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| The Birth of Rosie | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 28 2011, 12:58 PM (384 Views) | |
| Arizona's Most Wanted | Feb 28 2011, 12:58 PM Post #1 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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[It's mid-day in Melbourne, when we catch up to your heroes and mine, The Connection. Currently, their standing outside of what looks like some random junkyard on the outskirts of town. What makes this junkyard so special that people as cool as The Connection would visit it? It's not just a junkyard, it's also a secret military weapon's facility.] [And The Connection, being as cool as they are, are always up on the latest technological wonders made by the government, even if it's not -their- government. And just a few hours ago, they found out about one of the coolest new creations in the history of cool creations, which is seen standing right in front of them at this very moment. And what's standing in front of them....] [A giant robot.] [That's right true believers, The Connection, being much cooler than Fondler and Twix could ever HOPE to be, have gone out and found themselves a true to life, giant robot.] Adrian: Awesome. Syberus: Does it have a fountain? Dealer: Yep, largest in the country. Adrian: We'll take it. [A few hours later.] [The Connection are seen inside the head, which serves as the control center, of their newly bought giant robot. The robot, which strangely looks like Optimus Prime from Transformers, has a red chestplate, with red hands and blue feet, and a blue headplate with a grey face and red eyes. Adrian Tanner sits at the "driver's seat," trying to work out the overly large instruction manual. Syberus sits next to him, sipping on, as usual, a Vanilla Coke.] Syberus: Bloody figured it out yet? Adrian: Almost. I think. Ok, it says here I just have to push this red button... Syberus: Which red button? [Adrian looks down at the condole, noticing tons of red buttons.] Adrian: .....Meh. [Adrian does the tried and true "close your eyes and land on a button" routine. He opens his eyes, noticing he landed on *gasp* a red button.] Adrian: Looks good. [Adrian presses the red button.] *CRUNCH* Syberus: What the bloody... Adrian: …hell? [Adrian looks out the side window, and sees that the house next to Adrian's condo, where they’re now at, lays in smashed ruins. The robots left hand is in the middle of the ruins, and a little old lady sits in her rocking chair, staring up at the robot's hand in petrified shock.] Adrian: Uh.... shit. Syberus: Well it works bloody at least. Okay, let’s look at that… [Syberus takes the instruction manual.] Syberus: Okay… fist retraction… fist retraction… page 456… [He flips over a ton of pages.] Syberus: Bloody ah, here it is. Alright, press the blue button. [Looking at the consol, luckily, there’s only one blue button in a sea of reds.] Adrian: Cool. [Adrian presses the blue button.] *CRUNCH* Adrian: Shit… Syberus: Bollocks. I don’t think that retracted the bloody fist. [Syberus looks out of his window, and on the other side, Adrian’s other neighbour looks up through the enormous gap in the front of his house… shaking his fist and yelling something that we can only just make out.] Neighbour: I’ll get you, The Connection!!! Adrian/Syberus MAAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAAA!!!! Syberus: …wait, this isn’t a good thing, is it? Adrian: Oh yeah, that’s right. Frig. It said blue button and there’s only one, though. Syberus: Wait… [Syberus picks up a blue button from the floor.] Adrian: Shit… Syberus: It’s okay, we just have to bloody find where this came from and we can put it back on. Adrian: Oh yeah… wait, there’s two places… [Indeed, upon the consol lays two places without their buttons. One’s labelled “Unleash hellish and relentless nuclear arsenal”, the other “Retract fist.” Syberus opts for the latter, and presses the blue button firmly into place. The two gigantic metal hands of the robot slowly drag themselves up from their respective destruction, carrying fistfuls of debris along the way.] Adrian: Good, now that little mishap is accounted for… imagine what we could do with this… [“Broadway” by the Goo Goo Dolls begins to play, and we’re shown clips of The Connection driving their robot all over the world, getting up to no good. Polaroid style photographs spin onto the screen showing The Connection fighting Godzilla with the Robot, and the Robot with it’s arm around the Statue of Liberty giving a “thumbs up”. And a photo of Syberus and Adrian floating on two inflatable loungers in the pool, whilst the Robot, in the background, lies on it’s own enormous lounger in the sea. We then return to reality in Melbourne and the music cuts.] Syberus: Or… we can use it to bloody crush Fondler and Praline Flake, given that we’re just two tiny better-title-than-they’ll-ever-hope-to-win-winning Cruiserweights, and bloody all. Adrian: You’re right. Syberus: Actually it was your idea, I read your diary. Adrian: Uh… you wha- Syberus: So, let’s bloody see what this button does… [He flicks a random switch. I know he said button, but shut up, that’s why!] [The Giant Robot buzzes into life. Previously unlit lights on the outside light up. It stands up straight, and lights on the cockpit also flicker into life.] [We pan out to a larger veiw, where we see the robot full size, the numerous lights glowing brightly. The robot stands as a tall as a scyscraper. The camera zooms in to the street in front of the robot, where there are two ragdolls made up to look like Fondell and Mars, standing in the middle. Adrian presses a button and (thankfully) its the right one, as a steering wheel pops out of the control panel in front of him. He pushes a button on the steering wheel and the left leg of the robot moves, hovering over the Fondell and Mars dolls.] Adrian: Who are the tiny cruiserweights NOW, biatches?! [Adrian presses another button and we zoom out again just in time to see the foot come down, crushing the dolls like ants. Unfortunately, the large robot foot causes a large shockwave, and the street in front of them starts to crack. Apparently, they