Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
eWmania Top 100 eFeds

CHAMPIONS

2018 Anzac Cup Winners : BETTER THAN SEX /with Vile vince Viper & Spike Nelson

S.W.A.T. International Champion: "Industrial Man" Attila Balan

S.W.A.T. World Tag Team Champions : "Bro Code" Calum Morgan & Paul Blair

Atlantic Coast Heavyweight Champion: Beelzebozo

Amazons Champion: Jade

Amazons Pan Amazon Champion: Wildcat Lynn Brewster

2017 "of the Years"

Wrestler: Pyschotic Goth

Fued: Daniel Collins vs "Timeless" Alex Turner

Most Popular: The Industrial Man

Most Hated: Vile "vince" Viper

Amazon: Suzi Spits

Match: Beelzebozo Vs Industrial Man (Helloween Cup Final)
Welcome to S.W.A.T.. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. We offer several features, including both E Wrestling and Non E Wrestling forums.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Non-Linear IGA promos
Topic Started: Sep 29 2010, 05:03 AM (364 Views)
Arizona's Most Wanted
Member Avatar
The Face of S.W.A.T.

[The scene opens up to an air force base in the middle of the Nevada desert, where we find Adrian Tanner's giant robot, Rosie, with a missile launcher strapped to its back. Not far away are your heroes, Nextwave, building... something near the ramp.]

Adrian: Okay, lets see, 'insert Rod A into Slot B...'

Brandon Young: That’s what sh-

Adrian: Brandon if you say 'that’s what she said’ one more time I swear to god I'm gonna strap you to Rosie and launch you into space.

Cecil: Please do, I'm getting tired of the innuendo.

Brandon: ...Damn spoilsports. So, what are we doing again?

Adrian: I already told you, building this special satellite transmitter to block any incoming attacks.

Brandon: Right, right. From these ‘Age of Enlightenment’ guys. But that still doesn’t make any sense. Who are these guys, and why do we have Rosie strapped with a nuke to stop them?

Cecil: Well...

Adrian: You see...

Brandon: ...What did you guys do?

Cecil: Well, when the new show card came out, we found out we were supposed to wrestle the ‘Age of Enlightenment’ at the next show.

Brandon: Right. Again, why the nuke?

Adrian: We’re getting to that! You see, when I called all my contacts around the biz... Mainly the IGA. And, maybe by ‘contacts’ I mean I asked the Janitor and a couple random ring crew guys when we were leaving the Singapore arena last week.. But anyways, when NOBODY I knew could tell us who the hell we were supposed to be facing next week, I did the next best thing I could think of.

Brandon: Called up Jazz or Kendra and asked them?

Adrian: Well, no.

Cecil: ...He googled them.

[Cecil rolls his eyes, Brandon gives Adrian a blank look.]

Adrian: Hey, it worked!

Brandon: ...Really?!

[Brandon motions to the area around them.]

Adrian: Shut up and let me tell the story! Anyways, so yeah, I googled them, and it turns out they have this ‘Age of Enlightenment’ Temple in some small backwoods part of China. So, I grabbed Cecil, and we headed over there to see if we could find out some info about our upcoming match.

Brandon: Ah, that makes sense then. Oh wait, NO IT DOESN’T. What the hell does some Chinese religious whatever have to do with a wrestling show?!

Adrian: That’s why we went over there, asshat!

Brandon: Okay. And?

Adrian: ...And... We... maaay have set their house/holy temple on fire.

[Brandon gives a blank look.]

Adrian: And we... MIGHT have accidentally, ACCIDENTALLY... landed Rosie on top of their already burning house/holy temple.

[More blank looking.]

Adrian: But that part wasn’t my fault!

[Adrian casts a glare at Cecil.]

Cecil: Well it wasn’t my fault!

Adrian: I told you to press the Black Button!

Cecil: There are FIFTY-TWO POINT FIVE Black Buttons!

Brandon: ...Point five?

Cecil: ..Don’t ask. ...Tanner is really racist when you get to know him

[Adrian sighs and slaps Cecil on the back of the head.]

Adrian: I really wish you would stop telling people that

Brandon: How.. Did you.. I mean.. What...

Adrian: Fine, I’ll explain.

= = = = = = = = == = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


[The scene flashes back to a few days ago, where we now find Rosie parked outside of a monastery/temple deep in a wooded area in China. And by ‘parked’ we of course mean, leveled half of the woods around the temple and currently standing atop the broken shards of what used to be a bath house. Nevertheless, the monks don’t seem too upset. They’re a peaceful group after all.]

[The scene changes to inside the temple, where a monk is leading Adrian and Cecil on a tour.]

(For those reading the closed captions at home, < > = Translated from Chinese)

Monk: <And over here is our Prayer room, where we give our prayers and thoughts to the almighty, the Great Raptor Jesus.>

Adrian: So you guys really are just a big crazy cult, aren’t you?

[The Monk looks at Adrian in an odd way.]

Adrian: ...You don’t understand a word I’m saying do you?

[The Monk continues staring.]

Adrian: BOOGETY BOOGETY BOO!

[The Monk continues staring.]

Adrian: Uh, okay.. Continue. Go away now. Take us somewhere else now!

...Hello! Go that way now!

[The Monk continues staring. Adrian starts motioning in a direction. The Monk finally notices and finally grins and bows his head, before walking off and motioning them to follow.]

Cecil: Git.

[Our heroes follow the Monk, as he leads them into the room he was talking about, a giant outdoor cathedral looking area with benches all lined up towards a giant bronze statue of Jesus with a Dinosaur head fixed to the top. Giant torches line either side of the statue.]

Monk: <The fires on either side of the holy statue are to signify our holy nature of enlightenment. The fires light the path to our hearts and souls through the great Raptor Jesus.>

[Nextwave isn’t really paying attention. Adrian’s walking along behind their tour guide, but he’s currently engaged in trying to annoy the other monks standing guard around them. Cecil’s watching Adrian more than where either of them is going.]

Adrian: Your mother wears combat boots!

[They continue on.]

Tour guide monk: <Over here, we prepare the food for the holy feast.>

Adrian: Your father was an American!

Cecil: Oh. Burn.

[Cecil rolls his eyes. The third monk Adrian tries to annoy does the same thing as the other two: Stare blankly with no comprehension.]

Tour guide monk: <Every year on the 10th of March we celebrate the birth of the Great Raptor Jesus with a great feast. One of every animal, and even some humans, are served for dinner.>

Adrian: Your grandma wa- Wait, did he say ‘humans?’

Cecil: ...Yeah

Adrian: ..Gross.

Cecil: ...When did we learn chinese?

[Nextwave share a look, then Adrian shrugs his shoulders and goes back to annoying the monks.]

Adrian: Your Grandfather was a hermaphrodite time traveler who traveled back in time and invented the Thesaurus, only to kill himself from the horror of watching you use his invention to butcher the english language!

Cecil: ..Dude! Don’t compare this poor guy to PAT! He might like, commit seppuku and bleed... synonyms.

[Adrian stops, almost looking ashamed of himself.]

Adrian: ...He’s right. I’m sorry guy, that was.. That was below the belt. My apologies.

[New monk stares blankly at him. Like every other one. Tour guide monk finally notices our heroes not really paying attention, and angrily motions them to follow. Adrian grins and starts walking after him. Cecil begins to play catch up, but notices a hot red-headed Caucasian woman walk out of a door across from him.]

Cecil: Jumping goddesses, batman! Hello~~~~ Nurse!

[Cecil leans against one of the giant torches, as the red headed woman walks over to him.]

Cecil: What say you and I ditch this shrine and get better acquainted with the primal raptor-instinct lying dormant within all of us?

[Suddenly, the torch he was leaning against begins to tip over.]

Cecil: So what do you say, babe? You wanna... huh?

Woman: I would, but you're a little too on fire for my tastes, sugar.

[The woman winks at him and leaves out of sight, leaving a dumb-founded Cecil still leaning against the wall, oblivious to the wax falling on his right pant leg. He finally notices it and looks back at her.]

Cecil: Clever girl...

[Cecil almost falls over as the giant torch he was leaning against suddenly topples over. Fire spews out onto the floor and lights part of his pant leg on fire. The screams and burning smell bring Adrian and the tour guide back into the room.]

Adrian: Cecil! The fuck did you do?!

Cecil: [Swatting at his pant leg feverishly.] I didn’t... It wasn’t... Woman... Raptor... Torch... Ow, burning... Not feel good.

[Suddenly the giant torch rolls and slams into the OTHER giant torch, sending THAT ONE toppling over, and suddenly the entire temple is engulfed in flames.]

