Welcome Guest
[Log In]
[Register]
| Welcome to Big Boards. Big Boards at one time offered the Zathyus network our long famous Resource Archives, our extensive search indexes, and our info-packed resource forums. Eventually, these were made redundant by upgrades to the documentations and expanded search features added to the ZetaBoards software, and this forum then lost relevancy and subsequently became inactive. Our team then embarked on a new project called Planet Nexus, where a bold new experiment in forum promotion is taking place. We call it nexworking. NexusTree offers social networking pages for forums in a fully automated format. Your NexusTree page is created instantly when your join the nexus. Find out more by visiting Planet Nexus, and become part of the nexworking revolution. ![]() If you're already a member please log in to your account for additional access: |
| Story in Progress | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 23 2008, 11:17 PM (156 Views) | ||||
| Justin | Dec 23 2008, 11:17 PM Post #1 | |||
![]()
'forever.
![]()
|
Currently in progress of writing this somewhat short story. I need more ideas before I move on, any opinions, ideas or criticism would be sweet!
|
|||
![]() Click to visit my Personal Forum JUSTIN - PROUD MEMBER OF BIG BOARDS SINCE JANUARY 30th 2008
| ||||
|
|
||||
| Morgan | Dec 24 2008, 08:37 PM Post #2 | |||
|
Safe Boating Is No Accident
![]()
|
The first sentence is a bit of a run-on. It can be chopped into a couple smaller sentences to make it more manageable. There is also a tense issue: you start out in the past tense ("The night breeze was cold...") but then suddenly in the third sentence, you switch to the present ("...a small, red dusty car pulls up..."). I'd suggest switching everything to the past tense, because narratives are rarely written in the present tense, it just sounds odd, lol. The story so far is pretty interesting though. It feels kind of like the end of a story though; however, I think that can be used to your advantage. At this point in the story would be the perfect time to initiate a flashback: you can go back and explain who this man visiting the cemetery is, how his wife died, and of course, who the mysterious man is and what makes him want to kill the other man. I think that could turn out to be quite something.
|
|||
![]()
| ||||
|
|
||||
| Justin | Dec 24 2008, 11:33 PM Post #3 | |||
![]()
'forever.
![]()
|
Thanks very much Morgan. That opens up a whole new realm of possibilities to me.
I'll be sure to continue this once I get back. |
|||
![]() Click to visit my Personal Forum JUSTIN - PROUD MEMBER OF BIG BOARDS SINCE JANUARY 30th 2008
| ||||
|
|
||||
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | ||||
| « Previous Topic · The Water Cooler · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
|
Hosted for free by ZetaBoards · Privacy Policy








I'll be sure to continue this once I get back.