hit a fault line. The street cracks open and Adrian's neighbor on his left side, trying to get out of his driveway, falls into the open crack.] Adrian: Shit! Syberus: Meh, he had it coming. [Cut to static.] |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Feb 28 2011, 03:46 PM Post #2 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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[The camera is rushing over a rural scene, past trees, fields, streams, fences, and soon arrives in more industrial areas. It moves swiftly past railroads, houses, factories and shopping centres, and we soon arrive at what we can safely assume is our destination.] [The Connection’s giant Robot, Rosie, is “parked” slap bang in the middle of two buildings. By parked, I mean leant against the taller building with it’s arms around the back of it’s head, and kicking it’s feet up onto the smaller building. It has almost certainly obliterated any cars that were in the car park which it now sits in. The camera hones in on the head of the robot, and we soon find ourselves in the cockpit in the presence of our wrestling saviours… The Connection of Syberus and Adrian Tanner Jnr.] [The duo are sat in their respective pilot seats, sat in remarkably similar positions to the Robot.] Syberus: “I love coming out for Chinese food.” Adrian: “Ditto.” [They’re eating Chinese food, by the way. Syberus has plain noodles and prawn crackers, ‘cause that’s all he likes. God knows what Adrian’s eating. Funny people, those Chinese folk.] [It should be noted that in the background hang all the belts the Connection currently hold. There’s four of ‘em. Count ‘em… four. That’s four more than you deserve, and four more than Brickheart will ever hold.] [Statewhat?] [In no particular order, the WMW Midwest Championship, the CWA Heavyweight and CWA Television Championships, and the SWAT Caribbean Heavyweight Championship. In the middle of those four titles, positioned carefully on the rack, appears to be space for two other belts.] [For some reason.] Syberus: “…So then I said, “hey buddy, I don’t care if we haven’t got a ticket, how exactly are you going to stop me?” Adrian: “And what did he say?” Syberus: “Rosie’s foot landed on his car, so he was distracted long enough for me to get in the elevator.” [Adrian looks out of his side window.] Adrian: “Oh yeah, I think I can see him… is he that dark spot flurrying around like it’s angry?” [Syberus gets out some binoculars.] Syberus: “Yep, that’s him.” [The local authorities arrive on the scene. And by “local authorities”, I mean the United States Army. Tanks, Helicopters, Trucks and hundreds of soldiers pour onto the surrounding streets. One amongst them grabs a megaphone and bellows into it.] Captain: “Attention giant robot occupants! You are ordered by the United States Government to depart from the Giant Robot immediately and turn over all access to the machine to us. You have five minutes to respond!” [Syberus leans out with a Megaphone of his own.] Syberus: “ALL YOUR BASES ARE BELONG TO US!” [Adrian does the same.] Adrian: “YOU HAVE NO TIME TO SURVIVE, MAKE YOUR TIME!” Captain: “What the- it’s the Connection…” [He picks up his Megaphone again.] Captain: “Shit, sorry guys. We thought you were the Japanese. This was all just a misunderstanding. Sorry for the inconvenience… bye…” [The army immediately leave the scene. Everything soon returns to normal… or at least as normal as it can be with a few hundred foot robot in the middle of it.] Syberus: “Spin City on tonight?” Adrian: “Think so.” Syberus: “Brill.” Adrian: “Let’s go down to the fountain.” Syberus: “Why?” Adrian: “Because we have one.” [Syberus shrugs.] Syberus: “Reason enough for me.” [They get up to leave, and grab two of the belts each on their way to the elevator. Syberus presses the button to call it.] Syberus: “We should hire someone to carry these, but the problem is, no one deserves to touch them.” Adrian: “Why can’t our lives be easy? We’re better than everyone.” Syberus: “I don’t know, but SOMEONE better work it out.” [He shakes his fist at… something. The whole world, why not.] Syberus: “And soooooon…” Adrian: “You think that’s bad, get this… the SWAT Tag Titles?” Syberus: “Yeah?” Adrian: “We have to WRESTLE for them.” [Syberus sips some Coke, just so he can spit it out in shock.] Syberus: “Buh-wha?!?!” Adrian: “That’s right. Apparently those dudes we were watching in Australia the other day were actually the guys who qualified for the final.” Syberus: “When’re people going to get off making us go through the formality of wrestling for titles and just give ‘em over? It’s obvious that we’re going to win the damn things, now you’re telling me we’re in some tournament.” Adrian: “Yeah, we’ve been in this tournament for a couple of weeks now, or so I reckon. I think Team Mexico was who we had to beat to get through.” Syberus: “Probably. I don’t remember beating anyone tougher than that, anyway.” [The elevator finally arrives. The Connection get in, and stand directly behind the man who’s already in there. Neither of them know who he is.] Man: “Going down?” Syberus: “Considering we’re at the bloody friggin’ top, yeah… I’d say we’re going down.” Man: “Which floor.” Adrian: “Five.” Man: “I’m going to Seven myself. I’ll go ahead and press all the buttons in between those just in case.” Syberus: “In case of what?” Annoying Man: “Fire.” Adrian: “Nothing’s going to set on fire.” Annoying Man: “How can you know what?” [They all shut up. The elevator silently drifts downwards.] [After a few moments, it’s clear that the only noise that can be heard is that of the Annoying Man breathing entirely too loud through his nose.] [The Connection share a glance.] [For what seems like half an hour, they have to listen to the Annoying Man breathe. They both think of what they could do to stop him breathing for a moment. They arrive on the ninth floor. Two janitors pushing a cart that almost fills the entire elevator come in. They want to go down one floor. Everyone has to shuffle around, and somehow, the annoying man ends up behind the Connection.] [They make no noise either, so the breathing starts again. You can almost hear the hairs vibrating. This