Adrian: ....That’s not good. That’s not good at all.

Cecil: Fuck me!

[Nextwave turn around, noticing the angry glares of the few people who haven’t run for their goddamn lives yet. Some of those people carrying giant pointy sticks.]

Adrian: Uh, I think it’s time for us to go.

Cecil: Yeah me too... I didn't get that babe's number.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

[Cut outside the temple, our heroes have fled to their only refuge, Adrian’s giant Robot, Rosie, and are currently trying to leave, but their being met with some resistance. It turns out the ‘peaceful’ monks aren’t so peaceful after all. At least when you set their house on fire. Some of the monks have Rosie’s legs tied down with seemingly unbreakable cables, while others are firing various spears and semi-automatic weapons at them.]

Cecil: Get us outta here already!

Adrian: I’M TRYING!

*BOOM!*

“Shields at 65%”

Adrian: What the hell was that?!

Cecil: I don’t.... Oh c’mon!

[Cecil motions to the outside view, where two of the so-called ‘peaceful’ monks are loading up a goddamn bazooka.]

Cecil: Well gee, ma. Everything was going just peachy and all until some of the robe-wearing pooftahs decided to pull a rocket-launcher with the capabilities to blow a small city away. Other than that, it was great. Speaking of things that would be great... Anytime now, Aids...

Adrian: Backseat flying isn’t helping the situation here, Cecil... and leave your mother out of this!

[Adrian presses a button on his console, and suddenly Rosie finally goes airborne, breaking free from the cables. The bazooka is about to fire though.]

Cecil: Adrian...

Adrian: Relax, I got this. Get the tele up, we gotta bolt.

[Adrian grabs hold of the driving lever, and pushes a button on the side, and a white hot thin laser blasts from Rosie’s fist. It takes out the bazooka.]

*FWOOOOOOSH!*

Adrian: ...OH COME ON!

[And also sets the forest behind them on fire.]

Cecil: Tele, tele... which one was that aga- WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Adrian: ...Shut up and keep looking!

Cecil: It’d be helpful if I knew which button!

Adrian: The Black Button!

[Cecil looks down at the panel again, noticing the entire console is nothing BUT black buttons.]

Cecil: ...WHICH! There's like ten families of black buttons here an- What the hell, half of a black button?

Adrian: Just push it!


[Cecil sighs. Then he looks up and sees two more bazookas being loaded their way. He vows to kill Adrian if they make it out of this alive, then closes his eyes and presses a button.]

*CRUNCH!*

[The cabin shakes violently. Cecil opens his eyes to find Rosie now standing atop the still burning rubble of what used to be a holy temple.]

Adrian: ...FUCKING COME ON!

[Adrian shoves Cecil out of the way, and pushes another button, and Rosie disappears from view in a bright purple flash.]

= = = = = = = = = = = =

[Moments later, they reappear, seemingly away from the destruction their seemingly harmless visit across the world has caused.]

Adrian: ..Thank god.

[Adrian slumps against the console. Cecil almost collapses from shock.]

Cecil: Remind me to never go anywhere with you again.

Adrian: I’M not the one who lit their temple on fire. Now shut up and come here.

[Cecil moves over to Adrian.]

Adrian: Alright, I need to go down and make sure she’s okay to make it home. Watch the console and make sure no...

[Adrian stops in mid-sentence, staring out the window.]

Cecil: Yo, Adrian? What’s wro....

...You’ve got to be kidding me.

*SKREEOOOORNK*

Japanese soldier on Megaphone: GODZIRRA! KILL THE INFIDELS!

[Adrian rolls his eyes. Cecil almost dies from shock. Adrian presses the button once more and they once again disappear in a bright purple flash.]

= = = = = = = = = =

[Back in real time.]

Adrian: ..So that’s the story.

[Brandon stares blankly at Adrian. Suddenly, an Air force officer walks over to the three of them.]

Air Force Officer: One of you guys, Adrian Tanner?

Adrian: That would be me, sir.

Air Force Officer: Guy on the phone for you. Says he’s from some IGA. Says something about ‘you guys facing some Age of Enlightenment’ in some contest. Says to tell you those guys are Clyde Dixon and Terminator, or something.

[Robert Patrick suddenly appears at the mere mentioning of Terminator and makes a shifty look to his left, the camera focusing on his eyes while a short bit of horror music plays. He then leaves. The conversation continues as if he was never there.]

Adrian: ...Dixon and Terminus.

Air Force Officer: That’s the one.

[Adrian does a face palm. Of course.]

Adrian: Uh, thank you sir. We’ll be heading out in a few so you don’t have to worry about us anymore.

Air Force Officer: Sure thing. You gents have a good day.

[The Air Force Officer leaves. Cecil looks nervously around him with this bit of news.]

Adrian: 'Sup Ceece?

Cecil: What? Oh, nothing. Just kinda surprised that I'm gonna be fighting against Dixon again after just coming out of a match with him.

Adrian: What's the biggie? If I recall you creamed his ass in that match.

Cecil: You know how I feel about things like this.

Adrian: ...You racist fucker.

Cecil: No, no. I mean, having to fight against someone who knows how you fight and knows your moves.

Adrian: So? Anyone who pays attention to the TV will know your moves. Look at Roscoe Law.

Cecil: True, but he never actually fought me inside the ring before that match. Clyde on the other hand, has.

Adrian: ....Ahh, yes. You're referring to that time early in our youth when you had a rivalry going on with that scrub who was shorter than you, aren't you?

Cecil: ...Little bastard stalked me, I swear. No matter what I threw at him during our scuffles, he'd turn it right back around at me and dive off random things. Now that I think back on it, he would have made a great wrestler...

[Adrian steps closer to Cecil and smacks the back of Cecil's head.]

Adrian: You're damn right he would have, fucker.

[Cecil's eyes widen as he realizes who that "Little Bastard" was; He was standing right in front of Cecil, glaring at him and exactly one inch taller than the young submissions-expert.]

Cecil: You slimy gimp...

Adrian: Ass.

Cecil: Bitch.

Adrian: No, you!

Cecil: Oh, gonna start with that now are we? Wel-

[Tanner takes a deep breath and turns away from Cecil, facing the camera and more importantly, away from Cecil.]

Adrian: ‘Sides man, your thinking way too much about this. For one, you smashed Clyde last week.

Cecil: Thank you Ted, that was the jo- er, yes we already established that.

Adrian: Don’t make me send you back to China.

Cecil: You wouldn’t!

Adrian: Didn’t think I’d break the crayons either.

[...Cecil stays quiet.]

Adrian: Thank you. What I was also going to say was... that your right, he does know you. He’s been in the ring with you.

Brandon: He also watched as you stretched his ass to hell with the ‘Trigger.

Adrian: Brandon.

Brandon: ..Sorry.

Cecil: No wonder those rumors about us are floating around.

Brandon: Syberus and his ambiguously gay Circus act of Nobodies aren’t really qualified to call anyone else gay.

Adrian: ...Gentlemen! I’m trying to make a point here!

Cecil/Brandon: Sorry.

Adrian: ...Thank you, geez. A little thing people forget, Clyde and I were partners before. Stablemates, much like you and I. So yeah, he knows a little about you from last week, but I know A LOT about him! I was there when he tried to rip Roah Shiro’s leg out of his leg. I was there when Not Japanese Ken dropped him on his head a little too hard.. I know Clyde, how he works, how he hits, his weak points. And if I can exploit them, then you can damn sure exploit them. You did a perfectly good job of it last week.

Brandon: What about the other guy?

Adrian: Termite? Since neither of you actually watched the IGA before we came here, lemme let you in on a little secret. Termie’s been in a bad way for a looong time. Losing match after match, getting his ass kicked. I mean he lost the Phoenix Title a few weeks ago to Andrew Raynes! ANDREW RAYNES! I mean, c’mon! ANDREW RAYNES!

Cecil: ...You mean the guy that’s gonna be one-half of the most dominating and daring team in the Frank this year?

Adrian: No, that’d be Andy.

Cecil: We’ll see about that, punk!

Adrian: Oh, we will.

Brandon: Guys? IGA?

Adrian: Right. So yeah, Termie and Clyde have been in a bad slump lately, and something tells me it’s not gonna change anytime soon. At least not when it comes to us. The next step in Tag Team Greatness. The Nextwave of badassery. The man with the Golden Gun and the guy with the most badass submission move in years. The Arizona Assassin and the guy Johnny Pain wishes he could be.

We are the Nextwave. And...

[Adrian looks up at his giant robot and stares into space.]


