| Welcome to Budding Writers! If you're seeing this message, you are currently viewing the forum as a guest. You should register if you want to post. Unless you're a spam bot. Then you probably shouldn't. |
| Fortress of Solutiude; A BWC18 entry | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Wednesday, 8. December 2010, 23:19 (254 Views) | |
| Warrior Poet | Wednesday, 8. December 2010, 23:19 Post #1 |
|
If you lead me, I will go.
|
I'm still planning on posting that other poem for the BWC18, but narrative poems are very tough to write. I wrote this one in study hall because I had nothing else to do, and I think it turned out just fine, and I hope it does well. I decided to write something more lighthearted. Winter can represent death and all, but it can also represent combination snowboard/airsoft trips. Thankfully, neither are actually in this poem. Fortress of Solitude Thinking That's where I've been, these past two years Or is it three? That's alright. I think I'm stronger. And I hope I'm wiser, too, it's said That wisdom is like an honorable wife Who keeps you, who works hard, gives worth to your life I'm too young for love, but wisdom's in reach I fell in love , I broke two hearts After all the growing up I've done, I'm so alone And that's alright with me My footsteps crunch in hard-packed snow Break the film of ice on asphalt roads A bluejay calls up to my left From his perch he sees my cold The quiet companionship is all I've needed As I walk, I hold him in regard Might it leave its tree and fly to me If only I'd remove my glove Soon he's gone, on my own again We're enjoying silent symphonies Just getting to know who I am The snow is not quite white The sky is almost grey The frost is almost slush One more Wisconsin day There's a girl, far off, strikingly brave I call out, wave my hands I hope to see her face someday Now it's just past four, and the sun's going down Pale, cold, and glaring, the slightest angle burns my eyes The shadows grow and the sunset's near Empty air makes for fantastic displays The night will be long, the air will be biting I shiver just once, but I don't want to to home My thoughts return to that beautiful girl Strong smile, sweet lips, my heart finally tugs To hold her embrace The moon is high overhead, and I can't see the stars I don't want to go home. Where are the hours? I want to have back the days that I've wasted My heart knows I'll never find my place For now I'm just figuring out who I am |
|
Look carefully. There's something wrong with this picture. | |
View Profile |
|
| James | Thursday, 9. December 2010, 04:21 Post #2 |
|
it's all cool
|
Nice. The flow was really good; I didn't have any problems reading it or anything. I liked it all, it was pretty, but my favorite part:
Just because it sounds really good and is right at the same time. Good job! *highfive* |
| To protect the world from devastation. | |
View Profile |
|
| Harket | Saturday, 18. December 2010, 04:33 Post #3 |
![]()
asian
|
Wow. Just wow. I really actually liked that and everything - it was amazing! One question, though. What does the removing of the glove represent? And the last line was a little.. too long? I dunno. But par thought the flow was smooth adn everything, so i think is A-OK! Its just me. ![]() Great job- and i hope one of your pieces win or soemthing!
|
| Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly. | |
View Profile |
|
| Warrior Poet | Saturday, 18. December 2010, 05:12 Post #4 |
|
If you lead me, I will go.
|
Thanks. Or something ![]() Gosh, taking off the glove? It doesn't symbolize anything at all. XD Basically, you hold out your hand to the bird and you hope it comes by you. *shrug* Honestly, it just sounded good to me. Maybe it would be better off if I deleted "for now?" |
|
Look carefully. There's something wrong with this picture. | |
View Profile |
|
| Harket | Saturday, 18. December 2010, 05:24 Post #5 |
![]()
asian
|
Oh, sorry. It just sounded so symbolicy. it DOES sound good. ![]() No, no. Every word there counts. Maybe split it up into 2 lines, but would that ruin the rhythm or something? |
| Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly. | |
View Profile |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Poems · Next Topic » |





The flow was really good; I didn't have any problems reading it or anything. I liked it all, it was pretty, but my favorite part:

2:30 PM Jul 11