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| The Australian Years: Promos; Australian RPS | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 28 2005, 01:44 PM (562 Views) | |
| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 28 2005, 01:44 PM Post #1 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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All of the promos for Adrian Tanner in Australia to be posted here for your viewing enjoyment. |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:41 PM Post #2 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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~Promo #1~ The Goodfellas (James Murdock & Adrian Tanner Jr) Vs The Incredible Y (otherwise known as Syberus) and Excellence - Ring Syndicate Australia No Man's Land August 25th, 2003 ____________________________________________________________ [The Goodfellas are standing in line at a McDonalds in Melbourne. Adrian has on blue denim jeans, black addidas and a white t-shirt with a picture of a horse's ass on the front, with a mask drawn over the ass in blue sharpie. The back reads "The Incredible Who?" in bold writing. James Murdock stands beside him, scanning the menu and looking quite annoyed as some brat is screaming nearby, begging for a McFlurry] Adrian: Man this line needs to hurry up, I gotta take a huge Porter. James: must..refrain...from..kicking..little..shit. Adrian: Speaking of annoying, you think our so-called "opponents" could stop bitching about each other and focus on us for a few? James: what did you expect from some clowns called the Incredible Y and Excellence'? Adrian: Guess you really cant expect much else, But i had hopes... [the child busts open a ketchup packet that comes dangerously close to James shoes] James: *muttering obsceneities in the general direction of the devil child* Adrian: what was that? James: uh, nothing, we're next, whaddya want [They finally make it to the front, and stand there waiting for 5 minutes while the clerk talks on her cell phone.] Adrian: (imitating a mcdonalds worker) "hi what would you like today" Hi, I'd like an order of Shut the hell up and take my fucking order!!" (he yells at the idiot server on her phone) [ The mother of the "Devil child"almost has a heart attack at Adrian's foul Language. James and Adrian both look over at her..] James: Hey, don't look at me, it was him *points to Adrian*, but does that really matter? How about you watch your son's fucking mouth.. Mother: AH! James: er, fudging mouth... Adrian: (ignoring the stares from the other people in line, and trying to get the attention of the idiot behind the counter.) Hello? Hey, Can you take our... McDonald's lady: one second… Adrian: I'll have a quarter pounder wi... [McDonald's lady yaps on her cell phone, making our hero's wait!] James: Ugh! (James leaps over the counter, grabs the phone from the lady and throws it through the drive thru window, nailing some old lady in the head.) [Mcdonalds lady continues to ignore the goodfellas, as she's in shock about her phone.] James: Stupid bitch… Adrian: Damn ho… James: Quarter pounder, eh? Terrific choice, it's an all around great burger Adrian: And that's why I order it James: Sorta like us, it's not extra fatty like the Soutter Mac. But's it's a burger, tasty burger, not a pretender like the Double Porterburger. And, it's got the perfect ingredients that compliment each other perfectly. Adrian: like us. James: exactly. [The goodfellas quickly order their food and head out to the playland area, trying to avoid any contact with the lady James hit at the drive-thru] Adrian: Man, I feel kinda bad, this tag match is gonna be like taking candy from two no-talent, wannabe babys [Adrian takes a packet of Ketchup, twists it and puts it on the ground beside him. The "devil childs" 4 year old older brother runs by, steps on the ketchup, slips and slams into the wall.] Adrian: Almost as easy as that. James: Ouch. Adrian: Damn skippy James: yeah, but I think I can get over that...I just hope beating Porter's ass doesn't turn out like a 4 piece chicken mcnugget.. Adrian: whaddya mean… James: You see, the 4 piece chicken mcnuggets looks veeeery tasty, and once you start eating them, especially with Sweet 'n Sour sauce, they taste veeeeeery good Adrian: so the problem is…. James: well, you only get 4 mcnuggests, so by the time you've started chowin' dowm, you're done. You hardly get any enjoyment out of it. I just hope that when we go and kick the crap outta Jackie, he'll last a little longer than a 4 piece'er… Adrian: Maybe he'll be a stubborn bugger and last for awhile… James: Like a 10 piece'er… Adrian: I don't think words can explain the greatness that would be [Adrian and James stare off into space with grins on their faces, dreaming of a 10 piece chicken mcnugget beat down of Jake Porter] Adrian: Mmmm, Chicken Mcnuggets. Where does this Incredible guy get the nerve to make fun of his partner's name? Does he not realize HE's The Incredible V?? Adrian: Thats not his name? James: nah, i think it's a Y...but ya never know, coulda been a typo *shrugs* Adrian: Meh. Not like his name's gonna matter much anyways. They usually dont in tag squashes. [The devil childs 4 year old older brother comes back to the playland after cleaning the blood from his nose, and starts to run toward the Goodfellas, but Adrian, not realising him, sticks his leg out to stretch, and the kid slips and goes flying back on his face.] James: poor kid..*throws ice at him* Adrian: Alot like that Excellence kid. James: I was thinking more along the lines of Porter, but ok...*chucks another piece of ice at the kid* [The side door swings open and The Bloodhound Gang's "Mope" is blaring loudly into the playland.] Adrian: Uh-Oh, Here comes Port-Man... James: Port-man? [A Midget carrying a boombox and dressed like Jake Porter walks in the door. He sets the boombox down on the floor.] Port-Man: (in a high pitched wheeze) Yo, Yo, Yo My Bitches. What is up? I'm High on Crack! (James stares at Adrian with a wierd look) Port-Man: Word. Want a free hit? Adrian: No Port-man, Drugs are Bad! They make people like you think they can beat people like us! James: What in the....