Cecil: ...And?

Adrian: And...

Cecil: ...AND?!

Adrian: And...

Brandon: And they like to blow shit up.

Cecil: Word.

[Cecil slaps Adrian on the back of the head, breaking his reverie.]

Brandon: I think we should get going now.

Cecil: Yeah.

[Our heroes begin walking towards Rosie to leave.]

Adrian: You wanna know something funny? That’s not the first time I ran into Godzilla.

Cecil: What?

Adrian: Yeah... Syb and I almost killed the Pope, got chased around the world.. It’s... It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later.

[Fade.]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Arizona's Most Wanted
Member Avatar
The Face of S.W.A.T.

"In the beginning.. There was nothing."



[An image showing... well, nothing.]



"And then, in 7 days, God created the Heavens and the Earth.]



[An image of a crudely drawn Solar System, with different colored Skittles making each of the different planets. There's a red arrow with "Earth" in bold red letters next to a blue skittle.]



"And on the 8th day.."



[An image of a badly drawn picture of a large man in all white with the longest beard ever, standing above a bunch of white cloud with black pencil writing that says "<-- God" and a caption bubble next to his mouth that says "WTF Mate?"]



"God Created Me."



[Adrian Tanner.]



Adrian Tanner: Yo.



[A poorly drawn image of Adrian Tanner is seen in stick figure form and a chat bubble next to his head saying, "Yo."]



Adrian : Was that necessary, drawing a picture of me saying, "Yo?"



[Another image of Tanner, repeating what he just said. Tanner looked over to a second man sitting in an extremely small chair and table, drawing pictures with crayons. The man shows another image showing what Tanner just said.]



Adrian : Hey…



[The other man is unresponsive and draws another picture, this time showing Tanner AND the other man in one picture, with the other man drawing this very picture. The man frowns in frustration and throws the image in the air.]



Cecil Kennedy: FUCK! I just created a paradox...



Adrian : Meh. Paradox, shmaradox. Not like I've never had THOSE happen to me.



[ Adrian looks away as images of San Francisco bathed in pink energy and Platinum Pat Bozzini "beating" him for that which shouldn’t be his flow through his thoughts.]



Adrian : ...What were we doing again?



Cecil: I forget.



[Both men stare off into space, trying to remember what exactly they were doing.



Suddenly, a badly drawn image of Adrian staring off into space appears on the screen.]



Adrian : ...Dammit Cecil, I'm trying to think here!



[ Adrian does a double take on the picture.]



Adrian : ...and hey, I wasn't the only one staring.



Cecil: Not according to god I wasn't.



[Tanner gives him a strange look.]



Cecil: Crayondopulas. The god of crayons.



[Another strange look.]



Adrian : Moving along...



[ Adrian rubs his chin; slight stubble growing...suddenly a badly drawn image of Adrian rubbing his chin appears on screen.



Adrian : ...Don’t make me take that away from you.



Cecil: You wouldn't!



[Suddenly a badly drawn image of Adrian flipping over the tiny table and taking the crayons from a badly drawn image of Cecil is shown on the screen… With stick figure Cecil having a sad-face]



Cecil: You... You dare incur the wrath of Craydoppolidas!? You... Bastard!



Adrian : ...Fine.



[Suddenly a bad drawn image of Adrian giving the crayons back to Cecil appears on screen.]



[Suddenly a badly drawn image of Adrian appears with a light bulb over his head.]



Adrian : IGA. Tag Title shot. You and me. That's right.



Cecil: Oh yeah!



[Suddenly a badly drawn image of Adrian and Cecil high-fiving appears on screen.]



[ Adrian turns around, looking towards a non-existent camera.]



Adrian : For those that don't know me, and those that just forgot, and-slash-or those that just WISH they could forget.. My name is Adrian Tanner.

The Arizona Assassin, The Amazing One, The Ghost with the Most, whatever you wanna call me, doesn't matter to me. The one thing your sure as shit gonna call me come the Tournament of Warriors... is CHAMPION.



[A badly drawn image of Adrian with the words "roxxors your soxxors" appears on the screen.]



Adrian : Him? That's Cecil Kennedy.



[...Kennedy!]



Adrian : ...Quiet you.



Anyways. This is Cecil Kennedy. One of my closest friends. Guy I'd trust with my life. Guy who's gonna be the 2nd coming of...



Well, maybe not me. But someone who's almost as awesome as me, anyways.



[ Adrian smirks.]



[Suddenly a badly drawn image of Adrian smirking appears on screen.]



Adrian : Do you have to do that every time?



Cecil: Yes, it’s not like we have a narrator describing everything happening, what with you making the last 7-or-so's heads explode… and it makes things a lot easier on those guys doing the closed captions.



Adrian : Touché...



[Suddenly a badly drawn image of Adrian rolling his eyes appears on screen.]



Adrian : We are the NextWave.



Cecil: And that's not just a fancy title.



Adrian : Yeah, it kinda is.



Cecil: Yeah, I guess it kinda is. But still, it's awesome.



Adrian : Just like us.



Cecil: Damn skippy. And why are we awesome?



Adrian : Because we can speak with English accents?



Cecil: No, well yeah, there is that.



Adrian : Because we like to blow shit up?



Cecil: No, well yeah. That too.



Adrian Because I own a Giant fuckin robot and they don’t?



Cecil: No, well yeah. But I was thinkin-



Adrian : Oh! Because I'm Adrian fucking Tanner! And you're... You're Cecil Kennedy! Protégé of Sy-



Cecil: DON'T say it!



Adrian : SY-



Cecil: I swear! I'll sic Crayondopulas on you!



[Suddenly a badly drawn image of a giant half-dinosaur half dragon half mutant shark... thing stomping Adrian into the ground appears on the screen.]



Adrian : ...Fine. Anyways, my point is, we're awesome.



Cecil: Quite so.



Adrian: There's really no need to go into my awesomeness, but let's just say that Ceece here, well he's been hanging out with the coolest cats on the block, and he's got the skills to pay the bills, if ya know what I mean?



Cecil: Not really.



Adrian : Yes you do!



[Suddenly a badly drawn image of Cecil somehow knowing exactly what Adrian is talking about appears on the screen. Despite what Adrian was talking about never being specified. For some reason cartoon-Cecil is doing an impression of Gary Coleman and saying, “Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout Tanner?”]



Cecil: HEY! Gimme those back!



[Tanner takes the crayons and breaks them all in half. He wipes crayon off his hands and throws them at a now-disappointed Cecil.]



[No image is shown. It worked.]



[Both men look at the camera.]



Cecil: Aside from this fucker ruining all the fun, we're pretty serious when it comes to our passion in the ring.



Adrian : Sho'nuff. The IGA knows how I roll. The fun's good, but my life runs in that ring.



And in that ring, I am fucking awesome.



[ Adrian smirks.]



Adrian : I know four people in this match who know just how damn awesome I am, especially when it comes to Tag Team Wrestling. Chance Fortune, his little butt buddy Tek Nyne, Fighter's U, they were there in -thatplacethatshallnotbenamed- when I walked in, the most HATED man on the planet, if you go by that place's retarded views of things...



[ Adrian rolls his eyes.]



Adrian : So I walked in, back against the wall, with a man I'd teamed a whole two times before, and I walked out...



A CHAMPION.



So now?



Now?!



Now, I'm teamed up with a guy I've known just about my whole life. Trained by the same people who taught me. And no, this isn't that place, and no, Cecil's NOT on the level of Scott Fucking Starring, but nobody else is.



Cecil: HEY!



Adrian : I'm just speakin the truth, yo. You know we cool and all that she-yit. Word, homeskillet.



[Cecil is about to reply, but instead he gives Adrian a strange look.]



Adrian : ...What?



Cecil: When did you turn into 'Gangsta Adrian?'



Adrian : I uh... I don't know WHAT you're talking about.



[ Adrian glances from side to side.]



Adrian : Anyways... The point is, No, this isn't the second coming of Shootfiire's Most Wanted, but it doesn't have to be. Because I proved in thatplacethatwontbenamed that I could team with ANYONE and win the Tag Team Titles.



Cecil: But now you’re not just teamed with ANYONE.



Adrian : Nope. Now I'm teamed with a guy I know like my own family. And that...



Well that should scare you fuckers to death.



Cecil: This family likes a bit ‘o hurtin’ of the other guys, with us two being the arms and legs of a lean, mean, symbolic machine of-



Adrian : Doom!



Cecil: I was thinking asskick-ery but that works too.



Adrian : I like doom better though.



