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Shorty's Dark Past; my 2nd story :)
Topic Started: Jan 12 2014, 09:11:28 AM (7,808 Views)
rhombus
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The Friendly Parallelogram

My apologizes for not seeing this until now. These two chapters were very welcome additions to the story that clarify a bit of Littlefoot and Ali's thinking. Though the love triangle possibility is off of the books, I can't help but think that things with Cho are still going to be quite a bit complicated. Littlefoot can be quite the unintentional heart-breaker. :p

Now the addition of Lizzie with Pat is a very interesting one. Lizzie seems to have a deep silence and foreboding to her, which can be indicative of a hard life, which was all but confirmed in what we are hinted about with her past. Though I almost wonder if there isn't something else about her. She almost has some autism like symptoms in certain ways, though I am probably reading too far into it. In any case, a most interesting addition. :yes

My apologizes once again for missing these chapters when they were originally posted. I look forward to seeing how all of these plot points develop in the installments ahead.
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Ducky123
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*insert creative caption here*

Quote:
 
I was beginning to wonder where the new chapter (or two) has been. It's great to see you finally resume this story and both chapters were nice to read. It seems the Gang's part is finally going to get larger and it's an interesting idea to bring a new character to their sublot. (I'm not sure if Lizzie is the best name I've heard but alright). I'm looking forward to seeing where her character will develop and how she is going to impact the main storyline.

Lizzie (I'm not the most creative person when it comes to names :bang ) remains a mystery for now but, as you should know by know, information will come piece by piece until, eventually, Lizzie won't be as mysterious anymore, uhh I guess :p She's definnitely going to have a role to play, that much is certain ^^spike

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Also, it was nice to see that the love triangle isn't going to happen. dino_laugh.gif The whole Littlefoot/Ali sequence was amusing even if it got pretty awkward later on. It seems Ali isn't going to get over the nuzzling part anytime soon. Also, the spider scene and the characters' antics in it were rather hilarious  dino_happier.gif In the latter chapter, Cho and Ali's first meeting was quite sad but it fit well into her character and far from cheerful past. Her life was clearly glorious before she met Ali. There were some problems with the italics on that part, though.

Problems with the italics? I didn't see any when I took a quick look at it before posting, can you point them out? Also, I was using additional ' xxx ' to indicate inner dialogue (which usually gets the italics). Maybe it is that?

Anyway, I'm glad you liked those scenes :) Cho's and Ali's scene was the reason for my writer's block though, ugh :lol

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These chapters were really well-written and a nice return to this story. smile.gif They managed to establish a solid new sideplot to the story while deepening Ali and Cho's relationship. I hope your writer's bloc will stay away for a while: I'm really looking forward what is going to happen in this story.

Thanks a lot :)

It seems so for the moment. the next chapter is a bit tough because it's a bit of an inbetweener but once I get past that chapter, I should have a pretty good idea what to write next for these chapters :yes

*

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My apologizes for not seeing this until now.

It's been 3 days, that's not much. I'm lagging behand 1-2 months with reading :bang

Quote:
 
These two chapters were very welcome additions to the story that clarify a bit of Littlefoot and Ali's thinking. Though the love triangle possibility is off of the books, I can't help but think that things with Cho are still going to be quite a bit complicated. Littlefoot can be quite the unintentional heart-breaker.  dino_tongue.gif

You should know Cho by now... she IS complicated :p Glad you liked the additions!

Quote:
 
Now the addition of Lizzie with Pat is a very interesting one. Lizzie seems to have a deep silence and foreboding to her, which can be indicative of a hard life, which was all but confirmed in what we are hinted about with her past. Though I almost wonder if there isn't something else about her. She almost has some autism like symptoms in certain ways, though I am probably reading too far into it. In any case, a most interesting addition.  in-yes.gif

Funny that you mention autism... I tried to give Cho that impression of autistic behaviorisms :p As for Lizzie, you will get to know more about her soon. So much confirmation for now: Yes, she has had a hard life... stay tuned for the details, I'm sure you'll be... surprised :)


Also, I have another question: Did anyone notice something in that Ali/Cho scene? One of my readers had a pretty... interesting theory about the two to say the least. I'm just curious if anybody else noticed something :huh:
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Sovereign
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Ducky
I'm sorry if I'm being nitpicky but the scene I meant is this one.

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So far, the girl had been walking along the stream but the only interesting things to see were the rocks shining through the crystal-clear water. Though, as she kept on going, inspecting the occasional rock that caught her interest, the child eventually noticed another girl, being somewhat older than her, lying close to the water. Upon closer inspection, the little one noticed the obvious sunburn, immediately recognising who this girl was. “She’s the girl the herd rescued!”


There's this extra italic sign and I thought the italic sequence ended rather oddly. However, it's nothing serious. :)
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Ducky123
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*insert creative caption here*

Should be fixed by now, thanks :)

No new chapter (yet though it's close to being finished) but I'd just like to share a very special comment with you that somebody on ff.net made a while ago. Found it to be very uplifting and really gave me that kick that helped me to defeat writer's block :)

Here you go:

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This is what a Land Before Time sequel should be. It perfectly emulates the mature themes which made Don Bluth's movie a masterpiece. You've written a very touching chapter that could easily have come from the original film. I also appreciate what's been done with Ali, she's always been one of my favorite characters in the entire series, yet the television series butchered her character. Unlike her appearance in the TV show, this actually feels like a legitimate continuation of the character we were introduced to in Journey Through the Mists. I think Ali has the potential to be a fascinating character if Universal just knew how to use her properly. In Shorty's Dark Past she is an interesting and well developed character in her own right, not merely a love interest, and we finally get to see her receive the attention she deserves in the franchise. Also I love how you've written the romantic chemistry between Littlefoot and Ali. Unlike countless other fanfics that I've reviewed, we actually see their relationship develop gradually over time as they grow closer and it feels very natural. While they did have a mutual crush for one another in Journey Through the Mists, authors typically don't give them time to bond emotionally before making them a couple. I hope to see more of this in later chapters. You should think about applying to Universal if you can, the series needs people like you who care about the characters and crafting compelling narratives. I hope you consider writing a sequel; until then keep up the good work. You're one of my three favorite authors on this website.
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