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Topic Started: Jan 19 2012, 03:09 AM (12,678 Views)
beastman721
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Chicka Bow!
Well I geus I'm going to turn this back into the venting thread but...

I'm 3 minutes into the 25 minute face behind the lets play, and its like somebody's reading my mind. What toe's going through... its extremely similar to what I'm going through now I guess, bah maybe at somepoint I'll have a big-ass post about it . Nothing crazy, just a general un-happiness with life. Not depression, just a kinda foul state of mind and a kind of bitterness directed at no one in particular, but at the somewhat dodgy hand I've been dealt by er... fate I guess.

But anywho, thanks for making this vid Toegoff. Its nice to know that there's someone out there who felt the same way I do, cause there's some moments when you just feel so damn alone.
 
Zyan
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Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan
beastman721
Apr 15 2012, 08:53 PM
Well I geus I'm going to turn this back into the venting thread but...

I'm 3 minutes into the 25 minute face behind the lets play, and its like somebody's reading my mind. What toe's going through... its extremely similar to what I'm going through now I guess, bah maybe at somepoint I'll have a big-ass post about it . Nothing crazy, just a general un-happiness with life. Not depression, just a kinda foul state of mind and a kind of bitterness directed at no one in particular, but at the somewhat dodgy hand I've been dealt by er... fate I guess.

But anywho, thanks for making this vid Toegoff. Its nice to know that there's someone out there who felt the same way I do, cause there's some moments when you just feel so damn alone.
I had the same thoughts running through my head.
 
slivershell
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I Just Got Nommed
Well then, let me post about my life story. I will just say my name is Bre, the first few letters of my name (mystery oooh~). I live in Maryland, nothing much happens here.

Family!!

I have a Mom and Dad. My relationship is great with my Dad, but not so great with my Mom. It’s impossible to have a conversation with her without arguing. I have four siblings; two brothers(Sean and Tony) and two sisters(Kandy and Rita). Now this is confusing but I’ll come right with it. My Father had two kids, a boy(Sean) and a girl(Kandy), with some woman in Florida and another girl(Rita) with a woman in Maryland. My Mother had a son(Tony) with some guy in Maryland. This was way before I was born. I only care about one of them. I can’t stand Kandy. She is forty with two kids, one who is my age, and whenever she visits she asks our retired Father for shopping money. Ticks me off. She is a grown woman with a family of her own and she’s asking for shopping money. If she needed that money for her bills or something, that’s fine but to go shopping? Fuck her. Sean I have never met… so I feel nothing for him. I can’t stand Tony…. There is something wrong with him mentally, but that’s no excuse for being a jackass. And he has anger problems, lost his job because of it. Now I love Rita. We get along great. We go shopping together and cook together and talk about life. She makes sure I don’t make the mistakes she did in her relationships.

A few years ago, my Father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It was in his stomach. It sucked that I had to find out through Facebook. He told me he had a tumor and that it was NOT cancer. He lied. He went through the process was getting better and then got cancer again in the liver two years later. Went through the process again and now he’s fine. Maybe too fine cause he’s cheating on my mother with two other women… I met one and thought there was something odd. After listening to a few phone calls and voicemails(I’m terrible, I know) I knew for sure they were together. Now this is going to sound horrible, but even though I don’t agree with what he is doing, I see why he is doing it. My Mother never goes anywhere with him; parties, social gatherings, sports games, NOTHING. And she is a really negative person. She tends to see only the worst in things and people. She always complains even more so since my Rita moved in with her son. For some reason, my Mother just hates my sister. Even my Dad sees it and no one knows why. Anyway, I can see why he’s cheating, but he shouldn’t be cheating. I was thinking a divorce would be better, but then my Mother wouldn’t have anywhere to go. It’s a complicated, I just don’t know. Moving on!

Growing up

When I was a little girl, I had always been the odd one out. I was in elementary school when I was told why I was treated so differently.
“You’re black. Shouldn’t you like black kids?”

That had hurt me, a lot. I still didn’t understand. I was still a kid just like them. Why should it matter that I was black? It had never made sense to me. But I was still able to make friends, even though they made fun of me for my boobs. Yes, I had boobs in elementary school, which should never happen to a child of 7. I had one really good friend who just made everything better. His name was Wilson and he was the only asian kid in class like I was the only black kid in class. I guess he understood what I was going through and decided to befriend me. I think he was why I prefer asians.... Anyway!

Middle school sucked cause people were racist and called me the N-word. Fuck them.

