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Starnight; Defiantly not my best, but you should still read it.
Topic Started: Monday, 4. October 2010, 00:01 (167 Views)
theMaximus
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I had to write this for school, and I didn't have very long to write it, a few hours at the most. This is defiantly not my best work, but hey, it's a story, so I'm posting it, and reading it won't hurt.. Enjoy :)

Spoiler: click to toggle
Gwa ha ha, I kill you with my waffle magic! Gwa ha h- gahhh! I'm choking on my waffles!
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Pappy
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Camel-Crazy
Coolness!
By the way. To make spoiler tags you just put [ spoiler ] and then at the end [ /spoiler ] but without spaces
Edited by Pappy, Tuesday, 5. October 2010, 23:55.
<This is all stupid>
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theMaximus
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yay! do you likes it? my bro. kept on telling me what waz wrong with it >.< but then again, i kinda asked him to do that.... anyways, did ya like it?
Gwa ha ha, I kill you with my waffle magic! Gwa ha h- gahhh! I'm choking on my waffles!
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James
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it's all cool
It's a nice story, I liked it a lot. You missed a few commas here and there, and there were a couple places that didn't flow as easily as the rest of it. If you're feeling in the mood to revise it, then here's some things that I would change about it. I put them in a spoiler because you may or may not be thinking of revising. :) I really hope you do, though. It's a great story!
Spoiler: click to toggle


I liked it a ton, it was really nice, and I didn't find too many cliches. Parts of it were pretty funny, even. I loved the parts with cats. I love cats.
To protect the world from devastation.
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Dekky
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The Rock Raptor
Not bad, and that's high praise from me these days!
This week: I am now taking requests! If you want me to model something for you on 'Art of Illusion,' just send me a message. If you'd like to see samples of my work, check out my Art Topic! (hint: it's in the Art forum)

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Pappy
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Camel-Crazy
Wow..Paroso...long comment no wonder it was in a spoiler, but anyway yes good story!
<This is all stupid>
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theMaximus
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yay, people like my story :D

Oh, yeah, and thanks Paroso for the advice.
Edited by theMaximus, Sunday, 17. October 2010, 22:46.
Gwa ha ha, I kill you with my waffle magic! Gwa ha h- gahhh! I'm choking on my waffles!
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