is probably the most annoying situation the Connection have ever been in. Adrian can clearly begin to feel the breath on the back of his neck. Yes, breath from the nose. Annoying breath. Adrian’s eye beings to spasm and his teeth are grinding. Syberus’s fists are clenching into white balls of skin and bone.] [The elevator stops. The janitors disembark, but much to the chagrin of the Connection, the Annoying Man doesn’t.] [For some fucking inexplicable reason, a Clown carrying balloons and a woman trying to control two squabbling 6 year old kids get on. The kids press all the buttons immediately. The Clown’s bowtie spins around, makes squeaking noises and squirts water. And to top it all, it’s almost as if the Annoying Man has purposefully turned up his breathing to be heard over it.] [Syberus and Adrian Tanner are caught in this situation for a solid minute. They share another glance, almost one of hopelessness. Finally, they arrive at the next stop. The doors slide open to reveal… no one. Syberus speaks loudly, through clenched teeth.] Syberus: “EVERYBODY… Get… the fuck… OUT!!!” [The Clown, the woman and the kids all realize it’s time to amscray. The Annoying Man, however, doesn’t budge.] Annoying Man: “You don’t mind if I stick around for the ride, do you?” Adrian: “Oh, of course not.” [They press the button. The doors close. Adrian immediately lamps the Annoying man with a straight right and the Connection proceed to stomp the living shit out of the poor schmo. The camera fades out.] [It soon fades back in to the fountain room. Matthew Perry and Brian James are relaxing by the lapping sound of the robot’s internal fountain. The elevator dings open, and the Connection step out, title belts draped over shoulders, and dust their hands off.] Adrian: “Damn, he breathes even louder unconscious.” Syberus: “Weird.” [Our heroes each take seats a table located near the fountain and order drinks from a waiter. Adrian orders a tasty glass of IBC Rootbeer, while Syberus opts for his usual Vanilla Coke. The waiter heads over to the bar to place the orders. The Connection look over near the bar, where the bartender, a short man in a “powder blue” wrestling singlet and blue mask, begins pouring the drinks.] Adrian: “So, who are we facing again?” Brian: “The Do...” Bartender: “Los perros de guerra.” [Our heroes look over at the bartender.] Adrian: (whispering) “What did he say?” Syberus: (also whispering) “Beats me.” Adrian: “Ohh...so we’re facing Team Mexico again? Thanks “Hector.” [“Hector” the bartender shakes his head and mutters “No No” in Spanish, which, for those not fluent is actually “No No.” Go figure.] Syberus: Ah, right. That’d make sense. Considering they were like, the only team we’ve faced who’ve been, y’know, a challenge. [The elevator “dings” again, and our heroes look over as the Connection’s personal “ace reporter/Butler” “Mark,” steps off into the room. He makes a beeline for the Connection.] Adrian: “Hey “Mark,” what’s happening?” “Mark:” Hey guys. Who’s that? (Pointing towards the bartender)” Adrian: “Oh that? That’s our new bartender, “Hector” Wood. We found him in some restaurant and had to have him come work for us. He makes a mean Rootbeer Float.” “Mark:” “Mmm, Rootbeer Floats. I wouldnt mind one of those.” Syberus: “"Hey Padre, los kios dos les bravos?" [“Hector” just stares at Syberus.] “Mark”: “What did you ask him?” Syberus: “Bloody hell if I know.” [The waiter comes back with the Connection’s drinks. Adrian orders a Rootbeet Float for “Mark.”] “Mark”: “So, you guys know who your up against this week?” Syberus: “Yeah, “Hector” told us.” “Mark”: “Oh good. So, what are your thoughts on facing this team for the World Tag Team Championships.” Adrian: “Well, it does make sense in a way. I mean, they are probably the stiffest competition in this tournament.” Syberus: “Definitly.” Adrian: “And when you look at their record, well it’s just obvious that we’d be facing them in the finals.” “Mark”: “Yeah, good point. But don’t you...” Syberus: “Who else would we face?” Adrian: “Exactly. I mean, they’re former 3 time Tag Team champions of Mexico and all. So they have to be pretty good.” “Mark”: “Wait, what?” Syberus: “Not to mention they gave us easily our biggest test to date as a tag team a few weeks ago.” Adrian: “Damn skippy.” “Mark”: “What’re you guys...” Adrian: “Team Mexico vs The Connection for the World Tag Team Championships, it only makes sense.” “Mark”: “Guys...” Syberus: “Exactly.” “Mark”: “GUYS!” Syberus and Adrian: “What?” “Mark”: “ You’re not facing Team Mexico in the SWAT Tag finals.” Adrian: “We’re not?” Syberus: “Why the frig not? Don’t tell me they pulled a “Northeast Undercurrent” and disappeared on us.” “Mark”: “No...” Adrian: “Then what?” “Mark”: “You were never facing them in the first place.” Adrian: “What?” Syberus: “Blasphemy.” Adrian: “Who’re we facing then?” “Mark”: “ The Dog’s of War.” Adrian: “ The who’s of whatsits?” Syberus: “ The what?” “Mark”: “The Dogs of War. Mars’ former tag team. Those guys that you guys watched qualify for this match over in Australia.” Syberus: “That wasn’t Team Mexico?” “Mark”: “Ugh!” [Matthew Perry and Brian can be seen in the background rolling their eyes. The waiter returns with “Mark”’s Rootbeer Float and the three sit in silence, each sipping their drinks.] [Adrian breaks the silence.] Adrian: “So, how about that Team Mexico, eh?” Syberus: “Yep, should be a good match.” Adrian: “Course we’ll win.” “Mark”: ‘sigh’...” Syberus: "Of course we will. We’ve worked too hard to let these titles slip from our grasp. Even if our opponents are former 3 time Mexican Tag Team Champions.” “Mark”: “Guys...” Adrian: “Damn skippy.” Syberus: “Wanna go catch a movie while we’re waiting for the inevitable?” Adrian: “Sure.” “Mark”: “C’mon guys, listen to...” Syberus: “Alright. Brian, Matthew, wanna come?” Brian: “Nah we’re cool.” Matthew Perry: “Could we be any cooler right now?” “Mark”: “ Hello? Guys?” Syberus: "Ok then. Aids, shall we?” Adrian: “Yep.” [The Connection grab their drinks and head to the elevator, “Mark” following behind them, trying to get their attention but our heroes will have nothing of it. Brain and Matthew Perry laugh as the scene fades