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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 19 2012, 03:09 AM (12,659 Views) | |
| thewryness | Feb 11 2015, 09:39 PM Post #496 |
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Chicka Bow!
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It's a hell of a town, Beastman. |
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| Pong | Feb 22 2015, 07:04 AM Post #497 |
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Neener Neener Neener
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This is probably ending up as a wall of text. Where do i start, i guess Sundays is a best of start as any. Sundays are usually my cleaning, washing work clothes and contemplating life/ feeling like a bag of shit due to lack of interaction with humans over the weekend. As usual I'm contemplating life and how i feel about everything, future, religion and current things like work and money. You people might not remember it since it was a few years back where i first talked about it but growing up i was physically and psychologically abused by both my father and my brother who was in his turn doing it out of spite since dad hit him as well. On top of that I've always been bullied in school and generally not liked. What I've never told you guys is that my parents both are Jehovah's witness since i don't really like bringing it up, it's always cult this cult that etc etc. I've heard it all before and was partly bullied because of this always the odd one out and being different in hive mind school classes sucks especially since kids love to tease. This however is one of the things I've been thinking about recently and usually i just shove it all away and say that it's a issue for future me but today i decided to slightly deal with it. Writing usually helps me sort my thoughts out since i can put it down on paper so to speak, and i think that i really might need this since I'm at a stage where things are actually happening at a faster pace than usual by a huge margin. Back at the issue at hand, I'm almost always thinking if what I've been thought is entirely at fault or if there is a grain of truth in everything and you just have to find it. I think most of you have heard allot of things about JW's and i can't really care less what people think about it since it's such a personal subject whether to believe in god or not. What i am interested in is, thoughts about fear of life with lack of a better word. I've been raised that the world is evil and you shall not be a part of it when i clearly is a part of it whether i want it or not, this combined with an undermined self confidence due to abuse and bullying left me with a fear and longing for exploration. I long for companion ship and belonging as any other human as well as company but fear and dislike it at the same time. Fear of my self and others, i know that I'm a damaged human, (though after long talks with my psychologist I'm told i should't put my self in this kind of chair since it inhibits me but fuck that for now) and have tendencies to be just like my father. At the same time you fear people since they hurt you and don't always do what you expect or want them too, thus I'm sitting here in a chair of fear and confusion of what might come and how i deal with it. I'm good at both talking and listening but tend to be the listener type more since I'm terrible at starting conversations, i don't know where i should start and usually just end up blending in with the background as i usually do, I've been told several times that the best thing is just to start a conversation and if it goes to hell then at least you tried, so I'm split if i should talk to my co workers and maybe, maybe not, fuck it up, I've worked there for just about 2 months and know nothing more than their first names. Not exactly sure where i was going with all of this since we all are kinda in the same seat i guess in one way or another. Hearing other peoples opinions or thoughts might help me, or just self therapy through writing. |
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| thewryness | Feb 22 2015, 08:44 AM Post #498 |
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Chicka Bow!
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Hi Pong. I think we all sit in that chair you talk about for much of the time. Just speaking from my own xperience. Getting to know your co-workers would probably be a good idea. Start with the superficial stuff - find out if they have spouses, families; what they do on the weekend, what they do on vacations. If you can, find one or two co-workers that you like and keep tabs on their lives as well as tell them a bit about your life. Best to stay away from the deeper things - save the deeper things for yer journal, yer therapist, and the friends you trust. Talk about yer favourite activities, what you do on the weekend, other stuff. Sticking to the superficial should keep you smooth sailing. I don't know what the dynamic or the politics are at yer workplace but this pretty much works for all of them. I don't know what else to say. I know that ppl here will probably have even better suggestions. Hope my puny 5 cents helps out.
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| Monstarcookie | Feb 22 2015, 08:47 AM Post #499 |
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Interesting, I didn't know you are a JW. Tbh I have heard little of them other than they aren't allowed to use condoms (true or not?) and that they are supposed to actively try to convert people by going door to door talking bout God and stuff. I had a good long chat with one who tried to convert me a few years ago, he seemed nice. The more you tell about yourself, the more I think you and I are the same I also fear people, I don't trust them. I wasn't abused as a child, but I grew up taking care of myself. I was bullied too and no one really helped me. I used to be shy and couldn't really talk to anyone about anything. After I started on my antidepressants I've been able to talk about myself with other people. I talk all the time on vent with my wow guild now and I talk with my friends over skype. It feels really good. However, I still can't make friends out of my workmates. Back when I was working at the library, I was talking to my work mates a lot. I never get close enough to learn more personal things about them tho, and I'm careful not to let others close enough to learn more personal things about me. So....I really lack real life friends. I really can't give you opinions either way, other than maybe slowly start talking to all of your workmates, see what kind of people they are. Even if you don't end up as friends outside of work, it will make workdays more fun. |
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| Pong | Feb 22 2015, 08:59 AM Post #500 |
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Neener Neener Neener
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Personally I'm not a JW, not baptized. Condoms are allowed, only form of preventive that are not allowed are anything that kills the fetus, so basically when the egg is fertilized and it's killed is big no and cri evry tim, and the do proselyte. As a rule i don't fear people, most are easily handled in short term, but if it gets personally i usually have a tendency to slowly start avoiding them, mostly because i find socializing overbearing. I love talking to people and listening too since I've mostly grown up with old people and found out at an early age that watching people is far more entertaining that having them watch you. Throw that in with little too no friends and you get someone who is good at observing behavior in people. I do however don't like telling people about my self, especially not first, i like to establish a picture of a person to know how much you can share with them but it's hard without speaking so allot of times i end up not speaking at all. |
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| Monstarcookie | Feb 22 2015, 09:31 AM Post #501 |
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haha I'm EXACTLY the same. I end up being silent most of the time, just watching people. My friends used to be so surprised when I knew exactly what they were thinking, when they weren't being honest and who they had a crush on without ever talking about those things. It was so easy! Now I can hardly keep my mouth shut and I usually end up being the one talking if the other person seems shy. I do still prefer standing in a dark corner away from people, just observing them tho. |
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| beastman721 | Feb 22 2015, 09:42 AM Post #502 |
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Chicka Bow!
