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| Tweet Topic Started: Monday, 14. February 2011, 14:41 (86 Views) | |
| Harket | Monday, 14. February 2011, 14:41 Post #1 |
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A simple curve A gentle swerve The story of a life begins. A winning lot A backhand shot Prophesy comes to light again. When did a rock Stop being a rock And become a heart anew? Forward and onward Life begins again What's it like - to be born old - And grow up to be a babe? They say the world around you changes As your heart opens to the unknown. Is the situation, tables turning? Or is the stance refreshed, anew? What can we do What can we know In this place we don't belong? At most, we can grasp Onto the silver promise Moonlight spills upon the platter Of the lives That we don't own. Live each day to the fullest Be the best that you can be. Hope upon hope for a better future- Pave the way, Careful tiles you lay, And hope You'll live to see that day. I apologize for all cheesiness and cliches.
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| Warrior Poet | Monday, 14. February 2011, 15:43 Post #2 |
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If you lead me, I will go.
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Yeah, this is pretty full of cliches. Cliches can be used to great poetic effect sometimes...anyway, why did you write a poem full of cliches and apologize for it? The reason most of what I post is half-decent is this: I want to be proud of what I write. Show it to someone and say I wrote this. Even better, to say "I wrote this for you." So don't apologize for what you write. Belt it out shamelessly ![]() I liked "backhand shot." haha. I like the sarcastic edge this has (not very many of those around). When did a rock stop being a rock? Noice. Is that a Benjamin Button reference? It's a pretty interesting question. But it could also be an awesome Jesus reference. Yeah, that seems to be it. What exactly is this silver moonlight promise thing? "live life to its fullest?" Eghhh, why's that in there? That's pretty ambiguous and all that. But not bad. You're trying to get better, and you are. So you win. |
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2:25 PM Jul 11