out.] |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Feb 28 2011, 03:49 PM Post #3 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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[It's another ordinary day in the Bahamas for the extraordinarily awesome team of unstoppable awesomeness known as The Connection of Syberus & Adrian Tanner, who're doing what they'd normally do on any ordinary day, hanging out in their giant robot "Rosie." Why, you ask? Because they own a giant robot, and you don’t.] [On this usually average day the absolutely fantastic team of utter unbeatable-ness, Syberus and Adrian Tanner are currently strolling though their giant robot, giving Adrian's sister Kaycee, the obligatory tour. Adrian and Syberus are sporting matching black "Connection" T-shirts with a giant gold "C" in the middle on the front. The back of Adrian's shirt reads "All your base are belong to us," while the back of Syb's reads "You have no chance to survive make your time." Both are also sporting black pants and white sneakers, and each have their half of the SWAT WORLD Tag Team Championships resting on a shoulder. Kaycee Tanner is sporting tight blue jeans and a red tank top.] Adrian: "Are you sure you've never been here, Kay? I coulda swore I gave you the tour when we first bought this thing." Kaycee: "Nope, I think I woulda remembered this." [Currently, their on the elevator headed down to the fountain after a trip up to the control center/head of the robot.] Adrian: "Yeah, that's true." [The trio wait in silence as the elevator descends towards its destination. Syberus takes the time to shine up his half of the SWAT World tag team championships] *DING* [The elevator comes to a stop and the door opens to reveal the fountain room. Adrian, Syberus, and Kaycee all step off the elevator.] Kaycee: "Wow! This thing's huge!" [Syberus starts to retort but a look from Adrian stops him.] Kaycee: "But I have to ask, what's a fountain doing inside of a giant robot?" [Syberus turns to look at Kaycee, a puzzled look on his face.] Syberus: "Pardon...?" Kaycee: "Well, I mean, your in a giant robot. What do you need a fountain for inside of a giant robot?" [Syberus stares, dumbfounded at Kaycee's question] Syberus: "Be...cause we can?" Kaycee: "Ok, well I can see that. I guess it just doesn’t make sense to me. You could have anything you wanted to in here, and you put a fountain in?" Syberus: "Wha? I...You...Surely you didn’t just...I mean...I...How..." [Adrian interrupts before his partner explodes.] Adrian: "She was only kidding, Syb. Weren’t you sis?" Kaycee: "Wha?" [Kaycee looks awkwardly at Adrian who's standing behind Syb shaking his head and mouthing the word "yes" to Kaycee.] Kaycee: "Oh, uh, yeah. I was just kidding. Hehe." Adrian: "Cmon, let's go get a drink." [Adrian and Kaycee start heading across the way over near the bar in the back of the room. Syberus slowly follows, after calming himself down a bit. He quickly catches up to Adrian and Kaycee, who're just getting to the bar.] Kaycee: "Who's that?" Adrian: "Oh, that? That's our bartender, "Hector" Wood." [Adrian points to the short man in a yellow wrestling singlet and mask standing behind the bar] Adrian: " Kaycee, "Hector." "Hector," This is my sister Kaycee." "Hector" Wood: "Hola." Kaycee: "Hi "Hector!"" Adrian: ""Hector" makes a mean Rootbeer Float. Don't ya?" "Hector:" "Si, si." Syberus: "Hey "Hector," Los Kios dos los bravos. Uh...Please-o." Kaycee: "What'd he say?" [Adrian just shakes his head.] "Hector:" "Que?" Syberus: "What?" "Hector:" "Que?" [Adrian and Kaycee stare awkwardly at Syberus] Syberus: "What?" "Hector:" "....Que?" Syberus: "What?" "Hector:" "...........Que?" Syberus: "Wha...Bloody hell, just give me the usual." Adrian: "Me too. Kay, you want something?" Kaycee: "Uh, a Diet Pepsi if you can." "Hector:" "Si. Una momento." [A few moments pass, and finally “Hector” comes back with their drinks. Syberus takes his drink and walks over towards the fountain, while the other two opt to remain seated at the bar. Kaycee and Adrian each take drinks from their glasses.] Kaycee: “I’m really sorry about Fiesta.” Adrian: “Don’t worry about it, sis. It happens.” Kaycee: “Well, I cant not worry about it. I mean, I cost you your shot at the world title.” Adrian: “Heh, you wouldn’t be the first, Kay, and you wont be the last. ‘Sides, it was kinda fun cracking that chair over Icon’s skull. Gave me goose bumps.” [Kaycee looks awkwardly at her little brother] Kaycee: “You’re a strange guy sometimes, you know that. Your lucky you’re my brother.” Adrian: “Hold on. Who saved who here?” Kaycee: “I saved you, of course.” [Kaycee grins] Adrian: “Only after I saved you.” [Adrian smirks. Kaycee laughs.] Kaycee: “Haha. Fine, you win! For now...” Adrian: “I always do, in the end. It’s even says on the business cards. Check it out.” [Adrian reaches into his pocket and pulls a stack of business cards. The cards have a golden “C” at the top left corner. The middle of the card reads:] “The Connection” “SWAT World Tag Team Champions” [Adrian flips the card over to reveal the back.] “We always win.” Kaycee: “Nice.” Adrian: “Here. Take one, never know when it’ll come in handy.” [Adrian smirks and hands Kaycee a card. Kaycee takes the card and put it in her pocket. At that moment the elevator dings to life.] *DING* [See? Anywho, the elevator doors open up and out step Zen the African American midget and “Friends” star Matthew Perry.] Kaycee: “Hi Matt! Hey Zen!” [Zen and Matthew Perry exchange hello’s with Syberus, Adrian and Kaycee. Matthew Perry orders a Rootbeer float from “Hector.” Cause “Hector” makes a mean “Rootbeer float.”] Adrian: “So, what’re you guys up to?” Zen: “Eh, we’re on our way to go play some pool, saw Rosie here and decided to see what you guys were doin.” Adrian: “Us? Just giving Kay the tour.” Zen: “Ah. So how you like it?” Kaycee: “This thing’s awesome! I cant believe my brother owns a giant robot!: Syberus: (still over near the fountain) “ ”Co-“ own’s thank you.” Kaycee: “Sorry, “co-owns.” hehe.” Matthew Perry: “Definitely. Could this place be any cooler?” Kaycee: “Yeah, it could. With a little re-decorating.” [Kaycee smiles.] Adrian: “No way in