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| Lips; this is old :[ | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 05:36 (75 Views) | |
| Deleted User | Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 05:36 Post #1 |
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Deleted User
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Lips. Red. Tanned. Brown. Black. Lips are still lips. We women use them all the time. We use them to smile upon the face of our children, Or to kiss passionately our lovers, our loveless. We speak with them, kind, cold, or harsh words. We sometimes lose them, resulting in our demise We let our screams of terror screams of delight A woman's lips are her beauty, her breath, her remarks. Lips, our useful tool our prized possession tell lies within their oppression. |
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| Harket | Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 08:17 Post #2 |
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asian
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Firstly - Whoo your first posted on new BW poem! ![]() Now. Im going to point out the notsogood things first, at least for me. For a short poem it wasnt bad. I only didnt get the last line - i mean, it sounded cool and all, but i dont really get it. But thats just me. I liked how they rhymed, for sure! Also, one thing - this isnt really major, but i thought that if the poem started straight with "Red. Tanned." etc and you didnt have the words lips in front, it would be better. But each to his own, i guess. I also did get "We sometimes lose them, resulting in our demise " When do we lose our lips?That aside, i guess you can say i enjoyed your poem. it was good, short but yet full, and overall, not bad, not bad at all.
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| Warrior Poet | Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 15:49 Post #3 |
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If you lead me, I will go.
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Sweety, you don't watch VeggieTales, do you? You've gotta hear the song about Larry Losing his Lips XD Anyway, artsy, it was pretty good. i'm wondering exactly why you wrote it, lol, but it the rhythm was fine and all. But the last line didn't make sense to me, either. |
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| Deleted User | Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 17:58 Post #4 |
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Deleted User
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thankz guys ![]() x-x i was really sleepy last night, and i was gunna trash this poem because it didnt seem like my best work at all, i didnt want anyone to think i was a low rate writer. when a woman loses her lip it means she basically goes off, fusses, nags. i wrote this poem cuz im totally a desperate housewives fan (my mother's fault lol) and i was forming a relationship with a submissive wife and an abusive, powermad husband. the result of the woman raising her tone with the man is she gets beaten, her demise. last bit of the poem was...idk actually. i knew what it meant when i wrote it but i was soooo sleepy last night, i forgot what it meant, im sorry ![]() but yeah thank you guys <3
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| Warrior Poet | Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 18:00 Post #5 |
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If you lead me, I will go.
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oh...you meant "looses?" lol. |
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| Deleted User | Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 18:05 Post #6 |
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Deleted User
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x-x im confused. (sorry...im blonde...not reallly....but i act like it. D;) |
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| Harket | Thursday, 23. December 2010, 09:42 Post #7 |
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asian
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No problem! ![]() lol, i know EXACTLY how you feel. But we wont judge you like that! This here is better then half my work. No kidding.Nomnom i dont watch that show. My mum forbids me to, and honestly, i dont really want to. Meh. It sounds cool. Make up something. According to the definition its "Tell lies within their exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner." Which makes no sense but sounds cool. ![]() Once again, no prob and anytime!
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| Deleted User | Thursday, 23. December 2010, 23:19 Post #8 |
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Deleted User
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lol okay
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Whoo your first posted on new BW poem! 
For a short poem it wasnt bad. I only didnt get the last line - i mean, it sounded cool and all, but i dont really get it. But thats just me. I liked how they rhymed, for sure!
Also, one thing - this isnt really major, but i thought that if the poem started straight with "Red. Tanned." etc and you didnt have the words lips in front, it would be better. But each to his own, i guess.


2:30 PM Jul 11