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Jokes and Gags; Got any crackers?! Be tasteful tho!
Topic Started: Nov 2 2004, 09:10:02 PM (4,462 Views)
Petrie
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GOF Founder

They missed a semi-colon too. ;) :lol:

No parking; doctor's cars only.
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Nick22
Resident History Buff

I get it. Here's a joke. A guy stops at a stop sign, and suddenly a police car pulls up and takes him away. The stop sign said Stop and Arret. you figure it out :D
Nick
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Petrie
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GOF Founder

Are we pronouncing "Arret" as the French would or air-ret, if they had no idea otherwise?
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Nick22
Resident History Buff

I don't know.
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Petrie
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GOF Founder

The only thing I can think of is pronouncing it "ah-rett stop" as in "a rest stop" so did the guy think the sewer was a toilet or somthing? :P: :lol:
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Nick22
Resident History Buff

I was thinking more of "Stop you are under arrest." :P:
Nick
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Littlefoot1616
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The Inquisitive Quadruped (admin)

On the subject of funny signs and notices. I saw this notice in a Chinese restaurant that had been closed due to a little accident. The sign read...

"Apologies for closure! Kitchen on fire until further notice!"

Sounds a bit worrying! LOL! :lol: How long do they plan to keep this fire for?! It was supposed to read:

"Kitchen WAS on fire! CLOSED until further notice!"
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Petrie
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GOF Founder

Sort of like:

A vase is being sold by my mother with a cracked lip. :lol
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Nick22
Resident History Buff

:lol: Good one Arvens.
Nick
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Littlefoot1616
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The Inquisitive Quadruped (admin)

Hey guys!
Just got this email from a friend entitled "Things you should never say to a cop!" I think it's more of an American gag and some might of heard these before but here goes:

>> 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my
>> beer. (OK in Texas )
>>
>> 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar
>> detector wasn't plugged in.
>>
>>
>>
>> 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
>>
>> 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to
>> keep up with me. Good job!
>>
>> 5. Are You Andy or Barney?
>>
>> 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good
>> physical condition to be a police officer.
>>
>> 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
>>
>> 8. I pay your salary!
>>
>> 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer
>> only gave me a warning, too!
>>
>>
>>
>> 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just
>> so one of us does.
>>
>> 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I
>> know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
>>
>> 12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes
>> look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond
>> with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you
>> been eating doughnuts?"
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Nick22
Resident History Buff

Yep , those are definitely American jokes.
Nick
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Malte279
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I'm a historian. I MUST be like that!

This is not exactly a joke, but still a pretty funny entry in an English dictionary of 1755, I came across studying history of the English language at the university (please keep your fingers crossed for next wednesday's exam).
This is how they defined the word "Oats" in Samuel Johnson's dictionary of 1755:
Quote:
 
A grain which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.
:lol:
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Petrie
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GOF Founder

Quote:
 
>> 12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes
>> look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond
>> with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you
>> been eating doughnuts?"


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Typical stereotype.

Malte, that is one odd definition there. :P:
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Nick22
Resident History Buff

An Odd definition, but still a funny one.
Nick
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Petrie
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GOF Founder

Definition:

debate - what you put on the end of the fishing hook
divorce - what the Jedi's use
ice cream - what you do if you slam your hand in a car door :blink:

I just randomly thought of these... :lol
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Malte279
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I'm a historian. I MUST be like that!

:lol: :lol: :lol: That's something I ought to show our phonetics Prof! :lol :lol :lol
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Nick22
Resident History Buff

:lol: Good ones Arvens!
Nick
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Petrie
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GOF Founder

Some more I came up with:

liquor - a perverted being :blink:
amen - the reason for "hymns" :lol:
cheetah - well at least we understand why this cat only wins in about 1 out of 7 chases for food to survive :rolleyes:
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Nick22
Resident History Buff

:rolleyes: Those are pretty bad Arvens :lol: But still funny.
Nick
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Petrie
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GOF Founder

At another board (no longer around) I was known to having a very dry sense of humor and a horrible pun maker. :lol:
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