hell!” Kaycee: “Aww, c’mon...” Adrian: “Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t you guys take Kaycee on the rest of the tour?” Kaycee: “Adrian, don’t you ignore me!” Adrian: “I gotta take care of something real quick, and then we’ll all go play some pool.” Kaycee: “Adrian!” Zen: “Ok, sure.” Matthew Perry: “Sounds good.” [Matthew Perry and Zen start heading towards the elevator. Adrian pushes an irate Kaycee toward them When they reach the elevator, Zen’s little hands grab Kaycee and pull her into the elevator.] Kaycee: (in a mock angry voice, shaking her fist) “I’ll get you for this Tanner!” [Adrian laughs, and watches as the door closes.] Adrian: “So, just you and me now Mr. Camera.” [Syberus “ahems” from the other side of the room] Adrian: “Oh, and Syb. But this isn’t about him. This is about me.” [Adrian walks over and takes a drink from his glass. Setting the glass back down, he turns around.] Adrian: “So, looks like once again you get to escape from me, eh Icon? Well, consider yourself lucky. Nah, screw that. You should be kissing my sister’s feet that she dragged me away when she did, because if I had my way, you wouldn’t be breathing right now.” “Who the fuck do you think you are? How DARE YOU? You put your hands...your filthy, disgusting hands...on MY sister!” [The fire in Adrian’s eyes is easily visible as he throws the glass at the camera. It flies by and we can hear it smashing on the ground behind. Adrian stand up and glares at the camera as if it were Icon.] Adrian: “Icon! If you ever....EVER so much as LOOK at my sister again, so help me god....” [Adrian tries to control himself. Slowly, he takes several deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. It doesn’t last.] Adrian: “The next time you pull something like fucker, you’re dead! DEAD! Do you hear me?!” Syberus: “Aids, buddy...calm down man.” Adrian: “Stay outta this Syb. That want your sister he put his hands on.” Syberus: “I know. Frankly, I’d probably be acting the same way if it were, but it’s not. So I get the good sense to “Mr rational today.” [Adrian glares at Syberus.] Syberus: “I know. Me, the rational one? I couldn’t believe it either, but it even says so in the script.” [Syberus produces a script, which he and Adrian look at. They flip through pages until Syberus stops, and points to a part where it indeed says “Syberus: “Mr. Rational.”] [Go figure.] Syberus: “See? Soo, Aids, buddy. You seriously need to calm down. Icantwinagainsttheconnection’ll get his comeuppance, sooner or later. And seeing as how I’m facing him this week, I’m betting on sooner.” [Adrian takes a couple more deep breaths.] Adrian: “You’re right. I suppose I need to focus on my own opponent for this week anyways.” Syberus: “Indeed you do. I’ll be over there if you need to do anymore breakdowns.” Adrian: “Alrighty.” [Syberus wanders off back over to the other side of the room to do whatever it is he was doing,. Adrian orders another drink from “Hector” and takes a quick sip. He picks up his half of the SWAT World tag team championships and rests it on his left should as he speaks] Adrian: “Alright, well...now that I’m calmed down a bit. Suppose we should get down to business. Next up on the Connection’s “tour of ownage...” “Large” Lee Williams, proverbial life-partner of “Rage” Dave Sad. Lee, buddy, not to steal from my good friend Matthew Perry, but could you be anymore terrible with your choice of partners? “David Sad is a lifer in the “losers” department. I’ve got proof of that too.....somewhere around here. Meh, it’s David Sad I don’t need proof of his awfulness.” “You just need to look at him.” [Adrian adjusts his half of the SWAT World Tag Team Championships, shifting it to his other shoulder. He can waste your time doing this, cause he’s one half of the first ever SWAT WORLD CHAMPIONS.] [And your not.] Adrian: “David Sad is to wrestling, what testicular cancer is to your scrotum. Not a good thing. Lee, I like ya man. I know it’s hard to believe, but I do. I see great things in you, you just gotta ditch the dead weight. Ditch Sad, and who knows maybe some day, far...far...into the future, you might have a snowball’s chance in hell of being as totally awesome as The Connection are. Which is to say, really...really...absolutely fantastically awesome.” “But alas, I know your kind Lee. Because David Sad IS your kind. “Birds of a feather flock together” and that shit. As much as I see a small glimmer of hope in you, Lee, I also see the same glaring holes in your life that are also in your “partner’s” life. And that, Lee, is going to be your downfall. Like in everything else that he does, David Sad is going to be your undoing.” “And I wanna help you man, I really do. But you’ll have to forgive me if I’m not in a very helping mood right now.” [Adrian looks to the side, staring out into the sun that’s shining through one of the windows on the side of the robot. Yeah, windows on a robot. Suck that. He slowly looks back.] Adrian: “No, I’m not in a very good mood right, so you’ll have to forgive me for what I’m about to do come Fiesta. I’d like to help you Lee, I really would. But unfortunately for you, I’m going to have make an example out of someone, and that someone....is going to have to be you.” “Sorry, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.” “See ya, sunshine.” [Adios] |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Feb 28 2011, 03:52 PM Post #4 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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[Camera fades into a boy’s room, at night. There’s a knock as his bedroom door, as he hurriedly tidies away some CD’s and switches off the player. His dad opens the door, and stands in the doorway as a silhouette from the light in the hallway.] Dad: “Damnit, Billy, why d’you have to keep playing that Low Fidelity All Stars Track so loud? You’ll be waking up the entire neighborhood, and more importantly, me.” Billy: “But Daddy, it helps me get to sleep at night.” Dad: “What? How the hell can that stuff being played that loud help you get to sleep?” Billy: “Because I know that when it hits, some jobber’s getting a whooping.” [Fade out.] [Fade in.] [Video footage, showing