Fateful Blessings

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Fateful Blessings; theBluestPurple
Topic Started: Jan 12 2005, 12:23 AM (489 Views)
theBluestPurple	Jan 12 2005, 12:23 AM Post #1
Haiku Posts: 297 Group: The Mighty Pen Member #2 Joined: September 1, 2004	review away!



Mahogany	Jan 12 2005, 12:21 PM Post #2
Letter Posts: 43 Group: Members Member #18 Joined: November 7, 2004	Quote: she turns to watch the diminishing sun bathe Manhattan’s grey, steel fortresses in peach hues. Quote: stifling her breaths as if submerging in the mystery of a faraway ocean. Your description is amazing, you really know how to build a picture and sound in a girls head. I could see evrythign happening in that office before Sundiata had her premature contractions. I love that name by the way.Possibly this means the sunlight which comes after the storm, that she'll face. Her character seems to me to a workaholic, and it looks like all the fererish activities she's been doing for the love of her craft might cost her one of the things that are most precious to her the gift of giving life. This kind of hints into the option of her having to choose which one is more important - her job ... or her child. Sounds to be like one of those awesome soul searching books to me, and I say you're starting it off pretty damn royal girlfriend. Double Snaps! & Plz. Continue. Mahogany.



mirevas	Jan 12 2005, 02:32 PM Post #3
Drabble Posts: 336 Group: Members Member #10 Joined: September 8, 2004	okay, now i understand why people cring at the idea of Tragedy -- i can already feel my skin tightening up. there are too many omens: the last day before vacation, the sunset realization of this woman (ITA, mahoghany -- love the name sundiata) that she needs to slow down, that her child is her only sanity. . . YIKES. some serious sht is about to go down. this part had to me almost the feeling of a prologue; why do i feel like sundiata herself is not the* main protagonist of the story?? nuri, it's lovely what you've done with the language; as a poet, you bring so much to the prose with 'showing' language (as opp to telling, my own weakness). some things i particularly liked: Quote: A ballpoint pen is dropped on a stack of files, papers are pushed, messages are checked, rolodex is flipped, bangs are brushed back yet again, computer keyboard is clicked. The May issue of Lyricist Magazine sits ready to be slaughtered with Sundiata’s red pen rhythmic and evocative. it says more about sundiata herself than it does about her office or the nature of her work. great stuff. Quote: her abdomen, protruding today by at most one new inch this line took me into her perspective about the pregnancy; i felt like she took a kind of joy everyday in thinking about the imperceptible growth of that beautiful belly. what a connectedness. so of course, i'm doubly sad about what's happening to her. Quote: Sharp pain stampedes out of her side. What comes next spreads from her side and blankets her stomach. The contraction turns to fear, then extends up her hand and arm to finally reach her deep brown eyes, escaping as panicked tears. Shallow, staccato breaths, a face full of terror, a stream of saltiness carves its way to the corners of her lips. EEK. you had me at stampeding pain. i was drawn all the way into her experience, not as an aobserver, but even as a participant. energetic and incredible. love the taste; can't wait for the meat and potatoes, nuri.



Hetairai	Jan 13 2005, 12:31 AM Post #4
Anika Posts: 413 Group: The Mighty Pen Member #1 Joined: August 31, 2004	Wow! Quote: love the taste; can't wait for the meat and potatoes, nuri. Ditto!!! I loved it! The imagery was so tangible! I also love the name Sundiata, never heard it before.



mirevas	Jan 13 2005, 04:43 PM Post #5
Drabble Posts: 336 Group: Members Member #10 Joined: September 8, 2004	okay nuri, on behalf of all of us who are taken with the name. . . can we get a little etymology of Sundiata, or backstory on how you chose it, significance, etc?



bana05	Jan 15 2005, 07:26 AM Post #6
Word Posts: 70 Group: Members Member #19 Joined: November 14, 2004	oh no. Oh no. You set the scene up so well for what happens at the end. The whole showing of Sundiata going through regular routine only to be interrupted by something certainly "not routine" . . . and for it to be that, oh dear and oh no. Wow. I eagerly anticipate the next bit.



GuestRudyTrudy84	Jan 15 2005, 08:39 PM Post #7
Unregistered	Great Start!!! I am soo excited to see your work. Without being repetitive I love the name as well. I am definately already pulled in=)
Unregistered


theBluestPurple	Jan 16 2005, 08:12 PM Post #8
Haiku Posts: 297 Group: The Mighty Pen Member #2 Joined: September 1, 2004	lol, hi guys. SO sorry for the lapse. this week has been hell. dont ever go abroad then try to come back to school after a semester. not a fun transition. omg, im so bashful. im sittin over here cheesin over your comments. i really just love being overly descriptive. i actually dont think theres such a thing as being too descriptive. it love the feeling of reading ab what something looks like instead of just being like 'something looks like this.' lol mir ab being a tragedy story. it kind of gives the story away. but i hope not in this case. CLEARLY the name i chose is a hit!!! honestly i dont even remember where i heard it. but i know i did. or maybe i made it up out of a compilation of a few names. thats possible too. i know i just love it. as a metaphor with the sun...i never even thought of that mahogany! but i like it. with this story i didnt pick names like that...i did more of the 'this character looks like a whoever in my head' type thing. but im glad everyone likes it. i love all your comments so much. youre right...sundi is the consummate journalist, but shes preparing to be consummate mom too. and the beginning is ab that balance bt work and home. she thought she had it all together, everything was going smoothly, she was almost to her relaxation, then this happens. poor girl. im kind of sad to say though...fateful blessings really isnt THAT long. like its really a short story. i wrote it for a class, which required the length it is. but now that i look at it, i could prob add more. like the ending...doesnt have to be the ending. but thats all im gonna say. enjoy what i have now! i keep giving me your opinions!



