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Lips; this is old :[
Topic Started: Wednesday, 22. December 2010, 05:36 (75 Views)
Deleted User
Deleted User

Lips.
Red.
Tanned.
Brown.
Black.

Lips are still lips.
We women use them all the time.
We use them to smile upon the face of our children,
Or to kiss passionately our lovers, our loveless.
We speak with them, kind, cold, or harsh words.
We sometimes lose them, resulting in our demise
We let our screams of terror
screams of delight

A woman's lips are her beauty,
her breath,
her remarks.

Lips, our useful tool
our prized possession
tell lies within their oppression.




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Harket
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asian
Firstly - :pound: Whoo your first posted on new BW poem! :)

Now. Im going to point out the notsogood things first, at least for me. :P For a short poem it wasnt bad. I only didnt get the last line - i mean, it sounded cool and all, but i dont really get it. But thats just me. I liked how they rhymed, for sure! :D Also, one thing - this isnt really major, but i thought that if the poem started straight with "Red. Tanned." etc and you didnt have the words lips in front, it would be better. But each to his own, i guess. :) I also did get "We sometimes lose them, resulting in our demise " When do we lose our lips?

That aside, i guess you can say i enjoyed your poem. it was good, short but yet full, and overall, not bad, not bad at all. :)
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
Sweety, you don't watch VeggieTales, do you? You've gotta hear the song about Larry Losing his Lips XD

Anyway, artsy, it was pretty good. i'm wondering exactly why you wrote it, lol, but it the rhythm was fine and all. But the last line didn't make sense to me, either.
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Deleted User
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thankz guys :)

x-x i was really sleepy last night, and i was gunna trash this poem because it didnt seem like my best work at all, i didnt want anyone to think i was a low rate writer.

when a woman loses her lip it means she basically goes off, fusses, nags. i wrote this poem cuz im totally a desperate housewives fan (my mother's fault lol) and i was forming a relationship with a submissive wife and an abusive, powermad husband. the result of the woman raising her tone with the man is she gets beaten, her demise.

last bit of the poem was...idk actually. i knew what it meant when i wrote it but i was soooo sleepy last night, i forgot what it meant, im sorry xD

but yeah thank you guys :) <3
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
oh...you meant "looses?" lol.
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Deleted User
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x-x im confused. (sorry...im blonde...not reallly....but i act like it. D;)
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Harket
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asian
No problem! ;)

lol, i know EXACTLY how you feel. But we wont judge you like that! This here is better then half my work. ;) No kidding.

Nomnom i dont watch that show. My mum forbids me to, and honestly, i dont really want to.

Meh. It sounds cool. Make up something. According to the definition its "Tell lies within their exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner." Which makes no sense but sounds cool. :)

Once again, no prob and anytime! :D
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Deleted User
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lol okay xD
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