highlights of how supremely awesome The Connection are, and your not, flash across the screen. Footage of The Connection obliterating the Unwatchables during the World Tag Team Title Tourny, of the Connection beating High medical bill in that same tag tourny, and footage of the Connection's many, many desecration’s of David Sadler.] [Lots of desecration’s.] [Huuuuuge amount.] [Far too many to count, really.] [But we'll keep counting anyways.] [Cause its fun] [The footage ends and we open up on a cloudy sky and thousands of people standing outside the Vatican Church in Vatican City as new Pope Bendict XVI finishes his first speech to the masses. As he finishes speaking, a small object, (a penny to be exact) falls from the sky, ripping a large hole straight down the middle of the podium. The large crowd looks up in the sky in shock and we see the Connection's robot "Rosie" stands in "ominous hover mode."] [Where she... hovers ominously.] [A loud "Sorry!" can be heard from a megaphone coming from the Robot] Pope Benedict XVI: "Damn you, The Connection!" [The scene shifts to the cockpit of "Rosie," where "usually" your heroes and mine, the epitome of awesomeness, and SWAT World Tag Team Champions, The Connection are sitting, watching the festivities. Both are sporting black "Connection" t-shirts with a golden "C" on the front and "We Always Win" on the back. The SWAT World Tag Team Titles and Caribbean Title hang on hooks in the background.] Syberus: "(after slapping Adrian on the back of the head) What the bloody hell are you doing? Trying to kill the new leader of my church?" Adrian: "Your Protestant." [Syberus jumps back in shock.] [And accidentally drops the dime he was for no apparent reason holding in his hand out his window. It falls and rips an even bigger hole in the podium. The Connection each look out their windows.] Adrian: "Uh, maybe we should go now." Syberus: "Right." [Syberus randomly hits one of the red buttons, (their all red, except for two) and luckily turns off "ominous hover mode" just in time, and they exit, stage left.] [The scene soon fades back in, to a different place, somewhere in Europe. The Connection have parked "Rosie" in the middle of a parking lot, as usual destroying any cars in their way. They’ve by now exited the Robot and are straying around on foot.] Adrian: "So, where are we now, exactly?" Syberus: "Somewhere in Europe, I figure." Adrian: "Any Idea where?" Syberus: "Beats me." Adrian: "Hey look, there's a map." [Off to the side of the road, near the parking lot, is indeed a map. There's a big gold star in the middle that reads "You are here." Above that reads "Le Somewhere, De Europe."] Adrian: "Go figure." [The Connection both shrug their shoulders, and continue on.] Adrian: "So, we've managed to almost kill the new pope.." Syberus: "Twice." Adrian: "Twice. What else is on the agenda?" Syberus: "Well, we could talk about that thing that we have to do with that guy we hate and his friend you pinned last week Vs those other guys that don’t matter.. " Adrian: "Sure. Might as well get that out of the way." [Silence.] Syberus: "...Ok then. That was fun. You think it's safe to fly home yet?" Adrian: "I thought you'd know. You’re the one actually from around here." Syberus: "How does that figure into me knowing if we aren’t going to get blown out of the sky by the bloody friggin’ Pope army?" Adrian: "Touche'. Well, we might as well actually talk about those other guys then. God knows they could use the rub a mention from the greatest tag team in the universe." Syberus: "Ultimate." Adrian: "Eh?" Syberus: " "Ultimate" Tag team of the universe." Adrian: "Oh right. Silly me. Anyhow..." [The Connection stand around, looking around and twiddling their thumbs. Syberus tries to think of something, ANYTHING to say to break this painful silence, but trying to think of things to say about perpetual jobbers is tough.] Syberus: "Man, coming up with things to say about these perpetual jobbers sure is tough." [Especially when you've already beaten everyone in the match.] Adrian: "Especially considering we've already beaten everyone in the match." [Including their "partners."] Syberus: "Especially, our partners." [Right, especially. My bad.] Adrian: "Don't worry about it." Syberus: "Yeah." [Thanks guys] Syberus: "Don't mention it." [Anyway, the match.] Adrian: “Right, right… the match.” Syberus: “Which match again?” Adrian: “The match we’re in.” Syberus: “Ah, that match. Of course.” [Pause.] Syberus: “Maybe… no, no that’s not right…” [Another pause.] Adrian: “But what if… nah, that’s not it…” [Yet another pause.] Syberus: “Hang on!” [Adrian looks up, hopefully.] Syberus: “No, sorry… thought I had it.” Adrian: “Wait, but let me get this straight…” Syberus: “Huh?” Adrian: “I beat… one of ‘em last week… the other one we beat all the time… and the other guys we beat in the Tag Team tournament?” Syberus: “That’s a whole lot of inferior talent we’re stuck in a match with.” Adrian: “True ‘dat. I wonder if there’s any way out?” Syberus: “Hang on, I’ll check…” [He dials a number on his cell. Split screen as Matthew Perry answers.] Matthew Perry: “Yello?” Syberus: “Uh, hi Matt, is there anyway out of this match?” Matthew Perry: “Hang on, I’ll check.” [Matthew Perry calls Zen the midget.] Matthew Perry: “Zen, Syb wants to know if there’s any way out of this match?” Zen: “Hang on, I’ll ask.” [Zen rings “Mark”, the interviewing former butler.] Zen: “Any news on if the Connection can get out of this match?” “Mark”: “Hang on, I’ll call Brian. He’ll know.” [“Mark” rings Brian, Syberus’s cousin.] “Mark”: “Hey man, is there any way out of this match for Syberus and Adrian?” Brian: “Not sure. I’ll call Babyface.” [Brian calls Babyface.] Babyface: “Yeah?” Brian: “Syberus wants to know if he can get out of teaming with jobbers to face jobbers.” Babyface: “Hang on, I’ll call Babyface…” [He hangs up.] Babyface: “Wait a minute, I’M Babyface.” [The line of factory workers that Babyface is stood in ready to swipe the Splurge gun stash, passes a baseball bat down the queue*.] Worker #1: “Pass this to Babyface.” [Babyface takes the bat and turns around, he’s at the end of the line.] Babyface: “Pass this to- DAMNIT!!!” [Back