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| Swat B Season Finale Promo Thread; Used, abused without clues, I refuse to blow a fuse | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 22 2018, 12:36 AM (108 Views) | |
| TripleV | May 22 2018, 12:36 AM Post #1 |
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Pres4Life
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On June 30th 2018, the second season of SWAT Backyard will come to a close. Promoter Vile "Vince" Viper has scheduled a number of shows over the next month with destinations ranging from Alaska to Mexico in his continued efforts to make Backyard the region without borders. Who will appear at these various events, and what drama will unfold on the way to the roaring climax at the 110th Anniversary of the Tunguska event? Questions needing answers... Now that Spike Nelson is related to the booker, how on earth will Zoran Sainovic get revenge on the former Anonymoose? Will Foster's BEER Man somehow find a way to get Rajiv Khan a replacement vehicle, or is the cabbie destined to starve? In BRUNO's war with the Monster Homage Army, can he avoid being turned into Motaro from Mortal Kombat Annihilation by Heathers? With Roxyilius' recent marriage putting Alex Turner on edge, how will this effect her blossoming mutual respect society with Timeless' nemesis, Daniel Collins? And will the Samoan HIT Parade ever find a way to make Collins' smile!? Is the Industrial Man actually RIGHT Tentacle? And can LEFT Tentacle ever get booked again? The last time it took 40 men to cost them the titles, can FUNNY BUSINESS lose the TWINSTAR Titles a second time?!?!?!?!?! Will Sirius Man overcome the machinations of ELEPHANT'S HEAD, or kleptomania of ZORK Nontext to reclaim his ULTIMATE TITLE? ...and can he conquer his fear of Astaroth? Don't hold your breath bullpen. While Jean Pierre Celine was visiting friends backstage, VVV accidentally used his son as a challenger for the U-10... can Viper and SWAT B survive La Hire's fury?! Having already lost to DINOSAUR BONES twice, can heavyweight champion Buster Friendly put this indy scum in his place, or will Backyard continue to rise? *ALL THIS AND MORE **AS ALWAYS, IF YOU WANT TO JOIN THE BACKYARD ACTION JUST CUT A PROMO |
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| TripleV | May 30 2018, 05:42 PM Post #2 |
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Pres4Life
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(The BEEF is stringing together beads....... TO THE EXTREME!!!!!!!) DJ Tooki: Word. What are you up to man? THe BEEF <holding up string of beads and sticking out his tongue>: WAAAAASuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!?!?!!! DJ Tooki: Making Daniel Collins a friendship bracelet for all the great work he does in the Backyard? The BEEF <half tongue>: sup. DJ Tooki: Good thinking dawg. ...Maybe you should paint the beads a different colour on one side so he can flip it over when he becomes Dark Phoenix. (The Beef holds up the bracelet - orange - then flips it over - black! He already did it!) DJ Tooki <slapping Beef on the back>: My man! Edited by TripleV, May 30 2018, 05:43 PM.
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| TripleV | May 31 2018, 07:08 PM Post #3 |
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Pres4Life
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(Children run through the American Museum of Natural History on a class trip...) (Future U-10 challenger Larry Tennant, age 6, seems dangerously close to knocking over some of the skeletons on display.) "WATCH IT." (The T-Rex skeleton leans down to chastise the kid for almost bumping into him. DINOSAUR BONES is trying to get through his day job while nursing the mother of all hangovers. His series of drinking Iron Man "Happy Hour" matches against the ACW champion are taking their toll on his aching head.) D.BONES: Or I'll give you something to run about... Ms. Cho: Larry, get back here...! (Larry's school teacher catches the young boy by the arm.) Ms. Cho: I'm sorry if he disturbed you Mister... D.BONES: DREAD LORD. Ms. Cho: Dread Lord. My class of 30 is here on a field trip... We had a number of parent chaperones but the team of Better Than Sex attempted to sign a few of the kids to their U-10 wrestling division, and all the other adult supervision is busy chasing them off. (From behind a plastic caveman statue, VVV is trying to talk a toddler into signing a limited appearance contract.) Ms. Cho: Get out of here! (Standing in front of the smoking hot school teacher, D. BONES uses his tail to knock some Precambrian fossils at the elderly albino. The DEVIL OF SWAT stares up with beady pink eyes, hissing like Dracula before slithering off to find another "future star.") Ms. Cho: Thank you so much... dread lord. D.BONES: He'll be back. The air is strong with the scent of untrained wrestling liabilities. You may want to consider anointing your charges with HOLY WATER. It keeps lesser evils at bay... Ms. Cho: That is so thoughtful. I don't suppose you would consider helping to chaperone these kids for the rest of the trip... D.BONES: I have to emasculate a clown's liver... Ms. Cho: No, of course, forget I--- D.BONES: The clown can wait. Tell me, is there a Mister pretty carer of youths? Ms. Cho: As a---- D.BONES: I WILL EAT HIM!!! (The next heavyweight champion strikes a sexy Jurassic Park pose as he plots courting this young woman the only way he knows how - saving a school class from Spike Nelson title defenses and eating a man. Beelzebozo, you are on notice.) |