(he looks toward Adrian, Adrian smirks and shrugs.) Well, you didnt happen to sell any of that to some clowns by the name of Excellence or Increbile Y, did you? Adrian: James, I dont think these guys need the crack, Their_That_Stupid on their own. [Adrian spots the mother of the "Devil Child" and the "Devil Child's" older brother walking towards them with the old lady that James hit with a cell phone and The McDonalds worker that the phone belonged to.] Adrian: Uh...Guys, Time to go. [Adrian grabs Port-mans boombox and the three bolt out the door Port-man came in from.] *FADE* |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:42 PM Post #3 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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~Promo #2~ Same Match ____________________________________________________________ [Scene opens to the KGB Inc. headquarters in Melbourne, which Adrian has a key to thanks to his brother Bryant's affiliation with the group, a piece of history Adrian and Christian try to desperately keep hidden, to avoid the shame that comes with it. The Goodfellas have taken shelter here from the mob of People at Mcdonalds that their pretty sure wanted to kill them. James Murdock is in the Corporate Bathroom, where he's been for the last couple of hours...Adrian and Port-man are sitting in Soutter's personal office where Adrian has two Tv's set together recording something. Adrian turns toward the cameramen that inexplainably follow all CWA stars everywhere they go.] Adrian: Thanks Jake, James has been in the bathroom for hours throwing up the McNuggets thanks to you. And Incredible Guy, C'mon, There's no reason to be like that. I know you're scared. It's ok. It's perfectly natural to be afraid of facing The Goodfellas. Hell, I'd be scared of Facing me and James! Port-man: Word, Bitch. Adrian: It's a perfectly natural feeling to Have, Incredible guy, you dont have to make up stupid excuses about your tag partner being an idiot. Look, I'll make you a deal...We had planned on beating the ever-loving shit out of you two clowns for awhile and test out our super-awesome tag moves, but if your That afraid of the beatdown your gonna recieve, we can just take the 5 minutes that were originally set aside for this glorfied squash and end it quickly, and you can run back into your hole and continue to explore your orange juice fetish. [Adrian walks over to the executive bathroom and bangs on the door.] Adrian: Come on James, we gotta get outta here before Fatfuck, or worse yet- Commishioner Bitch, shows up! [James yells obscenities that cant be repeated on a tv program from inside.] Adrian: .......Carry on. Where was I? Oh yeah, Jake Porter. Thats real funny Jake....not. I cant wait to see what you got "next week.." [Sarcasm, gotta love it.] Adrian: Even if that load of utter crap were true, you do realize I'm 19 years old, and could probably not even begin to afford That fugly skank. Which makes me wonder Jake, How'd you afford her anyways? (shudders at that thought) You wanna act like a child Jake, well, Two can play that game! [Port-man shakes his head no at that last comment] Adrian: Er....Just roll the damn tape! [Port-man pushes the play button on Soutter's personal stereo next to his desk.]
Adrian: Is that so, Jake? [Adrian picks up a remote control nearby and presses play for the VCR.]
Adrian: Someone needs to start thinking before they try to talk shit... *Fizzade Biotches* |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:43 PM Post #4 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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~Promo #3~ Same Match ____________________________________________________________ [Scene opens to Adrian Tanner at his flat in Melbourne. Because Adrian doesnt have to be at a fake house show and pay people to make himself look cooler than he'd like to think he is. Adrian's far too cool for that. So, Adrian is simply at his flat, On the phone to his Brother Bryant at home in Tucson, and holding a picture in his right hand.] Adrian: You got Je'sus Christe'? How'd you get him? Wow, so Jake Isnt just playing stupid in this fed, huh...Thats cool. Yeah, Captain Dipshit doesnt know who he's dealing with! [The camera focuses on the picture in Adrian's hand. It's a picture of a Tombstone that reads "Adrian Tanner Sr. --1959-2000--" and Beside that is another tombstone that reads "Annabelle Christiansen-Tanner --1963-2002. Adrian hangs up the phone and turns toward the camera] Adrian: See bitch, I only Thought you were Playing stupid, but now I can see you just Are stupid! Makign fun of my Brothers...Meh, I could care less. (Adrian ducks a flying boot from Christian in the kitchen.) But when you talk shit about my Parents, especially when both are Dead and one died of Cancer, That crossing a line motherfucker! Now, I'm not gonna sit here and whine about it, because I dont need your, or anyone's sypathy, but Jake, you just opened up Pandora's Box, and Pandora's a Mean, ass-kicking Bitch! To steal an over-used overrated line from a great comix book, "You wont like me when I'm angry..." Especially when Ive got a mean, bitter older brother who damn near killed Soutter when they fought, to back me up. Watch what The Goodfellas do to The incredible Eggo and Excellence now... And we now return you to your regularly scheduled program. *FADE* [Scene reopens to....a commercial?] Tv commerical voice over guy: Coming this fall from Fox, is a new tv series from the people who brought you the tony award winning play "Life-As the Bosses Bitch." Innovator's Inc in association with NAMBLA presents "Porter's Real Hideaway!" [The love boat theme starts playing] Starring Port-man as "Jake Porter" Gary Coleman as "Boy #1" Little Timmy Thompson as "Boy #2" Emilio Esteves as Jake Porter's "Special friend" "Phil T. Pitcher" TV Commerical Voice Over Guy: All this and more coming to you This fall from Fox! *FADE* ___________________________________________________________ Goodfellas win with the "Super Cool Tag Team Move of Doom," (German Suplex/STO) |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:44 PM Post #5 |
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~Promo #4~ Adrian Tanner Vs Mars Ring Syndicate Australia No Man's Land Sept 3rd 2003 ____________________________________________________________ [Adrian Tanner is sitting on the couch, watching the latest cwa promos in his downtown Melbourne apartment. Adrian smirks a bit as he watches Jake Porter ramble on as only Jake can, like an idiot. He turns the tv off and looks toward the camera.] Adrian: How is it that a guy can look like he's got some sort of brains, and yet be so incredibly stupid? I thought I explained enough about my parents in my earlier little speech, Jake. It's kind of not possible for you to have given my parents anything, let alone cancer since only one had it. Add to the fact that you didnt have a clue who I, or the rest of my family was until CWA started, and... Just stop already. All you're doing is making yourself look like a jackass. Granted, you do that quite well without any help, but I'd rather not be dragged down with you. Oh, and Jake....XGW? Whats that? [Adrian looks over to Christian Tanner, talking on the phone.] Adrian: Hey Chris, you ever hear of XGW? Christian: (talking to the person on the other end) Hold on. What? Adrian: XGW. Apparently, thats where all of Jake's problems with me come from..