bones in their luggage? Can he make the connection flight to SWAT: Hawaii Style? Doesn't the thought of him representing the SWAT BRAND in a multi federation tournament give you goose bumps? Me too!]

#PACK UP LET'S FLY AWAYYYYYYYYYYY#

Posted Image
Edited by TripleV, Mar 9 2018, 02:03 PM.
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Phoenix
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~~DISCLAIMER: I didn't get approval to use VVV. Cause it's Backyard. I'm pretty sure the word doesn't exist here. I do so hope he writes something about what was on that note though... Hint hint.~~



*Sitting in the sound gear area next to the stage in the Verizon Center, we find one unusually disturbed Dark Phoenix rocking back and forth slightly and muttering to himself, as one does during a clear mental breakdown, on top of a rather large amp. Eyeing him with a drunken smile on his face from a similarly unusual five feet away behind a speaker, is the staggering slithering Triple V.

Triple V knows full well the things that this mans family thinks, and more importantly, has said, about the golden gem that shines bright like a diamond of SWAT that is Backyard.

He also knows that this little fucker doesn't currently have an actual job.

He ALSO knows that he likes pissing off Soutter. Nabbing his former International Champion, then introducing him to ACTUAL LUNATICS, will get Suit's nuts twisted like only Suzi Spitz can.

So he, very stealthily, trips over some cables, screams at a tech, hisses at some fans, YOGA FIRES a row of signs that spells YAYFIERCE, before throwing a ticket and a hastily scrawled note into Collins' lap before scampering away to molest (only in the very best of ways folks) Takeshi some more as he's being helped up the rampway.

Dark Phoenix barely takes notice; but the Collins in him sees "HAWAII" and he manages to stuff the note and ticket into his tights before rolling off the amp and heading, somewhere new...*
Edited by Phoenix, Mar 12 2018, 08:51 AM.
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TripleV
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Pres4Life

[The Red Hot Chilli Pepper cover of "Higher Ground" starts to play as a steady cam makes its way through the mean streets of Wahiawa, finally coming to a rest on an elderly Italian man in a cheap brown suit screaming obscenities at the bloody chicken he's currently betting to win.]

Lucerio Villaini: COME ON KAILANI... GO FOR THE THROAT------shit.

[Backyard's senior announcer hands his last fifty bucks to a happy looking chain smoking local, before turning to the camera...]

Lucerio Villaini: They can't all be winners... well SWAT addicts, SWAT <whisper> b <back> FOUNDER Vile Viper has laid down the challenge! After constant suffering, some lucky SWAT entertainers are actually going to get to appear on a SWAT event that isn't torture! Down here in beautiful Hawaii!

[Kailani falls over dead. The chain smoker is relieving himself a good three feet from the camera, while other participants take a methadone break between fights.]

Lucerio Villaini: Sun. Surf. Girls. After the horrors of the midwest, it'll be nice to live it up in Paradise for what I have been assured will be the greatest SWAT show of all time! ...But with a roster of hundreds, which magnificent performers will actually get flown in for this epic occasion? Our diligent cameraman, Sad Doug, got a chance to catch up with the stars of B earlier in the week to let them plead their cases...

[DIAMOND WIPE!]

[The Samoan Hit Parade are playing all of Samoa's top 40 songs, and a few Fijian top 40 because they're all about the shorties. Unfortunately the same guy who books them on wrestling shows also books the events they DJ, and the angry young men in Lair of the Minotaur T-shirts aren't as receptive to Te Vaka.]

DJ Tooki: Yah dawgs! Those were my boys Te Vaka, now howsabout we get this party JAMMING with that smooth island flower, this is Laga Sevea - MAKE SOME NOISE FOR TAKE ME AWAY!!! YEAH!

[The chickenwire separating the stage from the audience breaks most of the bottles before they can reach our heroes. DJ Tooki has his hands full enlightening this trash, leaving it up to his Hit Parade partner to argue for their plane fare.]

The BEEF <sticking out tongue>: Waaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssup!

[DIAMOND WIPE!]

Sad Doug: So do you want a ticket or not?

FlatEarther#2: Where is it on this map?

[Pulling out a piece of paper that can only be shown horizontally, the map features both South Dakota and a smaller area listed as Not-South Dakota.]

[DIAMOND WIPE!]

[The artist formerly known as Butter Vile "Vince" Viper has gone rotten in the sun.]

[DIAMOND WIPE!]


"Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes: Well partners, the missus is already fit to be hogtied about me pulling the old work boots on... I reckon flying at my age wouldn't be that safe for me, or make her all that happy. So if its just the same I hope the varmint doesn't book me.

[DIAMOND WIPE!]

[Meanwhile in The Fraternity...]


Super Fly Boy: Hey bros - Viper wants us to fly to Hawaii...

Bad Boy: So like a vacation with nonstop booze and broads, bro?

Teen Old Man Jenkins: That's what we do here anyway, bros. Screw Old Man Viper, why fly all the way over there, and maybe work... not cool bros...

Victoria Bitter Boy: Yeah... but... bros...

FireRedNinja: ........... <mysterious> .......... bro.

JOLT Cola Lad <taking some pills he found between the couch cushions>: You can tell us bro, this is a judgement free zone.

Victoria Bitter Boy: I have a MAD ON for Moana.

Spud Boy: The cartoon?

Bad Boy: Bro! We've all beat it like the Broncos at Superbowl 24 to a cartoon character at one point, bros. Spud Boy - I watched you make out with a goat dressed as a female Snarf bro. So if Vic here thinks he has a shot of sticking it to an animated Princess, NO ONE KNOWS HOW FAR I'LL GO...