High school was better cause I found friends who didn’t care about the color of my skin. There were also more black people at my high school and tried to talk to them. Didn’t work, apparently I was too white for them. Make sense? The way I spoke and dressed and shook hands made me white. And so I avoid black people. Sounds horrible doesn’t it? Avoid my own race because I’m not seen as one of them. What a world I live in.

College

Life got so much better because I found my best friend, Home Cheese(I call her that). We just clicked. The very first question she asked me was ‘Is your skin darker around your nipple?’ Yup, we were talking about boobs.

I hated my first two roommates. I was in a triple dorm my freshman year, sharing the room with other girls. They clicked, but I was the odd one out. Sounds familiar. The next year I got to live with Home Cheese. That was the best year. We played video games and watched movies every day. And studied of course. I met one of her friends, Boots, and we get along great. The last two years were okay. I lived in an apartment with seven other girls. Only ended up hating two of them. Don't know why they try to talk to me... They know I hate them. Why bother?

Nothing much from my college life.

Currently, I'm hoping to get this job I interviewed for. It's only part time, but after so many rejections I need something! I need money darn it! How else am I going to get a new computer and move out and get a freakin' PS3. I have been wanting that for FOREVER!!


 
Nathikal
Member Avatar
Mist Could Not Pass
I may not be well known or liked here, but...this seems like a very cathartic thing to do.

My RL name is Wesley. I usually go by Wes, since it's easier and sounds less formal. I am one of two Wesses that I know, the other being a wrestling star at some college somewhere. I was born in September 1990, am currently 21 years old. Graduated HS and all that, currently in college. I'm a dual major in physics and philosophy, and I love both dearly. I am also working on campus as a researcher, alongside my own personal research into the optimization of wind turbines. I have a perpetual need to be busy or doing something.

Hobbies-wise, I like to game, especially RPGs and strategies. I love playing a mage/caster type in all RPGs and any strategy with fireballs immediately gets my attention. Since an early age I've dreamed of wielding magic, having power that no one else has, being unique. Magic is rarely common-place, and those who wield it always seem so sure of themselves. It's a confidence I lack.

I also love to read and write. I'm not going to assume that I will ever make a book, but one of my current projects is creating a whole fantasy world for my friends and I to roleplay in. It may turn into a short story, it may be an eternally unfinished project. Right now it's a nice little distraction, and I take it so seriously at times that I have fully rewritten long (30+ pages) papers because I wanted to change a facet of something. If nothing else, I want to write about this world simply because I can.

Lastly, I consider my research a hobby. I recently went to NCUR, the National Conference of Undergraduate Research, where 3100ish people presented papers and posters on their research. It's probably one of the only things I actually have that I can take pride in, but my crippling self-doubt and belief in my own failings often takes any and all potential benefit and crushes it. Any problem is due to my own stupidity, and any mistake is because I am incapable of doing things correctly. It is so bad that when I actually have ideas pertaining to my research, I do not argue my case with my professor (we are, for some obscure reasons, partners of a sort on this) and despite being right on several occasions I still often consider it a fluke.

Oh, I almost forgot - I've taken up violin. I'm horrible at it, but I love playing it. I love getting better. My teacher is a year younger than me and much better, but I hope to one day be able to play some really nice things. I don't have as much time as I wish I did to practice, though.

On a far more personal note...for many years I've dealt with depression. I am a huge introvert. My mother got multiple sclerosis not long after I was born, and died in 06 after fighting with the disease for much of my youth. I turned to gaming and reading because it kept me home, but also because most of my friends in the neighborhood were all semi-athletic and I've never really loved the idea of playing baseball, football, etc. I was able to both use the excuse to stay from them and because I genuinely wanted to stay near my mother.

This sounds self-important, but I think I've got some emotional scarring from that. MS attacks the brain. I had the pleasant experience of watching my mother slowly deteriorate. The only memories I have of her somewhat well are her in a wheelchair. I can't remember her going outside, or playing with me, or any of that. As the MS erased more and more of her, I watched her lose more of who she was and become like a child again. She was confined, finally, to a bed in my old room - I was moved to the basement, which was rather alright with me - where she screamed for my father constantly. The caregivers we had were fantastic, but they couldn't help much.

The last thing I truly remember her telling me was to get the f-- out of her house, that I was not her son, that she does not have a son. She screamed everything, and screamed constantly, always in pain, always begging for someone to be there. I do not remember her laugh, her voice, anything about her - only screaming. Even after six years I don't think I've fully come to terms with it, as even now the thought of that brings tears to my eyes. Even as I write this I must pause to wipe away some more so I can still see what I'm typing. She used to love to read. To study my spelling with me. Everything was taken from her.