(Adrian rolls his eyes) Christian: Yeah, I think so. Adrian: You ever been there? Christian: No. Adrian: Bryant? Christian: Hell if I know..or care for that matter. Adrian: Ok then. [Adrian turns back toward the camera] Adrian: Man, is it that hard for you to come up with a competent excuse for wanting to take out The Goodfellas? Jake, if attacking my dead parents and whining about a fed I've never been to is the best you can do? you're screwed, Royally. [The door to the apartment opens and Brandon walks in with a tape of the last No Man's Land in his hands. He throws the tape to Adrian and walks down the hall.] Adrian: Heh, impeccable timing as ever. [Adrian puts the tape in the VCR and presses play.] Adrian: It's bad enough we had to see one "super hero sideshow act" beat down another "super hero sideshow act" with a fucking "lightening bolt," but it's worse that now I have to face one of these two fruitcakes. Well, when said "super hero sideshow comedy act" gets the balls to show up around here, I'll say something about him. Until then, He's not worth my time. *FADE* |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:45 PM Post #6 |
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~Promo #5~ Same Match __________________________________________________________ [Back at the apartment. Adrian has just finished demonstrating to Brandon the brutality that The Goodfellas are going to inflict on Joke Porter, courtesy of his Playstation2 and Smackdown SYM.] Brandon: You're actually going to do all that? Adrian: Hadnt planned on it, no. But the way Joke's going... Brandon: Sucks for him. Adrian: Yep. [Adrian turns on the tv.] Adrian: Oh, look Mars has graced us with his "awesome" presence. [Sarcasm at its finist.] Adrian: Mars, buddy, pal, amigo.. you got me all wrong! I could give a flying Porter whether you, or anyone else for that matter cares who my family is. That's Joke's deal. I havent, nor have I ever had, any intention of using my family name to get me anything. Have you not been paying attention? Do you think I'd be stuck in Austrailia wrestling for The Pilsbury Doughboy if I were using my family's name to advance my career? I could be back in the states wrestling in that other fed with the high quality talent, but I'm not. In fact, it was my Brother's idea for me to come here. Chris doesnt want me handed things like some...other people. He's trying to make me earn what I get, and I think its safe to say, it's working. "Ohh, a punk kid with his crippled brother for a manager...." Adrian: You damn well should be scared. That "cripple" gave Adam Seven a smack in the face that he still hasnt recovered from. Not that I wouldnt have won that match on my own mind you, but still... I plan on showing up, Mars. Not only showing up, but winning. Come NML, you'll have the pleasure of being utterly humiliated by this "kid." But dont worry, pal. You won't be the last.... Not by a long shot! *FADE* |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:46 PM Post #7 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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~Promo #6~ Same Match _______________________________________________________________ [The scene opens inside the arcade from Mars' last promo, where Adrian is currently in the middle of kicking his brother's ass in a rousing game of air hockey. Christian gets increasingly angered after every shot Adrian scores.] Adrian: Score! 7-3, That's it Bro. Brandon: (mocking a reporter and acting like his hand's a microphone, he turns to Christian) So Christian, your little brother just kicked your ass for a third time, much like he's going to do to that big goof Mars. How does that make you feel? [A look of rage comes into Christian's eyes.] Christian: How does that make me feel?? [Christian grabs the hockey puck and launches it across the table. Adrian ducks and the puck fly's by him, sending some poor kid into unconsciousness.] Adrian: Um, guys... Christian: Right. [Fade out] [Scene fades back in and Adrian is alone now, walking around the mall. He is dressed in blue denim jeans, his black addidas shoes and his Goodfellas t-shirt. Adrian walks into "church talk- a store for good christians." He comes up to placement of Bibles and stops and turns to the camera.] Adrian: Just like David slew Goliath, so too shall I slay the Monster Mars. ..... Holy christ, that's corny! [The store clerk, along with the only two customers, a store record, all look toward Adrian in shock.] Adrian: eh.... [Fade out, then quickly fade back in and Adrian is far, far away from "Church Talk."] Adrian: ....As I was saying, that was incredibly corny. And speaking of corny. Mars, Could you be any less? [Adrian walks into a costume shop and grabs a black mask and puts it on.] Adrian: Look at me, I'm Mars. [Adrian walks around the store mimmicking a monster from those old horror movies.] Adrian: (in a deep, low voice) Me Big, Me Strong Me......EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL! Me am going to tear you apart limb from limb because Me...EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL and thats what evil people like me do! Rar.... [Adrian sighs and shakes his head, as he takes the mask off and throws it aside.] Adrian: If anyone should be embaressed about this match Mars, it should be me! I've known Fat Paulbert to do some stupid things in the past, but I almost died when I heard he went so low as to sign your "sideshow superhero comedy act" to a contract. But I guess every fed needs a comedy gimmick, and you fit that quite nicely. And about Chris, as I said before, I woulda won that match on my own. Chris can do what he wants, I dont tell him what to do, Because well... [Footage of the kid Christian hit with the puck earlier being bandaged up in the back of an ambulance flashes by] Adrian: He doesnt take that kind of stuff too well, heh. Corny as it is though, this match is going to be alot like David and Goliath, with the big fugly monster giant being beaten to a pulp by the smaller "mortal" David, and I for one am going to love every minute of it. Prepare to be humiliated "Goliath," because "David's" playing to WIN! *FADE* ______________________________________________________________ Adrian wins by countout |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:47 PM Post #8 |
