| Welcome to Toegoff. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
| Living as a spectator | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 20 2010, 06:59 AM (1,078 Views) | |
| aphexsam | Jul 20 2010, 06:59 AM Post #1 |
|
Woof Woof Woofies!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
I feel as do many others (I'm almost certain of it) that I'm living my life as a spectator, watching the world go by rather than partaking in it. part of me wants to be part of "life" but it just seems so meaningless. What I mean is that we as humans wake up fufill our physical needs (hunger,thirst etc) and wants and live this life of social situations where bodylanguage matters and its just so....fake, synthetic whatever you wish to call it. carl sagan a great philosopher said the earth is merely a pale blue speck in the universe and rivers of blood have been spilt for conquorers to control a tiny part of that blue speck. So uh yeah this is going to be quite a long winded apathetic post and for that I apologise but this section is for debating and thats what I'm doing. I doubt many people are truly happy. I mean games for instance, it distracts you, it takes away the pain of life and provides enjoyment. But that is merely an instance in life, a blip on the great scale of things. And I think that applies to many other things as well. seeing friends, wathcing Tv/ films, reading books, partying. Its just so....pointless. I do these things, they provide momentary happiness, nothing changes I move on. I'm very antisocial as a person so that could be why. I just find theres no depth I just drift through life watching people get hopelessly immersed in there own petty worlds. I want that as I'm sure many others do but I'm not sure how. There's a great saying that goes "In life one must choose between boredom and suffering" and I hold this statement to great truth for I doubt anyone can be truly happy. I don't mean that to come off in a depressing way it's jsut the way I see it. We can joke, laugh, do these meaningless distractions in our life but does that make you happy, it provides enjoyment yes but not happiness and the enjoyment only lasts for as long as the activity. Happiness is something else. So yes I do wholeheartedly agree with the statement that one must choose between boredom and suffering. I and many others I think can relate to that, One is either bored, tired and just really fed up with how synthetic (how you have to pull a certain face to show your'e happy) this world is, with these stupid social situations and paper currencey that means everything. With how people laugh and play and how everything is cemented over, built upon.... Or a person is suffering, stressed, depressed upset and/or angry. I want to live. I am living, in the physical sense of the term but not mentally I want to be like my brother. He treats life so care free, sports, parties, girlfriends etc. I don't want those things I just want his happiness his acceptance of the world. He lives for the moment, me in the past. He lets things go, I over analyse things. And it makes me jealous it really does. Jeallousy is horrible, it makes you feel ashamed of what you are and I don't want to feel that, I just want to...feel something better. I'm rambling here and I'm sorry but this is for debates right?. For in depth discussion?. I hope I'm making sense but I have a fear that maybe this isn't very clear. I'll try and explain it better. here's an extract from a poem by Edgar Allen Poe "From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I could not bring My passions from a common spring. From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone." I think deep down many are like that. Not alone in a physical sense, I can be surrounded in a town square, squashed in by a horde of people but you can still feel alienated from them. Maybe I'm too pessimistic for my own good maybe all I need is to "Get a life" or "Get laid" as the sayings go. it's just really confusing. I'm sorry if that was hard to understand. There my views on life and I hope people respect them even if they disagree with them. Thankyou. |
![]() |
|
| Colt1245 | Jul 20 2010, 07:57 AM Post #2 |
![]()
Big Sweaty Moose Bleepers
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Ya i get that why bother at all feelings sometimes too but usually what i do is just go and hang out with friends in real life and play airsoft or fish or just anything outside |
![]() |
|
| aphexsam | Jul 20 2010, 08:44 AM Post #3 |
|
Woof Woof Woofies!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
The whole point is even when you do go out to do those things you don't feel anything. Its not a case of "You need to go out more" because if anything that only makes the situation more apparent. |
![]() |
|
| Nathgrul | Jul 20 2010, 09:20 AM Post #4 |
|
I Just Got Nommed
![]() ![]()
|
Feelings vary on the person involved. What makes me happy won't necessarily make you happy, etc. The point I would like to make is that we are here on earth to learn and grow. We do that our entire lives, but I'm speaking about the "long haul". The spiritual path and journey we are all on. We all have free will. You can choose to focus on anything you think will benefit your growth. Nothing you do is ever a waste. Nobody really knows this about me, but I suffer from anxiety and depression. I fight it everyday and refuse medication because I want to defeat it on my own. Not trick my brain using pills to who knows what end. The answers are all within yourself. |
![]() |
|
| aphexsam | Jul 20 2010, 09:48 AM Post #5 |
|
Woof Woof Woofies!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