I'm a rather bitter person, if you haven't guessed.

Ah...on a happier note. My father recently got engaged, so I've gone from being an only child to have two step siblings. My stepbrother is a heavily muscled athletic type, but he's still a good guy and we get along well enough. My stepsister is so heavily steeped in Christianity that I often cringe around her. My father and I, after what happened, haven't the faith in us that we may have otherwise had. He's a lot better with it than I am. Christianity and those who practice it generally trigger hatred from me, to the point that I have verbally attacked them and their faiths. I think I've gotten better of late. My step mother is a very nice person, and I think I may come to love her one day. Now, her life is expendable, and I hold no illusions about that.

I'm...I dunno. A cynic? People do what is best for themselves, the consequences be damned - when one of my friends spent the weekend out at college with me, he raped a very close female friend of mine. She is better and has put it behind her. I'm also deeply sarcastic and cavalier about death, dying, pain, suffering, and all that jazz. I have a dark sense of humor, to the point that many of my friends joke about me being a collector of souls for the devil (I have monthly quotas) and viewing others as expendable (Person One: "I know how Wesley sees me!" Person Two: "On the floor and bleeding?").

Not really sure what else to add. I had it better than I could have, I guess. It sounds so cheap to say it, but meh. Some part of my realizes that I had it pretty decent.

And thus, you have me.
 
bobtherocket
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COCKAMANCER

Summary of this thread: "I have/had depression, here are some shit moments from my life:"
 
slivershell
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I Just Got Nommed
bobtherocket
Apr 15 2012, 11:52 PM
Summary of this thread: "I have/had depression, here are some shit moments from my life:"
Yup, pretty much. I find shit moments to be more interesting than non-shit moments.
 
bobtherocket
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COCKAMANCER

Thus the justification of this thread's existence in its primary form.
 
GhostBox
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I Just Got Nommed
Hey again guys,

Been a while since I've been active on here and the reason for that is that I've been going through a lot lately.
I'm currently failing a couple of classes and I have no urge to go to school whatsoever anymore.

I've also been diagnosed with Depression by my psychologist, this happened a few days ago, and it struck me harder than I thought...

Next week will be hard on me, I have exams soon and next week is the "test exams" and I have 4 of them in five days... I'm not looking forwards to it at all.

Yeah...
 
Monstarcookie
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True, this is mostly "waaaah it is/was bad! :(" but yeah, drama is entertaining. And sometimes I do need hugs, even tho it's e-hugs :P
 
Unfie
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Big Sweaty Moose Bleepers
D: I'm sorry Sid. Pull through, man.
 
Velitie
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Neener Neener Neener
*Huggles Sid*
I know where you're at man... It's not a fun place...

I said in the spam thread that I'd throw up a post here sometime soon, I guess this is as good a time as any. In fact I think this is the first post I've made on this thread about me since I created it. In any case, last week wasn't exactly the greatest. I had, well... I suppose you could call it a breakdown. I started weeping uncontrollably in Spanish class. I don't actually remember crying, or anything that happened really, it's all kind of a blur, but from what I've been told I attacked a student and hit one of my teachers (I'm guessing the Spanish one, but they never actually told me). I go to a charter school and their violence policy is, well, strict. Very strict. Under normal circumstances I would have been expelled immediately. Luckily I'm kind of a 'special case.'

I've been severally depressed for as long as I can remember, I have the emotional stability of a three year old so I visit the guidance counselor fairly often. Daily in fact. Normally when you get off the bus you're supposed to go to the atrium (The cafeteria, of course we can't call it that because everyone's to damn stuck-up) and wait for classes to start. I get off the bus at 8:12. Classes don't actually start until 9:45. Since I can't stand waiting in that cramped, oxygen starved, mosh-pit of a room, I go to the third floor and wait in the guidance counselor's office. Over the two years that I've gone to this school we've developed a friendship. I'm not going to hesitate to call her my friend because that's what she is. Despite my general hatred of people I do have a certain degree of charisma. Unfortunately that charisma only seems to affect adults, kids hate my fucking guts. The feeling is mutual. Anyway, since I do have this relationship with her and she was so familiar with all my issues, she managed to convince them to allow me to stay under the condition that I started seeing a psychiatrist again and I went back on antidepressants (I've been off of both for about a month... I thought I had been doing well).

