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| The White Witch; BWC18-2 entry | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Tuesday, 14. December 2010, 22:01 (216 Views) | |
| Warrior Poet | Tuesday, 14. December 2010, 22:01 Post #1 |
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If you lead me, I will go.
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I saw Voyage Of The Dawn Treader on Saturday and it's my new favorite movie ever. I decided to write a Narnia poem, but what started out as some half-baked cute friendship thing with Mr. Beaver and the 100-years winter got a lot more lopsided and turned into this. I have to say, it makes you think about the reality of temptation... White Witch (BWC18) (C) 2010 Red Wings I can make you my king Just take my hand and you'll be my king In the safety of your thoughts, you yearn for this It's before the last battle, all your friends turned to stone Take me or run to your lamppost; go home. I'm the reason they fear the daughters of Eve Your friends tried to fight and I've turned them to stone Come, child, I will make you my king Rule over this glorious winter with me Sparkling snow as far as the eye can see That far It's always winter but never Christmas And all your friends turned into stone Frosty kisses still your soul I will make you my king Come, and become what you are Your heart breaks for what you need to be Say goodbye to all your friends, child This beautiful stillness never can end Your sisters and brothers are the ones who must die Come rule at my castle; the enchanted ivory shines You can look out the window or visit your friends Of course they're all mine We must fear the Deep Magic and the breath of a lion untamed But I'll make you my king, you'll be a king all the same If Deeper Magic was real and the lion still lived Then we'd see the face of the emperor-over-the-sea... Come into my arms. It still doesn't matter - All your friends are turned to stone Come, Edmund, before the lion returns And I will make you my king |
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| James | Tuesday, 14. December 2010, 22:05 Post #2 |
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it's all cool
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I liked it. The repitition was good in some places, but in others it just seemed a bit... Agh. But then in the end it all tied together, so issallgood.I'm really disappointed in you, though. There is not one mention of Turkish Delight. lolol jk, jk. |
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| Warrior Poet | Tuesday, 14. December 2010, 22:07 Post #3 |
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If you lead me, I will go.
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Lol. I forgot about that. It was supposed to be off, actually. Capture the insanity and all. Maybe I could've done better with it. |
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| Harket | Wednesday, 15. December 2010, 06:12 Post #4 |
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asian
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Repetition was good. It showed how she was enforcing that his friends were stone - now what could he do but come, be her king? But it was a little off in some places, like par said. I'm really coming away from the poem too distracted by those 2 phrases, so i'm only dwelling on them. The rest dont really stand out and STAY with me, like your work usually does. The concept was good, and rather interesting, though. Looking forward to seeing either one of your works get some good votes.
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| Harket | Saturday, 18. December 2010, 11:45 Post #5 |
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asian
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OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OHMYGOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I watched it! I watched it and i heard that bit that inspired it and ohemgee it was awesome! And i know its meant to be serious and all, but there was this bit where she went: "Come, be my king..." or something like that, and i was on the edge of my seat it was so engrossing then edmund was like: "N...no! Your dead!" and his eyes were huge and all and i silent laughed so hard, my seat vibrated ;D
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| Warrior Poet | Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 04:27 Post #6 |
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If you lead me, I will go.
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I was actually referring to The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. It's a more prevalent theme there. Also I am very, very pleased to hear that I almost humiliated you in front if your friends and/or family. |
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| Harket | Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 04:33 Post #7 |
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asian
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Really? That was some time ago. But those exact words of be my king were from Dawn Treader. Were they in Lion witch & wardrobe cause i forgot. ![]() I really cant decide if you're angry at me or not,so i shall shut up now. |
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| dill101 | Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 15:42 Post #8 |
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Plot Lady!
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Duude. Awesome. I think I knew you were doing the lion the witch and the wardrobe, cuz you said lamp post. It's always winter but never Christmas, also that. Wow, this was a great read. ![]() I don't know what to critique. It was dang good. |
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The repitition was good in some places, but in others it just seemed a bit... Agh. But then in the end it all tied together, so issallgood.
And i know its meant to be serious and all, but there was this bit where she went: "Come, be my king..." or something like that, and i was on the edge of my seat it was so engrossing then edmund was like: "N...no! Your dead!" and his eyes were huge and all and i silent laughed so hard, my seat vibrated ;D




2:30 PM Jul 11