to the Connection of Syberus and Adrian Tanner.] Syberus: “Looks like we’re in it for the long haul.” Adrian: “Bloody hell…” Syberus: “Wait, something’s missing… oh yeah, did you bring the large sack of title belts that we’ve got and most people don’t?” [Adrian produces a large brown sack, that seems to weigh quite a bit.] Syberus: “Great. Now, which one’s should we carry around on us today…” [He rifles around in the bag for a while.] Adrian: “Anything good?” Syberus: “I’m looking for our tag belts… ah, there they are. It was behind my World title.” Adrian: “Ah, cool.” [Syberus passes one of the Tag belts to Adrian, and takes one out himself. He also takes out the SWAT Caribbean Championship.] Syberus: “You want one of the Canadian belts, too?” Adrian: “Sure, let’s go nuts.” [Syberus hands him the CWA Canadian Heavyweight Championship.] Syberus: “Hey, “Mark”!” [The guys are all having a game of soccer at the base of the immense robotic feet of Rosie.] “Mark”: “Yeah?” Syberus: “Come and take the sack o’ belts back to the Cockpit, please.” “Mark”: “Sure, no problem.” [“Mark” alleviates Syberus of the bag, but immediately drops it from the sheer weight of the thing. He begins to drag the sack back in the direction of the robot.] Adrian: "Sooo, about that match..." Syberus: "What match?" Adrian: "The match we're in this week, where we're teaming up with 2 guys we already beat and fighting more people we've already beaten..." Syberus: "Oh, right. That match." [More awkward silence] Adrian: "....wanna go play some soccer with the other?" Syberus: "Sure, let's go. Not like we have anything better to do." [Both men share a look, and then head on over to the soccer game that's going on at the foot of Rosie.] [FADE] *Watch Bugsy Malone. |
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| Arizona's Most Wanted | Feb 28 2011, 04:00 PM Post #5 |
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The Face of S.W.A.T.
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[The Connection’s lessons in life #1, how to kill arguments like the Connection kill arguments.] [Fade in. The Connection of Syberus and Adrian Tanner are walking through a parking lot, presumably back toward their chosen vehicle. Both decked in maroon Connection T-Shirts and carrying a couple of title belts each, the duo really look like the ultra-hip unstoppable wrestling saviours that they are. And you’re not. Panning around we can see their obvious choice of transportation, their giant robot that goes by the name of Rosie. A female parking attendant is writing down some details.] Parking Attendant: “Is this yours?” [She motions up at the gigantic structure beside them.] Syberus: “Yeah.” Adrian: “Why?” Parking Attendant: “You’re on more than one space.” Syberus: “No.” Parking Attendant: “Yes, you are! You clearly are!” Adrian: “No.” Parking Attendant: “In fact I’d say you’re on almost all of them!” Syberus: “No.” Parking Attendant: “Stop saying no!” Adrian: “No.” Parking Attendant: “Do you want a ticket?” Syberus: “No.” Parking Attendant: “Then stop saying no!” Adrian: “No.” Parking Attendant: “That’s it, you’re getting a ticket. I’m presuming that yours has expired anyway, since it’s all the way up there…” [The camera zoooooooms all the way up to the “windscreen” of the robot, where indeed, they’ve stuck the ticket. Several hundred feet above the ground.] Parking Attendant: “What’re your names?” Adrian: “No.” Parking Attendant: “There isn’t even a licence plate on this thing!” Syberus: “No.” Parking Attendant: “Why not?” Adrian: “No.” Parking Attendant: “Isn’t this illegal?” Syberus: “No.” Parking Attendant: “I’m calling the Police!” Adrian: “No.” Parking Attendant: “Yes, I am!” Syberus: “No.” Parking Attendant: “You just watch me!” [He pulls out her phone and dials. Syberus and Adrian Tanner simply climb aboard the Robot. She’d try to stop them if it weren’t for the fact they weighed 220 each. The parking attendant is left behind complaining to the Po-Po as the giant robot strides of.] Connection 1, World 0. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Fade in to the pool deck of El Hotel De MAYHEM~!, the current residence of those guys you know and love, those saviors of professional wrestling, the ULTIMATE Tag Team of the Universe, and reigning undefeated SWAT World Tag Team Champions....The Connection. We zoom in on two chairs near the pool where we find our heroes, lounging and looking as totally awesome as only they can doing it.] [Syberus is wearing blue swim trunks and a black “C” Connection t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, his large muscular chest muscles rippling through the t-shirt. Adrian has on red trunks and no shirt, his giant muscles oiled up and rippli.....wait a minute. This isn’t the Connection!] Voice over Syberus: “Yeah, their our stunt doubles.” [Stunt doubles?] Voice over Adrian Tanner: ”Yeah, they pop up when we need something done that neither of us wants to do but we need to do to prove a point to those people we need to prove a point to.” V/O Syberus: “You dig?” [The narrator’s head explodes~!] V/O Syberus: “Bloody hell!” V/O Adrian: “That’s the third one this week.” V/O Syberus: “Meh, let’s just find another one.” V/O Adrian: “Sounds good to me. Hey, you...yeah, you.” [Static comes over the sound as we’re left with an image of “Syberus” and “Adrian” doing, well....nothing.] V/O Adrian: “Wait, our narrator’s head just exploded. Who’s doing that now then?” V/O Syberus: “My bad.” V/O Adrian: “Nah, go ahead till I get the new guy set.” V/O Syberus: “Right.” [Adrian continues the search for a new narrator while Syberus....narrates for them..er...us. Bloody whatever, you get it. “Syberus” and “Adrian” continue their great feat of nothing on the pool deck.] [Syberus stops narrating as we refocus on “our heroes” lounging on the pool deck.] [Who said that?] [I did.] [Wh...] V/O Syberus: “...o’re you?” V/O Adrian: “...Narrator numero 4.” V/O Syberus: “Ah. Right. Carry on.” [Thanks. We re, re-focus on “our heroes” “Syberus” and “Adrian” lounging on the pool deck.] “Syberus:” “So bloody Adrian, I bloody told ‘em that I bloody wanted a vanilla coke, and you bloody know what they bloody gave