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~Promo #7~ The Goodfellas vs The Hellhounds RS: Australia No Man's Land Sept 12th 2003 _____________________________________________________________ [Adrian Tanner is standing outside his brother's room at a nearby hospital. He's not his usual happy-go-lucky self. And why should he be? He just got screwed out of a win he damn well deserved. He's still in his wrestling tights and has on a "Goodfellas" t-shirt, and is trying to ignore the camera crew.] Adrian:....... [He looks coldly toward the camera crew] Adrian: It's safe to say that I'm more than a little pissed off right now. And why? Any idiot like Mars would say "you won the match, be happy." I won the match, sure. But I dont take count-out wins. I came out there with something to prove, and dammit, until then, I was proving that fact! I played to win, and you screwed me Mars. I cant accept that fact, because all Mars will do is gloat about how smart he is because he didnt get pinned. And I wont allow that. But I'm not gonna whine about a rematch. Because I did prove_something. I showed the world that I could fight with the "big boys." Not only that, I showed the world what you truly are.... A_giant_pusssy! That's right, pussy, I just called you a pussy! Because that's exactly what you are. You took the easy way out. You_ran_away! Rather than face losing to this 6'2, 220lb, 19 year old "kid" you took the cowards way out and decided to powerbomb my semi-crippled brother on the outside instead. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. But enough about that pussy, onto the next fight. See pussy, I dont run away from my fights, even if I am facing two legendary psychopaths! Jonnie, I've heard all about the hellhounds. I've heard all about how sick and twisted they can be, hell, I've seen it with my own eyes the last couple of weeks. And you're damn right I'm scared. I'm fearing for my life. But what would I be if I ran away from this match? I'd be no better than Mars. So I'll be there. If we lose, we lose. But that doesnt mean I plan on losing. As I've said my whole time in austrialia, I play to win! If there's a chance in hell we can beat them, I'll find it. If there's a weakness I can find, I'll expose it. You can bet the ballpark on that. I'm not gonna stand here and bullshit you with false accusations of how I'm better than everyone else like Joke does. I'm not claiming to be better than the hellhounds. I tell it straight. But the straight up truth is, I play to win. And I_Will_Win! *FADE* |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:49 PM Post #9 |
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~Promo #8~ Same Match ______________________________________________________________ [Adrian Tanner is walking down the streets of downtown Melbourne. He's wearing his usual attire save for a "purgatory's puppies" t-shirt with the 2nd and 3rd P in "puppies" crossed out and replaced with S's. I'll let you someone else finish that. Now where was I? Oh right, Adrian. Adrian's is walking down...] Adrian: Enough. [But...] Adrian: Enough! (he yells, causing the people around him to stare at him like he's crazy) Adrian: Mars, really...who're you trying to fool? When even Ruthless-Fucking-L Reeve can see that your ass got Owned, there's a problem "buddy." But I'm not even gonna worry about you. You showed you couldnt hang with me. You showed the world that you didnt have the balls to actually possibly fall to a "rookie kid" and that's all I care about. Now....Johnnie. That's real cute Johnnie. Really, it is.. I do respect you. And I do respect what the hellhounds have accomplished, but that doesnt mean for one single motherfucking second I'm going to let your bitches win without giving one hell of a fight. Unlike the ownage I gave to Mars, I do fear the hellhounds. But that wont stop me from going out there with James and giving it everything I've got because I dont walk away from MY Battles, unlike certain other posers. And as if I havent said this enough, I play to win, and thats what I do Johnnie, Win! The Hellbitches are no different than anyone else I've faced, and on Friday, I'll prove that fact to you in person. But your "Johnie fucking Valentine." Your a "legend." You dont_have_to worry about two "nobodies like us." Yeah, You keep believing that. Keep thinking we're nothing to worry about, Keep pretending we dont matter, Keep acting like we dont mean anything. But remember this Johnnie. When that Lie comes back to bite you in the ass.... It was your Own Damn Fault! |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:50 PM Post #10 |
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~Promo #9~ Adrian Tanner vs Jake Porter RS: Australia No Man's Land Sept 21st 2003 (I like this one. It's a joint promo between Adrian and Jake.) ____________________________________________________________ [Jake Porter is......playing Basketball. That's right, I said basketball. Why is he playing basketball during a wrestling promo? Beats me, but he is. Maybe because it's at the very same place he wrestles at, Dandenong, maybe its not. In any case, does it matter? He is wearing his new "Jake is God" t-shirt and gray Nike shorts. He has just missed a shot. Jake Porter hears the door open. He takes a look. It's....Adrian Tanner sporting blue nike track shorts and a grey t-shirt reading "No You're Not" He steps into the stadium and smirks] Adrian: Ok Jake, Jobber times over, time to let the big boys play for a bit. Jake: Hey it's a free country... I think. Anyways, let's solve this. You vs me, JOBBER. Adrian: What? So I can own you twice in a few days? I'll pass. Jake: Ok..... Mars. Adrian: Ouch, thats harsh. I wouldnt even compare you to that pussy. [Adrian thinks for a second] Adrian: Fine....Your on. [Jake grins.] Jake: That's why I did it. Ok. You take the first shot, Adrianny boy. [Chucks Adrian the ball] Adrian: Alright, Watch how a true star does it. [Adrian shoots a three-pointer, it barely misses] [Porter grabs the ball] Porter: Oh yeah... true star. This is what you're going to be doing this sunday, missing. [Porter goes to the free throw line. He shoots. The ball hits the rim then rolls in.] Jake: Ha. Simple and yet effective. Adrian: Simple..... [Adrian easily nails the free throw shot] Adrian: heh, That's just like you. [Porter laughs sarcastically. He goes to the right end of the arch] Porter: You want fancy? You got it. [Porter shoots. It's a airball] Porter: Damn! The sun was in my eyes. Adrian: That gonna be your excuse sunday too? [Adrian walks to the top of the key, turns with his back facing the hoop and launches the ball over his head. Swish!] [Porter is not too pleased.] Jake: Lucky shot. You won't have that luck this