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| The CUNTS I HATE Thread; lurker edition | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 20 2010, 11:56 AM (213 Views) | |
| Mr. Game & Watch | Jun 20 2010, 11:56 AM Post #1 |
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So now that this forum is little more than a forgotten shrine to the magic that was Jigglypuff, I have to try and keep it alive the best way I know how - by bitching about the Cunts I Hate. So far only the admins have been privy to my amazing CIH updates, but now even the lurkers can bask in my festering hatred. You're all so lucky. So it's appropriate that this edition of CIH is dedicated to the memory of Jigglypuff, who really should have made the merge over some of the other twats still here. CIH #1 is the Ice Climbers, the first and most annoying of the yellowcunts who voted out my precious Jiggly. Ugh it kills me that these fools have gotten all the way to the merge, because it means I have to talk to them, which so far has been a painful exercise. Everyone else is at least capable of normal speech, but the way the ICs talk - the different colors apparently each represent each of the five different ICs, although clearly each is retarded - makes carrying on a conversation very difficult. To the point where after my attempts to PM them, I basically just ran out of things to say and gave up. Observe:
I guess they were looking for me to say, oh sure I'll look out for you then ^_^, but I don't make promises like that after only a few messages. Especially when I don't intend on keeping them, and the consensus at the moment seems to be that the ICs need to go first. Hopefully that plan goes smoothly, because ugh. CIH #2 is Zelda, for being another player who has just lucked into her spot here and should never have outlasted Jiggly. Sure, you can say she fought through her arena battles to get here, but for starters one of those was dumb luck, and if a Survivor round had been chosen instead of an Arena round her ass would be gone. If she wasn't a social retard she never would have been voted out of red so early in the first place. But somehow she made merge and now she's trying to grovel with all the reds, playing up how nice we were to her on her way into the arena (which I was, and what did it get me? - a vote against me from her, bitch :rolleyes: ), and saying how she never should have gone to yellow. She knows a sinking ship when she sees one and now she wants back on ours, but I'm hoping grovelling won't get her much further. CIH #3 is Lucas, for being surprisingly awesome to talk to and having amazing taste in everything pop culture, which had us talking for ages and had me momentarily forgetting he's probably yellow's leader and murdered my Jiggly. ![]() CIH #4 is Wario, for still being here when really, I would have preferred to lose that last IC and see either yellow win it, or someone who would have saved them. He knew he was on the outs and now I'm sure he'll be up to something and trying to flip things on us - as far as I've heard, nothing is going on against us yet, and he'll probably stick with us for a vote or two for lack of other options, but I'm sure as soon as he gets an opportunity to move against his former reds he'll take it. It's a shame it had to come to this, because when I first came into the game I thought Wario was the funniest player here, but he'll have to go soon for me to feel at all comfortable. And CIH #5 is Ness, for being a lucky son of a bitch and winning that last IC for us. I mean, he already lucked into being part of the secret group that had three reds in it which protected him from day one, even when he was borderline inactive at the start. That group came closer to getting me out, just because I wasn't a part of it and suggested voting for Ness, which at the time was a logical decision. Then he has to go and win a challenge that we actually could have benefited from losing. And he still just barely even talks to me - I've asked him for his opinions on all our new tribemates, and gave him a pretty extensive list of my own, even if in some cases I omitted certain things that were said to cover up any connections that I may later use to take him out. But even though I'm sure he must be talking to people... I mean surely, right?... he's pretending like he's only had conversations with a couple of people. At the merge. The merge with fifteen freaking people. So he's lying to me, or he's even luckier than I thought to still be here. So, that wraps up the first semi-public instalment of CIH. I hope y'all enjoyed it, and please keep in mind I'm not anywhere near as much of a cocky douche as some of the things I say here might suggest. It's all just part of my CIH showmanship. |
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| Master Hand | Jun 20 2010, 06:04 PM Post #2 |
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Oh my werrrd... public CIH!? The lurkers are going to love you for this. :lol: Although now I don't feel like I'm in an exlusive CIH club anymore.
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| Mr. Game & Watch | Jun 20 2010, 11:05 PM Post #3 |
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Sorry Master Hand, but I crave attention and I thought CIH would be the best way to receive it. I should probably find the genesis of 'JOIN USSS' in the previous CIH list and post it here so someone other than us and Lyndis knows what it means. Or not, because I like nonsensical private jokes. :lol: I'll try to do some exclusive bitching in my confessional too though.