I'm sorry but what do you mean when you say learn and grow?. Grow physically?, what am I meant to learn here?. I never really got spirituality either. I have my physical state and my mental state. I'm sorry to hear you suffer from depression but I strongly disagree with your no stance on medication. As a few people here know I take Fluoxetine prozac which makes me less sensitive to light and sound, calms my anxiety and regulates my feelings of depression. It doesn't get rid of the problems no, but it dilutes the feelings thus making them easier to cope with. It's not tricking your brain into anything. Its chemicals which alter other chemicals in the brain so the person can cope more with there struggles and not feel so overwhelmed. No tricks just scientific fact. Yes you still get the struggles etc as the root of the problem is still there but for me at least it is nowhere near as bad before I started taking the medication..... |
![]() |
|
| Monstarcookie | Jul 20 2010, 09:59 AM Post #6 |
![]()
|
I agree with Nathgrul in that things that give you happiness is not the same thing that gives me happiness. I have long felt that I don't belong here, this life is....not really made for me. I wouldn't call it depression just a feeling of not belonging anywhere. How can you be sure your brother is happy? He might seem happy, he might act happy but is he REALLY happy? He's still very young... I think the problem is the society is trying to fit us all into this...mould. Everyone is supposed to be the same, feel the same, act the same, want the same. The problem is not everyone is like that. Are the things you want really what YOU want? Are they really what make YOU happy? Or is it just an illusion, you see other people do that and they seem happy? This might seem silly but whenever I see a video of a game and it has great graphics, whenever I see a really beautiful picture, some really great piece of computer art, I feel happy, as if I'm in love. I know that doing those things, making that art would make me happy, would give my life joy. What about you? What do you love doing so much that whenever you see it or do it you feel like you're in love and nothing else matters? |
![]() |
|
| Nathgrul | Jul 20 2010, 09:59 AM Post #7 |
|
I Just Got Nommed
![]() ![]()
|
By growth, I meant growth spiritually threw meditation. Becoming self-aware of past lives and reincarnation. I used to think this was nonsense and often felt that my grandparents were a bit off and out of their minds. Until I had an experience that I can't explain. Sam, I meant no offense about taking medications. I did not know that you did. I was mainly speaking about myself and by no means is my way of doing things right for anyone else. My condition isn't treatable from chemicals, I'm afraid. I have nightmarish daydreams of how me and family members will die. Of course these horrible visions don't come true, but for example, I'll be driving my daughter home from school and imagine a horrible accident and the door swings open and she flies out and in my rear view mirror, I see her blood and guts flying around and I'm about to impact into a huge semi-truck head on. Of course, we make it home ok and I push those images out. I attribute this delusion to my anxiety. I hate being around large groups of people and tend to stay home a lot and be anti-social. But, when I'm online on forums or playing an mmo, I'm not like that. |
![]() |
|
| aphexsam | Jul 20 2010, 10:10 AM Post #8 |
|
Woof Woof Woofies!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
True he may not be happy. I suppose I was so busy worrying about myself and my own perceptions I forgot other people probably feel the same. As for me, I like watching the rain, walking up the lanes near my house or in Queens Wood. There little moments that I paticularly like. I would never kill myself or anything but if I was struck down with a terminal illness it wouldn't really bother me that much. I have had relatives like that who upon learning they were going to die were just....well resigned to it all and accepted it. I don't mean that is a sad depressing way. I just like how you put it, I don't feel I belong. And is rain and walks and videogames and music, although all good stuff is that something to want to live for. It makes me happy but only momentarily. its not depression, I feel deppressed yes as do most people but its not like a clinical diagnosis, its just feeling down and having those feelings amplified. I think what with aspergers and generally just being a bit of a antisocial loser anyway I overthink these things and things which are no hassle for some people become so for me. I don't want this to turn into an "Aphexsam pity thread" I just wanted too see whether people had the similiar views and whatnot. @Nathgrul I think I understand what you mean now, sorry I have a tendencey to take things too literally sometimes. I'm really sorry to hear about your anxieties regarding your daughter and I hope through your meditation and such you can learn to regulate those feelings. |
![]() |
|
| Sinovera | Jul 20 2010, 02:37 PM Post #9 |
|
Administrator
![]()
|
I can relate completely Sam. Everything you said. And Jess, the point isn't that his brother is happy or not. It's the ability to enjoy life, which he has. Life basically is pointless. Once you start on this track you get to thinking up to the top point of "what's the meaning or point of life?" But as my own father put it, "we have but one journey to this world. If there exists anything else, we don't know it. So we better make the most of it while we're here." I've often had these thoughts. Day by day goes by and I see no point of eating once more, sleeping once more. Keeping this body alive, for what? Doing things you enjoy may make you happy for a bit but it always goes away sooner or later. So what's the point right? Point is, that's what life is. Little things that pass us by. People work for hours and hours to get not even a quarter of the time they worked of happiness. Seems pointless but if you don't live for those things, what do you live for? If you lose your appreciation of those moments then life truly seems meaningless. I'll be honest and tell you that I've lost that appreciation many times. Not sure I really have it now. Life just seems like a big chore to me.