Sunday. [Jake attempts the shot. He misses by an inch to the right. He fumes.] Adrian: I think those chair shots did more damage then you thought. Hey, there's a thought, when you lose just blame it on a concussion! [Adrian picks the ball up and walks to the other side of the three point line] Adrian: How is your head by the way? (he smirks) [Jake laughs] Jake: My head is just terrific, thank you for asking. Better than Murdock's record. [Porter grins] Jake: Nice attempt at interfering, by the way. Too bad it wasn't enough. And what you got won't be enough either. Adrian: Interfering's not my style. All I did was trying to make sure you didnt cheat. Er.....Anyways, I'd rather beat you clean with my sheer awesomeness, like this.... [Adrian shoots a picture perfect three pointer, With the sun in his eyes....] [Jake frowns. He goes to the spot] Jake: So I have sensitive eyes, sue me. Jake: How's Portman doing by the way? [Jake makes the shot. He pumps his fists.] Jake: I trust he won't be around for a while after that brutal shot I gave him. Adrian: Last time I talked to him, he thought he was Soutter. You have no idea how disgusting it is to wake up to a 200lb dwarf watching goat porn while scarfing down his 20th meal of the day Adrian: You'll pay..... [Adrian runs and launches the ball from half court, but the ball nails the backboard and bounces back] Jake: You'd be surprised. Look who I got to deal with. [Porter goes to behind the board.] Jake: I mean, most guys in Australia are kangaroo humpers. Jake: Not a pretty sight, if you ask me. I don't even know why Paul E. Sleazy set up the fed here. Maybe he likes them pouches. Now that I think of it, maybe that's why he's high on Y.... get it? hahahaha! [Jake sees the reaction on Adrian's face... blank stare.] Jake: Guess not. [Porter nails the shot. He smirks] [Adrian takes Jake's spot, and shoots, barely making the shot.] Adrian: You're going to have to do better than that. Wait,....forgot who I was talking to. [Adrian throws the ball toward Jake. It nails Jake hard in the chest.] Jake: Coming from someone with almost no decisive wins as of late.... [Jake goes to half court. Where Adrian was previously] Jake: And no pushes in sight.... [Jake launches a shot that by miracle, makes it] Jake: I always get lucky with that kind of shots.... not that I'll need it. Adrian: Atleast I beat Y. [Zing!] [Adrian takes the shot, and once again misses] Jake: Touche [Jake goes to the top of the key] Jake: And I'll be able to claim that I beat you. Adrian: You can claim it all you want. Hell, I could claim Mars isnt a giant pussy, but that wont change the facts. [Jake swishes the shot] Jake: Oh yeah, I'm on fire, baby! [Jake chuckles.] Jake: Unlike your partner, "Murcock" Adrian: James still beat Y. Hell, Y's lost to everyone. well,...except you [Adrian takes the shot from the top of the key and makes it, he shoves the ball back at porter.] Jake: A little agitated, aren't we? Anyways, Y won on a fluke. He had to pull my tights. Adrian: Pot-kettle-black. Jake: Refer back to my statement about Soutter marking out for Y. [Jake goes to just inside the arc. He shoots and misses] Jake: You can't win them all. [ Adrian grabs the ball and goes to the free throw line] Adrian: Maybe You cant... [Adrian throws a granny shot and makes it] Jake: A granny shot? And are you gonna give me a granny shot on Sunday? I assure you it won't work that time. Jake: And who do you got at the PPV? Wasn't it those fiesty Hellhounds? [Porter goes to the line and tosses it in one handed.] Jake: Good luck there. Adrian: James and I survived them the 1st time, and we'll beat them at DuD. I'd like to see you stand up to those freakin psychos. [Adrian grabs the ball and walks to the top of the other key.] Adrian: I'd almost bet the farm you'd fail, just like you'll fail this! [Adrian walks takes a running start from the other wall, runs hits the key and launches the ball across the court. It hits the rim, bounces, bounces again, then by a miracle, falls in.] Adrian: Damn! Have fun.... Jake: I don't need to worry about the Hellhounds. You do. And moreso, you need to worry about me. It's never good going into the PPV with a loss. Jake: As for that shot.... props to you. [Jake goes to the end of the court. He runs then stops abruptly and tosses the ball. It misses by a mile] Jake: I'll give that away. I'll save some energy for the match. Don't want to be huffing and puffing like you. [Jake smirks.] Jake: And you didn't survive. Brown only had pity on you two because you were getting your asses handed to you. Why he thought you guys would be a draw is beyond me. Porter's where money is. Adrian: Yeah...you sure proved that fact in that loss to that guy who everyone else's beaten. Adrian: And how were we getting our asses kicked? Was it when James chased Jonnie with his trusty wrench? Or when I was exploding with the high flying? [Adrian grabs the ball and shoots a running layup] Jake: And wrenches translates into success? [Jake does a slow jogging layup which goes in easily] Adrian: When your chasing Hardkore fucking Jonnie valentine? a bit Jake: Oh come off it. It's his Hellhounds. You're not wrestling the man himself. Jake: And obviously you've done something to piss off the fatman mac, Soutter to draw them, so it serves you right. Perhaps Soutter didn't like your antics in my match a few weeks ago. Adrian: I atleast beat Y. He obviously likes me more than you [Adrian laughs] Adrian: I'm not scared of the Hellbitches. The Goodfellas Own any team they step into the ring with. and in us vs them part 2, Ill prove that. [Adrian goes to the top left side of the three point line, turns around and throws a one-handed backwards shot that misses] Jake: You know what? You keep making those cracks about Y, it's just fueling the fire within. Granted, I may not have wrestled my best lately, but how can I compete with a Santa on crack? Jake: That'll change soon. [Jake thinks of a spot to shoot from. He goes to the bench and drinks some bottled water he brought. Then he walks back over. He goes to the middle left of the arc. He shoots one handed. He misses] Jake: Anyways, if I remember it took you, the midget and Murdock, and a backstage attack to almost beat me.... ALMOST being the key term. I would think you should worry about me..... Adrian: Pot, meet kettle. Werent you just whining about that guy that everyone but you has beaten holding Your tights to win? Adrian: Because that's kinda what I remember you doin, pal. [Adrian tries the one-handed reverse shot from the top left of the arc again. he barely makes it this time] Jake: Not my choice of victories. It was unfortunate my hand somehow got his tights. And