me?” “Adrian:” “A diet coke?” “Syberus:” “A DIET bloody COKE!! Are these bloody people bloody blind? I bloody ask for Vanilla bloody coke and they give bloody me bloody DIET?!” [“Mark” the interviewing former butler walks on screen, dressed in a snazzy business suit type getup.] “Mark:” “Uh, hey.” “Syberus:” “Mark, bloody! There you bloody are, bloody. We’ve been bloody waiting for bloody ever for bloody you to show up, bloody. The bloody idiots at this hotel bloody gave me the bloody wrong drink, bloody! DIET! He gave me diet bloody coke when I ordered vanilla.” “Adrian:” Can you believe that?” “Mark:” “Huh?” “Syberus:” “You heard me bloody. They bloody gave me a bloody...” “Mark:” “No, I heard you. I just don’t get why it matters.” “Syberus:” “Why it matters?! Why it matters?!! We’re the bloody Conne...” Syberus: “Alright, just stop.” [Thankfully, FINALLY, the real Connection walk on screen.] “Syberus:” “What’s bloody wrong, bloody?” [The (real) Connection, both sporting the same matching black gold “C” Connection t-shirts and black pants, share a look. Syberus decks his stunt double with a right cross, sending him off the chair to the floor. Adrian plants his stunt double in the head before he can get up with a tray he grabbed from a passing waiter. Adrian pulls his double up and throws him into the pool, shallow side up. The camera swings back around to show Syberus stomping the hell out of his double, before he joins the other one in the pool as well. Both men are carted off by security. Syberus (the real one) eyes the “no diving” sign and smirk. The (real) Connection then take their doubles places on the lounge chairs, “Mark” joining them.] “Mark:” “Thank god! That was annoying.” Adrian: “Welcome to our world “Mark.” Syberus: “No-one ever said parodying High Insurance Rate would be easy.” Adrian: “You said that just the other day.” Syberus: “Did I?” Adrian: “Yeah, that’s why we’re here.” [Picture in picture a few days ago, inside of Rosie, the Connection’s giant Robot.] Syberus: “Parodying High Insurance Rate would be too easy.” Adrian: “Let’s do it then.” Syberus: “Alrighty.” [Fade back to present.] Syberus: “Ah, so I did. I suppose there’s a first time for everything.” Adrian: “Well, almost everything, at least in Low IQ score’s case.” Syberus: “True. There won’t be a first time for Minuscule Talent Ability beating the Connection.” Adrian: “Ever.” Syberus: "Never ever." Adrian: "Touche. Speaking of people who'll never beat us, who are these New Axis guys and why does it seem their entire shtick revolves around saying our names?" "Mark": "65% of people polled on ConnectionEntertainment.com believe them to be perennial losers Eage Dave and Large Lee, whoever those guys are, while 32% answered "Jeff Hardy." Source close to Jeff Hardy told me their probably..." Adrian: "Hold on. No, just no." "Mark": "Huh? What's wrong?" Adrian: " No." "Mark": "Eh?" Adrian: "The last thing we need is to be stealing from Dave Brickhearts "big book of lame ideas I use to make myself look like I matter to anyone in the world who isnt me."" Syberus: "I read that book." Adrian: "You...did?" Syberus: "No." Adrian: "Ahh, good. For a second there..." Syberus: "Nah, but I did read a review about it on the internet. Terrible. Alot like Dave himself." Adrian: "I beat the internet once." "Mark": " Really?" Adrian: "Yeah, the last boss is a bitch." "Mark": "Soo...about High Maintenance." Adrian: "High whatenance?" Syberus: "What maintenance?" "Mark": Ugh! C'mon guys, don't do this to me again!" Adrian: "Ok ok. Cool down "Mark." We're just kidding, sheesh. You wanna know about High whatystheirfaces?" ["Mark" nods his head, indicating that he does want to know. Why anyone would want to know about Hgih Whatstheirfaces is beyond me, but I'm not "Mark."] Adrian: "Lemme tell ya about High Whatstheirfaces. These guys, their everyone in this business that's ever faced the awesomeness that is The Connection, be it in singles matches or as a team. They come in, act like their better than us, tink they "have our numbers" because we talk alot of shit, and they dont we can back it up. And they call us arrogant because of it. They think we're all hype." Syberus: "Then they learn the truth. That The Connection is much more than just "hype." That the Connection, to steal a phrase from my partner for a moment, is for real. That we may talk a big game, but we talk that game because we've bloody EARNED the right to talk that big game!" Adrian: "F'n right we have." Syberus: "But just because we talk a big game, see, that doesnt mean we arent preparing every second we have the chance. That doesnt mean we arent using every resource that's available to us, and learning each and every one of our opponents flaws, so that when we get into the ring, we'll take those flaws, pick them apart and prove to everyone else in the universe, once again that we are everything we say we are." Adrian: "Exactly. People can't seem to grasp the concept that we talk the shit we do BECAUSE you ignoramoses continue to call us out for talking the shit we do. Just because we arent sitting a gym bench pressing 5000lbs every day, ot oiling up rippling muscles, doesnt mean we arent prepared. We just like to let our actions speak in that ring." Syberus: "And I think it's safe to say, our actions in the ring ALWAYS speak louder than our words." [Syberus pats his half of the SWAT WORLD Tag Team Championships that rests on his left shoulder.] Adrian: "Indeed. So, High Whatstheirfaces, while your sitting around, oiling up your muscles and whining about how unfair it is that we have a giant robot and you don't you, remember that we'll be spending our time learning your every little nuance and flaw, and remember that when you lose at Cinco De Mayhem, don't say we didnt warn you." Syberus: "Bravo." Adrian: "Thanks." Syberus: "I think we're done here." [The Connection and "Mark" get up and leave El hotel de Mayhem] [And now let's send it to Ollie Williams for the "High Maintenance chances of winning the World Tag Team title match" forecast. Ollie.*] Ollie: "They gon' die." [Thank you Ollie.] [FADE] *Family Guy reference |
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10:44 AM Jul 11
