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The White Witch; BWC18-2 entry
Topic Started: Tuesday, 14. December 2010, 22:01 (216 Views)
Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
I saw Voyage Of The Dawn Treader on Saturday and it's my new favorite movie ever. I decided to write a Narnia poem, but what started out as some half-baked cute friendship thing with Mr. Beaver and the 100-years winter got a lot more lopsided and turned into this. I have to say, it makes you think about the reality of temptation...

White Witch (BWC18)

(C) 2010 Red Wings

I can make you my king

Just take my hand and you'll be my king
In the safety of your thoughts, you yearn for this

It's before the last battle, all your friends turned to stone
Take me or run to your lamppost; go home.

I'm the reason they fear the daughters of Eve
Your friends tried to fight and I've turned them to stone

Come, child, I will make you my king

Rule over this glorious winter with me
Sparkling snow as far as the eye can see

That far

It's always winter but never Christmas
And all your friends turned into stone

Frosty kisses still your soul
I will make you my king

Come, and become what you are
Your heart breaks for what you need to be

Say goodbye to all your friends, child

This beautiful stillness never can end
Your sisters and brothers are the ones who must die

Come rule at my castle; the enchanted ivory shines
You can look out the window or visit your friends

Of course they're all mine

We must fear the Deep Magic and the breath of a lion untamed
But I'll make you my king, you'll be a king all the same

If Deeper Magic was real and the lion still lived
Then we'd see the face of the emperor-over-the-sea...

Come into my arms. It still doesn't matter -
All your friends are turned to stone

Come, Edmund, before the lion returns

And I will make you my king
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James
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it's all cool
I liked it. :) The repitition was good in some places, but in others it just seemed a bit... Agh. But then in the end it all tied together, so issallgood.

I'm really disappointed in you, though. There is not one mention of Turkish Delight. lolol jk, jk.
To protect the world from devastation.
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
Lol. I forgot about that. It was supposed to be off, actually. Capture the insanity and all. Maybe I could've done better with it.
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Harket
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asian
Repetition was good. It showed how she was enforcing that his friends were stone - now what could he do but come, be her king? But it was a little off in some places, like par said. I'm really coming away from the poem too distracted by those 2 phrases, so i'm only dwelling on them. The rest dont really stand out and STAY with me, like your work usually does. The concept was good, and rather interesting, though. Looking forward to seeing either one of your works get some good votes. :)
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Harket
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asian
OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OHMYGOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I watched it! I watched it and i heard that bit that inspired it and ohemgee it was awesome! :D And i know its meant to be serious and all, but there was this bit where she went: "Come, be my king..." or something like that, and i was on the edge of my seat it was so engrossing then edmund was like: "N...no! Your dead!" and his eyes were huge and all and i silent laughed so hard, my seat vibrated ;D
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
I was actually referring to The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. It's a more prevalent theme there.

Also I am very, very pleased to hear that I almost humiliated you in front if your friends and/or family.
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Harket
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asian
Really? :) That was some time ago. But those exact words of be my king were from Dawn Treader. Were they in Lion witch & wardrobe cause i forgot. :P

I really cant decide if you're angry at me or not,so i shall shut up now.
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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dill101
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Plot Lady!
Duude. Awesome. I think I knew you were doing the lion the witch and the wardrobe, cuz you said lamp post. It's always winter but never Christmas, also that. Wow, this was a great read. :D

I don't know what to critique. It was dang good.
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