Cecil: and I’m partial to sticking my feet up other men’s assholes just for the sole tradition of ass kicking. To each his own interpretation, the bottom line being that we-



Adrian : The NextWave-



Cecil: Will righteously beat the shit out of everyone who dares step inside the same ring as us with that hopeful outlook of actually beating us.



Adrian : Nice use of righteous.



Cecil: Thanks. I got stopped in the middle of the street by a surfer yesterday and I was just looking for an excuse to use that word.



Adrian : Wait, was that the guy who was on the news today? The one found with a broken surfboard duct-taped to his torso?



Cecil: Yep.



Adrian : The same one that was lying unconscious next to a poster of The Day The Earth Stood Still that had Keanu Reeve’s face drawn on with a sharpie?



[Cecil grins.]



Cecil: That’d be the one.



[High-five action.]



Cecil: Since you’ve talked about four out of six of our opponents, why not tell the world a bit about the other two?



Adrian : Right. And I’ll do that… right after these words from our sponsors!



Cecil: We have sponsors? Sweet!



Adrian : Fuck yeah we do! Don’t forget who you’re running with.



Cecil: …Bob Dole?



Adrian : …No.



[Awkward look.]



Adrian : Folks, we’ll be right back!

[To be continued.]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Arizona's Most Wanted
Member Avatar
The Face of S.W.A.T.

++++++



WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN! WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN! WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN! WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN!



BUY ONE NOW! ONLY $49.95 AT THEARIZIONASSASSIN.COM!



[We now return to your regularly scheduled program.]



++++++++



[We open up to Adrian and Cecil, sitting in the same room as before, both of them now sitting at the little tiny crayon desk, and both are now for some reason dressed in business suits. There is also a WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN in the corner.]



[GO BUY ONE NOW!]



Adrian : Thank you, and welcome back. Tonight on the six-o-clock News we hav-



Cecil: Uh, Adrian …



Adrian : Earlier today, word broke of a story involving Johnny Pain and his response to the rampant jokes made at his expense. Then people realized it was Johnny Pain and went back to not caring. So that story’s a bust, but coming up next we ha-



Cecil: Adrian !

Adrian : Dammit Ceece, I’m trying to do the News here.



Cecil: We don’t run a News Channel.



Adrian : We don’t?

Cecil: No.



[ Adrian glances strangely at Cecil.]



Adrian : You sure?



Cecil: IGA. Tag Title match. Ring a bell?



Adrian : OH! Right, that. Also, remind to me buy a News Station.



Cecil: O..kay…



Adrian : Right, where were we?

Cecil: You were going to document our other opponents.



Adrian : Ah yes. Big Smoothy and... some other guy. Marcus somethingorother. Hmm, how can I sum up Smoothy for you?



[ Adrian ponders this thought.]



Adrian : Aha! Does the term 'Roid Monkey' mean anything to you?



Cecil: Does the term Roah Shiro mean anything to you?



[Cecil looks over to see Adrian staring off into space, images of Clyde Dixon (IGA shoutout ftw~!!!) breaking Roah Shiro's leg in half dance through his head.]



Cecil: Yo? Adrian ?



[Cecil snaps his fingers.]



Adrian : Oh, right. Sorry. Yeah. I guess that'd be the easiest way to sum up Ol Smoothy. He's all "RAWR I R BIG N STRONG! RAWR I KEEL YOU NOW WITH MY BIG STRONG ROID RAGE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"



[Suddenly a badly drawn image of the Red Hulk destroying a city with the words "TOOT TOOT!" in a caption next to the Hulk appears on screen.]



Adrian : ....



Cecil: Don't look at me. You broke mine.



Adrian : I know.



It was me.



[ Adrian smirks, putting a new pair of crayons on the desk.]



Dr Cox: IT WAS MEEEE!



[Adrian and Cecil stop and stare awkwardly at... Dr Cox, suddenly standing in the middle of the room with a large grin on his face.]



Adrian : Uh, hi?



Dr Cox: Hello, girls! And goodbye!



[Dr Cox walks out of the shot. Our heroes are just as dumbfounded as they were when he showed up.]



Adrian : Uh... 'kay...



Cecil: Was that...



Adrian : I... don't even know anymore. This place is WEIRD, man. Anyways, so yeah, the best way to describe the Model and The Monster is... Big fucking Roid Monkey and... some guy... who.. thinks he's a Model or something. I dunno, I don't pay attention to nobodies.



Cecil: Well, we kinda need more than that, don't you think?



Adrian : Possibly.



[Cecil waits.]



Cecil: Well?



Adrian : What?



Cecil: ....



[Suddenly a badly drawn image of Cecil smacking Adrian over the head with a rubber mallet appears on screen.]



Adrian : ...You wouldn't!



Cecil: I so would… unless you have a better opinion on who I should hit.



Adrian : How about all those guys that are going to be in the ring with us?



Cecil: Works for me.



Adrian : What else can I talk about, hmm? Well, I know Chance is a guy who’s a little too big for his britches and has NO clue just what it is we do.

But that’s okay Chance, you’ll learn soon enough.



Adrian : I know that Fighter’s U are… some guys. They attacked Kaycee and Brandon once in that other place. I think Brandon like… beat the both of them and their two other teammates on his own with one hand tied behind his back.



Cecil: Really?



[ Adrian shrugs.]



Adrian : Probably. Then course, there was the time when Scott and I ran over them.



Cecil: So what you’re saying is, they shouldn’t be a problem?



Adrian : Not really, no.



Cecil: We’ll be preparing for them anyways though, right?

Adrian : Who’re you talking to here? Of COURSE we will. I’m just saying, based on my experience, they aint much to worry about.



Cecil: Right, let’s wind this down. Biggest opposition?



Adrian : …Smoothy. Guy may be a roid-monkey but he’s a bonafide badass too.



Cecil: Luckiest shot of winning?

Adrian : ..Chance. Yes, the pun is intended.



[Cecil laughs.]



Cecil: Prediction on the outcome?



Adrian : …Us. Of course.



Cecil: Of course.



[They grin.]



Cecil: Prediction of whose ass my foot is going up first?



Adrian : ...You have a weird obsession with sticking your foot up people's asses.



Cecil: Eh.



[Cecil shrugs.]



Adrian : JPV's if he sticks his face in our business to help out his 'boys.'



Cecil: I suppose we should go and get ready then, hm?



Adrian : And go find me a News Station to buy.



Cecil: Ah, be sure not to get Fox news. I heard they got bumrushed by Anonymous and got like ten-thousand credit card numbers and names through Fox's database



Adrian : Uh, right. And on that note...



[Fade to your mother.]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Arizona's Most Wanted
Member Avatar
The Face of S.W.A.T.

[We open up to the outside of the Marrara Hockey Centre in Darwin, Australia. There’s a large line outside the entrance to the building and a banner hanging on the door that reads “2:00pm - Autograpgh Signing - IGA and Hardkore World Megastar Australia’s own Adrian Tanner Junior!” The camera pans around the crowd, showing fans of all ages wearing various T-shirts and holding replica Title belts and the like before finally the shot cuts inside the arena. At the bottom is a makeshift wrestling ring, with one side of the ring open where the ropes would normally be, and a large table with two chairs in the middle of the ring. Various merchandise tables line the outside of the ring, and sitting alone, at the top of the nosebleed section in the atleast-for-now empty arena... is the one, the only... Adrian Tanner Jr.]

Adrian: So in a few short days, the International Grappling Association begins it’s annual “International Incident” tour, and we kick off, right here in Darwin, Australia.

[Adrian is sporting blue jeans and a black t-shirt with “Welcome to the NextWaVe.” in bold white font, as he sits in the chair sipping from a can of Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper.]

Adrian: Let me tell you all a little story. Five or six years ago, I forget the exact number anymore, but five or six years ago, one punk kid was just trying to break into this business. When he started out, he didn’t have a dime to his name. He started out with next to nothing.

Well, he started out with worse than nothing. The reputation of his last name had been tarnished by the failures of his family before him. And because of things that he had no control over, he was laughed at. Mocked. The boys in the back, fans around the world, nobody took him seriously.

Until one day.

One day, this little punk kid got a call. Paul Soutter took a chance that nobody else would, and signed the kid to an exclusive contract with Championship Wrestling Australia. And the boys in the back, still mocked him. Still ridiculed him because of his last name. But as he stepped out in front of the crowd in the Dandenong Basketball Stadium, in downtown Dandenong Australia, for the very first time... Nobody laughed at him. Nobody made fun of him.

He lost that match, but he gained something memorable from it. That crowd, they cheered him on that night. They clapped and rooted and hollered for the rookie kid with the seemingly ‘tainted’ last name. They accepted him.