So yeah, fan-freakin-tastic.
Edited by Velitie, Nov 8 2013, 09:40 PM.
 
beastman721
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Chicka Bow!
Velitie
Apr 16 2012, 01:01 PM
*Huggles Sid*
I know where you're at man... It's not a fun place...

I said in the spam thread that I'd throw up a post here sometime soon, I guess this is as good a time as any. In fact I think this is the first post I've made on this thread about me since I created it. In any case, last week wasn't exactly the greatest. I had, well... I suppose you could call it a breakdown. I started weeping uncontrollably in Spanish class. I don't actually remember crying, or anything that happened really, it's all kind of a blur, but from what I've been told I attacked a student and hit one of my teachers (I'm guessing the Spanish one, but they never actually told me). I go to a charter school and their violence policy is, well, strict. Very strict. Under normal circumstances I would have been expelled immediately. Luckily I'm kind of a 'special case.'

I've been severally depressed for as long as I can remember, I have the emotional stability of a three year old, and I'm schizophrenic, because of those things I visit the guidance counselor fairly often. Daily in fact. Normally when you get off the bus you're supposed to go to the atrium (The cafeteria, of course we can't call it that because everyone's to damn stuck-up) and wait for classes to start. I get off the bus at 8:12. Classes don't actually start until 9:45. Since I can't stand waiting in that cramped, oxygen starved, mosh-pit of a room, I go to the third floor and wait in the guidance counselor's office. Over the two years that I've gone to this school we've developed a friendship. I'm not going to hesitate to call her my friend because that's what she is. Despite my general hatred of people I do have a certain degree of charisma. Unfortunately that charisma only seems to affect adults, kids hate my fucking guts. The feeling is mutual. Anyway, since I do have this relationship with her and she was so familiar with all my issues, she managed to convince them to allow me to stay under the condition that I started seeing a psychiatrist again and I went back on antidepressants (I've been off of both for about a month... I thought I had been doing well).

So yeah, fan-freakin-tastic.
You'll be alright man, high school doesn't last forever, and at some point you just stop giving a crap what other people think. Just focus on the little things that help get your through a day, and don't worry about the other stuff. If you find a hobby or something you genuinely enjoy to do, it'll help pass the time and you'll feel accomplished and less depressed.

I kinda feel down recently... I couldn't afford to go back to college for this semester, so I've been essentially doing nothing for the past few months. I work a semi-part time job with my brother. Its shit work, but I make a little bit of money, just enough to kind of support myself. I'm hoping I can just end up taking classes again, probably at a community college. Thank god for my bass, I'd don't know what I'd do without it. It helps me get through tough times.

We all got your back, vel.

 
BillboTheNegativePagan
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I Just Got Nommed
Meh yeah shit points in my life blah blah blah and that's me? WHAT ABOUT THE GOOD TIMES? WE NEED TO KNOW BOTH TO FULL KNOW ABOUT YOU! But yeah... let me focus on the positive for me... and not put it in paragraphs.... Lovely family, birthdays, holidays, house, Pet, friends and..... lovely people on this forum.... that summed up the joyous times of my to be coninued life...
 
Dyna
Member Avatar
Mist Could Not Pass
Hello everyone, I'm new here but I've watched Toegoff for awhile now. I first started because he was doing all these old games I grew up with like Gabriel Knight and Phantasmagoria. I figured I would join the group finally because we have a lot in common and figured it wouldn't hurt to reach out and make friends.
A little about me, I am a recent college graduate who majored in television writing/producing and like so many other college graduates nowadays I am working in retail trying desperately to find work in my actual field of study that I spent thousands of dollars on. On the bright side I'm at least not unemployed. If something doesn't come along soon I plan to just go back to school and maybe just stay there until I get a job.
I've moved around several times in my life but always found friends in school. Now that I am out of school I am finding it very hard to make friends in my new town. There are a lot of older people here and the few my age are not very geeky like I am. So that's my other reason for joining, I haven't been able to 'geek out' with anyone in a long time.
 
savepoints
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Forum Hero
Dyna
Apr 25 2012, 03:30 PM
make friends.
LAWL, that's not what we do here... Just look at the spam thread, and you'll see..


Anyways, it's my birthday, and Inb4 someone tells you to stay away from me.. :3





I just noticed that this was the "You" thread and not the introduction thread...
Edited by savepoints, Apr 25 2012, 03:54 PM.
 
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