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Nextwave Metroid Entrance
Topic Started: Jan 9 2011, 01:28 AM (208 Views)
Arizona's Most Wanted
Member Avatar
The Face of S.W.A.T.

[Darkness...]

Revolver Ocelot: Hold it right there, traitor... Let's find out just how lucky
you are...

[The IntenseTron lights up as spliced footage from Metal Gear Solid 3 plays on
the screen...]

[Ocelot reveals a bullet for his revolver... He loads the bullet]

Ocelot: Watch closely... [takes out three revolvers]

Ocelot: One of these three guns has a single bullet in it... I'm going to pull
the trigger six times in a row... Are you ready?

[Ocelot juggles the three guns... Each time he pulls a trigger, Sokolov
winces... The fifth time a trigger is pulled, Sokolov pisses his pants]

Ocelot: Looks like your luck hasn't run out yet...

[The sixth time, the gun fires and the screen shatters into a million pieces as
two words appears through the broken-ness...]

NeXT

WaVE

[But it is not the epic guitar-stylings of Dream Theater that greet your ears
this evening, no sir... It’s the even more epic, dare I say... Super-Epic
sounds of Metroid’s “Norfair tenement Blues”... as done by the
NESkimos...]

#Arriving with confidence
After countless stretches of time#

[A video on the IntenseTron shows a dark, dreary sci-fi world, in really shitty
NES-style graphics through a first-person viewport... The HUD at the top of the
screen shows 99% full...]

#Heady with pleasant sensations
Sweet proximity#

[We round the corner, kill a couple metroids that pop out, and we come face to
face with two video game beings wearing male versions of the typical
“Samus-suit,” only with giant gold belts with ICWF around their wastes...
The two beings take off their helmets to reveal the REAL team with titles you
paid to see tonight, Champions you can be PROUD of, not a bunch of fucking whiny
babies... They are...]

[Armor integrity percentage holding at 95]

[... VIDEO GAME NEXTWAVE~!]

#No one ever made reference to
Or acted as if they knew of#

[Video Game Nextwave look upon you, the player, and smile... They open their
mouths as if to talk but no sound comes out... Text rolls off the screen
instead... It’s a shitty Metroid ripoff... There were no voice-talking in the
NES days...]

Video Game Cecil: Jesus christ these suits are hot...
Video Game Adrian: Tell me about it...
Video Game Cecil: I just wish we cou-LOOK OUT!

#Or winked at each other surreptitiously
About the creatures that rule this envious land#

[The screen turns red as you, the player-character suddenly turn into a giant
NES-style graphics monster... Video Game Nextwave sigh, and put their helmets
back, pointing their blaster hands at you...]

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!*

#"Infestations can be dealt with"
I think to myself as I grit my teeth#

[As Video Game Nextwave kills your mutated evil new self, the screen burns away,
and a huge gulf of flames and pyro explode from the stage as REAL NEXTWAVE walk
out onto the stage~!!! Adrian has on blue jeans and a black t-shirt that reads
“NEXTWAVE - will SHATTER DREAMS for free... ” Cecil is wearing green cargos
and has on a custom black t-shirt as well, which reads, “I encountered
Samantha Bevins’ asshole…” and on the back it says, “and all I have is
this lousy T-shirt to tell the tale... ” and they are both carrying the
NEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ICWF TELEVISION TAG TEAM TITLES~!]

#Determined to take back this land
Where the lava glows and warms the worthy#

[Both men head to opposite sides of the stage, each soaking in the massive roars
of the crowd, who’ve only known these men for 3 or so weeks, yet their still
way more over than those other guys with tag titles... They each raise their
titles high into the air...]

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!*

[And more pyro explodes, this time from the IntenseTron, showering your tag team
heroes in gold sparks as they make their way back and head down the ramp...]

#[Armor integrity percentage has dropped to 61]#

#Jealousy, bitterness, loneliness and anger
All will fuel me now as the rest falls away#

[Both members of Nextwave make their way down to the end of the ramp... Adrian
lowers his head...]

#Save me, save me
Save me... #



#... save yourself#

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!*

[And one more time for good measure... The stage, the ring posts, all of it...
Burns in flames... And then an army of Metroids race down the ramp, walking past
our heroes, they all converge around the ringside area, circling the ring...]

#"One and two and through and through"
I chant to myself
As my missiles track in and I'm already reloading#

[You read that right... A bunch of people in pink Metroid suits rush past our
chosen ones... Not the samus-suits, Metroids... There’s a difference...
Ridiculous? Sure... But it’s still more entertaining and interesting than
those shitty Black guys and their shitty entrance...]

#And now I've taken hundreds of them
But I hear the slithering of thousands more#

[Kanye West and TI? What are you, gay? Who the fuck uses Kanye fucking West as a
theme song?]

#And pummeled with fear and awash with regret
I drop to one knee and lower my head
And armor integrity at 9 percent now#

[Nextwave make their way towards the ring, marching through the sea of
Metroids...]

#Rage and fear and doubt and avarice
Pain and hate and sweat and fury#

[Nextwave hop onto the apron... Adrian climbs up to the nearest turnbuckle,
while Cecil treads through the throngs of Metroids to the opposite corner...]

#Pettiness, loss, and insecurity
All will fuel me now as the rest falls away#

[Both men climb to the top, and raise their Championships high up into the air -
like the proud champions; the Kings of Television they are... Both men do their
corresponding poses; Adrian with the gun cocking and firing, Cecil with the Time
Egg pose... They each jump over the ropes and land onto the mat in the ring...]

#Save me, save me
Save me, save yourself... #

[And then the song cuts out... Adrian grabs two mics and hands one to Cecil...
Cecil goes to speak, but Adrian cuts him off... He calls “Slick” Mick Karch
into the ring... then thinks better of it...]

Adrian: Yeah, I’m thinking better of that...

[Adrian kicks Slick Mick out of the ring, and calls for someone from the back...
Generic Mexican music plays and “Professor” Brandon Young runs down to the
ring... Adrian and the Professor talk for a moment, then all three of them line
up in the middle of the ring...]

“Professor” Brandon Young: Ladies and gentlebitches... It is my honor to
introduce to you now... The UNDEFEATED~! The UNDISPUTED~! The BEST FUCKING TAG
TEAM ON TELEVISION~!

The KINGS OF TELEVISION~!

Adrian: *whispers* the champions of the internets...

“Professor” Young: The CHAMPIONS OF THE INTERNETS~!

The
NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW\
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW\
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW\
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW\
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW\
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP breath]

“Professor” Young: ... WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ICWF TELEVISION TAG TEAM
CHAMPIONS OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE\
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

[Nextwave raise their titles high in the air... “Professor” Young passes out
in the middle of them... Or dies... We don’t know...]
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