I think that's what people like you and me need. Acceptance of the world. Acceptance that this is the way things are. We also need something to show us that it's worthwhile. That those moment of happiness are worth living for. What that is is different for everyone, but I'm sure we'll find it some day I know it's hard but the best way to "get over" this at least momentarily is to not think about it at all. Thoughts like this never do anyone any good. Just live and don't think about the act of living too much.And as Sam said, I am also not suicidal or anything lol. Just a depression patient of almost 4 years now. These thoughts are bound to have crossed my mind after that long period of time. |
![]() |
|
| iPwnies | Jul 20 2010, 02:42 PM Post #10 |
![]() ![]()
|
man this whole thread is tall deer |
![]() |
|
| aphexsam | Jul 20 2010, 03:13 PM Post #11 |
|
Woof Woof Woofies!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
"but I'm sure we'll find it some day :)" I hope we do find it, I really do. That comment your dad told you does make alot of sense, puts things in perspective. I think we overanalyse things. I could do a really long depressing rant here but your right. To get over this I just need to stop thinking about, put it to the back of my mind as best I can and move on. Like you said, "live without thinking about living" I suppose commenting on this itself is defeating that purpose and so as of such I probably won't comment much more in this thread as I suppose its counteractive haha, but yeah your right and I completely agree it's just going to be hard to do. thanks your kind words really mean alot and the fact that you just understand provides alot of solace in itself :). @Ipwnies what does tall deer mean?. I assume you don't mean it in the literal sense. |
![]() |
|
| iPwnies | Jul 20 2010, 03:19 PM Post #12 |
![]() ![]()
|
Tall deer is another way of say tl;dr tl;dr means too long; didn't read |
![]() |
|
| aphexsam | Jul 20 2010, 03:24 PM Post #13 |
|
Woof Woof Woofies!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
aah well there might be alot of long posts in the debates and discussion section sorry :P. |
![]() |
|
| bobtherocket | Jul 20 2010, 05:21 PM Post #14 |
|
COCKAMANCER
![]()
|
I rather agree with the whole idea of just getting out and doing something new. Obviously, if there are any issues feeling the way you do, aphexsam, then why not do something else? Something new? If it sucks, and you don't like it, then so be it. But it is another thing you have done to try and find your own happiness. Yeah, it's a hard, long struggle (THAT IS SO WHAT SHE SAID!), but what else can you do? Sit there and wallow in it? Now, before someone goes on about depression, chemical imbalances, etc, I have suffered from a pretty traumatic childhood, and have been diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder, depression, anxiety, what have you, and I will not ever play down the effects of that on someone's mind, young or old. Something I have noticed for myself, is if I do have a goal to work towards, something I do want to become or do by my life's end, those feelings are more manageable. I could build a life for myself that puts me in the state of comfort and security I desire, with my own two hands. I'm not one to dwell (anymore) on the meaning of life. It's a crappy question to ask, anyway, with impossible standards to live up to. Make your own damn meaning, seek your own fulfillment. I kept losing track of what I was trying to say I was typing. Hope this doesn't seem too disjointed. |
![]() |
|
| MrVigilante13 | Jul 20 2010, 06:50 PM Post #15 |
|
I Just Got Nommed
![]() ![]()
|
Sometimes I get depressed too. I wonder "What is it all for?", "Why bother?". But then I think of the girl I haven't met yet. The one who will love me for who I am. Or my family. My parents, my brother, my pets. I think, "I can't give up. I can't give in to this, I have to stay strong for them". And I know they love me and it makes life worthwhile for me. So I think you need to find something or someone to live for and maybe the depression will go away. And this isn't directed at just one person, I think this applies to everyone. Just my opinion.
|
![]() |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Debates · Next Topic » |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2











I know it's hard but the best way to "get over" this at least momentarily is to not think about it at all. Thoughts like this never do anyone any good. Just live and don't think about the act of living too much.

3:32 AM Jul 11