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Asarian De'maan |Male | Candidate
Topic Started: Feb 6 2017, 06:42 PM (364 Views)
Bagels
Member
Warning: This discusses serious topics like Abuse and Rape (Reader Discretion Advised)
Character Number: 1st

Name:Asarian De'maan

Age: 24

Gender: Male

Sex: Male

Sexuality: Straight

Appearance:Asarian is your everyday pretty boy. He has jet black hair and pale blue eyes. He has freckles all over his face and scar that crosses over through his brow. His lip are rosy pink and he has a slightly defined jaw line. He has no beard or facial hair. He also possesses a standard chin.

Asarian is semi muscular. His torso and arms are covered in scars. He is 6.0 feet tall and 175 pounds. He is arms show muscle but aren’t enough to be displeasing. He has solid bottom features. He has perfect posture

Personality: To everybody besides his friends he is emotionless, dark, and calculating person that is willing to do anything to reach a final end. He is perceived as a necessary evil, and slightly emotionally unstable. He prefers to kill from far away but he has no qualms with shoving a knife through someone personally.

To his friend’s Asarian is a die hard loyalist that destroys all opposition. His hostile and cold nature depletes when he is with them. When he is with friends he is outgoing and easygoing. He is more willing to smile and engage in friendly conversion. Asarian is far from trusting, because of this he does not have many true friends or make friend easily.

Rank: Candidate

History: Serdric De’Maan was a man with unquestionable power. He used his power to get away with raping women and one day he got one pregnant with his child. After giving birth to the boy, she died and the child was left to the dad. Serdric hated the baby as soon as he saw him and beat him without mercy wheb he was old enough with any he could find.

As time went on Asarian became unfeeling and distant. After he became cold and nearly evil, his father started to acknowledge him as son. Serdic placed him as his sole inheritor and sent him to school. His persona caused people to fear him and revere his might, but one girl wasn’t afraid of him. At first this annoyed him, but the more she was nice him the more he liked it. When they were old they formed a relationship. They lived happily until one day she was kidnapped by the Tainted. Now, he uses his power and resources to search her and destroy anyone and everything that gets in his way. Nothing will stop him from getting back his girl.

When the war started Asarian was drafted, and they made uses of him as a strategist. Although the De'Maan's force their offsprings to learn and comprehend Marquis De'Maan's Field Manuel, a book of strategems and logisitcs, Asarian was already natural gifted in risk management, damage control, possesion, and critical thinking. He stratagems when so good that he gained fame as the Sleeping Titan. He was gaven this nickname because of his patiences. During a battle with Tainted, He allowed the enemy to cross a stream and then he changed his battlelion's formation. He placed the his fire dragonriders in the stream and left his foot soldier in the front. When the tainted rushed his positions, he abandon it and the bloodthirsty tainted eagerly followed. He fired two canons which signal his troops to emerge from the lake which began a battle on two fronts. He order them to heat the water and spray it on the invading soldiers. In the confusion he razed the ground behind the enemies. The Tainted had no choice be to retire forwards, where trenches collapsed and spiked trees devoured the remaining soldiers. The enemy commander was stripped of power and he was brought before the little stragetist. Before he was beheaded by Asarian, he said," I was sent here to fight a child... a little pathetic child, but instead I found a collosus... a titan." After this he took leave from the war, so he went back to regular life and suffered from PTSD. To prevent him from doing anything rash they (friends) got him interested in dragons and their applications. It worked and looked in apply for dragonriderhood. Although this placed on hold back the Great Occupation, when the Tainted control over 90% of the nation. Asarian returned to the front to fight for the Government in Exile and helped with his miraculous stratagems and lower tactics. He used 2-3-5-3 tactic (a patterned tactic that disorientates the oppositions. It is esstenial a misdirected which also seemingly obvious things to be missed by the opponent.) that allowed the government room to breath. He then help launch a campaign to north via Warships and a few dragonriders. He sew mistrust in the tainted warlords in the area and then pick them often while they in fought. After the end of the war he returned home as a lesser known Hero and sent his application as a dragonrider.

He hide his true personality and made friends in the fold. On his off day he places Chess and Go with Anyone who is willing to play and wonders if he will ever see his girl again.


Pet(s): N/A

User Information

Username: Bagels

Contact: skype me @ Argumail or @ Bagles for Discord

Yourself:Big fan of fantasies and freedom of characters

How did you find Sekkai? a friend
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CloakAndDagger
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THE DUNGEON MASTER
Admin
Hello!

