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The Song of One Embrace; You should totally click on this
Topic Started: Sunday, 26. December 2010, 07:23 (212 Views)
Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
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Tinkerbelle's Blessing: The Song of One Embrace

Bear just a touch of my hand and you'll feel more than this
On lonely skies shall you stir my heart
And in the years shall become mine
To be ever secure in the song of one embrace

Now smile and touch my heart, not with flesh but with eyes
Though sweet moments may pass, our lives are forever so much as is love
So if ever we part may the sun shine and follow you
May your wings beat in my endurance and the winds carry you far

May the stars be your guide and have you luck in taming the seas
Have you faith, be you happy, find you wonders
Live not by sword nor words in honest lands
Sleep, dream, and listen to the old ones, for I have filled your life with songs

May you fly into my arms!
Give thanks to the One Uncreated, and I pray he sends you stars
To guide you home unto my own
This blessing's not of strength but solemn promise

Bear just a touch of my hand and we'll feel more than this
On lonely skies you always stir my heart
And in the years I will be yours
To be ever secure in the song of one embrace
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Harket
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asian
Firstly - I am SO SORRY okay, because i honestly read this and typed out a a whole review thingymajig yesterday, honestly! Then i saw what you said in the shout box and was like - crap, i didn't post it? Oh crap crap crap crap crap. So anyway, its here now! :)
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Ahh WP I'm so fricking sorry!!! As you can tell, you were meant to get a really long review. But I only managed to do the first stanza cause my dad wants to take the computer awayNOW to the repair shop and stuff - so way way wAy WAYY more when It comes back, okay? so sorry! :/ thanks for writing this - it was amazing good and I can't say enough about it. :)


Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
Dude, take a chill. Just not with the milk! It's fine, lol. I'm flattered, though.

So now I'll click on it and read the actual review ;)

I like your analysis in the first line. It's pretty darn good. In the story context, she'll be singing the "spell" with her hand on his heart. But yeah, that's about it. He and Tinkerbelle and possibly Wanderlust have been traveling together for some time now, so they know each other pretty well. She's hard towards him initially, but...oh, you'll see. But you couldn't have known that, lol. You nailed it.

Also very nice interpretation of the second line, there. Except Tinkerbelle is a fairy, and fairies fly. It's more literal than you took it, lol.

Will be yours - well, it resolves itself in the last stanza, so I'll leave that alone for the readers to puzzle over :D

There's some in-story symbolism there too. Since Tinkerbelle is Tinkerbelle, there will be bells, but no choir. I don't know where this takes place or anything, because I haven't actually planned it, but it'll be in private. If Wanderlust is with them, she won't be around.

So thanks for your analysis of the first stanza! It roxxzorz, seriously. my spellcheck just told me that I typed Roxanne...lol. Can I count on you for the other stanzas too? I'd really love to hear what you think of them.

There is certainly a melody to this. I haven't written it out, and I never will. Why? I'll ruin it! Whatever the melody sounds like to you, keep that. I'm sure it's beautiful. I made sure it was exactly what I wanted, and this is my favorite poem I've written since Riona. But honestly, it was really, really easy. I just thought about when I was in love, just holding her and talking in heavy whispers.

So in Anodyne Sea, the concept of security was foolish and ultimately pointless. This is entirely different, though :)
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Harket
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asian
OI SO YEA I OWE YOU BIG TIME ;D The reason why I didnt do it on that saturday - MASS spring cleaning and packingnunks. :( ANYWAY. Here's da rest. :) One Embrace~
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OHKAY,I HAVE DECIDED. THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG. ILL DO ABOUT ONE VERSE PER DAY OKAY? CAUSE YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG TO TOOK ME TO FINISH THIS PFFT GAHH. LOVE LOVE ITS AWESOME. <3

:)

EDIT: THIS IS 877 WORDS WHAT THE HECK HAHAHAHAHAH LOVE ME. :D
Edited by Harket, Monday, 7. February 2011, 13:48.
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
Wow, epic paragraph. I'll read that :P One paragraph a day would be pretty cool, Sweetie, because this is the most in-depth anyone has ever gone into one of my poems. And it would also be much nicer than the one-paragraph-a-month rate we're at now :P

Srs, I'm not mad. I'm not. Stop convincing yourself I am and beating yourself up for it :)

@entire first line - The reason fantasy is so powerful is because it appeals to the deepest, most basic parts of human longing. Atavism isn't based on logic and philosophy - those are tools I use - but ultimately it's based on my longings, like all good fantasy is. Sure, it can be entertaining, but there's a real reason I'm in love with it. Fantasy is powerful. Reading someone's fantasy is worth days and days of conversation. I can't wait until my writing skills are to the point where I can write Atavism. I know I'm considered really good by some, but I know I'm not good enough for this, yet. But I will be, I'll work for it. So I'm glad my poem affects you. This is just a little chunk of what Atavism will do to our hearts, which is why it has to be perfect.

Hmm, sorry for introducing that movement in the second line, I guess. I actually didn't think it really changed the pace at all, but there are multiple readings that you could do. Anyway, the story takes place mostly in Neverland, its surrounding seas, and the mainland. No space journeys like in Anodyne Sea. So yeh, there's no age in Neverland, and the seas taste sweet instead of salty, but there is still death and killing.

You read more into that line than I consciously wrote in it, but it's a good reading that I really appreciate. If I get around to writing Atavism within the next few years, I promise the ending will astonish you. can't wait to see what you'd think of that.

You also read more into the fourth line than I meant you to, but that was actually sort of incorrect. Remember we're talking about fairies - now, some fairies like elves have no wings and some others have birdlike wings, but we're talking about Tinkerbelle's race here. Everybody knows Tinkerbelle.
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That's really not what my Tinkerbelle is going to look like, but the gossamer wings are staying mostly the same. It's one of the Tinkerbelle staples you can't change. Anyway, those are the kinds of wings that beat. We also say the heart beats. So, er, yeah.

Thanks for this ridiculously long review of one stanza, lol. I'll remember it for quite a while.
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Harket
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asian
Hey... so I dont really have much time today. Sorry. :( I OWE YOU. <3
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
Chill. Chill now. :P
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Harket
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I cant. :D COFFEE. I'll post on this after i bathe.
No time also today (HATE IT WHEN PARENTS CHASE YOU.) but i'll do the last line of the second stanza anyway.


Quote:
 
May your wings beat in my endurance and the winds carry you far
Tsktsk. I wasnt done! Hey - you may say a heart beats, but love hurts. Likewise. I know its just a way of saying, but honestly, every line counts. I'm not saying she's wishing him hurt, nope. But being away from her, and remembering her and all their love stands for - will. The wings, the things that will bring him away, away from her. They beat at him. Wont being away from her hurt? Nothing much on wings, at least not alone, because wings are to be taken literally sigh. The winds carry you far? Away, away. Tink wants him to go far in life. Aww. :)

SRY SIR THATS ALL FOR TODAY. :D
Edited by Harket, Wednesday, 9. February 2011, 14:11.
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
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