That night, he was born anew. He vowed to do everything in his power from that moment on for those fans. And as the CWA became Ring Syndicate, and Ring Syndicate evolved into SWAT, so too did that kid. He rose from the ranks of a rookie kid, to a champion, to a Star... into a Supernova of awesomeness.

[Adrian takes a drink of his soda.]

Adrian: In case you haven’t figured it out yet? That kid was me.

[There’s the smirk.]

Adrian: These people, the people of Australia... They are my lifeblood. My livelihood. My reason for doing what I do, for being WHO I am. I am their champion, their king, their hero, their humble servant. I live for the sole purpose of hearing them chant my name, hearing them cheer their second son onto victory!

The people who fill this arena in a few days? Their my people. My family. And I would DIE for them.

Not that I’m going to, because where would they be without their second son then?

[Another smirk.]

Adrian: Team EVIL! I want you to understand what you’re getting into here. This is MY HOUSE. You guys are ba-

“HOWDY THAILOR!”

[Adrian stops in mid-sentance, and turns around where he finds... Cecil Kennedy.

....dressed in a big fluffy purple robe with sparkles and glitter falling off of it.]

Adrian: ....the FUCK are you doing?

Cecil: Whadya mean, thaiiiilor? Don’t you like the look?

[Adrian glares at his tag team partner/best friend, as Cecil walks down the steps towards him.]

Cecil: I’m just a thuper duper thuper man!

Adrian: You know, it’s a looooong way to the bottom of the arena.

Cecil: Awww, you wouldn’t hurt me, would you thaaaailor?

Adrian: I dunno, wanna see what a broken neck feels like?

[Cecil grins at Adrian, Adrian just glares back.]

Cecil: ...You’re not joking are you?

[Adrian continues glaring.]

Cecil: Okay, okay! Geeeeez.

[Cecil pulls the robe off and throws it away. Underneath it he’s wearing black and cyan-colored cargo pants and another NextWave shirt with the name on the front and a nuclear explosion on the back with the words, "We like to blow shit up" below it. He sits down in the seat on the other side of the steps across from Adrian.]

Adrian: So, the fuck was that anyways?

Cecil: Eh. I was just having some fun. You see the rumors already floatin' around about us?

Adrian: Hah, yeah I saw that!

Cecil: I guess making a ridiculous idea like magical crayons into something fucking funny as hell makes someone look gay nowadays.

Adrian: Not as gay the Sterling “Brothers.”

Cecil: Who?

Adrian: Never mind.

Cecil: Alrighty then... what're you doin?

Adrian: I was trying to get our promo going...

Cecil: Oh. My bad.

Adrian: Damn right.

Cecil: ...HEY!

[Adrian turns back towards the camera.]

Adrian: Team EVIL! John Ferrigno and Spi- Some Masked Japanese Guy. Ferrigno’s an okay guy, watched him go in my brother’s promotion for a bit.

Cecil: Wasn’t he the Hulk?

Adrian: Lou.

Cecil: Que?

Adrian: That was Lou. I know, I asked the same question. I think their related or something though.

Cecil: Cool, maybe I can get him to get me an autograph.

Adrian: ...Carrying on now. Spi- er... Some Masked Japanese Guy, I really don’t know much about. Apparently he’s a... Japanese guy. And he’s mute.

Cecil: And he wears a mask.

Adrian: Yeah. Y'know it’s funny, when I called you up to do the Team thing in the IGA... couple days later I saw these two appear on IGA TV for the first time as Team EVIL!

Cecil: ...The funny in that equals where, again?

Adrian: Because Ferrigno’s modus operandi with Team EVIL! Is to ‘bring the fun back’ to wrestling. And what was our whole deal supposed to be?

Cecil: Blowing shit up?

Adrian: No- Well yeah. But think harder.

Cecil: Posting letter bombs to various celebrities we hate i.e. Lindsay Lohan?

Adrian: ...No. Try harder.

Cecil: Being ridiculously funny for the hell of it?

Adrian: Bingo.

Cecil: So what you’re implying is...

Adrian: Rip-off us much?

Cecil: ...How did they rip-off something they didn’t even know about until a lot later?

Adrian: ...They just DID!

Cecil: Right... and you being the Phantasm-istically jedi you are, you know all of this, eh?

[A smack on the back of Cecil's head and a weird look.]

Adrian: ..Anyways. Point is this. Team NextWave-clone are gonna learn the hard way that you can’t just clone Adrian Tanner. A lot of people have tried. And I mean A LOT.

Cecil: He really does mean A LOT.

Adrian: There is only ONE Adrian Tanner. And only one ma-fuckin rookie sensation Hardkore TV Champ like Cecil Kennedy! Ferrigno, you’re good, no doubt. But you ain’t me. And Spi- Some Masked Japanese Guy, ain’t me either. Nor Cecil.

And tonight, in MY HOUSE, the world of the International Grappling Association is going to learn once more why Adrian Tanner - and for the first, but not the last, time why NextWave - ain’t nothin to fuck with!

Cecil: Seriously. I've known Tanner almost all my fuckin' life. We've had arguments, fights, and there was even a time when we were even at war with each other.

Adrian: We were?

Cecil: Remember that time when we had that disagreement about who was the better wrestler back in highschool, and we were constantly trying to pull one up on the other guy?

Adrian: ...No.

Cecil: Do you remember doing one of your first moonsaults off Mrs. Cox's desk and broke my leg?

Adrian: That was you!?

Cecil: Yes. Fucker.

Adrian: That was a pretty awesome time for me. But what does that have to do with anything?

Cecil: Well, due to us beating the shit out of each other and training, we know both of our limits. Inside that ring, we function like clockwork and are more than willing to prove it, eh?

Adrian: Word.

Cecil: I myself don't know much about these guys, or anyone else in IGA for that matter but i'll be damned if I get made to look like the weakest link out there in the ring. Anyone who dares get close to my arms will find themselves saying,

"Jesus christ. Am I in a submission hold or is the world around me getting sucked inside a black hole."

Adrian: That's tight, though I’d have gone with,

“Help me, a light heavyweight submission specialist is kicking my ass, colon, the insert wrestler who underestimates me story.”

Cecil: You stole that from Scrubs, didn’t you?

Adrian: I couldn’t help it.

[Both men laugh.]

Adrian: I think, the point we’re trying to make, is this. We are the revolution of evolution. The Phoenixes rising from the ashes of the broken down Tag Team Division. To boldly go where no man has gone before!

We are the Next Wave of Tag Team Wrestling.

Cecil: And we really do like to blow shit up.

Adrian: You’ve been warned.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Arizona's Most Wanted
Member Avatar
The Face of S.W.A.T.

[A pale, sickly thin man kneels next to a bed in a poorly lit, dirty room. His long black hair is stringy and dirty and falls into his face as he kneels. He raises his hands above his head as he speaks.]

Man: "Jesus?"

[A bright white light appears as Jesus appears from the heavens.]

Jesus: "Yes David."

David: "Why can't I be as awesome as NeXtWave?"

Jesus: "Well David... Not everyone can own Giant R- er... Not everyone can speak with an English Accent."

David: "But... I'm ACTUALLY English!"

Jesus: "And how does that change anything?"

David: "..."

[David starts to cry even more as the camera zooms past him into to window behind him, looking outside at a large white poster across the way.]

-NeXtWave-
"No, we're not Jesus. But we might as well be!"
"AND we can speak with English Accents!"

-=Coming Soon=-
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Arizona's Most Wanted
Member Avatar
The Face of S.W.A.T.

[The scene opens up to the Jack in the Box across the street from the Comcast Center, in College Park, Maryland, where we find NEXTWAVE’S home base of operations, Adrian’s Giant Robot, Rosie, parked in the parking lot. And by parked, we of course mean: ‘crushed any cars unfortunate enough to be in it’s path as it landed..]

[On the ground outside, there is a large line forming, with Brandon Young at the front of it, directing everyone to keep in a straight line so they can get inside peacefully. A large posterboard sign taped onto Rosie’s right leg next to Brandon reads “Post-International Incident Celebration inside!” Amidst the chaos of the crowd forming, Cecil Kennedy can also be seen, attaching a large bungee rope to a harness around his waist, the end of the rope attached to the top of Rosie’s head.]

[Inside the giant robot, on floor 222, at the soda fountain/bar of the middle floors, sits Adrian Tanner Jr. He is dressed in blue jeans and a black “RUMBLE FODDER” t-shirt. Behind the bar is Hector, the masked luchador barman of the soda fountain/bar.]