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| Mr. Game & Watch | Jun 21 2010, 01:06 PM Post #4 |
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A new round means a new edition of CIH... except for the rounds where I can't be bothered. But it just so happens that today, I can be bothered, so let's get cracking! CIH#1 is still the Ice Climbers, who I'm starting to develop quite a burning hatred for I know I should probably try to be talking to every other player still here in the tribe, but I seriously have nothing to say to them and don't even want to bother. Especially after today's veto challenge, where unfortunately they turned out to be challenge whores again and proceeded to rub it in to Fox that they weren't using the veto. I hate players who seemingly go out of their way to be hated so they can be dragged to the end as goats, and the ICs are starting to epitomize that kind of player. And according to Lucas, they hardly message anybody ever and only show up for all the challenges. THEN WHY ARE THEY STILL HERE?! I just realized that seeing there's five of them, they could be my replacement for the scary Fire Emblem clones! JOIN USSS It's not quite the same. <_< CIH#2 is possibly a bit of a surprise, but the admins have already learnt that NO-ONE IS SAFE FROM BEING A CIH! Anyway, it's Fox! For something that really rubbed me the wrong way in his final words:
See this pissed me right off because I didn't receive any messages from Fox just before or during the vote! Unless he means going back to before the challenge, but it doesn't sound like it, and basically makes it sound like he had no respect for me at all. I always shared my opinions with him and we talked strategy a lot, so I found this offensive, although some might say that I should have messaged him. WELL YOU'D BE WRONG. Okay maybe you wouldn't, but the board was playing up and I was having a tough time keeping up. I hope he takes my makeover as my goodbye to him though, because it was shit-hot and used a jacket from one of the zombies from Resident Evil. ![]() CIH#3 is Peach, for being a shady bitch like you wouldn't believe. She seems to think I'm actually buying that she has my back after she pledged a kind of undying loyalty to me after only a short strategy talk. I know she's been pushing for the blues and yellows to take over the game, going against a proposed alliance between three of the secret groups (which has just been broken up, but regardless, I know she was pushing for it before the challenge tonight). Right now I have it on Zelda's authority that Peach/Pikachu/Lucas are a trio looking to take control of the game, and I'm inclined to believe her. It may be tough going against the challenge whores of yellow but I don't plan on going down without a fight. If I had my way this psychopath would go next for playing every side and actually thinking she's getting away with it. Alright so that's CIH for this round, a little shorter than usual but no less chock-full of hatred. The next round better go well so I can return for more. |
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| Mr. Game & Watch | Jun 21 2010, 08:04 PM Post #5 |
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FUCKING YESSSSSSS Thank fucking shit for that, that was a scary-ass vote. And clearly everyone who says they're with us isn't, which will have to be determined later... but for now, this is a huge relief. One of the biggest yellow challenge whores down. Possibly two to go? I don't hate the other two so much. |
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| Mr. Game & Watch | Jun 24 2010, 12:52 AM Post #6 |
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Ugh, I knew I should have posted an update last night. I was already filled with more than enough hatred but now there's a whole new batch of cunts to unleash it on. This may require multiple updates. |
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| Mr. Game & Watch | Jun 25 2010, 02:41 PM Post #7 |
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And now for the first of three?.. I think it'll be three, CIH instalments for this weekend! Is anyone even reading this shit? Does anyone care? ![]() Well I won't let the eerie silence in here get me down, it is time to cast our collective minds back to the Wario/Luigi boot and see which cunts I was hating at that stage of the game. #1 CIH, without any question whatsoever for that particular round was the host himself, Master Hand. I mean, where do I start? First, he gives us a YouTube challenge when I specifically asked here in this forum for there to be no YouTube challenges. To see my heartfelt plea and then rig the game against its obvious star like that (I can pretend, stop looking at me like that I'LL CUT CHU)? Rude. Then things get worse when the first post-merge arena challenge is chosen, and it happens to be a double arena boot too. Now this is the first time we were given the new rules for arena votes so you'd think maybe given we suddenly have to co-ordinate a vote for three people, we'd be given a bit longer than the usual fifteen minutes? But no. Of course a ridiculous flurry of PMs ensues, after which I finally settle on who I'm voting for and place my vote. I realize it's late but then when I bring it up to Master Douche in the thread, explaining that my Windows time is slower than