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Fortress of Solutiude; A BWC18 entry
Topic Started: Wednesday, 8. December 2010, 23:19 (254 Views)
Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
I'm still planning on posting that other poem for the BWC18, but narrative poems are very tough to write. I wrote this one in study hall because I had nothing else to do, and I think it turned out just fine, and I hope it does well. I decided to write something more lighthearted. Winter can represent death and all, but it can also represent combination snowboard/airsoft trips. Thankfully, neither are actually in this poem.

Fortress of Solitude

Thinking

That's where I've been, these past two years

Or is it three?

That's alright. I think I'm stronger.

And I hope I'm wiser, too, it's said

That wisdom is like an honorable wife

Who keeps you, who works hard, gives worth to your life

I'm too young for love, but wisdom's in reach
I fell in love , I broke two hearts

After all the growing up I've done, I'm so alone
And that's alright with me

My footsteps crunch in hard-packed snow
Break the film of ice on asphalt roads

A bluejay calls up to my left
From his perch he sees my cold

The quiet companionship is all I've needed
As I walk, I hold him in regard

Might it leave its tree and fly to me
If only I'd remove my glove

Soon he's gone, on my own again
We're enjoying silent symphonies

Just getting to know who I am

The snow is not quite white
The sky is almost grey

The frost is almost slush
One more Wisconsin day

There's a girl, far off, strikingly brave
I call out, wave my hands

I hope to see her face someday

Now it's just past four, and the sun's going down
Pale, cold, and glaring, the slightest angle burns my eyes

The shadows grow and the sunset's near
Empty air makes for fantastic displays

The night will be long, the air will be biting
I shiver just once, but I don't want to to home

My thoughts return to that beautiful girl
Strong smile, sweet lips, my heart finally tugs

To hold her embrace

The moon is high overhead, and I can't see the stars
I don't want to go home. Where are the hours?

I want to have back the days that I've wasted
My heart knows I'll never find my place

For now I'm just figuring out who I am
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James
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it's all cool
Nice. :) The flow was really good; I didn't have any problems reading it or anything. I liked it all, it was pretty, but my favorite part:

Quote:
 
The snow is not quite white
The sky is almost grey

The frost is almost slush

Just because it sounds really good and is right at the same time. :)
Good job! *highfive*
To protect the world from devastation.
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Harket
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asian
Wow. Just wow. I really actually liked that and everything - it was amazing! One question, though. What does the removing of the glove represent?

And the last line was a little.. too long? I dunno. But par thought the flow was smooth adn everything, so i think is A-OK! Its just me. :)

Great job- and i hope one of your pieces win or soemthing! :D
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
Thanks. Or something :P

Gosh, taking off the glove? It doesn't symbolize anything at all. XD Basically, you hold out your hand to the bird and you hope it comes by you. *shrug* Honestly, it just sounded good to me.

Maybe it would be better off if I deleted "for now?"
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Harket
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asian
Oh, sorry. It just sounded so symbolicy. it DOES sound good. :)

No, no. Every word there counts. Maybe split it up into 2 lines, but would that ruin the rhythm or something?
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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