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Going for the Flood
Topic Started: Thursday, 13. January 2011, 22:11 (57 Views)
JuJuBee
1 Star
Watching the sunrise with the ocean winds
I'm thinking of how thankful I am
For my family and friends
24/7 support,
Their unyielding advice and protection
People I can vent to without
An unwanted reaction

But sitting in my room,
With the music playing
I've got a blade in my hand
And can't hear what anyone's saying

I have the best--or worst--of both worlds
And all the different emotions
Play inside me
In patterned swirls

Darkness is a close friend of mine
But what it does to me
Plays with my mind

Sunlight is just like air to me
But all the light can blind
So that I can't see

Seeing the clouds drift around the moon
I sing to myself without a tune
I'm in my bathtub,
Swimming in my own blood
I've just sliced my wrist and am
Going for the flood
"Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee." <--Good thing I love it!
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Jessie
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Hippohypocamputhalamus
Ahhh, another poem about cutting. Whee! I'm glad you explained to me that this isn't biographical, presently.

The cadence is much like a lot of other "emo" poems. "I'm close to darkness... I can't really see the light.... lalala." What makes this stand out is you catch us totally off-guard with the intro. We're all, "Yay! Finally a happy poem!" and then you're all, "Nuh uh! See this sharp object!" and we're all, "Noes!"

But I'm not complaining. It helps bring us to terms with the fact that you're all dandy on the outside, and you think you SHOULD be happy, but for some reason you're not. Like, really really really not. As I mentioned in chat, "24/7" throws it off a bit. Maybe you could change it to something like "constant" or "never-ending".
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2012 Poem of the Year - 2011 Best Poet
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JuJuBee
1 Star
Never-ending would work :) But yea, as I said in chat, this is NOT how I feel now - this poem is at least a year old. I agree, it is kind of an emo-ish poem, but, it was how I felt then. Writing, to me, is expression. This is just one of those outlets.
"Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee." <--Good thing I love it!
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