Adrian: I dunno Hector, do you really think this is such a good idea, the whole ‘meet n greet’ thing with Rosie. I feel... dirty letting all these people into my baby.

Hector: ¡Tres años he estado aquí, y usted nunca me paga! <Three years I’ve been here and you never pay me!>

Adrian: You’re right of course. It’s supposed to be a fun time, and I mean, what’s the worst that could happen right?

[The camera cuts to a shot of a bunch of school children playing football next to a large crate marked ‘Nuclear missile core: DO NOT PLAY FOOTBALL AROUND.’]

Hector: ¿Por qué yo incluso incomodan? Usted no me entiende! <Why do I even bother? You dont understand me!>

Adrian: Yeah! That’s the spirit! This day’s gonna be great! I just know it. Of course, I’m sure your wondering if this was my idea, why I’m not out there with all these great fans right? Well, I would be, but I just... needed some time alone first.

Plus, some of them smell. Another Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper, if you don’t mind?

[Hector mumbles something under his breath, then hands Adrian another glass of Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper.]

Adrian: Hector, have you ever felt like, I dunno, you should be doing something better than you currently are? Like you could be so much more, but for some reason your not?

Hector: Every day.

Adrian: ...

Hector: ... Significo, diario. Usted jackass. <...I mean, every day. You jackass.
[Adrian gets up and steps over to a window that serves as the belly button of Rosie. Looking out at the clear blue sky, he sighs.]

Adrian: I know, right. I just feel like, I should be doing more with my life. I mean those announcers hit it right. I’ve never won the ‘big one.’ Don’t get me wrong, I love working with Cecil, and the Nextwave gig, and everything else. But I just, sometimes I feel like, what would it be like if I’d come back to IGA on my own? Would I have finally broken that string of bad luck? Like that time I held the Fight Club Title. Man, that was a good time. Yknow where I’m coming from here?

Hector: Usted llevó a cabo un título de la broma por seis minutos. ¡SEIS MINUTOS! ¿Cuál es INCORRECTO con usted? <You held a joke title for six minutes. SIX MINUTES! What is WRONG with you?>

[Adrian sighs again.]

Adrian: You... your right, of course, as usual. Cecil’s my boy. This, coming back here, was as much for him as it was for me. How could I have ever been so foolish?

Hector: ¿… Por qué lo hago tolere esto? <...Why do I put up with this?>

Adrian: I just, I had a taste of what it was to be a Champion again last weekend, and it felt good. I want that again! But your right, I can get that again, and I can do it with one of my best friends ever!

[Adrian does a fist pump. He pulls a walkie-talkie out of his left pocket.]

Cecil: Hey man, just wanted to let you know the buses just pulled up.

Adrian (Talking into the walkie-talkie): Cool man, Brandon and Mark know what to do.

Cecil: *Cecil Line Here*

Adrian: Awesome. You ready for our big match on Combat Zone?

Cecil: *Cecil Line Here*

Adrian: Alright, cool. I’ll let you get back to climbing for a bit.

[Adrian walks back over to his previous seat, and puts the walkie talkie down on the table.]

Adrian: Man Hec, this week we’ve got The O’Malley Bros, in a tag team match. Isn’t that cool?

Hector: Tan fresco como un emparedado de jamón correcto alrededor ahora. <Not as cool as a ham sandwich would be right about now.>

Adrian: I know! I mean, the fuckers eliminated us from the TMD, hell they practically targeted us! BOTH of us! Me and Cecil! I still can’t get over that, what kind of shit is that anyways?

If they weren’t on my radar already, they sure as fuck sent themselves right up to number two on that radar.


Cecil on the walkie talkie: Hey Tanner, you know these O’Malley guys used to be part of the Legion of Doom?

Adrian: ..Really?! I’m gonna have to ask them for Lex Luthor’s autograph.

Cecil: Nah man, it’s all about Grodd!

Adrian: Pfft, Grodd was a pussy. Luthor could turn Grodd into his potty-trained pet chimp anytime he wanted to.

Hector: ¡Este Grodd y Luthor que usted habla alrededor, no son verdaderos! <This Grodd and Luthor you speak about, they aren’t real!>

Adrian: See? Even Hector agrees with me!

Cecil: Hec, you asshat!

Hector: ¡Eso no es lo que dije en todos! <That’s not what I said at all!>

[Suddenly, the entire room shakes as a low ‘rrrrruuumble’ sound is heard.]

Adrian: ...What

Cecil: The fuck

****************

[The scene cut to another floor inside Rosie, where Brandon is leading a group of obnoxious school children on a tour. A couple of the kids are running around playing tag. Brandon has long since given up trying to admonish the annoying little fuckers but keeps a close eye on them anyways.]

Brandon: Okay everyone, in here we have what we in the biz refer to as ‘Omega 1.’ It’s the mobile division of the Organization for Ridding the Earth of Stupid People. As you can see by the multitude of monitors and people working those monitors, we have people deployed 24 hours of the day keeping watch over all the stupid people in the lan- Hey you little fucks, get the fuck away from that!

[Brandon rushes over to where the annoying kids were playing tag before, noticing their now standing in front of an unguarded monitor.]

Brandon: Swear to god, you little pricks, if you don- DON’T TOUCH THAT!

[One of the little fuckers presses a red button. The entire body of the robot shudders violently.]
*********************

[Back in the present.]

Adrian: ..Was that?

[Adrian pulls another walkie talkie out of his other pocket as it flashes with a red light.]

Brandon: Yo.

Adrian: ..What happened?

Brandon: I swear to god, Adrian, I’m going to kill one of these little fuckers.

Adrian: What happened?

Brandon: So I took ‘em up to Omega 1, right? One of the little pricks presses the ‘Meteor’ button.

Cecil: ..Meteor button?

Adrian: ..Where was it pinpointing?

Cecil: .....Meteor button?

Adrian: Yes dammit, a Meteor button. I had it installed last week. It’s directed to a special satellite in the sky. When pressed it sends a signal to the satellite, which launches a meteor at the given location. Brandon! Where was it pinpointing?!

Brandon: Hang the fuck on, jesus! Okay, I got it Ah, well...

Adrian: Where?

Brandon: ...Eh, Pat’s house.

Adrian: Oh thank fuck. Nothing to worry about then.

Brandon: Nope. Well, disaster averted. I gotta get back to t- son of a bitch!

Adrian: What?

Brandon: Uh, nothing. I’ll handle it.

Adrian: Brandon....

Brandon: I said I’d handle it! I’m out!

[Adrian gives an awkward glance to Hector. He shrugs, then turns back around.]

Adrian: O’Malley Brothers! My name is Adrian Tanner Jr, you killed my father. Prepare to die!

....Wait. That’s not right, is it?

Hector: No. <No.>

Adrian: Didn’t think so.

...O’Malleys! My name is Adrian Tanner Jr. I am the Arizona Assassin, and that isnt a name I earned lightly. I can and will pinpoint every single weakness you could possibly have and I WILL exploit it to make sure Nextwave walks out the victors.

You little punk ass bitches put your noses in MY business at the Drill, well now I’m putting my boot up your asses.

Truth be told, I like you guys. I’ve followed some of your career, and I’ve always wanted to get a chance to go in the ring with the famous O’Malleys. But then you went and cost me a chance at the IGA World Title, and that? That can’t be forgiven.

So I’m afraid your first official match in the IGA is going to go a little differently than your expecting it to. Because I DON’T take kindly to people who cost me Gold.

Someone’s gotta pay for this transgression.

And unfortunately, that someone has to be you.

[Adrian smirks.]

Adrian: Then again it was your fault. So the ‘you paying’ bit actually fits.

I just want you to know, this isnt per... wait, yes it is. It’s very personal. Okay, so it is personal. But I want you to know, that I hope once Cecil and I get done choking you into unconscious-city, that we can be friends. Because you guys are cool.

Your just not gonna beat me. Er, us. My Revolver ALWAYS strikes true. It’s aim is unfallable. It’s trigger is unstoppable.

My Revolver NEVER miiiIIIIIIIIISSSSSI-

[What the fuck? The entire places rumbles even more violently than before, then Adrian and Hector are thrown across the room as the the ground shoots up away from outside the window.]

Adrian: Braaandonnn! What the fuuuuck isssss gooiiiingnnn onnn?!

[The scene switches to the master control room a few seconds ago, where a large group of school children are running around playing with all the stuff on the bridge thats fit to play with. The elevator dings and Brandon runs onto the bridge, his eyes almost bulging out of his skull.]

Brandon: You little fucks! What the fuck are you doing?!