anyways I knew if you were going to interfere on Murdock's behalf, I would have brought some backup, and then I wouldn't have to worry about pulling tights. [Jake goes to where Adrian was. He misses his shot] Adrian: Heh, that gives you J-O-B. How's that for irony? Jake: Damn! This sunday, I won't need to pull tights, because all it will take is a Last Call, and then the clean pin, 1-2-3. And my hand raised in victory. You know why? Because while you eat McNuggets, I'm studying tapes of you. I know all your strengths and weaknesses. And if I remember Martin Landau's quote in that godawful movie Ready to Rumble, "ATTACK HIS STRENGTHS". And I'm sure as hell not gonna do that. [Jake chuckles.] Adrian: riiiiight. Well, I'd look for your strengths, but you dont have any. [Adrian takes the same shot again, and makes it a little easier.] Jake: No you're thinking of Mars.... Adrian: Hasnt mars beaten Y? Jake: Hasn't Mysterio beaten Triple H? Adrian: And that has what to do with this? [Adrian stares at Jake] Adrian: ......Stupid question Jake: Underdogs always has their day. Y had his against me. [Adrian gives a strange look to Jake] Adrian: ah...The Chiarshots [Porter shrugs it off.] Jake: You know what? It may be true that everyone except me has beaten Y. It doesn't matter. Every match is a new match. What is the fact [complete with the finger quotes] is that I will beat you. Jake: It's a given Adrian: Man, the chairs mustve screwed you up bad. [The ring crew enters the gym. One member tells the two to go home. They have to set up the ring.] Jake: Ok. Adrian, I guess you win this game. Jake: Your only victory against me, I assure you. Now I got some things to take care of. See you sunday, sucker. [Adrian watches Jake leave and then turns to grabs his stuff from the bench. His cell phone rings.] Adrian: Hello? Hey James. You'll never guess who I just played ball with. O...k so you did. Yeah, he kept saying it was a fact that he'd beat me. Yeah, the chair shots. I told him that too. [Adrian grabs his stuff and walks to the door.] **FADE** |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:51 PM Post #11 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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~Promo #10~ Same Match ____________________________________________________________ Adrian: ohhh, ouch Jonnie. that hurts. It really does. Why dont you crawl back into your hole and go watch some more kidde porn. Although I'm sure you got your jollies from watching that promo. I am about your age range..... (adrian shudders and makes a gagging sound) Adrian: Man, I've never seen what everyone else sees with you. They call you some kind of legend, and until a few minutes ago, I believed "them." But this, this takes the fucking cake. I wont say your all talk and no action like Jakey boy, because your not, but your talk sucks. Ive been following you for awhile Jonnie, back to the Uwa actually, and all Ive ever seen from you are gay references and how you bang kiddies for fun. Well, you piece of dogshit, You'll have to do quite alot better than call me gay! I brought a sample of what I'm capable of to the table last week, at DuD, Your little hellbitches get the whole f'n deal! But I'll deal with that when the time comes. Now, On to the guy who that guy everyone else has beaten lost to.... [Adrian pulls a tape recorder out of his pocket and presses play] ("Y beat You") Jake, I didnt think you were right in the head BEFORE the chair shots, Now it's just painfully obvious. You think I'm underestimating you? I'm the king of being underestimated pal. I'm not underetimating you, you just havent shown me anything that makes me want to believe your hype..EVER. That's all you are Jake, Hype. And I've made a nice name for myself in killing hype. The self proclaimed "God of War" has been reduced to having a lawyer speak for him because he's too scared to show his fugly face in public anymore thanks to me. Zues went from believing he was a god to some loser running a production company thanks to the loss to moi. I kill hype for a living Jake, and your on deck. Hell, just look back to yesterday.... [Adrian holds up a picture from yesterday with jake missing a shot. there's three letters written on the bottom.] Adrian: J-O-B. Was it Irony Jake, or a look at the future. I think you know the answer there, I Know I do. *FADE- to a Picture of "Child Porn Monthly" with Jonnie V's face plastered on the front) Now we *FADE* for real... ____________________________________________________________ Adrian pins Jake Porter after the Hellhounds lay both he and Jake out in the ring. |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:52 PM Post #12 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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~Promo #11~ The Goodfellas vs The Hellhounds II RS: Australia Down Under Derby PPV Sept 30th 2003 (This is in response to Zues saying he could beat Adrian, who's mocked Zues for weeks.Really has nothing to do with the match at hand, lol) _________________________________________________________ Scene fades into..........nothingness. Then a video begins to play, to the tune of Incubus' "Nice To Know You." ~Better than watching Gellar bending silver spoons~ [footage of Adrian Tanner landing a standing shooting star press onto Excellence.] ~Better than witnessing newborn nebulaes in bloom~ [Adrian and James hitting the SCTTMOD~! on The Incredible Y] ~She who sees from up high smiles and surely sings~ ~Perspective pries your once weighty eyes and it gives you wings~ [Adrian nailing a 180 corkscrew plancha from the top rope onto The Incredible Y on the outside.] ~I haven't felt the way I feel today~ ~In so long it's hard for me to specify~ [Adrian nailing a picture perfect springboard dropkick onto "Mars"] ~I'm beginning to notice how much this feels~ [Adrian pinning Zues on the 1st No Man's Land] ~Like a waking limb, pins and needles, nice to know you~ [Zues: "Let me tell you something Rocky’s Bitch, yeah that’s right Adrian I’m talking to you."] ~Goodbye, nice to know you~ [Zues- "I was all about being more human but Adrian you pushed the wrong button. You better watch your back because I WILL COME OUT AND KICK YOU ASS ANYTIME DURING THE MATCH AND I DON’T CARE WHO TRIES TO STOP ME I WILL KICK YOUR ASS." ~Goodbye, nice to know you~ [Footage of Adrian pinning Zues] ~Deeper than the deepest Cousteau would ever go~ [Adrian planting Jake Porter with an Impact DDT.] ~And higher than the heights of what we often think we know~ [Adrian hitting a top rope flipping clothesline to Mars on the outside] ~Blessed she who clearly sees the wood for the trees~ ~To obtain a birds eye