Thank you for posting this profile!  I know you've been working with Semp recently on it, but I hope you don't mind me popping in as well.  You've got a lot of potential here, and I'm sure you're eager to be able to use Asarian!  With a few other things, I'm sure we can get everything moving for you.  You already seem to have made some great additions and Changes to the profile!

First, as I think Semp said, there are quite a few grammatical things that need cleaning up.  More than that, though, there seems to be a lack of detail in the Personality and Appearance section.  You did a great job with the length of the history, but, your other sections are small in comparison.  I did count, though, and see you have the full number of sentences!  But what you do provide leaves me wondering about so many things.  What does his voice sound like?  How does he walk?  Are his footsteps militaristic and stiff or are they long and drawn out?  How does he sit?  What do his hands look like?  Does he have any ticks or does he gesticulate to talk with his hands?  Why does he wear what he wears?  How is his hygiene?  What does his smile look like?  Does he smile at all?  You don't have to answer all or any of these questions.  For personality, why does h want friends at all?  Does he like people?  What does he think of them?  Where does he go to de-stress?  Is he ever stressed at all?  What are his strengths?  His faults?  It's just that I get such a limited, far off picture of him.  I'd like to see something more.  I'd like to be able to picture him, to know him better.

Secondly, I had some concern over parts of his history.  Thank you for adding the Trigger warnings!  I really appreciate that step you took!  When I was reading through, however, I found it hard to easily move passed the initial mentions of rape and abuse, as well as your mentioning of PTSD.  It wasn't that I didn't want to see these things!  Unfortunately, they're all part of the world we live in, but when I read them here, I didn't feel any sense of care or understanding in your words.  When you talk about how his father raped women, it just seems so matter-of-fact, like he was brushing his teeth, but that's not how we should treat something as serious as rape.  And it was similar as to when you spoke of the child abuse and PTSD.  They were other very serious issues, but it almost didn't seem at all important or terrible otherwise with how you approached it.  There's no easy way for me to tell you how to address or fix this, so I completely understand the challenge of being told to edit there.  All I ask is that you approach these tragic things with more respect and more acknowledgement of the father as an oppressor.

In relation to that, the way you present Asarian's story, the hurt of his childhood abuse seems to be the logical base of his 'evil'?  That's a very extreme, possibly very hurtful assumption to make.  It also makes me wonder what you mean by 'evil'?  What is evil to you?  What makes him an evil person and not merely a broken, misguided man who may do evil things either intentionally or unintentionally?

Likewise, taking a moment to look at his PTSD from the war, what do you mean by 'rash'?  As I read it, I was confused as to what you meant.  On one hand, I though you might be referring to the tragically high rate of suicide among combat veterans, but, given how you described Asarian before, I was also wondering if you meant to imply that he would lash out or be physically violent with a sudden triggering?  But the stereotype of the dangerous War Vet with PTSD is also an untrue one.  I just didn't know what you meant, but it's another place I'd like you to go over with more care.  How did he find out he had PTSD?  How did it affect him?  Did he seek treatment outside dragon rider candidacy as a diversion?

My last questions and concerns are smaller, but left me confused too.  How did he get to be such a young war hero?  You described him as being only a minor hero, but things are presented in a way that glorifies him.  I want to know how he was given a chance to be a strategist since he was so inexperienced and young at the start of his service.  Was it an aptitude test?  Did a supervisor take an interest in him?  Did he pipe up at a meeting with a suggestion that led to him being given more access to other strategic meetings?  I don't need to know what I did specifically for the maneuvers.  I need to know how he got there.  It's hard to be suddenly good at something overnight.  What were his failures?  His regrets?

I also wondered, given how you described him as a evil person, why love 'fixed' his evil?  Did she show him an appreciation of life?  Did she challenge him to be a better person?  Love can't fix hate, but it can inspire change!  I want to read about that!  I want to see the better person inside him.  And how do his friends avoid his evilness?  Why do they bring out his good?  What makes him act so different?

I'm sorry this turned out to be so long!  Hopefully it wasn't too much of a slog!
Thank you again for reading.  I want to see what great things you can write with us, and I'm looking forward to seeing this character in action!  If you have any questions, please let me or any of the staff know.  If I was too broad or you need more help or more examples, I'd be happy to do what I can!  And if you don't know how to work with any of the issues, I'd be happy to try some more in depth work with you.

Thank you and thank you for being here!
And thank you for your patience!
-Kess
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