[He pulls two kids hanging from Rosie’s eyes down, then starts shoving kids away from the monitors. One of the annoying little pricks is stationed in front of the master control panel. He smiles widely as he notices a button. Brandon notices him, but not in time.]

Brandon: Hey, wait DON-

*RRRUUUUMMMBLE!*

Kid: AHHHHH!

Brandon: FUUUUCK!

[Everyone in the room goes flying to the floor. Outside, the crowd cries out in shock and horror as Rosie goes flying into the air. Back inside the Bridge, Brandon manages to crawl over to the Master control panel, as the kids all around him on the floor cry for their mommies. Serves them right, little punks. Brandon finally makes it up to the panel, and presses the button again, stopping the sudden acceleration.]

Brandon: Going. To. Fucking. Kill. You. All!

[Brandon pulls himself up to his feet. He pulls out his walkie talkie.]

Adrian: The fuck, Brandon?!

Brandon: Gravity’s a hell of a drug.

Adrian: ...Your on the Bridge, aren’t you?

Brandon: Yup. Not my call. Little pricks stole my keycard and snuck up here. Lucky we all aint dead now. You hear me?! (turning towards the frightened little annoying children) Ya’ll could fucking killed us! I got half a mind to drop all of you out the airduc-

Adrian: Brandon! Just fix it.

Brandon: I got it, I got I- HEY! I SAID DON’T TOUC-

*BOOM!*
*CRUNCH!*

Brandon: God DAMMIT!

[Rosie makes it back to the ground.]

[....While everyone outside and on the ground flees in terror as it comes crashing back down at super-speed, landing feet-first on the double-decker school buses the children came in. Brandon falls backwards and slams his head on the monitor behind him, knocking him unconscious. The little prick who hit the down button is not phased at all. He’s just pushing buttons on the consoles.]

[Back at the soda fountain, Adrian and Hector hold on for dear life at the bar.]

Adrian: Okay Hec, this was officially my worst idea. EVER.

Hector: Si.

[Back at the bridge, The little prick pushes more buttons.]

[Outside, amidst the screaming and the shouting and the fleeing for their lives, it’s apparently not over yet, as whatever buttons the little prick pushed cause the rocket jets on Rosie’s feet to come to life. And Rosie goes sailing down the road, riding the crushed school buses as if they were roller skates. The camera outside focuses on Cecil Kennedy, who’s still attached to Rosie’s frame by the bungee cord, and is swinging back and forth while Rosie goes flying down the road. He does NOT look happy.]

Cecil: YOU SONS OF BIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTCCHHHEEEESSSS!

[The cord twists and turns along with the giant roller skating robot, and Cecil soon finds himself trapped, strapped to the front base of Rosie by his own cord.]

Cecil: Fuck me! Jaaaaaannneeee! Stop this crazy thing!

[The scene cuts back to Adrian, as he’s crawling his way towards the elevator doors. He finally makes it, and scrambles inside the elevator. He quickly presses the ‘top floor’ button before crashing back to the floor.]

Adrian: Going to kill someone. I swear.

[The shot changes back outside, where Rosie, with Cecil strapped to her chest, is about to enter onto the freeway.]

Cecil: Oh this is not good.

[As cars smash into each other at high speeds, in a desperate but ultimately fruitless attempt to get away from the oncoming roller skating Giant Robot, Cecil sees a familiar figure coming into view.]

Cecil: ...No way.

[Suddenly, Spider-Man swings into the shot, landing on Rosie’s frame. He breaks open the cable holding Cecil hostage, grabs him and swings him to a nearby rooftop.]

Cecil: ...Spider-Man?

The Amazing Spider-Man: Everybody gets one!

[Spider-man swings off, leaving Cecil (and probably the rest of the universe) dumbfounded.]

[Back at the Bridge, the elevator door *dings* and the door opens. Adrian lunges out, tackles one of the little fuckers, and launches him like a lawn dart into three of the other kids. He spears one of the other kids down, and then drags him up and uses him like a battering ram, slamming him into the fat little fuck at the steering wheel controls for Rosie’s guidance system. Once he’s down. Adrian slams down on the emergency brake, stopping the ascent of the roller-skating Giant Robot. He looks out the viewport at the destruction once again left by Rosie.]

Adrian: Jesus Christ.

[He sighs, and kicks the fat kid in the gut as he tries to get up.]

Adrian: But yeah. O’Malleys. Combat Zone, it’s time to dance.

And I’m a Championship Dancer.

Er. Wrestler. Whatever. Just saying, my gun doesn’t miss.

[Adrian grins.]

Ever.

[Fade.]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Arizona's Most Wanted
Member Avatar
The Face of S.W.A.T.

[The camera immediately changes back to the familiar scene outside of the Comcast Center, in College Park, Maryland, near Jack in the Box, where we see that the earlier fiasco seemed like it had never happened. This is because it actually hasn’t happened yet, as the cameras close up on Cecil Kennedy, right before he tried climbing Rosie. The viewers at home are just now realizing that this is in fact right before everything turned to hell - Cecil’s side of the story, as it were. With a better look at him, it was seen that he was dressed in his usual attire of black and blue-colored cargos with a black T-shirt that had bold white letters saying, “I’m what Willis was talking about.” He also has a backpack strapped over his shoulder.]

Cecil: Hello and welcome, all and one! Welcome to the Gigantic-Robot-Climbathon, with your host and professional robot-climber, me!

[He spreads his arms wide and waits for dramatic effect. One would think this would be the PERFECT opportunity for one of those super-awesome blurry effects. Another would bat down one’s opinion and reveal that budgets are important and nifty effects require big boy’s money… if I had a nickel, man. Cecil, off in his own dimension of splendor and high budget dreams, turned towards the giant Optimus-Prime lookalike with a great smile on his face.]

Cecil: Today, I have been presented with a challenge. An obstacle that I must overcome - a scale that must be weighed. Today, on this today yesterday-

[He pauses, shaking his head.]

Cecil: That was weird… Yeah… Completely lost my tract there… so... Robot. I’m gonna climb it. You guys are gonna watch. Savvy? Goooooood!

[He shrugs the backpack off to the ground and pulls out a safety harness, motioning towards where a bungee cord was dangling off from the top of Rosie’s head. After tying himself tight with mixed harness-on-rope action, he was ready to begin his near-monthly ritual of climbing things… More than likely were there going to be more rumors spread about after that bit of juicy narration.]

Cecil: So, once yet again must I answer the question that riddles everyone’s minds whenever I do stunts like these: WHY? Why must I endanger myself, the cameramen that follow, and myself, time and time again?

[With a great heave he hoists himself up and takes a couple steps up Rosie’s leg. He gives a nonchalant smile at the camera.]

Cecil: Easy question to answer, like always: Because I very well damn can. It also serves as a GREAT way of strengthening the muscles in my arms, which for me is a never-ending pursuit of happiness.

[He pulls himself up a few more feet.]

Cecil: Others choose to party and boogey on down before a show-

[He motions towards the head of Rosie, where various people were boogyin’ on down drinking themselves to near death. Everyone at home knows all too well just how close they will come face to face with the reaper himself.]

Cecil: -But me? I like to put on some tunes and just workout the day away with some harmless daredevilry.

[Cecil spots a couple yellow vehicles pulling up next to where Rosie was currently “parked” and pulls out a walkie-talkie out of seemingly nowhere.]

Cecil: Hey man, just wanted to let you know the buses just pulled up.

Adrian (Talking into the walkie-talkie): Cool man, Brandon and Mark know what to do.

Cecil: They’re gonna have a blast I’m sure… I think I see the entire first grade pouring out of those buses, with the Techno Viking as their teacher.

Adrian: Awesome. You ready for our big match on Combat Zone?

Cecil: Do Rice Crispies make a snap, crackle, and pop? Hell yeah!

Adrian: Alright, cool. I’ll let you get back to climbing for a bit.

[Cecil puts his finger off the TALK button on the walkie-talkie. He looks at the camera like he was going to say something, but doesn’t. A few seconds of awkward silence elapse, almost as if he was supposed to say some line in a sitcom and forgot it. Down below, the children have already entered the gigantic robot, leaving the Techno Viking teacher to sit there by the buses…. Shooting a deathly glare at Cecil. Another person exits out of one of the buses holding a tape deck and starts playing techno. Suddenly, a couple dozen people arrive and form a mosh pit around the Techno Viking, who is still staring at the young submissionist. Starting today, that is now officially a word.]

Cecil: …I really hope that guy doesn’t gank me later today… Oh shit, speaking of gank-

[Cecil pushes the TALK button.]

