Poetry,

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Poetry,; Because the riddles died out.
Tweet Topic Started: Oct 2 2010, 10:02 PM (261 Views)
Jsbwalker	Oct 2 2010, 10:02 PM Post #1
Chicka Bow! Posts: 976 Group: Members Member #21 Joined: July 20, 2010	I think we need some more enlightening creativity on this forum. So write me your best poem. I wrote this one for a friend who was suffering from some writer's block. What do you wish that I would do? To help you, over or under or through, these times in which thought neither comes nor goes. I'd hate to leave you at mercy, of critics or crows. While your brain spins it's tires in proverbial mud. And the wall meets your head with a fracturing THUD. Till your brain gets its fill of a creative flood. What do you wish me to do? I could grant you some lather to launder your mind. Or give you a craniectomy to replace yours with mine. But I hope we coincide, that the best thing untried. Is to give you my best, whilst your blockage bide by. Tell me what you think, or post a poem of your own.



Reishadows	Oct 2 2010, 10:31 PM Post #2
Neener Neener Neener Posts: 400 Group: Members Member #157 Joined: September 27, 2010	It's nice ---------- Wrote out of boredom really........ A time flows on the threshold Edging on a time that you will never know Wandering woes fell the soul As you steady go deeper in sorrow Light comes and darkness goes Giving you hope for forever more So alas the sad soul finally rids the woe And shines brightly in the new glow Remember the stories you were once told Times of old when you didn't know What the world someday show The happiness before the lows



bobtherocket	Oct 2 2010, 11:56 PM Post #3
COCKAMANCER Posts: 1,009 Group: Moderator Member #27 Joined: July 20, 2010	Forced rhyming is forced.



Jsbwalker	Oct 3 2010, 09:48 AM Post #4
Chicka Bow! Posts: 976 Group: Members Member #21 Joined: July 20, 2010	Reishadows Oct 2 2010, 10:31 PM It's nice ---------- Wrote out of boredom really........ A time flows on the threshold Edging on a time that you will never know Wandering woes fell the soul As you steady go deeper in sorrow Light comes and darkness goes Giving you hope for forever more So alas the sad soul finally rids the woe And shines brightly in the new glow Remember the stories you were once told Times of old when you didn't know What the world someday show The happiness before the lows It sounds very deep and artsy. But it doesn't make much sense, and the rhyming tries to be there but none of the words actualy rhyme. It's nice though if a bit deperssing in tone.



Jsbwalker	Oct 3 2010, 09:52 AM Post #5
Chicka Bow! Posts: 976 Group: Members Member #21 Joined: July 20, 2010	bobtherocket Oct 2 2010, 11:56 PM Forced rhyming is forced. Why don't you write a poem in, say iambic pentameter.



bobtherocket	Oct 3 2010, 12:29 PM Post #6
COCKAMANCER Posts: 1,009 Group: Moderator Member #27 Joined: July 20, 2010	I don't want to.



aphexsam	Oct 3 2010, 12:48 PM Post #7
Woof Woof Woofies! Posts: 705 Group: Members Member #8 Joined: July 20, 2010	I call this piece "The pretentious ramblings of a lovestruck sadist." She is why I'm here Admittedly The ambience of the 5:30 morning is beautiful But hers is the purest form of beauty, the deepest and most sincere. Orions belt shines, and the stars burst numbing my mind and erasing the sorrow To stalk, to prowl, to fucking pry No longer shall I be alienated or lost. she gave me a purpose. Purpose never known. But nevermore, violence replaced by affection. Lust by romance. And that is why I clutch my metal as I descend. Taking us to oblivion I love you. _____________________________________ "To Hayley. e.g. the manipulative ex-girlfriend" These scars on my arm are a reminder of why Of the tears long shed from he who cries But it's true so true. That I once I hurt you. But I justify it to myself that it was because I loved you. But all the shit we went through caused me more to love you so what a fucking shame that my hate just grew Apathy for hate we could have done that shit Fuck you sam I fucking quit So we go, we leave Never again what a fucking mistake that introduction from a friend But i never forgot and I never will For I found someone better Someone who will kill Edit- I suck at poetry, I have no idea on structure or anything so sorry if it's horribly bad. I never really got it though to be honest. Just seems like stringing random words together to outline a thought process and/or event.



Reishadows	Oct 3 2010, 01:53 PM Post #8
Neener Neener Neener Posts: 400 Group: Members Member #157 Joined: September 27, 2010	Eh mine was more random thoughts on a feelings lol...it sucked I know. Anyway very nice aphexsam there are many forms of poetry.



Unfie	Oct 3 2010, 02:27 PM Post #9
Big Sweaty Moose Bleepers Posts: 3,464 Group: Members Member #24 Joined: July 20, 2010	I like cake And pie And stuff like that Ta da!



GuitarrAddictt	Oct 3 2010, 02:34 PM Post #10
I Just Got Nommed Posts: 103 Group: Members Member #56 Joined: July 30, 2010	UnimportantFreak Oct 3 2010, 02:27 PM I like cake And pie And stuff like that Ta da! Th-That was beautiful! sniff



Jsbwalker	Oct 4 2010, 07:00 AM Post #11
Chicka Bow! Posts: 976 Group: Members Member #21 Joined: July 20, 2010	aphexsam Oct 3 2010, 12:48 PM I call this piece "The pretentious ramblings of a lovestruck sadist." She is why I'm here Admittedly The ambience of the 5:30 morning is beautiful But hers is the purest form of beauty, the deepest and most sincere. Orions belt shines, and the stars burst numbing my mind and erasing the sorrow To stalk, to prowl, to fucking pry No longer shall I be alienated or lost. she gave me a purpose. Purpose never known. But nevermore, violence replaced by affection. Lust by romance. And that is why I clutch my metal as I descend. Taking us to oblivion I love you. _____________________________________ "To Hayley. e.g. the manipulative ex-girlfriend" These scars on my arm are a reminder of why Of the tears long shed from he who cries But it's true so true. That I once I hurt you. But I justify it to myself that it was because I loved you. But all the shit we went through caused me more to love you so what a fucking shame that my hate just grew Apathy for hate we could have done that shit Fuck you sam I fucking quit So we go, we leave Never again what a fucking mistake that introduction from a friend But i never forgot and I never will For I found someone better Someone who will kill Edit- I suck at poetry, I have no idea on structure or anything so sorry if it's horribly bad. I never really got it though to be honest. Just seems like stringing random words together to outline a thought process and/or event. You have a beautiful mind. But your vocabulary could use a touch up(Helps with rhyming words), and you should look into researching different patterns of syllables. Or you could stick with freelance poetry. Ether way you are an OK writer.



Jsbwalker	Oct 4 2010, 07:12 AM Post #12
Chicka Bow! Posts: 976 Group: Members Member #21 Joined: July 20, 2010	5 second poem! GO! The fog in the morning, it cuts short my view. I can't see your house, and I can't see you. I hate this connection, connection we've lost. But I can't be with you through the fog and the frost. I hate you, I hate you, I'll kill you you see. I know that you've left me, you did this to me! You won't be alive at the end of this day So darling dear Suzy, for you I pray. STOP! It's a piece of shit! YAY :lol:



bobtherocket	Oct 4 2010, 12:04 PM Post #13
COCKAMANCER Posts: 1,009 Group: Moderator Member #27 Joined: July 20, 2010	Yeah, more forced rhyming.


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