is to turn a blizzard to a breeze~ [Adrian nailing Zues with his standing shooting star press to the floor, mixed in with shots of Adrian pinning Zues] ~I haven't felt the way I feel today~ [Footage of Adrian laughing at Zues "riding on a cloud"] ~In so long it's hard for me to specify~ [Footage of The entire RSA mocking Zues "riding on a cloud"] ~I'm beginning to notice how much this feels~ [Adrian pinning Zues] ~Like a waking limb, pins and needles, nice to know you~ [Zues moves his hand and a cloud comes down to his office window. Zues uses the intercom and tells his secretary that there is a bomb on the premises and to evacuate everyone. The world mocks him.] ~Goodbye, nice to know you~ [Adrian pinning Zues] ~Goodbye, nice to know you~ [Zues hops on the cloud and sits on it like a motorcycle and rides into the sky. He looks back and with on raise of his arms he throws lighting bolts onto Lightning Bolt Studios. Cut to a news reporter. The world continues to mock him.] ~So could it be that it has been there all along?~ [Zues- "I dare you to talk shit about me again. Do it punk. I just dare you.] ~Goodbye, Nice to know you.~ [Aa the song fades, Adrian Tanner's voice can be heard.] Adrian: Nice to Know ya, Zues. *FADE* |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:54 PM Post #13 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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~Promo #12~ Same Match ______________________________________________________________ [Fade in to a far shot of the Australian KGB Inc headquarters, or rather what’s left of it. It's nighttime and there is a large bonfire in the middle of the huge parking lot where all things KGB now reside. The camera seems to "fly" from across the street to the building, but it doesn’t really fly, because anyone with half a brain knows flying isnt possible, unless your a plane. But we digress. The camera focuses and zooms in on Adrian Tanner, sitting on the front steps of the building in blue denim jeans and black t-shirt with the "AT" superman logo in silver with a red glow on the front. Adrian sighs and looks toward the camera.] Adrian: Where to start? Well, I guess we should get the bullshit outta the way first. Zeus, who are you trying to kid? Your a joke! You sit there and pretend to fly around on your little cloud and then say your better than me? Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself? I own you in so many ways it'd take days to list them all. I'm, to put it the way that giant pussy Mars put it, a "rookie kid," and you couldn’t beat me. As for the interference, I covered that subject already. I don’t tell C-bomb what to do. As for Mars.... hell son, I beat Mars! You couldn’t even do that! I've been wrestling for 3 months, and I've lost one match. The CWA Exhibition match, to be exact. I've yet to be pinned Zeus, while that’s all you seem to do. You get three fluke victories over guys my dog could beat, and you suddenly think your unstoppable? Ohh yeah Zeus, beating "T.Diablo" is a real accomplishment.... (complete with rolling eyes) look me up when you can say you've stood toe to toe with the Hellhounds. [Adrian reaches into his pocket and flips a silver dollar at the camera.] Adrian: Here's a dollar, buy yourself a clue. Nobody takes your lame ass seriously. You’re a walking joke here man. I'd suggest you stop worrying about me, because you’re not in my league. You don’t even compare to me. Adrian Tanner: WINNER, Zeus: Embarrassment. So just crawl back onto your fake little cloud and go back to playing pretend dress up god and keep my name outta your mouth, unless you really, really have the urge to get Bitch Slapped by my sheer awesomeness again! Now…. [Adrian stands up and walks down the steps toward the fire, which has died down quite a bit. The camera follows, and stops right in front of him as he stands in front of the fire. The bright heat of fire almost seems to make Adrian glow.] Adrian: Can you feel that Jonnie, That burning feeling? No, I’m not talking about your herpes. The Goodfellas are like this raging fire waiting to explode. And on September 30th, Exploding is what we’re all about. Tuesday is almost like a baptism for me. Tuesday is the day Adrian Tanner goes from being a “boy” in this business, to being a man! And before you even start with the gay jokes Jonnie, let me clarify it for you. See, my entire career… Hell, all my life I’ve been underestimated. I’ve been taken lightly, and after Tuesday No one will EVER take me, or James, lightly again. This match is gonna be brutal, and I’m ready. It’s gonna be bloody, and I’m all for that. I got a taste of the brutality your boys are about two weeks ago, and I’d be a liar if I didn’t say that I liked it! But you only got a sample of Adrian Tanner last time, now you’ve got the whole shebang! I’m not scared, I’m not afraid, and I wont back down! I’m bringing everything I have, and I’m leaving with the win! This fire is of some signaficance to this match. It represents a changing of the guard. (he points to a half burnt KGB sign in the fire.) It, and Tuesday’s match have the same after effect. Out with the Old, IN with the NEW! [The camera starts to fade as it zooms in on the back of Adrians t-shirt which….] HYPE KILLER ( FADE ) _______________________________________________________________ The Hellhounds win after Adrian is powerbombed through the Aborigine announce table and James is pinned. |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:56 PM Post #14 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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~Promo #13~ Adrian Tanner vs Zues RS: Australia No Man's Land Oct 9th 2003 ________________________________________________________ [Somewhere in the Tazmanian wilderness, dreesed as an Elmer Fudd clone, ![]() (Looney Tunes Owns, yo) is Brandon Fernandez. Brandon turns his cardboard rifle to the camera and begins to speak.] 