[The Fraternity breaks into a rendition of "How Far I'll Go" with altered lyrics talking about their passion for obscure 80s cartoon characters.... which I may write eventually, but for now...]

[DIAMOND WIPE!]

[The Snide Etch E Sketch has something written on it...]


"Hawaii, was Des Moine booked? The great thing about polishing turds is expecting different results from the next one."

[DIAMOND WIPE!]

Sirius Man: ZORK NONTEXT! At the midwest explosion, you stole my Ultimate Title. Didn't your mom ever teach you that stealing is wrong? This time its got you into a world of trouble! You want to be champ? Let's make it OFFICIAL! You and me, one on one. You bring the belt, I'll bring the title... they make a cute couple, and if the only way to bring those kids together is me stomping a hole in your dated referenced ass, well, I have a strong feeling they're going to live happily ever after! Vile - I am a fighting champion, and I hope you can let this dog loose on Nontext in Hawaii!

[The Ultimate Champion starts to howl as we DIAMOND WIPE!]

>east
Midwest Explosion event.

>Take All
Sirius Man dignity: Taken.
Sirius Man credibility: Taken.
Sirius Man pride: Taken.

>Hawaii


[DIAMOND Wipe takes us from the old computer monitor playing out Zork to the inside of Backyard Alaska... where a few of the boys are playing poker.]

Midnight COOL: Think Trips will take any of the gang to the Aloha state?

Tom Thumb on Steroids <squeaky voice>: no way. i'd give ten to one he uses locals and dresses them up as us.

"CPA" Foster's Beer Man: Right, that sounds like the old bastard, cobber. I got a circuit lined up 'round the pacific next month, so it'd be ripper to take off from Hawaii... but knowing that dunnyrat, he'll have us out in eastern Canada just to bugger us. Be nice to get a fair suck of the sav, but not worth it to sook, just encourages the blighter.

Olmec Captain Nemo: Tengo un transporte privado, si esa es su única preocupación para Ilegar allí, puedo llevarnos a todos a Hawaii.

The Missing Piece: ....

"CPA" Foster's Beer Man: Crikey - that's mighty nice of you to offer mate. We'd be happy to join you.

Olmec Captain Nemo: Metete en mi submarino.

[Nemo indicates for the men to climb into the paper mache submarine he has strapped around his waist.]

Frankenberry: ...um... I'm not sure that floats.

"CPA" Foster's Beer Man: Oi, let's not get all uperty. I'm sure we can make the most of the space, lads.

Everyone: ...

"CPA" Foster's Beer Man <putting a foot through Olmec's submarine>: We're going to Hawaii!

[DIAMOND WIPE!]

"RSO" Frank Wilkes: Hi Vile, I would personally love to head out to Hawaii! Thank you for considering me for it. I'm not entirely sure what my parole officer will have to say about it, but Carol is just the nicest, so I'm sure we can get this done!

[DIAMOND WIPE... back to Villaini who is performing mouth to mouth resuscitation on Kailani, hammering away at the fowl's chest trying to get a disqualification victory. As the feathers fly up in the air, Villaini turns back to the camera with a smile.]

Lucerio Villaini: Wow! A lot of passionate rallies to join us up here for SWAT Hawaii Style! Even a few alternate theories as to how the SWAT <whisper> b <back> FOUNDER is trying to dash their hopes and dreams. I can't wait to see which superstars make the cut! Keep your eyes on SWAT TV for further insights from the FUTURE of SWAT, and make sure to contact your Pay Per View provider today - if its not SWAT Hawaii Style, then its probably crap.

[Probably. Villaini goes back to choking his chicken.]
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IndustrialMan
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Champion of Industry

{{The Industrial Man is having a moustache installed so he can look more like Magnum P.I.}}

AB: Has Mr. Shapiro looked into it?

{{Zoran Sainovic finishes sodering the facial hair in place.}}

ZS: Yes, vhile holding ze title allows you to compete in any SVAT region you vish, defending it in Backyard is at your discretion.

AB: Optimal.

{{The Industrial Man turns to face the camera...}}

AB: To create a coordinated fantasy front Vincent, I shall refer to you as Robin Masters. This is not an error. Robin, I plan on appearing at your Hawaiian based event. There will be such a large collection of Mai Tais present, I doubt I can keep Buster from making his presence felt. I am planning to keep Funny Business' winning streak in continuation, moving into the upcoming Anzac Cup. While this is my primary concern, this unit recognizes that the International title is your primary interest, Robin. Given my first defence against Roxy, and my more recent encounter with Tong Fairax, my champion seal seems faulty. Tarnishing the flawless condition that Daniel Collins presented it to me in. I do not wish to add insult to Collins' injury by performing poorly with this belt. While I will be present, if you wish the title to be defended Robin, I will expect a challenger that is worthy of it.

ZS: Vhile I look forvards to gutting ze caribou.

AB: Lets avoid the cliches, Higgins.

{{FADE!}}
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Timeless
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Once upon a time, there was a Goddess wrestler called Roxy. Roxanne Richards. She was all that. Still is. She made her debut in SWAT backyard, and she defeated the International Champion Attila Balan, the Industrial Man.

She did it with a little help from her main man, Timeless Alex Turner, but, she did it none the less.

She doesn’t really understand the SWAT Backyard. She turns up, has a match, Mr Viper pays her. She likes getting paid. She is going on a Reality TV show in the coming days to feature on “Married at First Site”.

She isn’t really too keen on getting married, at least to someone who is not Timeless. But this show is going to make her a big star. Reality TV is huge right now. She is going to set it ablaze, and the Backyard as well. Roxy is on the move in SWAT!
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