the board time (AND YOU CAN'T GET MORE ACCURATE THAN WINDOWS TIME, WINDOWS TIMES ARE THE BEST OF TIMES), he tells me I just earned a self-vote. For being late with the three votes that were already at the top of the pre-vote list I made. And then he just has to go and point out to me, I was late by ONE. SECOND. I mean way to kick me when I'm down, you heartless jizzrag. Your obvious jealousy of the most dynamic black-and-white character in the game is showing all over your non-existent face. *deep breath* That feels better. #2 CIH is Squirtle, for distracting me with the last-minute PMs (telling me no-one would be voting for Luigi and I should change my vote :rolleyes: ) and being the player I blame the most for causing my past vote count to rise to three. ![]() #3 CIH is Zelda, for once again proving unstoppable in the challenges and forcing me to crawl back to her and apologize for not telling her the target was on her back, after I promised her I would. Sure, some might say I shouldn't make deals I have no intention of following through on but those people are the kinds of people I'd ignore at a dinner party. For they are cunts I hate. #4 CIH is Luigi, for being so goddamn boring that I still haven't been able to think of anything to make him over as in my salon. I want to try to do a makeover for everyone who reached the merge sooner or later, but all I got to know about him is that he likes his mamma's linguine/ravioli and he's pretty confident in his Mario Karting abilities. Seriously him/Wario being on the jury = most. undeserving. of. jury. ever. Or at least in this game. ![]() And finally... #5 CIH is Lyndis! Because Lyndisabitch. |
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| Master Hand | Jun 25 2010, 04:57 PM Post #8 |
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I am SO. HONOURED!! Like you don't even know. Great new edition of CIH. :lol: |
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| Mr. Game & Watch | Jun 26 2010, 06:01 AM Post #9 |
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You're welcome! And there's more of that to come... right now, as I managed to avoid the computer during almost the entire time people are usually online and have no-one to blather inanely to. So here's the CIH update for the round in which Wolf decided to fuck up his game and get himself voted out. And it might not come as a big surprise to find that CIH #1 is Wolf himself. Seriously, we had a simple plan. If it's a Survivor round and she's not immune, vote mute challenge-dominator Zelda. This was what everyone agreed to before the challenge began, and then we got a challenge that was absolutely catered for it to happen - a Wiimote drop. Of course Zelda ended up being given approximately five thousand Wiimotes so the plan looked to be well on its way to reaching its fruition, and then seemed set in stone when Lucario won and selected the Survivor format. But then what happens? Wolf and Lucario decide that the plan was just too simple and make a last-minute switch the vote to Lucas. I didn't want to vote Lucas and I tried to urge everyone to stick with Zelda but they just kept pressuring me until I folded - basically because Snake wanted it and I'll do what makes him happy, and I was running out of time to vote. Then the rest is history - Squirtle played the idol on Lucas, presumably because Samus passed this info along to him, and Wolf paid the price for fucking up what should have been the easiest vote in the game. What really killed me though was this comment he made on his way out to me:
:lol: Copy/pasting that really didn't work but I'm certainly not the person to fix it. Just go look it up. Anyway, what the fucking shit? First, I think he totally misinterpreted what I posted. I was pointing out that like Lucario, I never had an alliance with Lucas. Because I didn't. I talked a lot with him but it was always just social and we never made any formal deals. And I certainly didn't say a word to him when the vote switched to him, which I got shit from him for after he survived. But second, you're going to go and fucking believe something Samus said about me? Samus, who we all know is a pathological liar? Wolf and I discussed the game a lot, we got along well AND we'd discussed how untrustworthy Samus was. And then you're going to go and trash me on your way out because of some bullshit she said about me? Well fuck you moron, if you'd stuck to voting Zelda you wouldn't have had your ass handed to you. Kiss. My. Ass. (this forum needs a smiley of Master Hand giving the finger so I can insert it here) CIH #2 is Lucario, for similar reasons to Wolf, just ones that aren't as strong. He obviously thought he was being a fucking big-shot by going after his biggest rival Lucas and got who I assumed to be his closest ally snuffed out. I liked Wolf so much more than Lucario (until what Wolf said on his way out) so it sucks that Lucario won immunity and couldn't get punished for the Lucas vote instead. Yea verily, Lucario is a douchenozzle. CIH #3 is Zelda, for having a golden horseshoe shoved up her twat the size of which I've never seen. She just should not have survived that vote - everything was set up for her to leave, and then I was the only rational person on my side of the tribe who wanted to stick to that plan. And after that point, I'm forced to actually team up