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Pureheart; PG-13, kinda violent
Topic Started: Monday, 12. August 2013, 07:11 (354 Views)
Koontay
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Previous Admin of Win
This one's kind of long, but I like the concept. I feel like I could make a longer story out of this, but for now I decided I'd just write a short story to flesh out some of the ideas. Read it and let me know what you think!


PUREHEART

The hustle of the city during the day had finally quieted, and the calm stillness of the night had taken over. Even though Roxanne City had a night life, it was a classy, reserved affair. People kept mostly indoors, only venturing out for a quick smoke or to catch a ride home along the quiet streets. Party-goers would occasionally step out on the the patio for a quiet conversation and a breath of fresh air. Jack had needed that breath. The party was stuffy, hot, and he could barely stand the dull conversations that floated around the room. He loosened his bow-tie, finally releasing the stranglehold it had on him. He sighed. He wasn’t getting any information out of this. He had expected the corporation officials to at least provide a few rumors, like the ones he had heard on the street, but they were quiet in that regard. Even the women executives who had coyly asked him to dance didn’t provide any gossip.
He gazed out over the city. The corporation headquarters loomed over the other buildings, like trees in a grassy plain. They were packed together in the center of the city, in an area known as the Sky District. It was aptly named. The towering buildings almost did seem to touch the sky. They had upwards of two hundred floors each, with the tallest being Lygari Tower. It was shaped like a thin cone, wider at the base and tapering to a point at the top. From that point, it shot out a beam of light that was visible from hundreds of miles away. The other towers seemed to crowd around it, like apostles kneeling before their prophet.

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?”

Jack turned around. A woman had stepped out of the doorway onto the patio. A green square appeared in his vision and locked over her face. After a few moments, text appeared next to it.

Name: Katherine Turner
Age: 29
Occupation: Reporter for the Roxanne Daily.

“Indeed it is.” Jack said, quickly scanning the information, “Enjoying the party?”

“For the most part, yes. But it was getting stale, and I figured I could use the fresh air.” She said.

“Out here for the same reason I am, then.” Jack said, giving her a quick smile. She laughed.

“I can only put up with the suit types for so long. Smiling and nodding can only get you by for a while.”

“Agreed. Are you here with a corporation?”

“If you can count the Daily as a corporation, yes, otherwise no. I was invited by Lygari. Apparently they’re going to do some sort of reveal and want the proper media attention.”

“Ah, makes sense.”

“Mm-hm. What about you?”

“I’m here for Monsonto, but honestly I’d rather be elsewhere.” He lied.

“Me too.” She said, smiling. A dinging noise sounded from inside. A voice rang out, asking everyone to gather in the main room.

“Guess it’s time for that reveal.” Katherine said, walking inside. Her red gown flowed fluidly with every step she took, like a wave in the ocean. Jack caught himself staring, and quickly followed her inside.

The party-goers were standing around the raised platform in the center of the room. Quiet murmurs of speculation buzzed around as people sipped their drinks. Jack stood near the edge of the crowd, keeping a comfortable distance between him and the throng of people. Katherine stopped next to him. The audience hushed as a man stepped up onto the stage.

“Welcome, all. Let me start off by thanking you for coming tonight. We are grateful to have the support of the other corporations as we prepare to move into the future.”

Jack leaned over and whispered into Katherine’s ear. “Have you heard anything about Tom Mercer making an appearance tonight?”

“Tom Mercer? The CEO of Lygari? I highly doubt he’d make an appearance here. This party is basically just a press release for whatever new product they’re prototyping. He wouldn’t come unless it was a full on product announcement.” She whispered back.

Jack knew she was right, but his heart sank a little. He’d been searching for so long. In his mind, he could see Mercer standing over him, the gun still smoking in his hand as Jack’s sight faded. He instinctively touched his chest where the scar was, slightly to the left of his heart.

“We are announcing the release of a new artificial heart, which can extend the lives of the owner by one hundred percent. Called the PureHeart, this new machine keeps blood flowing through your body consistently, greatly reducing the threat of a heart attack or stroke” said the man on the stage. The audience erupted into applause and cheers. The man smiled at them, and continued. “The procedure to implant the PureHeart is as non-invasive as possible, and the product has already been deemed safe by medical officials around the world. The PureHeart will be available for commercial purchase this coming February.” Once again, the audience applauded. Jack sighed. The people at this party had no idea what the true story was behind the PureHeart. As with any product, the PureHeart had to go through testing phases. Most of the biotech companies tested on animals, but Lygari needed actual humans to test the PureHeart, due to the size of the machine. The company sent out scouts, who would kidnap the homeless, orphans, and people who generally wouldn’t be missed. Then they would be brought to the facility, drugged, and put under the knife. Their heart would be removed and the PureHeart would be transplanted into them. Of course, the heart was still in testing stages, and often malfunctioned. Many of the test subjects died within days of the surgery. As the product improved, their life span was measured in weeks. Finally, one test subject survived, and Lygari saw fit to release their product to the public. No one would know of the testing phase. But the one surviving test subject managed to escape the facility. He was ruthlessly hunted and finally left for dead.

“I have a surprise for all of you in attendance. Tonight, you will hear the thoughts of the man who created the Pureheart! Please let me welcome the CEO of Lygari himself, Tom Mercer!” the man on the stage said. Jack’s PureHeart beat faster as he swallowed, his eyes locked on to the bald man in a black suit walking onto the stage. The crowd went wild. He looked over at Katherine, who gave him a shrug.