Cecil: Hey Tanner, you know these O’Malley guys used to be part of the Legion of Doom?


Adrian:[Static.] ..Really?! I’m gonna have to ask them for Lex Luthor’s autograph.


Cecil: Nah man, it’s all about Grodd!

Adrian: Pfft, Gro[ZZZZRK] was a pussy. Luthor could turn Grodd into his potty-trained pet chimp anytime he wanted to.


Hector: [Barely heard in the background.] ¡Este Grodd y Luthor que usted habla alrededor, no son ve-[Static.]! <This Grodd and Luthor you speak about, they [ZZZZRK.]!>

Adrian: See? Even Hector agrees with me!

Cecil: Hec, you jerk!

Hector: ¡Eso no es lo que dije en todos! <That’s not what I said at all!>

[All of a sudden, the entire robot shakes violently.]

Adrian: ...What

Cecil: The fuck…

Adrian: …Was that?

[Suddenly Brandon’s voice is heard from another walkie-talkie over at Adrian’s end. Seeing as how this is Cecil’s view, this was a walkie-talkie talking to one person while transmitting through another walkie-talkie to another person that the previous person was talking to until the second walkie-talkie interrupted the conversation between one person and the first walkie-talkie. To all viewers currently watching this promo with closed captions, one of those nifty hover cleaning robots are currently being mailed to your house to clean up the scattered bits of brain on the ground from the explosion of your head. We apologize for any inconvenience, as this may quite well put a crimp on one’s day. Back to the whole Brandon talking-thing.]

Brandon: Yo.

Adrian: ..What happened?


Brandon: I swear to god, Adrian, I’m going to kill one of these little fuckers.

Adrian: What happened?

Brandon: So I took ‘em up to Omega 1, right? One of the little pricks presses the ‘Meteor’ button.

[Cecil looks at the walkie-talkie with a look of concern.]

Cecil: ..Meteor button?

Adrian: ...Where was it pinpointing?

Cecil: .....Meteor button?

Adrian: Yes damnit, a Meteor button. I had it installed last week. It’s directed to a special satellite in the sky. When pressed it sends a signal to the satellite, which launches a meteor at the given location. Brandon! Where was it pinpointing?!

Brandon: Hang the fuck on, jesus! Okay, I got it Ah, well...

Adrian: Where?

Brandon: ...Eh, Pat’s house.

Adrian: Oh thank fuck. Nothing to worry about then.

Brandon: Nope.

[Cecil sighs, strapping the walkie-talkie to his side and climbing further up the giant robot’s leg.]

Cecil: Assholes… never told ME about no meteor button… Probably have their own convention of special meteor button design meetings and lollygagging discussions about whether it should be red or black… Fuckers.

Cecil: So… O’Malleys. I couldn’t help but notice you were hounding on our asses like little Chihuahuas in big Taco Bell.

[Cecil pulls out a really big chain of five sticky notes stuck together that he wrote a list of metaphors and movie titles on. He crosses out an entry that says, “Big Trouble in Little Chinatown.”]

Cecil: Call me crazy, but having this upcoming match after what you guys pulled off in Combat Zone? This tells me you got some sort of beef with us, for whatever the fucks reason… and I for one, accept! There’s only one thing I like better than going in that ring and giving it all I got and coming out with a clean win, but that will never be revealed to anyone!

[A red-headed woman enters the mosh-pit below. Cecil notices her in the corner of his eyes, but resists looking. His face crinkles a bit as he forces himself to stare at the camera.]

Cecil: To be truthful, I could care less whether we win or lose when it comes to fighting you guys… Well, I would be lying when I say that, but you know what I mean, right? There’s people who you would enjoy wrestling with, and then there’s people who you would just simply DETEST fighting… You guys would fit in that first scenario.

[A previously-burnt down apartment in Cleveland, Ohio - that was devoted to showcase how horrible Psychotic Goth was - is proof of the second scenario.]

Cecil: Regardless of how I feel, though, you ARE going to be fighting NextWave – Where we like to blow shit up and tap-dance a fandango around the pinned carcasses of our opponents… Because we’re cool like that and can make anything seem awesome.

[He pulls out a Sham-Wow out of a cargo pocket and wipes some sweat off his forehead. Virtually Dry!]

Cecil: When it comes time for us to meet in that ring, you can be sure that our ring side manner i-

[Suddenly Rosie’s booster jets fire up and the gigantic robot skyrockets in the air, causing Cecil to lose his grip on the rope and dangle helplessly against the forces of gravity pulling him down on his safety harness. Funny although it is, it is important to remember kids: Gravity isn’t funny! It is a VERY bad thing that is AGAINST you and should not be taken lightly. When told that, Cecil’s current situation isn’t all that funny anymore, is it?]

[Yeah, it’s still funny. He dropped the Sham-Wow, too. What’s even better are the unfortunate birds that happen to be flying within the vicinity of the rocketing robot, crashing and splattering against the even more-unfortunate limp form of a twenty-one year old man who picked the wrong robot to climb. Back down at ground level, everyone is scattering in a panicked matter, knowing what goes up must surely come down… Everyone except for Techno Viking, of course, who is still standing there, staring at the general direction of the robot in the sky. Another violent shake erupts within Rosie, and suddenly her momentum starts shooting downwards. Cecil, still half-conscious, swore underneath whatever breath he had left as his body suddenly shot upward and slammed right against Rosie’s chest repeatedly. Finally the gruesome spectacle ended with Rosie landing on top of the two buses, glass flying everywhere in every possible direction. The buses shrunk a little in size from the weight of the landing, but surprisingly stood firm. Techno Viking, strangely without a single cut on his body from all the glass, resumed his death glare at Cecil, yelling something to someone near and pointing his finger up at Cecil. The couple-dozen moshpitters appeared instantly next to the Techno Viking, with techno blasting out once again. If Cecil had the energy or will to live, he would have said something witty.]

Cecil: Ass… Holes…

[Could’ve been worse. At least the horror that is today was finally beginning to end, and he could go home and relax on something that didn’t have rockets or screaming children. A bed comes to mind. Suddenly, not to Cecil’s surprise, a couple flaps slam down on the buses at the feet of Rosie, and a engine of some sort starts making a whirring, start-up sound. Cecil sighed… Maybe a bed with a nice bottle of chilled-lemonade and a marathon of Gilligan’s Island on TV… that’d make the day worth it. Alas, he still had some things to deal with first, as jets of fire spat out from Rosie’s feet, propelling her, the buses she’s currently roller-skating on, and an almost-depressed Cecil down the streets of Finland. As his body rocks about the Robot, slamming from side to side, a yell could be heard by everyone within a five mile radius.]

Cecil: YOU SONS OF BIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTCCHHHEEEESSSS!

[The bungee cord twists and curves around Rosie’s frame, Star Wars style. Cecil then found that his body was strapped very tightly to Rosie’s chest. If Cecil’s father had heard about this, he’d be the happiest father around, hearing that his son was tied to a woman named Rosie’s chest. Of course, that would last only until he found out that it was a gigantic robot made to look like Optimus Prime. Cecil curses yet again as he watches Rosie enter the freeway on her brand new pair of rocket-roller-bus-skates.]

Cecil: This… is not good.

[As cars smash into each other at high speeds, in a desperate but ultimately fruitless attempt to get away from the oncoming roller skating Giant Robot, Cecil sees a familiar figure coming into view.]

Cecil: ...No way.

[Suddenly, Spider-Man swings into the shot, landing on Rosie’s frame. He breaks open the cable holding Cecil hostage, grabs him and swings him to a nearby rooftop.]

Cecil: ...Spider-Man?

The Amazing Spider-Man: Everybody gets one!

[Spider-man swings off, leaving Cecil (and probably the rest of the universe) dumbfounded. Techno Viking and his gang suddenly appear on a nearby rooftop, dancing their way to glorious Youtube-stardom, with Techno Viking still staring at him as he dances.]

Techno Viking: With the way you were flailing and getting’ tied up with that there robot, I’d say that’s the closest yer ever gonna get to having it with a woman, ya shit!

[Cecil watched as someone sane inside the bridge of Rosie hit the brakes, causing her to come to a screeching stop. Cecil looked between her, the massive amount of carnage surrounding him, and the Techno Viking, and could only muster one thing to say before he collapsed to the ground, unconscious.]

Cecil: Douchebags. The lot of you.

[Collapse and fade.]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Free Forums. Reliable service with over 8 years of experience.
« Previous Topic · The Adrian Tanner Experience · Next Topic »
Add Reply

eWmania Top 100 eFeds