with her even though she's almost impossible to talk to - if you thought she was mute in the public threads, you should see her in PMs. Her luck just keeps growing and the thing that kills me is, people would probably vote for her if she got to the end just because she's an 'underdog'. An underdog challenge whore, that's quite a feat to pull off. I mean sure, she can't socialize or strategize her way out of a paper bag but who needs those qualities? Zelda FTW! omg best winner ever! I seriously have to stop that scenario from happening. CIH #4 is Lucas, for going and trying to make me feel guilty after I voted for him by bringing up our common bond as Whedonites and telling me 'it was a crime for me to vote him out on Joss Whedon's birthday.' :rolleyes: Okay first thing, I hate it when people refer to voting for someone as 'voting them out'... it doesn't become voting them out until it actually succeeds in you leaving. I know, I'm OCD. But secondly, and more importantly, I only worship Joss Whedon. I'm not fucking married to him and I aint buying him no presents, so I don't need to know when his birthday is. Don't go and make me feel like I've betrayed some kind of sisterhood of the travelling pants just because I voted for you on some nerd's birthday. And then after we'd finished talking for the night, he goes 'Well I hope you don't vote for me again. ^_^' Bitch I'm not making you any promises, we still don't have any deals and I think despite Wolf's final words, Lucas would slaughter me in the finals. So you's getting votes from me again, best believe. And finally, CIH #5 is Squirtle for going and making a move that made me look like a total dick, and was pretty damn clever when you look at it objectively. I knew Squirtle had a lot of ties outside of what he was telling me before that point, but I was never really taking him too seriously until he did that - now I know to look out for him as a big threat. Hence me betraying him a round later. Oh noez spoilers for the next CIH edition! |
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| Mr. Game & Watch | Jun 27 2010, 04:30 PM Post #10 |
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I really should not still be at the computer, but screw it. I promised another edition of CIH and I must deliver. Plus I just don't want to fall behind by another round, or get eliminated before I can bitch about some cunts. I think if there was ever a round where I was likely to get eliminated, the next one might be it, so if I do go I'd like to go out full of hatred. So CIH #1 for the last round would be Peach, for still being here after the arena challenge and forcing me to deal with her. Well, deal with her in a way. I apologized for betraying her trust and we exchanged a few tense PMs before our conversation petered out to nothing, and I don't feel like picking it up where we left off. Because my (possible) jury management skills are so stellar. For real though, we both know we're not going to be working with each other again at this point so why even play? She's been unpredictable and kinda batshit this whole game and I want her out, and I wish she hadn't suddenly busted out some hidden challenge skills to stay in the game so I could feel a bit more confident about the next round. Which brings me to...CIH #2, Lucario! Seriously, what kind of lame-ass god can't beat Peach in a challenge? I mean it was bad enough having to be aligned with him for a little while given all the god-speak, but he could have at least backed up all that big talk by showing some challenge skills when they count. Instead he managed to get himself destroyed by the person he hated the most, and put what's left of his alliance in a pretty tight spot. Yea verily, Lucario thoughteth he was hot shit but pride come'st before a falleth. Or something. CIH #3 should be Snake, but I got so many wubs for him that I just can't do that at this point, so I'm going to put Snake's internet connection in this spot. Seriously, I have not seen luck that bad in these games, ever. To disappear at the exact moment we have to vote and then come back immediately after the votes closed, and be the person in the alliance holding the crucial vote nullifier that would have got the outcome we wanted in the last round - to split up Squirtle and Peach? That is just unbelievably shitty luck. Although I guess I should be angry at Snake too for failing to pre-vote. Yeah okay, Snake gets upgraded to a CIH. CIH #4 is Samus, for nabbing the idol in the auction and then using it on herself when she was totally safe and should have known it. But no, Snake and I didn't get back to her about the vote WE HAD ALREADY DISCUSSED AD-NAUSEUM once the voting started and she felt too paranoid. :rolleyes: Snake's internet had fucked up and I was too busy swapping frantic messages with Lucario panicking about the possibility that Snake had gone offline. I should have bid on that idol and actually used it in a helpful way after all, but I thought it would show a lack of trust in Samus if I took it out of her hands using Squirtle's money. Not that I feel she's that trustworthy anyway - bitch is shady but if she has absolutely any common sense left she'd stick with the alliance we have right now. Now I've said that, watch her betray me next round. And CIH #5 is me, for hanging around at these boards for so long when I should be napping in preparation for the challenge. G&W has headache. But at least I'm not totally up-to-date with my CIH list, yay! |