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| TripleV | May 31 2018, 08:22 PM Post #4 |
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Pres4Life
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(Meanwhile...) (FlatEarther #2 is trying to figure out if dogs can look up, he's pretty sure they can't.) Victoria Bitter Boy: Hi there mate, care for a cold brewsky? (Ignoring the ice-cold pale ale that the horrible lager's horrible spoke person is offering, FlatEarther continues with his scientific studies...) FlatEarther #2: When did they hire you to pretend to be Australian... like it existed. Victoria Bitter Boy <gobsmacked at the level of stupidity he's facing>: You know chum, our Fraternity is looking for pledges, and I know a good man when I see one... (Speaking of the Frat Boys, JOLT COLA Lad, and Spud Boy charge in from stage right. If they kick the dog its off camera...) JOLT COLA Lad: Yo Vic, ROXY got married! Victoria Bitter Boy: Its never stopped me before... Spud Boy: Nah VB, get this... she married a man so her name would sound cooler. Roxylicious. JOLT COLA Lad: That was all it took! (Victoria Bitter Boy swoons... only to be revived by the sharp pain of broken glass from lager bottles he lands in. So many uses. Buy a Victoria Bitter today!) Victoria Bitter Boy: Crikey - So we just have to change our names to court Roxy!?! All (unison pelvic thrust): Score. Spud Boy: I'm going to be Spud Yphilis... Victoria Bitter Boy: Roxyphilis... bro - YOU ARE SO GETTING SHAGGED! (High fives all!) JOLT COLA Lad: I'm totally changing my name to Bola, bro! Victoria Bitter Boy: ROXYBOLA! She rocks everything! Good job Bro! (High fives all!) FlatEarther #2: ...he looked up. My life has no meaning. Victoria Bitter Boy: Nah mate, we'll get you hooked up with a ripping last name as well. We'll all get our shots at the lass. FlatEarther #2: What's your last name? Victoria Bitter Boy: Roxy. Everyone: Roxy... Roxy. JOLT COLA Lad: There is no way that Roxy Roxy can resist that! Victoria Bitter Boy: Gents... congratulations on our upcoming nuptials. Remember the last one in gets stuck with alimony. (The Fraternity race off camera to finalize legal name changes to hasten their weddings.) |
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| TripleV | Jun 1 2018, 12:19 AM Post #5 |
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Pres4Life
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(Meanwhile...) (in Heaven) (Aztec Dracula, Barry Malone, and all the other dead Backyard wrestlers are having a pool party.) Heaven’s Pool Cleaner: It’s not fair that Dinosaur Bones gets all the heavyweight title shots. I could beat that sawed off clown just as easily. Zombie Adrian Tanner: He’s winning it for all of us. Heaven’s Pool Cleaner: I have dink’s number. But apparently the only way to get him to acknowledge you is by mentioning fictional characters... his attitude stinks like BROCK LESNER’S—— (All the dead characters gasp, even Soundy...) Jonathan Smith’s Ghost: Your not suppose to bring up fictional characters... it makes you look like an amateur, kid. Heaven’s Pool Cleaner: I’m talking about the former UFC champion... (Everyone breather a sigh of relief that Cleaner wasn’t retarded enough to reference real wrestlers...) Heaven’s Pool Cleaner: ...NOT the WWE star. (god damn it) |
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| IndustrialMan | Jun 8 2018, 09:33 PM Post #6 |
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Champion of Industry
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{{From his hospital bed, Zoran Sainovic winces through bruised ribs, staring at a bloody stain on the ceiling. The recent heavyweight title contender has once seen his hopes dashed by his employer's best friend, Buster Friendly. He despises the clown. The only person he harbours worse feelings for is the clown's herald.}} ZS: Caribou. You have traded your horns for a crown. Do you zink zat vill protect you from ze hunting season? {{The mad scientist of SWAT struggles to open his jello cup. Fear him.}} ZS: Balan did not vant me harassing ze buffoon. I almost took his red ball nose. You may be ze king of zis jungle's spawn... but I vill have my revenge. {{Zoran is beaten by the jello lid. Like he will beat Spike Nelson.}} |
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| Richard | Jun 18 2018, 09:49 AM Post #7 |
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Nick Carlin walks through New York City with a slice of pizza and a cup of coffee, with his smaller size at five foot eight, he has to make his way through new yorkers who as usual don't care about others. " Ay! I'm walking here!" He says. Nick Carlin: New York , the city that never sleeps, the big apple, the city of dreams. New York is full of diversity and is proof that the earth is not flat. I don't know anything about my opponent but by his ring name, he sounds like an idiot. Nick Carlin: I'm Nick Carlin, I'm the New York Ninja Nick kicks a mugger in the side of the leg, back elbows his sternum and smashes his face repeatedly into a wall, throwing him back first bent over a fire hyrdant. He gives the coffee to the meek geeky guy who was being mugged. |
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| TripleV | Jun 22 2018, 10:31 PM Post #8 |
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Pres4Life