'Brandon Fudd'( in near perfect "Elmer speech") : Be Vewy, Vewy Qwuiet. I'm hunting possibwy the most recwusive specimen on the pwanet. No, not Jake Porter's dignity, heheh.... ![]() [Why Brandon, and not Adrian you may ask? Well, Adrian's not Shane McMahon. So naturally, hes where most would expect him to be after the brutal match with the Hellhounds, and subsequent fireball to the face, home recuperating.] Brandon: Unfortunately, I've been searching for days and have found no clue as to where it could be, if it even exists. Ah fuck it, this is pointless. (he throws down the cardboard gun) [Brandon walks over to his rent-a-car and grabs a bottle of water from the back seat.] Brandon: It's obvious Zues either doesnt have a brain, or has no idea how to use it. "The tanner Rat?" That was weak, yo. I'm talkin' "anybody thinking Pauly Shore is funny" kinda weak. Look, I'm not that great at this promo stuff, but Adrian needed some much needed time off... But even I could beat you at this point in time. Why don't you go back to your little fake "lightening bolts" and "flying on clouds" stuff and leave the quasi-intelligent stuff to the guys who, you know, have an IQ over 2 pts. It's sad really, cause I know what you want. You want Adrian to come on here pissed about what happened at the ppv, so you can take credit for something you didnt do. Well, tough shit. Because you didnt jack squat, homie. I know you want everyone to think "ohh, Zues is big and bad because he threw Adrian through a door," right? Fool, you woulda never had that chance if Helldude Cererbro hadnt shot a fireball into Adrian's face. "Big bad 'god'boy Zues" had to have three guys bigger, meaner and more fear inspiring than he'll ever be beat my homeboy up and kidnap him just so Zues could try to make people think he's actually a threat..... Well it failed 'godboy,' miserably. In fact, to quote that dude from Billy Madison...."We're all that much dumber for having to witness it," or something like that. Adrian's_still_gonna own you, and there still aint a damn thing you can do about it. Now come back when you've got something usefull to say, homes. [The scene fades out, then quickly reopens at the Tazmania airport, as a plane is landing. Inside the airport now, and a somewhat familair face steps out from the boarding area. The camera, a slight distance away makes out that the man stands about 6'6" and has on long black leather pants, and a blue collared short sleeve shirt. The man grabs his luggage from the baggage claim and as he gets closer to the camera we can see he has on silver rimmed black sunglasses, his short slicked back brown hair with blonde tips blows in the wind from the Air conditioner. He steps closer and we finally get a good look at..... ....Bryant Tanner?!] *FADE* |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Apr 29 2005, 10:57 PM Post #15 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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~Promo #14~ Same Match ____________________________________________________________ [The scene opens up to a television set. On the screen is Tazmania Channel 5 news anchor Tim Hardy.] Tim Hardy: Thank you, Marcia. We'll hope to have more on that great story about poor little Jimmy trapped in a well at our 10 'O clock report. On a subject that has nothing to do with that, the search for Zues' brain continues. However, no new evidence on where we can find this elusive specimen has surfaced. If anyone watching at home has any information on where it might be, you can call 1-800-614-DUMBASS. a "whopping" $2 reward has been set for any information we can find. Up next, a great piece on... [The Tv turns off. The camera pans back to show Brandon Fernandez sitting on a couch in the lobby of the Tazmanian hotel the Goodfellas are staying at, wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt. A smile crosses his face after he turns the tv off. The camera then pans over across the way, where we see two people standing face to face, almost looking to fight. The camera zooms in closer and we see Bryant tanner, suitcase in hand. Howevcer, Christian Tanner blocks the way.] Bryant Tanner: Get out of the way! Christian: Make me. Bryant: I'm not asking you again, Chris... Christian: And I'm not telling you again, Make me. What the hell are you doin here? This is_my_business! You hear me? MINE! This has nothing to do with you, so just run on back home, before I do something you'll regret. Bryant: I'm here to see_My_little bro. Now, move. Christian: Fuck off! *SLAP!* [Bryant slaps the taste out of his younger brother's mouth.] Bryant: Now listen to me! This is'nt about me and you. I know you hate me, and I cant say I feel different about you, "bro." This isnt about us and our problems! This is about Adrian, so shut the fuck up, and move out of my way! Brandon: Alright Freeze, yo. [In a "Saved By The Bell"-ish moment, the entire hotel, except for Brandon, freezes in place. Brandon walks into camera focus.] Brandon: Zues, I'd like you to meet your worst F'n nightmare's elder brother. Now he's a bad mother... Camera guy off screen: Shut yo mouth. Brandon: I'm just talkin bout Bryant.... As I was saying. You think C-bomb's bad, wait till you see Bryant pissed. I'm sure even your brain-dead ass has heard the old saying "you wont like him when hes angry." And you're....those of you out there with a brain, which automatically excludes Zues, are saying "what's this got to do with Adrian?" Bryant's our "Insurance Policy" for the week, just to make sure there wont be some other talentless hack trying to take out Adrian. And then those of you with a brian, which again excludes Zues, would say"why are you wasting time talking about Adrian's older brother(s) when you're supposed to be talking about Adrian's opponent?" Why, You'd ask? Well, whats there to talk about, yo? I pretty much gave the fool his promo agenda, and then he answers back with some sad attempt at remixing a terrible song. And I'm supposed to care that this clown's facing Adrian, why? Becuase he threw Adrian through a door, even though that was AFTER Adrian had already gone through an asskicking match with the Hellguys? Because he can pretend to shoot fake lightening bolts through his eyes? [Brandon's eyes "light up" and suddenly, in an obvious camera trick, bolts of camera edited fake lightening shoots through his eyes and "electrocutes" some poor frozen guy (because the world's still frozen SBTB stylee) across the hall at the hotel bar. The guy falls on the floor, although no burn marks can be seen anywhere on his body.] Brandon: (in a mocking voice) Ohh, look at that Zues. I can shoot lightening too. Yay me! [Brandon shakes his head in shame] Brandon: You aint got a chance 'godboy.' .....Not a Chance in hell. [The camera fades as Brandon walks out of view.] Brandon: Oh shit.... [The camera stops fading.] Brandon: Um...'Unfreeze' and shit. Man, that woulda been wierd yo. [The camera fades once again as the world around Brandon "unfreezes." The man Brandon "electrocuted" wonders why he's on the floor, then simply stnads up and goes back to drinking, with no signs of being "electrocuted." Bryant Tanner walks by Christian, and all is right again with the world.....] "Or atleast, it will be soon." *FADE to a picture of Zues' face with a giant target on it and an arrow through the head* |
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10:46 AM Jul 11