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| Mr. Game & Watch | Jun 28 2010, 01:05 PM Post #11 |
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I'm not feeling very encouraged to post my CIH updates lately. I need the incentive of praise for my walls of cunty hatred. <_< But I will press onward. I'm kind of running low on cunts to hate though with the cast being whittled down so much. However, it should be obvious that CIH #1 is Peach once again, because it made me so sad to have to get rid of Lucas and Squirtle instead of her lucky ass. I'm still suspicious that she might not have even hid a battleship. I mean you can't hit what isn't there. And of course, she ignores me all weekend, then comes at me last minute before the challenge pleading for her life and telling me how 'I'm not playing for myself, I'm playing for others to win.' No shit, bitch. Uhh, mind getting to your point? Her point of course was that I could beat her at the end so I should spare her, but I don't buy that she's not a huge jury threat right now. She's made some big moves but most of all, she's been entertaining making them. I think she'd sweep the votes of anyone undecided who just wants a 'fun' outcome. But I certainly don't plan on letting that happen. Because all my plans have gone so swimmingly so far. Anyway, I know right now I am probably playing for a Snake win, but that's mainly because I don't think I could win in any situation other than a final two, up against Samus. And that doesn't mean I plan on laying down in the final three if I make it there with Snake and Samus, as is the plan. I think I can make a decent case for why I've played the best game, given Snake's recent blunders, and hope the jury is perceptive. But if I'm going to play for anyone to win, it'll be Snake, not gross weeping cunt Peach.And he may have partially avoided the list last round, but this week I have to make CIH #2 my BFF Snake. No matter how much I love him, that doesn't mean I'm not annoyed he couldn't show up for the challenge on time and possibly keep Peach out of the top spot. As it stood, even with Zelda's advantage our side of the tribal split was never going to do well there a man down, and we're just very lucky Peach didn't pull a BB round. Otherwise at least one of us probably would have been incredibly fucked. Rounding out my list for the round as CIH #3 is Pikachu, for something he said to me privately:
I mean of course I know what he's trying to do there. He's trying to put me in the same boat as him - we're both boring underdogs who only have a shot at winning against each other, so we should make that happen, right? No, sorry Pika - you have failed to realize that beneath my calm and rational demeanour pumps the heart of a batshit insane egomaniac who thinks he is the most entertaining thing around at all occasions and wants to be told he is. :angry: And hey - I've done exciting stuff. I've betrayed people. And I'm also not an underdog. I've stayed on top of everything that's been going on with this tribe and although the clusterfuckiness of a fifteen-person merge and the random format changes have led to some plans going awry, I've managed to work every situation to my advantage so far. Pika may soon learn that there are much better ways of buttering someone up than implying they're boring. :angry: |
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Ugh it kills me that these fools have gotten all the way to the merge, because it means I have to talk to them, which so far has been a painful exercise. Everyone else is at least capable of normal speech, but the way the ICs talk - the different colors apparently each represent each of the five different ICs, although clearly each is retarded - makes carrying on a conversation very difficult. To the point where after my attempts to PM them, I basically just ran out of things to say and gave up. Observe:






I know I should probably try to be talking to every other player still here in the tribe, but I seriously have nothing to say to them and don't even want to bother. Especially after today's veto challenge, where unfortunately they turned out to be challenge whores again and proceeded to rub it in to Fox that they weren't using the veto. I hate players who seemingly go out of their way to be hated so they can be dragged to the end as goats, and the ICs are starting to epitomize that kind of player. And according to Lucas, they hardly message anybody ever and only show up for all the challenges. THEN WHY ARE THEY STILL HERE?! I just realized that seeing there's five of them, they could be my replacement for the scary Fire Emblem clones!
For real though, we both know we're not going to be working with each other again at this point so why even play? She's been unpredictable and kinda batshit this whole game and I want her out, and I wish she hadn't suddenly busted out some hidden challenge skills to stay in the game so I could feel a bit more confident about the next round. Which brings me to...
We are here to represent the underdog! Just because we're less exciting in every way doesn't mean our games aren't valid <3 Pika would like an exciting final vote for the jurors to have to make. 
9:52 AM Jul 11