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Squared Circle #6 - WWE Hall of Shame Part I
Topic Started: Jun 7 2007, 02:31 PM (299 Views)
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Squared Circle #6
The Hall of Shame II

After writing the general WWE Hall of Shame prior to WWE WrestleMania 23, which included such inductions as Beaver Cleavage, Katie Vick and The XFL, I decided to write this column now based on the 15 worst moments since WrestleMania of this year. The top 10 will be inducted into the Hall of Shame.

15. Maria Gives Detailed Analysis on Pudding (WWE One Night Stand) – Well, it seems fairly simple really. Cerebrally hindered Maria Kanellis suddenly becomes an intelligent sports analyst, and gives us a detailed commentary on how Temperature, Visibility and Viscosity will be factors in the match. Never panic though, as WWE would go on to have Maria in the pudding anyway.

14. The “Extreme” Commercials for One Night Stand – Hmm, surely this is false advertising? The “Extreme Rules” pay-per-view advertised ended up being as hardcore as a plush Hogan toy. “John Cena goes Extreme, as the WWE Championship goes Extreme!”- If they mean extremely dull, then yes. Also, Vince never went extreme, he just went mad.

13. Ric Flair’s Spray Tan – To paraphrase those British cellphone commercials, The future isn’t bright, but the superstars are Orange. I really, really wonder at times, if Ric Flair fell asleep under a spray tanning machine. Seriously, the guy makes me turn the brightness on my television down every Monday night. This is one deserving of a mention in any hall of shame.

12. The main event of Saturday Night’s Main Event – As much as I was tempted to put the Cena/Khali match from the same show in this induction, I refrained. The 6-man tag match at the end of Saturday Night’s main event was dire. Viscera had only been put on this show to prevent him from eating the set of the pudding match at One Night Stand. If someone can actually figure out why Eugene was dressed as Superman, please e-mail me, Doink the Clown is no longer a cool character, the same can be said of Kane…and Umaga to an extent.

11. Kennedy loses Money In the Bank – Wow, this was a dumb angle. Even at his original return date, Kennedy would have still been back well before WrestleMania 24. And this is what he’d been hyping before his injury, so in actual fact the MITB status shouldn’t have been affected. There’s now a danger that Kennedy won’t get the Championship he deserves within a year now.

And now, the Top 10 worst moments of the season so far… Which are receiving Hall of Shame Inductions...



10. John “Bradshaw” Layfield – On his day, JBL is an exceptionally good color commentator. Sadly, It hasn’t been his day since WrestleMania. Maybe he is hampered by working with Michael Cole, but recently JBL has gone from an angered and passionate heel commentator, to a whining commentator. I believe John has been taking lessons from Chyna with regards to hating the entire human race… Oh wait though; he never liked X-Pac to begin with, did he?

9. Battle of the Billionaires – This WrestleMania match, whilst funny in places, was a complete disaster. Lashley and McMahon’s angle the next night on RAW was far more amusing, although I think Vince re-injured Lillian’s knee in the process of that. Donald Trump is frankly boring, not that Vince McMahon isn’t or anything, but this whole angle didn’t inspire me. Oh, and it got re-capped on every WWE television show for the 4 weeks after WrestleMania. Hmm, and it also led to the Genetic Grandpa losing his mind.

8. Mark Henry Returns – Mark Henry returns from nowhere, which is pretty much where he’s been his entire career ironically. The intercontinental-sized Mark Henry still moves with all the speed of a tectonic plate, and has the natural style in the ring of a thousand stampeding elephants. The short feud with Kane was excruciatingly bad, much like Henry’s entire career. The world’s strongest man gimmick is starting to get old too, now Henry just has the world’s strongest stomach – which is needed just to prevent it from collapsing. My issue with Mark Henry is that he isn’t intimidating in any way, he just looks like another advert for an obesity clinic.

7. The Pudding Match – Like all bad cases of pudding, this match made a lot of professional wrestling fans feel ill. Melina and Candice didn’t even look as nice as they usually do when they were in the pudding, in fact, it upped their ugliness slightly. WWE’s aim to portray their divas in a classier way clearly worked – hey I’m not being sarcastic, that was luxury pudding.

