Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Budding Writers!

If you're seeing this message, you are currently viewing the forum as a guest. You should register if you want to post. Unless you're a spam bot. Then you probably shouldn't.

Username:   Password:
Multiquote Multiquote
Add Reply
redacted; whoo, a revision :D
Topic Started: Tuesday, 11. January 2011, 19:40 (132 Views)
James
Member Avatar
it's all cool
redacted
Edited by James, Sunday, 4. February 2018, 14:35.
To protect the world from devastation.
Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Jessie
Member Avatar
Hippohypocamputhalamus
Having not read the original, that really caught me off-guard. Fluent use of free-verse, and great imagery. Extremely... human. I hope you're really proud of this. :)

Make sure to fix this typo:

Quote:
 
Hiding in a closet with
a broken syringe
as she tries to get the last
of the ninety-dollar high into her venis.


I love how you follow a pattern with your language. It gives this a unique sense of timing and structure without sacrificing the informal, partly-impromptu nature of it.

So there's my "Randy"-ish analysis. Only bugaboo right now is the typo. :P
Posted Image
2012 Poem of the Year - 2011 Best Poet
Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
James
Member Avatar
it's all cool
Oh, ouch, typing fail. *edits* Thankies. :D

And thankies again. :DD
To protect the world from devastation.
Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Harket
Member Avatar
asian
YAYY NO C&C CAUSE IM USELESS. ;D

love this all the same :)
Birds don't like to fly, they have to fly.
Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
mousely
Member Avatar
Lose.
Still love it. :) It's amazing.
Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
James
Member Avatar
it's all cool
Thank you, Bunnies. :)
To protect the world from devastation.
Offline View Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
« Previous Topic · Poems · Next Topic »
Add Reply

Theme from Zathyus Networks and edited by Phovos