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Who was Jesus?
Topic Started: Aug 5 2012, 05:14 AM (440 Views)
Delphi51
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Dear Daughter is reading a weird book called "Bruach Blend" by Lillian Beckwith. She read a bit to me about an old fisherman who has lost some marbles and thinks he is Jesus being checked into a care home.

The doctor says, "We've put him in the Jesus Christ Room. He'll be all right there for a while."
"The Jesus Christ room?" Morag sounded appalled. "How could they have such a place?"
"That's just what the brother was thinkin" said Willy. "Do you mean there's others after goin the same way?" he asks the doctor.
"Aye" says the doctor. "There's four of them there already."
"Good God!" says the brother. "What happens when you put them all in the same room then?"
"Ach" the doctor tells him, "by the time they've finished trying to convince one another they're all bloody atheists anyway."
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FuzzyO
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I love Lillian Beckwith, but it has been years since I read her. Thanks so much for the reminder.
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Jesus And The Redneck

An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked,"Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded again, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, too.

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there sweet thang,how's about gettin' me a cold glass of RC!" He too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress nodded again, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of RC, too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up,and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Hey, man, don't touch me...... I'm drawin' disability!!!!!"
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Delphi51
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Good one, Linda.Ann!
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Delphi
I know it is not Christmas and I hope this doesn't offend any Italians on board but I always liked this one. It is good.


Christmas Italian Style

Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!

Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!

Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.

"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"

Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"
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