6. Truly Awful Promos – Ah yes, something which always irritates me is awful promos, and this last 3 months have seen a plethora of them. Whilst The Great Khali still has better conversational ability than Chris Benoit, he shouldn’t be allowed near a WWE microphone. His lack of depth in his interviews kind of irritates me, but maybe “blurrrrrrrrarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggh” could become a catchphrase which little kids yell at the shows? Thought not. Randy Orton has been back on the mic with his painful, sleep-inducing snooze-fests which have had WWE fans everywhere reaching for the pillows. Ah, and of course Bobby Lashley’s soft-spoken promos have blown his character apart recently, and Vince McMahon is still terrorizing anybody with eardrums within a 15-mile radius of Monday Night RAW Events. Overall, an excruciating month for mic-work.


5. Mr McMahon loses his mind – Perhaps Vince had a stroke when he looked at the pay-per-view sales figures for Judgment Day and the UFC show? Maybe he temporarily lost consciousness after listening to Randy Orton talking on RAW? Perhaps even, he watched Saturday Night’s Main Event and tried to hang himself with his tie, causing brain damage? I don’t know what the reason is for Mr McMahon losing his mind is, but it doesn’t seem credible that Bobby Lashley could drive anybody to insanity, except for those unfortunate enough to watch his matches. This whole angle seems pretty pointless to my mind (which is in good working order by the way), and I’ll become bored of it fairly quickly. Nobody cares that Vince is losing his mind… 7 promos from the gerentologically advanced Chairman in any one night may cause many others to lose theirs.

4. Concussions – Ah yes, Concussions, Bruises on the brain, Cerebral contusions; whatever you care to call them, they are serious business… but not in World Wrestling Entertainment it would seem. The whole aspect of concussions not keeping Rob Van Dam out of action, when they have stopped the show-stopper, is ridiculous. The idea of portraying WWE superstars as tougher than other sportsmen by having them fight off concussions is a dumb idea too. Oh, and if Randy can’t get over when he’s concussing half the roster – will he ever?!

3. Santino Marella – The stereotypical non-Italian who stepped up to Raw in April to get a piece of the action, or a pizza de action I guess. The over-Italian accent has got quite irritating, and the music sells the stereotype but it’s just got boring already. I feel like I’m playing an old super Mario game when I hear Santino. I think they’ve lost all-a the momentum here because he’s-a been booked-a so badly. How long before Creative dust off the Pizza on a Pole match and find Guido for the angle? Seriously.

2. Khali’s Title Push – Ah yes, the moment it all went Brian Ong for RAW. Whoever was behind this should be shot, or worse, forced to watch Saturday Night’s Main Event. Firstly, Khali, who is 7’ 3’’, manages to sneak around backstage all night at RAW and nobody even notices. With these powers of observation, perhaps everybody backstage should be a Raw Referee. After wiping out Shawn Michaels, who appeared to be merely sitting down; Randy Orton, who slipped in the showers during a steamy session with Kenny Dykstra (Well why the hell else would he be there?), and then Edge, who may just have slipped on the lubricant Randy dropped on his locker-room floor earlier in the night, Khali pseudo-attacked John “Vanilla Ice” Cena to stake a claim for the title. The storyline was devoid and they’re match at Judgment Day was ok, but their match at one night stand sucked more than Chyna on a Waltman Home Video release.

And now, the worst moment so far this season…


1. Vince McMahon wins the ECW World Title (WWE Backlash) – As an ECW fan, and a professional wrestling fan, I couldn’t put this anywhere else but as the number 1 worst moment of the year. Vince McMahon’s sacrilegious defacement of the Championship had Sabu’s career doing 450’s in its grave after this show. A truly awful moment for Wrestling, not just because it meant ECW was dead, but also because it put Vince onto our television screens even more, and seen the burial of Umaga. The McMahons vs Lashley feud was/is awful, and sent many people into a state similar to sleep paralysis or partial death. Anybody who has watched Raw is Snore in a catatonic state recently will agree with this induction. Hell, anyone with eyes will agree with this induction. McMahon’s ECW title run and domination of television has been, quite simply, agonising.

And that concludes this evening’s Hall of Shame. I will be back on the buil-up to Summerslam to do the Hall of Shame for the next 3 month period. Thankyou for listening.
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cenashoneybee
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Lmao! Funny (and so true) as always, can't wait for the next one! :P
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