“Hello everyone. As you know, the release of the Pureheart is a triumph. But it is not only a triumph for Lygari, but a triumph for all of humanity. It is widely believed that human beings are using technology to accelerate their evolution, and I feel that this product really proves that point,” Mercer said, speaking clearly to the assembled crowd. Jack gritted his teeth, but managed to calm himself. This was the moment he had been waiting for. When he escaped the facility, Jack had managed to take shelter with other vagabonds and runaways. They helped him stay low and installed the Optic-Z upgrade into his eye. But it was impossible to run from Lygari. They found his hiding spot, took him, and killed all the others. Once they got to Lygari, they threw him in front of Mercer, who simply pointed the gun and fired. Like taking out the trash. But his aim was off, and the Pureheart inside Jack’s body refused to give out. So he awoke in a pile of garbage with a bloody hole in his chest and nothing but revenge on his mind.

“In conclusion, I want to thank you all for coming to tonight’s event. We at Lygari hope to change the world with our products, and we think the Pureheart is the right first step. Thank you.” Mercer stepped off the stage as the audience cheered and clapped. Jack made his way through the crowd towards Mercer. He had waited for so long. His chance was now, he had to take it. In front of a wide pair of double doors, Mercer rendezvoused with two guards. They pushed the doors open and then followed him through. Jack eased up to the doors, waited a few seconds, then quietly pushed them open. He was in a long hallway, and there was no sign of Mercer. He uttered a curse under his breath and crept along close to the wall. Up ahead, the hallway split in a “T” shape. He silently moved up to the intersection and checked down the right side. The coast was clear. He looked to the left and found himself face to face with a wide-eyed guard. The guard managed to stammer a “Hey!” before Jack landed a blow to his windpipe. The guard doubled over, coughing as Jack rushed forward with a knee to the guard’s nose. The sound of cartilage crunching and bone breaking echoed through the hallway. The guard fell onto his back with a thump, blood pouring from his nose. Jack stood over him, breathing heavily, and pulled the pistol from the man’s holster. He stepped over the body and jogged down the hallway.
Jack came to a corner and hugged the wall, peering around the turn. Mercer and his guards were just about at the end of the stretch of hallway. Jack jumped out from behind the corner and squeezed the trigger. The gunshots echoed down the walls with a deafening force. The guard on the right went down in a shower of blood, bullet holes in his back. The guard on the left managed to throw himself behind Mercer, giving Mercer just enough time to sprint into the room at the end of the hallway, before the guard took too many shots and crumpled to the floor. Jack cursed and sprinted down the hallway. He reached the door and slammed it open with his shoulder.
The room in front of him consisted only of a staircase. He charged up the stairs and burst out the doors at the top. Above him, the dark night sky of Roxanne City was cold and quiet. A slight breeze blew along the rooftop. Jack stepped out into the night. Mercer was standing at the edge of the roof. He turned around.
“This is a surprise, Jack. I put a bullet in your heart. And even though the Pureheart is an evolution in medical technology, it’s not invincible.” He said.

“You missed.” Jack spat.

“I’ll be sure not to make the same mistake twice then.” He said, pulling a pistol from his belt. Jack dove for cover behind an air conditioning unit as Mercer began firing. Jack stuck his gun out over the top of the unit and returned fire. The whole unit he had his back against was shaking with each bullet that hit it. He heard a mechanical click as the shots stopped. Mercer was out of ammo. Jack leapt over the unit and charged towards Mercer, throwing his gun to the side. Mercer didn’t even have time to turn and start running before Jack tackled him to the ground. He threw hard punches at Mercer’s face, connecting with a loud crunch. Blood splattered over the concrete of the rooftop. He grabbed the sides of Mercer’s bald head with both hands and twisted sharply. A loud snap pierced the night. Mercer quit moving. Jack rose up, blood dripping from his hands. His Pureheart was beating fast, but he felt calm. He stepped over Mercer’s body and walked towards the fire escape. He looked out across the city toward the Sky District. The beam of light from Lygari tower pierced the thin clouds in the sky. Even though Mercer was dead, Lygari was far from over. Jack had work to do. He lowered himself down the fire escape and moved quickly down the dark alleys. From the rooftop behind him he could hear Katherine’s voice calling the others after finding Mercer’s body. As he moved on, their voices faded into the sounds of the city.

... wut
-My Stories-
Pureheart
Silence
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Sfabulous
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Sleepy Kat
Intense! This was quite a short and simple piece in terms of plotting, I'd definitely agree that you could do cool things if you expanded on the idea. This makes for a pretty nice prologue though. Katherine in particular has quite a bit of potential for complex character development!

I quite liked some of your descriptions, like the building-as-prophet one, which were really rich. A few threw me off though, like "It was shaped like a thin cone, wider at the base and tapering to a point at the top". I mean, that's what a cone is. Wider at the base tapering to a point on top. Little redundant :P

Overall this was a very visual read, which is great for an action piece. Dialogue was smooth as well. If you do follow up on this, I'd like to see more of Jack's origin story and more plot depth. Great to have you writing again!
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Dekky
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The Rock Raptor
Please sir, may we have some more?

I feel only praise for your story, well done! Nothing to add to Sfab's comment, I think. :D
This week: I am now taking requests! If you want me to model something for you on 'Art of Illusion,' just send me a message. If you'd like to see samples of my work, check out my Art Topic! (hint: it's in the Art forum)

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Koontay
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Previous Admin of Win
Totally just occurred to me that people probably know what a cone is. Lol. Ah well. I wish I had time to write more of this kind of stuff but I'm gonna be busy!
... wut
-My Stories-
Pureheart
Silence
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