May 02
ain't life a kick in the head ....
My sister, my big sister, my only sister has womb cancer and the only thing I can think of doing is to light another cigarette. Times like this you always feel like you should be doing something - if I was at her house I'd probably clear a table, wash dishes, put the kettle on and make tea. Weak and milky - just how she makes it. A fruity, chinese smell. But I'm not at her house, I'm at mine and I don't clear tables, wash dishes and I've none to make tea for. So I light another fag. 1,000's of times we've sat at the table in her kitchen; back door open, her drinking that weak, milky mess - talking, laughing, arguing - David on my knee. Just being family.
My sister's head appearing round the bedroom door, in her hand a chunk of cheese and a tomato. 1,000's of times she'd lie down next to me on the bed - talking, laughing, arguing. A cheese and tomato madeline. Mum shouts, saying let her sleep when she know's I'll still be awake hours from now.
I hardly slept as a child. Never tired, always awake apart from when I was woken. My sister, sat on the radiator next to my chair at the breakfast table. My sister didn't eat breakfast, just coffee. Her wide awake, me slumped in a sort of half life, a momental struggle to reach consciousness. My fork loaded with a selection of fried bread, bacon & beans and I fully intend to put that in my mouth, as much as I'm capable, I'm looking forward to that mouthful. Like a hawk she swops, the mouthful is gone. I'm wide awake now and I'm angry. 1,000's of times.
I've never told her how much I love her, it's one thing I don't need to do because she knows. The same way I know how much she loves me. Drive each other mad, but that's the nature of the beast! As Gill said when asked if there was a history of family cancer "Cancer? Not sure. Madness? Yes ....
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Comment by Lu20, Jun 24 2009, 03:25 PM
Rose, Just read your blog. Nothing quite hits as hard as anything affecting 'The Family' does it.
I bet you she knows just how much you love her as you know just how much your sister loves you. It's nice to hear it once in a while though I must admit. - Add new comment:
7:44 AM Nov 26