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(When he first snatched Mrs. Humpdale's purse, Roscoe Perkins could never have known he'd be chased till the edge of the known earth!!!!!!!) (New York.) (Spending more time mugging people than hitting the gym, Roscoe is swimming in sweat as he jaunts towards the great unknown.) "WAIT!" (Our hero doesn't usually like getting this close to oblivion, but fortunately Roscoe collapses before The FLATEARTH WARRIOR falls off edge of the sidewalk! The poster boy for staying in school charges up to the semi-dead heap that was Perkins.) FlatEarth Warrior: MISTER - YOU DROPPED YOUR BAG! (FW hands Perkins the purse...) FlatEarth Warrior <turning to camera>: Nick Carlin... call me an idiot. Real funny. You should be a stand-up comedian, not a wrestler! I hope those ninja skills come in handy, when I throw you off the edge of the god damned earth!!! (FW points at forty-second street. His geography gets stranger due to steroid-induced psychosis.) |
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| TripleV | Jun 23 2018, 12:27 AM Post #9 |
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Pres4Life
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[Discharged, an old man sits at the edge of his hospital bed. Trying to put on his cowboy boots, he winces through the pain of bruised ribs. "Tumbleweed" Bill Stokes has been receiving medical treatment since his showcase match at the Anzac Cup.] Bill Stokes <noticing the camera operator he stone faces the agony>: Attila Balan. Thanks for the save partner. That was mighty kind of you. Only thing is... Bones and the Island kids, the rugrat dressed as an octopus, they all killed themselves in that little tussle. It was there showcase. Me? This ain't my first rodeo... I know the breaks. It was nice to have one final crowd, but I didn't need it. You didn't need it. They did. You're the foreign champ... did you need to win the tag straps by yourself? No sir. That was plain cruel. Now I come from a different generation... we had us a firmer sense of rights. You read the Bible, son? You seem like a nice boy, but what you did to us? Winning that match? Saving face after your earlier loss? That was behaviour that was unbecoming of a champion. These old spurs don't have too much fight left in them... but for embarrassing the backyard crew? I got one last ride in me... And I'm gonna ride RAWHIDE over you. [The old man fastens the clasp on his bolo tie. He will beat the machine or die trying.] |
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| IndustrialMan | Jun 27 2018, 12:58 AM Post #10 |
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Champion of Industry
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{{The Industrial Man sits on a stone slab, striking the pose of Auguste Rodin's The Thinker. The wonderful mechanical man who is a friend to all, but hates nature has a lot to contemplate these days. Around his waist, The International Title glistens under the studio lights.}} AB: Cowboy. This unit's presence in the Anzac Showcase match was meant to draw further attention to the other talented participants from an audience not known to accept unknown data. If robots could feel emotions, I would be saddened at your bleak appraisal of my integrity simulator. <Balan attempts to use his vocal transmitter to manipulate his waxen skin into a frown, but his perfectly constructed features still seem dead pan> Sadness. Is this what you felt when the automobile replaced the horse? Crop cutting machines made farmhands redundant? When the locomotive rolled through the boundless frontier you called the wild west? One day soon, this unit will also be a relic. Replaced by a superior model. My core processor has judged that its creators will be happy with the next evolutionary step, and it will be a time of celebration, not depression. Your limited humanoid brain should attempt to see this as a positive transition, much like your advancing years draw you closer to becoming fossil fuel. Bitterness helps no one, and tarnishes your once shiny concept. If you feel hard done by, accept the apologies of Luchian Inc. If you feel an International Title shot would be preferential to a gift basket, my team looks forwards to correcting your malfunctioning brain waves with this unit's fists. {{The Thinker.}} |
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| TripleV | Jul 8 2018, 11:36 PM Post #11 |
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Pres4Life
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[Meanwhile... back at FRATHOUSE, a hooded figure meditates rather than partake in the wretched excess around him.] Victoria Bitter Boy <bong in one hand, bluray of Frozen in the other>: Yo Red, you feel like blazing while staying frosty? Original Red Ninja: ... Spud Boy <upside down, pinned to a recliner under the weight of a keg on his chest>: He says he's deep in thought, bro. Victoria Bitter Boy: Well... he should <pointing at the bluray with his bong> let it go. Original Red Ninja: ... Spud Boy: A rival shadow warrior has entered the Backyard arena, and for his clan's honor, he has to kick the New York Ninjas ass. Until he sends Nick Carlin packing, his heart will be frozen. Victoria Bitter Boy: That's rough. ...I also have Tangled. [First-year pledge, Rick Shaw staggers out from behind the couch.] Rick Shaw: Dude... where's my rickshaw? |
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