Mahogany	Jan 17 2005, 05:46 PM Post #9
Letter Posts: 43 Group: Members Member #18 Joined: November 7, 2004	I always got a little bit angered when I'd read one of thse highly acclaimed novels, and books capturing the lives of succesful women who didn't know when to say when and knew just about less about romance or whatever ...UNTIL da da da, Mr Right- or what have you- comes allong and sweeps her off of her feet and she compleatly drops her personal flaws but also she tends to drop allot of the things that made her what she is. There was never a ballance because all of those ladies sooner or later had to basiclly drop whatever they had doing in their lives just to get a piece of what we all wish for ... and that's why I'm very happry I found this, because you seem to see this common pattern and by Sunditta and gaining the perfect balance, without jeprodizing herself you plan to change it and cater it to your own talents. If that makes any sense, I rarely do.lol. Great job.



theBluestPurple	Jan 19 2005, 12:52 AM Post #10
Haiku Posts: 297 Group: The Mighty Pen Member #2 Joined: September 1, 2004	lol mahogany, i know exactly what you mean. and that easy way out is not for me. i wrote this story from the perspective that i live. in my world, i'd never sellout on friends for a lover. especially if ive known them for far longer. lovers and friends (shout to lil jon luda and ursh, lol) are equally as important. besides, who do you run to when that DUDE is trippin. YOUR GIRLS, thats who. i guess bc ive had so many friends repeatedly ignore me for weeks on end while theyre "dating" someone that id never want to do it myself. and thats what sundi and audra are for each other. i had to include that part to show the foundation their friendship is built on, and why audra had such the calming effect on sundi at the present moment. more to come soon.



Hetairai	Jan 19 2005, 12:57 AM Post #11
Anika Posts: 413 Group: The Mighty Pen Member #1 Joined: August 31, 2004	I love Audra! Sundiata and Caliq, cool names. I like their relationship, two people growing together. I can't wait to really get into this. I still feel teased



rudytrudy84	Jan 19 2005, 03:19 AM Post #12
Phrase Posts: 118 Group: Members Member #14 Joined: September 24, 2004	I liked part 2, I can totally relate. My friends that I met here my freshman year are my entire life. We take bets on who will be the first to get married, who will be a psycho Mom ( I was voted most likely for that one), and what each others future husbands will be like. I talk to them everyday! Seriously over the break I didn't know what to do with myself. As graduation nears it is sad to think about moving away from each other. I liked the professor "I make life difficult because I can" line that is soo true. Why is it that professors want you to treat their class like you aren't taking any others? You know I mean HELLO 8 page research papers and pop quizzes in Jazz Appreciation? Its supposed to be a blow off class! But let me get off of my tanget (sorry ya'll our first day back at class was today) I kind of want to know how its going to end up a tragedy but then again I don't, cause everyone seems so happy now



Hetairai	Jan 22 2005, 05:04 PM Post #13
Anika Posts: 413 Group: The Mighty Pen Member #1 Joined: August 31, 2004	Damn, this baby is coming aint it? Aww Caliq, putting on a brave front, that's soo sweet. Damn I'm fearful I can't wait for the next chapter!



mirevas	Jan 23 2005, 06:17 PM Post #14
Drabble Posts: 336 Group: Members Member #10 Joined: September 8, 2004	You're doing bad things to my heart, nuri. Quote: Words were a formality in half of their conversations; eyes and body language told everything. ITA about audra and sundi; that best friendship that's like a sisterhood (and i know how you love best friendships, nuri). there is nothing better than a friend who can see into the soul. Quote: All she wanted was a baby that was healthy, the clichéd prayer of any woman who had been yearning to love a baby of her own since looking into the enthralling, glassy eyes of her plastic one. The sight in front of her is far from what she’d seen in those docudramas on The Learning Channel. i love these two phrases because its like, life is so much different than what you expect, than what you were told it would be. especially this situation, with the premature pregnancy. there is almost a shattering of the superwoman myth thing going on here in the undertow. Quote: Caliq’s crisp, white, button-down and navy slacks fit like a runner’s tracksuit as he dodged traffic and slow-moving tourists. i just thought this was great, visually, in terms of telling me how fast caliq got his *ss over there. he loves his sundi. i'm seriously dying of stress over what is going to happen to sundi and the baby; that's how high you've cranked the amplitude on this one. :ph43r:



Mahogany	Jan 29 2005, 01:45 PM Post #15
Letter Posts: 43 Group: Members Member #18 Joined: November 7, 2004	Wow. You're really making me feel this! I'm really scared about this, I want this baby to be born alright safe and healthy but I have this great feeling that that isn't going to happen! I think the baby's really reacting to the hectic lives of its parents, it coming in too fast just like their both moving at such hasted paces and unfortunately whatever's gonna happen to this baby's going to have to be like that hard lesson learnt. :ph43r: I loved, and will continue to be in love with Caliq. Not only is that like the name of my favorite baby cousin, but also from now on he's going to be my fictional man. Number one on the long list atleast! Goodness Gracious and LAWWWD 'ah MERCCYY! Did I love the description you put into , the fear and hystericness of being in love. You'd run through burning fire and that's excatlly what Caliq was willing to do. I like this very much! Plz. Continue. Much props. Mahogany.



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