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Every evening across America, parents see their children playing graphically violent videogames, helplessly witnessing the corruption of American youth, completely powerless to do anything about it. This cannot stand.
The link between violent videogames and violent behavior is indisputable. After playing Grand Theft Auto, formerly peaceful children were suddenly able to hotwire cars, obtain illegal weaponry from the black market, and buy drugs from drug dealers with greater skill than those of hardened criminals’.
Videogames involve using controllers to direct a virtual character’s actions. By mashing buttons, (circle, square, R, square) they teach children skills that can be applied to real life situations, such as fighting or using weapons, in much the same was as watching the Matrix teaches people martial arts.
Many villains past and present have also has experience with violent videogames. Hitler, for example, was an avid player of Doom. (He even managed to acquire a copy of Doom 4 while holed up in his bunker during the last days of World War II. His inability to beat the game caused his decision to commit suicide.)
Violent videogames are so able to affect the minds of children because children completely lack the ability to differentiate fantasy from reality. This is why so many children try to fly off of high buildings on broomsticks. Thus, cartoons such as the Loony Tunes should not be watched by anyone younger than 18.
The steady trend of increasing violence in videogames has a measurable effect on society. America’s violent crime rate is now at a 40 year low, the end result of a decline that began in 1992.
To save the civilized world from this epidemic of videogame violence, common sense “game control” laws must be enacted. The current laws banning sales of violent videogames to minors are not enough, since parents ignore them. Instead of making parents more aware, the most effective way to prevent minors from exposure to violent videogames is instead to enact more laws, which will not be broken because there will be so may of them.
The first step should be to license and register all videogames with the BATFEVVG (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Explosives, and Violent Video Games). People will be allowed access to games based on different and arbitrarily decided age groups. One a year, BATFEVVG agents will search a person’s videogame collection to ensure that prohibited videogames are not possessed. (While this may seem like a task that will take up to much of the government’s resources and manpower, I am assured by my advisors that it is a feasible solution to the nation’s unemployment problem.)
Special efforts must also be made to keep violent videogames away from at-risk children. For example, an inner city lower middle class youth who lives in a bad environment is obviously more likely to be affected by violent videogames than an upper class child. Hence, the flow of violent videogames (and movies, books, and Dungeons and Dragons games) to inner city lower middle class kids must be severely restricted.
Through vigorous and liberal use of game control, the doubleplus ungood violent videogames will cease to be a threat to America. I truly look forward to a future free of game violence.

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