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| Tweet Topic Started: Sunday, 16. January 2011, 18:59 (64 Views) | |
| JuJuBee | Sunday, 16. January 2011, 18:59 Post #1 |
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Poems - Written today (1-16-11) (Poem 1) you called me i resisted you beckoned me i ignored you offered things i couldn't imagine and i didn't believe you sent people who loved me; who showed me i can be saved i'd thought i was hopeless when really i hadn't believed in hope at all you called me i resisted - no more you beckoned to me and i finally came (Poem 2) i was climbing a mountain with no gear or protection i was swimming an ocean with sharks all around i was falling much faster than i had ever realized i was drowning much quicker than i could swim on my own and then you were there you gave me the gear you gave me protection scared away the sharks and carried me away |
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| Warrior Poet | Monday, 17. January 2011, 03:03 Post #2 |
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If you lead me, I will go.
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Capitalize the beginning of your lines! Thank you ![]() Usually when poets have two poems that are supposed to be related and read at the same time, they'll just use Roman numerals. So example Anyway not bad, but I encourage you to ponder what these cliches actually mean. You can turn a cliche into a really good poem by turning it on its head or putting its organs on the outside and the skin within. Or you can depart entirely! These are good comparisons, but they don't provoke thoughts because we've read them more times than we know. If you have to take a lot of time constructing a metaphor, you'll own it. You'll understand it better and be able to write an even better poem. And we'll have to work to interpret it, which means it affects us more, intellectually and emotionally. Because the feelings belong to us. Is a calling something you resist? Yeah, I guess it is. A better word could be there, though. The ocean is really powerful imagery, especially for people who have grown to love the sea. I use it all the time. But each time I try to do something new with it. My story Anodyne Sea is entirely based the concept of an ocean, so I totally get why you love the device. But shark attack! Those are graphic and horrifying. We already know that, but expand on it a little. How did he protect you, and what were the sharks like? Not bad, but chin up, and do keep writing! |
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2:29 PM Jul 11