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Hey Pong, I wouldn't worry all that much about getting on great with co-workers. It's perfectly normal for you relationships with them to be nothing more than cordial, just a "Hey how are you" or like a 30 second conversation. Sometimes, if you have things in common you'll end up talking more, so maybe try and see if you have co-workers who like the same things you do, or if they're around the same age as you maybe you shared similar life experiences. Don't worry about fucking anything up with your co-workers, if you start a conversation as long as you're nice about it, it'll go fine even if they don't care what you have to say. In the end though, don't stress about it at all, a bunch of guys I know who work say they barely know their co-workers at all outside of some basic stuff. And don't forget you have a ton of online friends too, that counts for a lot. I've always had a blast gaming with you and to me you're a friend regardless of the fact that we'll probably never meet. That's okay though, I'd rather have some great online friends than a few crappy ones in real life. Not everyone's a social butterfly, for a lot of people it takes time. But if you're struggling to talk with co-workers just remember they're in the same boat as you. Probably the same age, making similar $ to what you make, you don't have to worry about them judging you or anything like that. You might have more in common with them than you think, and if you do before you know it you'll have some nice conversations with them. Edited by beastman721, Feb 22 2015, 09:44 AM.
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| thewryness | Mar 2 2015, 08:19 AM Post #503 |
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Chicka Bow!
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A cool night with my cat, wonderful comforter and blankets, and the trusty space heater. My heater stopped heating last night. There's a guy coming this morning and my amazing dad will be there to greet him but last night was rather stressful. I would have had the guy come yesterday evening (stuff breaking down on a Sunday night? What are the chances?!?) but the balcony door was frozen shut. Dad came over with a heat gun and did some thermal surgery on the door. So the heater's coming on but there's no heat coming through the vents. Augh. At least the xtreme windchills are done for another year, right? Oy. Actually the temp only went down a couple of degrees. It could have been a lot worse. Now the lights are all on and the space heater continues to work its magic. I'll have to turn it off before I go to work but the cat can hide herself among the blankets and comforter if she starts to feel cold. Hopefully the repairman can figure out what's going wrong and repair it. Ahhh, the pleasures of owning yer own space!
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| Monstarcookie | Mar 2 2015, 08:22 AM Post #504 |
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wow that sounds horrible. Tho I've heard sleeping in a cold environment is good for ya....dunno |
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| beastman721 | Mar 2 2015, 11:02 PM Post #505 |
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Chicka Bow!
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Good luck Wry, hope everything ends up working out well. |
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| Sinovera | Mar 3 2015, 01:11 AM Post #506 |
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Administrator
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I know I'm a little late to this conversation but....
I am the same way. There are very few people I like to have extended periods of exposure to. With most people I get stressed by their company and/or conversation after a while. But then I realize that I don't have any real good friends in real life because of this. Any time potential friends try to get close I push them away by saying "no" to everything. As for conversations, remember that every person's favourite topic is themselves. Just ask questions about them, offer a tiny tidbit about yourself to balance the conversation, then throw the ball back to them by asking something about them again. Even if you have 0 interest in what you're asking them, it just helps to make the conversation move. |
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| LayzKem | Mar 3 2015, 03:10 AM Post #507 |
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Mist Could Not Pass
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Not every person's favourite topic is themselves. I for one don't like to talk about myself at all - i'd much rather know everything about you than you about me. |
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| thewryness | Mar 3 2015, 08:03 AM Post #508 |
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Chicka Bow!
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Update. I was able to get a repairman to come yesterday morning. It was a case of FML meets karma/coincidence. Under the condo bylaw I have to get an inspector in to look at my furnace every year. The last guy to inspect it said I'd probably need to replace a certain part soon as it was living on borrowed time. I wasn't ready for that so I held my breath and hoped for the best. FF to the night before yesterday and guess what? It was that exact part that failed and... even more karmic (?) the guy who came to repair my furnace was the exact same dude who inspected it last summer. He was prolly saying 'I told you so' in his head. But the part's replaced and I have a nice warm space again.
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| beastman721 | Mar 9 2015, 07:30 PM Post #509 |
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Chicka Bow!
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A little late but really glad everything worked out well Wry. Hopefully as the weather warms it'll bring better times for everyone. |
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| thewryness | Mar 11 2015, 10:20 PM Post #510 |
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Chicka Bow!
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And how goes the job, Chris? |
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I also fear people, I don't trust them. I wasn't abused as a child, but I grew up taking care of myself. I was bullied too and no one really helped me. I used to be shy and couldn't really talk to anyone about anything. 
There's a guy coming this morning and my amazing dad will be there to greet him but last night was rather stressful. I would have had the guy come yesterday evening (stuff breaking down on a Sunday night? What are the chances?!?) but the balcony door was frozen shut. Dad came over with a heat gun and did some thermal surgery on the door. So the heater's coming on but there's no heat coming through the vents. Augh. At least the xtreme windchills are done for another year, right? Oy.


7:12 PM Jul 10