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Topic Started: Sunday, 16. January 2011, 18:59 (64 Views)
JuJuBee
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Poems - Written today (1-16-11)

(Poem 1)
you called me
i resisted
you beckoned me
i ignored

you offered things
i couldn't imagine
and i didn't believe

you sent people
who loved me;
who showed me
i can be saved

i'd thought i was hopeless
when really
i hadn't believed in hope at all

you called me
i resisted - no more
you beckoned to me
and i finally came

(Poem 2)
i was climbing a mountain
with no gear or protection
i was swimming an ocean
with sharks all around

i was falling much faster
than i had ever realized
i was drowning much quicker
than i could swim on my own

and then you were there

you gave me the gear
you gave me protection
scared away the sharks
and carried me away
"Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee." <--Good thing I love it!
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Warrior Poet
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If you lead me, I will go.
Capitalize the beginning of your lines! Thank you :P

Usually when poets have two poems that are supposed to be related and read at the same time, they'll just use Roman numerals. So
example


Anyway not bad, but I encourage you to ponder what these cliches actually mean. You can turn a cliche into a really good poem by turning it on its head or putting its organs on the outside and the skin within. Or you can depart entirely! These are good comparisons, but they don't provoke thoughts because we've read them more times than we know. If you have to take a lot of time constructing a metaphor, you'll own it. You'll understand it better and be able to write an even better poem. And we'll have to work to interpret it, which means it affects us more, intellectually and emotionally. Because the feelings belong to us.

Is a calling something you resist? Yeah, I guess it is. A better word could be there, though.

The ocean is really powerful imagery, especially for people who have grown to love the sea. I use it all the time. But each time I try to do something new with it. My story Anodyne Sea is entirely based the concept of an ocean, so I totally get why you love the device.

But shark attack! Those are graphic and horrifying. We already know that, but expand on it a little. How did he protect you, and what were the sharks like?

Not bad, but chin up, and do keep writing!
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